After a Disagreement about their duties and the merits of having fun, Celestia and Luna are turned into children as a result of their squabble. now, the new, and severely unprepared Princess Twilight must handle the fillies and try to fix the problem, while also juggling not only her own duties, but those of the sisters. she can only hope her friends and her emergency appointments are enough to make a difference, the problem begins hurting Equestria, and before the fillies drive her insane.
Chapters (5)
I got a tad confused at certain part and had to reread them a few times in order to make sense of them.
But I like where this is going.
There is a bit of a cluster with the grammar. But nothing to severe.
Keep the Awesome work coming and always remember that your awesome!
With love Asabrasa
Ohh, this is gonna get ugly.
If Twilight thought she had problems before... 
I believe Miss Cheerilee does have some comments... Cheerilee?
(**Miss Cheerilee finishes going through the papers and passes them back. There are rather a lot of red-penciled marks.** I think this is everything.)
(Thanks, Miss Cheerilee.)
Okay, let's see... good idea, good plot development... seems like Luna lost her temper a bit more quickly than one would expect, seeing as how she's probably still trying to live down the whole "Nightmare Moon" thing, but that doesn't really detract from the story itself once things get going, so not a serious issue...
However. Some serious problems with punctiation, capitalization, and confusion between homophones like "they're" and "their."
(Home-of-whats-now?)
(Homophones, Applejack. Two different words that sound alike, but are spelled differently.)
(Oh. Them things. Ah always did have trouble with those, mahself.)
(Well, pay attention then, I'm gonna show you a trick to help with it.)
Should be "they're both pretty tuckered out", "It's not poison joke", and "You're just like us now".
Here's a good writing trick for dealing with words like this. If you're in doubt about which form is correct, then take the contraction (they're, it's, you're), expand it out to the original words it's made from ("they are", "it is", "you are"), stick those into the sentence, and see if it still makes sense:
So for "their both pretty tuckered out ta just drop like that", when you expand it to
their they are both pretty tuckered out ta just drop like that
since the sentence still makes sense, "they're" is the form you want. On the other hand, if you play the same trick with this sentence:
The sound of a crown falling off had drawn their they are attention to the princesses.
The sentence doesn't make sense anymore, so "their" is correct. (Granted, this doesn't solve the "their" vs. "there" issue, and won't work for things like "too / two / to" or "which / witch", but it's still a useful trick.)
"palette" and "hue". Again, homophones will trip you up every time, and spelling checkers will not catch them, because spelling checkers only look to see if what you typed is a word, not whether it's the right word. Even a grammar-checker can't catch all of them, because you could in fact have a "pallet of various pastel colors" if you were talking about an actual shipping pallet full of boxes of pastel paints, and the computer really isn't smart enough to understand context.
Your best bet is to buy a dictionary and keep it right next to your computer at all times, and look these words up. That's what I do.
(Y'all better believe it, sugarcube. Ah've seen his desk. Three different dictionaries an' one o' them thesta.. thesra... dangit, Ah can never remember the name of that thing...)
(Thesaurus?)
(Yeah, one o' them things.)
(He has a dinosaur on his desk? Awesome!)
(*sighs*)
(...what?)
Capitalization and punctuation. The biggest place where you're tripping up on this is in dialogue. The rule is, any time you have dialogue followed by (or mixed in with) descriptive actions of how the speaker said them, the entire thing -- spoken words and the speaker's actions -- are treated as a single sentence. So in this case:
"Said Rainbow Dash" is connected to the first line of dialogue, because it identifies the speaker and who she's speaking to. You then have a follow-up line of dialogue, and then a separate action not connected because it's not describing how she's speaking. So, capitalize and punctuate this way:
“Hey buddy, I told you we don’t need any introduction,” said Rainbow Dash to the furious chamberlain. “ We’re her friends! We’re the other five Elements of Harmony, so I’m pretty sure she knows us.” She smiled and crossed her hooves over her chest as if it was the end of the argument.
Another example (and a spelling correction):
“SurlySurely she is aware that I,” said Luna, “am the only one to ever deal with one, and that was before my banishment?"
Note the extra commas to set off "said Luna" from the dialogue she's saying.
The action is not directly descriptive of how the chamberlain is speaking, to whom, or how. It's a new action. So:
“P-p-present-t-t… p-presenting the R-R-Royal p-Pony S-S-Sisters, th-th-the Regents-s of,of,of… um” Before he could continue his stutter fest, a big white snout leaned in and whispered in his ear, and he smiled weakly before restarting.
(My word, we do seem to have to explain this an awful lot, don't we. I really must have a word with the Equestrian Education Board about the textbooks we're using these days...)
Other capitalization issues are occasionally forgetting to capitalize people's names (like "Twilight") -- and if you're going to phonetically spell out Applejack's accent, then when she refers to herself as "Ah" instead of "I", capitalize "Ah" so the reader knows this is her using the pronoun, rather than a general "ahh" sound of approval. Just makes it a bit easier to read, I think.
(Wait a minute. Are y'all sayin' Ah talk funny?)
(Well, you do have a bit of an accent, darling.)
(What, an' you don't?)
(My accent is ladylike and cultured. Yours is...well...)
(Are ya sure ya want to finish that sentence, sugarcube?)
(...charming?)
(Nice save, Rarity.)
Also, occasional slips on plural vs. possessive. "laughing at the show ponies misfortune", for example -- that should be "laughing at the show pony's misfortune", since the misfortune belongs to the show pony (Trixie), and Trixie is only one pony, not multiple ponies.
(An' thank Celestia for that. One of her's more'n enough, if ya ask me.)
(Trixie heard that!)
(Trixie was meant to.)
(Trixie does not have to stand here and be insulted, you know.)
(Of course you don't, darling. You can go anywhere and be insulted.)
(...Trixie admits, she walked into that one.)
Aaaand, I think that just about covers everything I see here. Anything else to add, Miss Cheerilee?
(No, I think that's everything. I think if the author just takes a second, more careful pass through both of these chapters, keeping in mind everything we pointed out, they'll do just fine!)
In that case, I believe that concludes this morning's episode of "Pony Proofreading Theater!"
(Class dismissed! Except for you, Scootaloo, I want an essay from you on my desk tomorrow explaining what a "thesaurus" is.)
(Aw, nuts!)
Poor Twilight. On the bright side, FILLY PRINCESSES!
2666041 I noticed, but my Word file is on auto correct and we all know that bull. I cant turn it off, but thank for pointing it out. i'll fix it quick
2665959 if you wanna point it out, id be more than willing to try to fix it. some of it is Words auto correct feature goofin with me
I only hope they are potty trained... or maybe not (evil grin)
So cute I feel like Pinky right now tia and lulu losing there composure and being fillys is just adorable to just imagine it what if lulu makes an undated stars show and just be like look tia I did it I made the stars move but then twilight would ask her about the spell even pinky should put on the detective hat and shine thewith a bright light toask questions but the whole time tia and lulu would bekeeping the secret and go chasing the guards and pretending to creep around and then while hiding they find out their really a princesses to and tia after seeing some love starts to hate it you know the mushy stuff so she skips sunsets that'll be funny a young couple from a perfect romantic setting plunges without warning to dark haha and well.......like I said Pinky moment for me
This is a hilarious idea! I love it!
funny!!!
Hmm.. I usually only fav a changling story, on average.. but this seems very well done.. continue!
yes!!! an update, also please tell discord is going to give luna and tia lots of sugar just before he leaves to start working on the spell to change them back. it can be like DISCORD:Well give me a few weeks and I will have the spell to change them back.
TWILIGHT: What? a few weeks?!
Discord: well sorry it will take me some time to get the spell ready to change to immortal demi gods back to normal after I took back control moving the sun and moon.
Twilight:ok point taken. but please hurry.
DIscord: yes yes i will so see you later oh and one more thing... have fun with the kids.
Twilight: what was he talking abo. she doesnt finish as she is silenced by the site in front of her with luna and tia in a pile of all sugar with luna & tia vibrating from the biggest sugar rush of all time.
Twilight: DISCORD!!!! and she can hear his laughter as she screams.
Also have discord make a comment about how since he has gone "good" his power has weakened somewhat. so hope i have helped.
Adopt theeeeeem.
Good chapter!
I had liked it, when the Princesses had a little longer time as little fillys. And Twilight would be her foalsitter^^
your welcome!!!
Good story.
ahaahhahahahhahhaha chewlestia yeah it does make more sense aahahahaaahhahahahahha
Ok, that was awesome.
2683488 shugar rush
sugar rush (yes i typed this like i was having a sugar rush)
I don't always read stories about ponies and like them....
But when I do... I like them...
Good story but it is in need of an editor.
discord would certainly like this chaos
This is so cute I would love for this to be animated