//------------------------------// // Fixin it // Story: Baby Sitting // by storm the castle //------------------------------// Chapter 5 “Oh, come on Twilight,” Said a uniquely irritating draconequis. “You have to admit it was funny.” He was floating alongside her, grinning mischievously. She however was adamant that she did not have to admit anything. “You’ve been here the whole time, and you just WATCHED!” she was furious because after the initial headache of his presence had passed, he made it abundantly clear that he had been watching the whole time “Discord, we’re in a bit of a bind as you can see.” She had said. “Yes I must say that you are, though I am a bit surprised little LuLu got so mad so fast!” he replied with a devilish grin. “Must have been the last in a long series of events. As a matter of fact, I believe she was repeatedly dissuaded from visiting you since your coronation on the basis of you needing space, which we both know is wrong.” Twilight took a couple of seconds to piece together the underlying nature of his statement, then looked at him incredulously “Wait, how did you know how this happened? Weren’t you off in Draconia? We heard about that ridiculous disease of yours.” She meant the ‘mysterious ailment’ that had caused all the dragons to start giving away their jewels, which just in time managed to shrink them enough to counter a coming assault on the border. “Oh, please, you make it sound like I have to travel to go places.” He was lounging in the doorway on a mysteriously appearing cloud hammock. “I was here before princess Control-Freak ever thought you might need help.” He stretched comfortably, loudly popping his spine. “Though, it seems you’ve been fine here. I was so proud during that little ‘I might be ready after all’ bit. Very emotional.” “Wait, let me get this straight.” She interrupted “You’ve been here the entire time, and you didn’t think to maybe fix it?!” “And miss the only bit of chaos you’ve ever done successfully? Never!” he was making his best effort to look serious. He was failing horribly. So now she was walking down the hallway with him pulling ridiculous items from her ear and eating them. When he got to her brain, he made some comment about ‘contagious boring’ and put it back. Twilight was just glad she had convinced him to hide long enough to tell rainbow to take Celestia back to her sister in the castle. “Do you think you could be a bit more well behaved when we see the girls. They still think you’re the embodiment of evil you know.” “Ah, the good old days.” He said reminiscently. “Tell me twilight, do you think I’m too old to give it a go again? Be honest.” He turned himself into an extremely elderly version of himself, complete with a walker. “Cuz I think I might still have it in-bleh- in me.” Partway through, he spit out dentures that looked like comically oversized versions of his own teeth. “Try it and I’ll turn you back into a pebble.” She said dangerously. After a few moments, she gave a grin of her own, causing Discord to straighten uncomfortably. “Not that I have to. Do it and you’ll be dealing with Fluttershy first.” He slumped in defeat, turning his goat horn into a small white flag and waving it gently. “Now straighten up. We’re here.” She opened the door to the dining hall and the minor noises within all ceased. Twilights friends looked at them expectantly, but the filly princess’ looks were more akin to awe. “You did it!” said Luna “I thought nopony could ever make him listen, but you did it!” she ran over and hugged Twilight tightly “You really are the best princess EVER!” Discord leaned low and placed himself at eyelevel with Luna “Hello, little filly.” He said “How about a big hug for your buddy Discord.” Her nerve failed almost immediately, and she ran back behind Rainbow Dash with her sister, and they both stuck out their tongues at him. He chuckled and said “Ah, the classics. Never gets old. Except when it does. And just for the record, little filly, the idea of this purple egghead ever being able to make me do anything is ridiculous.” With a pop, he appeared behind Rainbow and held out a pair of styrofoam cups to the fillies. “But let’s not make enemies among friends; here, have a drink. Courtesy of chaos.” He gave a big smile and set the cups down in front of the fillies in a peace offering. Celestia was the first to brave the mysterious drink, and when she didn’t die, Luna joined her, albeit cautiously. Discord nodded in a self-satisfied matter before popping off again, showing up next to Fluttershy this time. She gave him a few approving pats on the back.“That’s very good, Discord, and thank you for coming so quickly.” Fluttershy told him. Fluttershy’s assumption that he hadn’t just let the whole thing happen for the fun of it was wrong on every angle, but Twilight didn’t feel like it was necessary to correct her; at least for now. Pinkie was the first to ask him “Well, what are you waiting for? Bring the big ole sun back! That’s what’ll turn the princesses back to normal, right?” “Actually, my dear,” he told her “there are a few problems with that. First of all, it’s eleven o’clock at night, so there is no sun yet. Second of all, I don’t work for free.” “Discord, that’s not very nice.” Said Fluttershy dangerously. He, however was unfazed. “I am sorry, dear Fluttershy, but there are some things you can’t get me to do even if you dangle our friendship over my head.” They were all genuinely surprised. They had all suspected it wouldn’t be easy, but the idea of him completely turning against Fluttershy seemed impossible. “So,” asked Applejack “What do ya’ll want?” “Nothing from you. It’s them” he gestured at the girls “that I have business with.” Twilight stepped in between them. “Well, I don’t know if you noticed, but they’re not exactly in any condition to cooperate with you.” She said defiantly “I am a princess of Equestria too; what you need from them, you can get from me.” She could take any punishment, but she would let no harm befall her beloved mentor or her sister, especially when they were in such a state. Discord popped up in front of her, and looked at her with what could only be described as irritated disdain. “If I had wanted the b-cup,” he seethed “I would have asked for it. I was joking about taking over before, but if I wanted to, I could do it easily.” He bent low and looked her in the eye, and for the first time since she had first seen him, she felt genuine fear. “I know where all of the elements are this time; not here. Not to mention it will take another thousand years before they are strong enough to challenge me again.” Everyone in the room, save for the fillies in question who were oblivious to the conversation, backed up; he had never been this dangerously serious before, and he had a point. The Elements were back in Canterlot, except for the Element of Magic on Twilight’s head. “And what I want can only come from them.” He straightened back out, and his smile returned, but his eyes still held a bit of venom. “And don’t think you will get away with them making a promise as children then they pretend ignorance as adults. When I say I want them, I mean them. I won’t fix it until I speak with their true selves.” “Well, that poses a bit of a problem” Twilight responded, not sure what he was trying to do. “They can’t remember anything until you fix the sky and put them back to normal.” “Please, Princess Small Thought.” He said as on would to an ignorant foal. “Their size doesn’t affect their minds, they only forgot their past because of the shock of losing all their magic in a matter of seconds.” Rarity figured it out first “So, your saying, if we use the memory spell we used you beat you, they’ll remember who they are?” “No, I’m saying that if she didn’t need me to hold her hoof the whole way,” he said snootily, mocking her by turning into a white and purple draconequis “she could have avoided this whole headache by hitting those little noggins from the start. Now, she has to deal with the consequences.” “Fine,” Twilight said grumpily, a little ticked about the hoof-holding comment, and more than a little ticked at the thought that she hadn’t even considered the solution “So I’ll just hit them now and we can take care of this.” But when she turned to the fillies, they were acting strange. They were both bouncing uncontrollably, eyes constricted to pinpricks and huge grins. Celestia’s wings were beating so fast that they no longer hummed, but whined loudly, and neither sister seemed to be able to stay still. “Discord, what was in those cups?” Preceding his answer, Celestia spoke to her sister quickly and excitedly. “HeyLuluwannarace?!” “Yeahsure123GO!” and they both disappeared down the hallway, leaving little smoke outlines where they head been, path marked by blue and pink streaks. He was doing his best to act innocent, but his massive smile gave him away. “Caramel Mocha Lattes. With extra sugar.” “Discord” ****************************************************** The six of them spent the next hour looking for the spaztic children, and when they finally found them it wasn’t because they had caught up, but because of the burnout inherent in drinking caffeinated drinks. The fillies were in the pool room, piled on top of each other, panting heavily. Discord was in the pool, wearing a hot pink swimming cap, and overlarge goggles and swim trunks. “It’s about time you lot got here. We managed to lock some guards in their barracks, tie Blueblood’s mane and tail together, and steal seven cupcakes from the baker next to the castle before they started feeling the burn.” He yelled at them from the pool. After a last lap, he hopped out of the pool, and onto a beach he produced himself, lounging in light from above the pool. Twilight was officially done playing his games, and trotted over to the children. “Let’s just get this over with, Discord. Those Guards happened to be on the outgoing shift change, and they were very rude to Fluttershy before I got there.” She lowered her head to the worn out fillies, and set her horn aglow, the tiara on her head matching it in turn. They seemed to get their energy back instantly once the memory spell was cast, and Celestia disentangled herself from her sister as quick as she was able. “Ugh, what happened? The last thing I remember is the- oh dear.” She had caught sight of Twilight, and had noticed that she had to look up to see her face. “Twilight, my faithful student, please tell me what I think has happed has not in fact happened.” “Sorry princess, but it has.” Twilight was happy to hear Celestia talk in her usual manner, and the proof of her returned memory was shown in her Cutie marks return. “Do you remember anything after the eclipse?” Celestia sat and thought hard, which given her current size was sufficiently adorable, and after a few moments she turned a distinct shade of green. Yeah, she remembers. “Oh, please tell me I’m just going insane. Please tell me my memories are false, that I didn’t chew on things.” Twilight’s lack of answer and inability to look her in the eye caused Celestia to slump very low. “I. Will. Never. Live this down.” “Sister!” yelled a newly awakening Luna. “Sister, we are small!” she began to approach her sister, and promptly fell over on her face. “And very uncoordinated. Sister, is this our fault?” “Yes, Luna, and if I remember correctly, it is going to take a rather unsavory ally to fix it.” “Come, now Celestia, you can’t say it isn’t a little fun being a child again.” Said Discord floating above her. She didn’t even acknowledge his presence, save to sink her heal lower in irritation. “I haven’t seen you like this in thousands of years. I forgot just how adorable you used to be. How did you get to be so boring?” “A thousand years of chaos will do that to a pony.” Said Luna, hostile at the former gods irritating mannerisms. “Now, I seem to remember, among other unfortunate memories, that your aid would come at a price of us. Name it, and let us be done here.” “Not so fast little moon Princess, it’s not that easy.” He told her from above her head. “My price won’t be had now, as it won’t do me any good with you like this.” Celestia had had it. “Then what do you want?!” she asked hautily. “I have no intention of waiting to gain the strength to force it back myself, such a time would extend far too long.” “Oh, it’s so adorable when you try to act all big when your voice is so small and squeaky.” He said, tousling her mane playfully. She shook him off and distanced herself from her assailant. “For now though,” he continued “I want your word. That when you get back to yourselves, you will give me exactly what I ask for.” Celestia and Luna talked about it for a moment or two, mostly concerning their unwillingness to trust their oldest enemy in existence, given his unpredictable nature, but in the end they begrudgingly agreed to his terms. They didn’t have a real choice in the matter. “All right, my little ponies, let’s get started shall we?” exclaimed Discord happily. He teleported them all to the balcony, and after they all adjusted, Pinkie Pie started laughing. Discord had put on the princess regalia, albeit in a mismatched fashion, and had even turned his mane into Celestia’s own multicolored pastel mane. Needless to say, neither princess was very amused, a sentiment Twilight shared. The others, however, couldn’t keep their giggles under control. “Now, give me a bit. It’s been a while since I did this.” Discord interlaced the appendages of his bird claw and bear paw, crackling the knuckles of both. Soon, the two heavenly bodies began to vibrate in their joined place in the sky. As the glowing ring surrounding the moon began to get brighter and brighter, they all leaned forward in anticipation. But, the former god of chaos showed his nature, using the light to draw an effigy of himself on the moon’s surface. “There, isn’t that so much better?” he asked cheerily, but the glares from the others on the balcony stole his gusto. “… You mad, bro?” “Discord,” said the tiny Luna, “Fix our moon. Now!” “Please.” He turned his nose up at her. “This is an improvement! Just look at that beautiful Face! So much better than that silly Mare in the Moon gimmick of yours.” “NOW!” they all shouted in unison. “Fine, but I still think this is better.” Again, he reached his magic out, and this time, the glow began to get brighter on only one side, while it dimmed on the other, signifying the two orbs beginning to separate. With a slight humming, the sisters also began to glow, and as the two orbs got farther apart, they too gained strength. By the time the moon was returned to its former glory and the sun was safely returned to its home below the horizon, the sisters had grown to what were most likely their teenage selves. “As much as it grates my nerves to say it, thank you Discord. You have done an unparalleled service.” Celestia told him, seeming a little proud he had actually come through for them in their time of need. “Well, I’m just glad I could help.” He said, obviously lying through his teeth. “Though as I told our purple associate, I don’t work for free.” Any confidence they had in him was visibly cast aside. “You two even up, and we’ll talk about my reward. You can find me in little Twilights throne room.” And with that he popped off. The princesses both began to concentrate, and in a matter of moments they were back to their original glory. “So, Tia, what do you think he wants?” asked Luna anxiously. “I don’t know, sister, but I can’t imagine it will be to our liking.” *********************************************** “YOU WANT WHAT???” The entire gathering, including the Elements of Harmony and spike, not to mention a few Royal Guards, were gawking at Discord, and the Royal pony sisters were blushing furiously. Discords request, the least expected thing that could have been suggested, had been a kiss from each of the princesses, and they were none too happy about it. “You can’t possibly be serious!” balked Luna. “Oh, come now, we’re all adults here, and besides” Discord said innocently from his place in Twilights throne “it’s not like I said it had to be on the mouth. Just a little smooch for your old pal Dizzy.” Celestia seemed to be taking it harder than her sister, or at least that’s what it looked like. Her coat was naturally white, and as a result her blush extended far beyond what would have normally been visible. “Discord, this has to be some kind of joke; surly you want to be declared a member of the royal family? A city of your own, perhaps?” she looked like she might be sick “You can’t really expect us to… to… You just can’t!” Luna was nodding her agreement, but stopped once Discord began to speak again. “Of course it’s a Joke! What do you take me for?” They both sighed deeply, glad to be out of the woods. “That doesn’t change the fact that it’s what I want in return, however.” And right back to crushing despair. “Discord,” Luna Pleaded “There must be something else we can offer you? J-just think for a bit!” “I already have, and you gave your word. I may have yanked all of you around for a long time, but at least I never lied to you.” And try as they might, they couldn’t find a loophole. “So be it, Discord.” Celestia said in defeat. “Let us be done with this business.” She and her sister walked forward in dread, Luna shaking a bit. Discord however was completely excited, and changed his hair into a large, greasy, slicked back black do, and donned a black leather jacket with a pair of sunglasses in the breast pocket. “Pucker up ladies, this is going to be good.” He said with a huge smile, and the two grudgingly positioned themselves on either side of the draconequis, closed their eyes tightly, and kissed him on either side of his face. Just at the moment of contact, a bright flash occurred, and everypony looked towards the doors to see a large Polaroid camera spitting out its damning contents. Celestia and Luna looked on in horror as Discord took hold of the picture and waved it a few times to help it develop. “Well aint she a beauty?” asked Discord in a downtown manehatten accent. He had stuck up his arms and given the thumbs up sign , twisting his thumbs out just as the picture was taken, looking just like a twisted version of an eighties greaser. “DISCORD!” came Celestia’s rage. “YOU HAND THAT PHOTO OVER THIS INSTANT!” however, before her and her sisters flying tackle could land, he had popped out of the room. That photo would subsequently be put on flyers plastered all over Equestria, and would haunt the sisters for centuries to come. That knowledge had yet to pass, however, so the irony of the statement “He wouldn’t use that for anything too embarrassing, would he?” was lost on all in attendance. “Oh my goodness, That’s HILARIOUS!” … except Pinkie Pie. *************************************************** Twilight was walking around the castle later that morning, having been unable to sleep through the sunrise. The sisters had opted to stay in the castle in order to ensure no lasting health effects, so it was no surprise when she came upon her mentor on the balcony outside the guest quarter. “Princess,” she asked, “may I join you?” Celestia nodded and shuffled to the side to give her room beside herself. “Twilight,” she said, her embarrassment evident “I cannot sufficiently express my gratitude for your secrecy in this, nor for your caring for us in our… diminished state.” She looked her student in the eye “It was unfair of us to impose on you in that manner, and I am so very sorry you had to put up with us. If I remember right, Luna and I did not have the best behavioral track record as children.” That was an understatement. “It’s OK, princess, there was no real harm done, and at least Princess Luna got her slumber party.” Celestia couldn’t help but chuckle a bit it what had to be the most bizarre slumber party in history. “Besides,” Twilight continued “It was kind of fun seeing you two as children. I never knew you were so wild.” Again Celestia laughed. “Yes, well, given the various events that have transpired in our time, is it so hard to believe we could be so different from our current selves?” Twilight didn’t feel that it was, but she beckoned the princess to continue. “Well, I was actually quite energetic for quite a long time. It took Nightmare Moon to take that spirit away from me.” Twilight considered her words for a moment before saying carefully, “well, Luna’s back now, and Nightmare Moon is gone. Don’t you think it would be OK to let that part of yourself back out?” Celestia’s doubtful look promted her to continue. “Well, Luna’s taking over some of your old slack, and I know she forgave you for what happened, not to mention there’s me and Cadence to lean on.” She was having a hard time finding the proper way to word it, but she pushed forward “I guess what I’m saying is you’ve got a lot of people you can lean on now. You don’t have to be the adult all the time anymore, you can let yourself get silly from time to time now.” Celestia still looked skeptical, however, and Twilight wasn’t sure how to continue. It didn’t get any easier when a tiny draconequis fly buzzed in her ear “It’s not working! Friendship harder, Twilight Sparkle!” she swatted at him, and he flew off a bit, only to become an ugly sculpture that framed the doorway. She decided a change of approach might help. “So, did they really call you Humlestia in your old school?” Celestia gave her the most dangerous look she had ever given her student, but Twilight raised her hooves innocently. “I’m just saying, Chewlestia might have made more-“ “Finish that sentence and pay Twilight Sparkle. There are far simpler methods to dethrone a princess than a spell.” Celestia was obviously miffed, but the smile that tugged at her lips was more than enough for Twilight to recognize her victory. “Sense.” With a loud whoosh, the smaller princess was launched across the courtyard, barely finding time to right herself and alight unharmed on the castle wall across the way. They both began to laugh heartily from their respective perches, the first Celestia had partaken in for a longer time than she had really thought. Yes, she thought to herself, perhaps it is time to resurrect that part of myself. “I agree with Twilight.” The grating male voice turned Celestia’s mirth to malice. “Chewlestia makes much more sense.” She turned quickly and sent a concussive blast at Discord, and when he dodged she gave chase, her attempts to blast him from the sky lasting several more hours, as he laughed manically at her futile attempts.