• Member Since 3rd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Melody Brush


One lost soul...

Sequels1

E

A young changeling named Zuro leaves his home to live a life as a pony. At the Summer Sun Celebration he meets a pegasus mare named Angel and develops love for her. After Queen Chrysalis and the rest of her subjects attacked Canterlot Zuro is placed on trial for suspicion of playing part in the invasion.

What will become of this peaceful changeling?

Chapters (19)
Comments ( 319 )

holy shit you done it again...

Another Changeling goes to Equestria story... and before The S2 final two episodes. I'll see how this goes.

2561163 This starts four years before the S2 finaly. :twilightsmile: Ihope you enjoy it.

First thing first, I don't wanna be a jerk, but you are in serious need of an editor/proofreader because I just read your chapter and holy shit there's a lot of mistakes in there!

So many I could hardly take them all and correct them all in a comment.

2561419 Cut me a break. I finished writing it at 4:30 AM this morning and didn't take the time proofread it myself before submitting.

2561530 I was just saying what I though in regard to what I had read. Granted, it might be because I'm a grammar nazi but who knows. There are a few mistakes that can be easily avoided, and I know the feeling of writing late at night. I did a few all-nighter where I wrote through the entire nights.

And by the way, no need to be on the defensive so much. I wasn't after the goal of offending you as much as I was after the goal of notifying you of the mistakes I noticed throughout the chapter.

2561530 You don't have to submit immediately, though; the story will keep. In my opinion, it would have been better to wait until you'd had a chance to proofread thoroughly before submitting. After all, you only get one chance at a good first impression, and a typo-ridden prologue does not make for a very good first impression.

2561588 I didn't mean to sound like I was brushing you off, or anything, it's just I get comments about the spelling errers all the time and it's starting to get on my nerves, but I can do things better.

2561680 I have a problem of letting myself get in a hury when I'm excited and overlook the details on theses things.

I'm always a sucker for changeling romance stories. Keep it up!

2562141 That seems to be my theme. I think changelings are awesome, and to have a forbidden romance like this is fun.

:D Nicely done! I like the way you portray changeling society. There's a lot of subtext here about changelings and ponies discovering each other, how they can live together, almost like a coming of age thing. Very interesting, and definitely looking forward to more!

Really good! I like the entire idea of this story, and the content is great! There are some misspelled words, though. Running it through a spellchecker would fix pretty much everything, honestly XD However, the errors didn't really detract from the story, I didn't think. Keep up the great work, and I can't wait to read more! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by BureYaAkili deleted May 12th, 2013

2564722 Glad you like it, and as soon as I get a real laptop all my stories are going through a spelcheck.

There are also free spellcheckers available online. If you're using Google Drive, there's a built-in spellchecker there, though it can be temperamental.

2568034 Thank you, but I can't use it. All I have right now is my PSVita.

Decent, but with some typos. I'll point them out here (in order):

But, I'm terrified because the life I want to live is not very excepting to one of my kind, and I doubt my parents, especially my mother, will allow me to leave without a bit of a fuss.

Zuro probably would be a hybrid if that mare was more excepting, but when she found out what he was she broke it off and they went their separate ways.

Change "excepting" to "accepting"

He slipped into a small town and found the single mare and beloved her and was well fed wuth love energy in return.

change "wuth" to "with"

He got up and ran to a bear wall.

change "bear" to "bare"

Then his eyes shifted to his flank, wich was still blank. He thought about what he remembered learning about pony coulter.

change "coulter" to "Culture"

The cutie mark is a very special mark to show what a pony's special tallent is, and only appears when that pony discovers their special tallent.

Change the two "tallent"s to "talent"

Dili giggled at this and in a smal flash of green, her own scaley skin turned blue to match her brothers.

Change "brothers" to "brother's"

I immediately packed a few things, a few old maps of the land inclueded, and left to start my new life.

Change "inclueded" to "Included"

The way I see this life, even though I've only been here for a third of a day, there way of life is not at all different from changelings.

Change "there" to "their"


All in all, a decent story. Ill read chapter 2 momentarily and give my feedback/ corrections. :moustache:

Great story, keep it up. Also like the cover art.

2570009Thank you, but the cover art is only temporary until I do one that's actually for the story.:twilightsmile:

And that, is how apples are made

2573159 Iget comments about the errers all the time.:unsuresweetie: But, I'm glad you enjoy it.:twilightsmile:

I'm really enjoying your story so far and am looking forward to future updates. Liked and Faved.

2574300 Thank you. I'm glad you like it.

there was a commission coming from inside

You mean a commotion?

2579473 How the Tartarus did I miss that?

Well, I wonder how zuro will deal with this. Great job.

Three apples for you my Good sir!!!

Your story is pretty good so far keep it up
I've only spotted a few grammer issues but it is very good
I can't wait for the next chapter

English not first language, deal with it

2588850 English is my first language, I just need to work on my spelling and grammar.

2592274
Do I bloody care?
Sorry, not trying to be rude, im just a tad bored

2593688 Had you not apologized and explained yourself I would've deleted your comment. It's all good.:twilightsmile:

Nice twist how you included your own OC's into the first two shows:raritywink:

2595162 I kinda did the same thing with the very first fanfic I tried to right, but that story was an alternate universe and a total bust. Everypony bashed and hated it 'harshly'

2595352 that's terrible! Even if something's not that good (I don't know I haven't read it), you shouldn't hate on it!

2595821 You won't get a chance to read it, I deleted the story long ago.:unsuresweetie:

2596467 I see. Ah well, at least I got this awesome story!

2599354It must be awesome since everpony likes it!

This is still great but i keep seeing grammer issues :flutterrage:
Keep it up
:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

2601094 I need to get a laptop with spellcheck and stop using my PSVita.

Great story so far!
Keep up the good work.

All I ask is that you get an editor ;)

2602773 Just wait until I get a real laptop with spellcheck and most all those mistakes will be gone.

2603984 and then new ones will pop up cause spell check will correct you on some words even though there right

Nice chapter bro!
It needs some editing, but other than that, it was great.

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