Author’s notes
Well anyway, thank you to everybody who read this story, and didn’t give up on it for one reason or another.
This is my first ever story that I have finished, and the feedback has been awesome. Thanks to everyone who commented, or like, or favourited it, or whatever. You are all awesome. 
This is Fenrisianbrony, signing off.
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Yes
Good stuff my friend good stuff
Good job! :)
Now I have to write ANOTHER review :'(.
Sequel?
Good story and I love Bionicle so its a double thumbs up from me!
3541661
I do look forward do the review though
For now, none is planned. Sorry.
3541832
Well, I guess we'll never know.
Seriously though, I didn't know how to suddenly get her back to her old self without it seeming like a cop out. I may, may, do another chapter about life getting back to normal. As of now though, there are no plans for one.
3541917
I literally wrote one a little over 12 hours ago. I'll get to this one soon, but I need a break
very good sir, very good
3541932
No worries. Take as much time as you want.
3540851>>3541937
Thanks
3541946
Thx. Just telling you now: I'm not anywhere near being a professional . I'll cover what I did here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/99894/hole-hearted
3541977
Looks professional enough to me.
I do have one problem with the story: You never really wrapped the Twilight-is-depressed business.
3542036
It has been pointed out, and I may be writing a final-final chapter to address certain issues.
3542071 Okay.
Well I got to say that this was the best Bionicle crossover fanfic I ever read. You made the crossover with the Metru Toa, those were my favourite ones, Toa and Hordika. You added a lot of genres into this and somehow they worked well. Some might say the violence was too much, but honestly, I think you were trying to be just a bit more real. After all, the darkest moment in this story was the Makuta and the Rakshi transforming Vakama. You really made it disturbing, I don't think the violence would top it. You even added in some decent funny moments in this too. The crossover is good in this. Equestria and the ponies do have a relation to the plot, I'm glad you didn't just put the Toa in Equestria. I read a lot fanfics that just put characters in Equestria with nothing interesting happening late on. Those ones are just boring and not thought through. The character interactions are fun to read. I love Matua and Rainbow Dash together, they make me laugh.
The story is basic, but relies on being comical and light hearted from the beginning to dark and serious at the end and you did well with those genres. Films, shows, games, books that pull that off are often my favourites.
Well done Fenrisian, I look forward to reading another one of your stories when it comes.
3542936
Thanks. Always makes me feel good when people like my stories.
3541995
Expect one tomorrow or Monday. I just need to get a computer available
3562403
Awesome. Look forward to it.
3563636
yeah, i'm outta it tonight. i'll do it tomorrow
ok, while i have the drive to do it now, i might as well get it done.
Firstly:
Storyline: the story was, in all fairness, an "out-there" kind of story. the conbination of 2 franchise universes of such differentiating genres is not unheard of, but it is hard to pull off. all-around well done in this.
Grammar/Word Choice: not bad, considering the fact you had to bring in two different ways of speaking into one (Bionicle and Pony). the way of writing in this style is what most might consider difficult. you pulled it off well.
Now for my personal opinions and such:
Emotions: honestly: there weren't much else but what you might expect. due to past experiences, i dont outwardly cry much, but i deffinately came close near the end. i felt, and still do, joy that they all ended up being OK in the end. all around joy, i guess
Personal Opinion of the Characters:
1. Castellan: you gotta admire a guy who has no fear of serving his princess, right? i REALLY admire him. not only for following Luna to the point of near-suicide, but for having such a deep connection to those under his command. i myself am a leader of sorts (dont ask. some things are left unspoken. you wouldnt believe me anyways), and i know that feeling well. all-in-all, i simply loved the way you wrote him, and i hope to see him more in the future if you write a sequel.
shadow ponies: i know there really isnt much to say about them, but i feel i have to in order to get this right. the shadow ponies may not have said much in the way of words, but their actions spoke louder. the introduction of them into the mix was simply a devine addition of spice to the stew that was this story (cliche, but had to throw at least one in here).
Not much else to say on the rest, just that they acted the way i imagined in the certain situations. i adored them all, really, so thats that.
back to the serious:
Character Development: the CD was definately something that played a major role in the story. as in all stories, this plays a vast majority in how the public opinion will turn out. the characters here faced hardships that, admittedly, should never be faced. the way it was produced as the story went on shows the skills that many readers expect from a good writer.
Timeline: the mix and placement of the differentiating timelines of both universes was well done. honestly, there is a question that nags at me, but that will come in a separate comment afterwards.
Finishing: the conclusion was well-rounded. i feel that a story's ending always determines what the future holds for it. i hope for a sequel, but this ending was good and well. the thing is: the end of one adventure is just the beginning of another (Gandalf, Lord of the Kings, Return of the King).
Bionicle: The Darkness Within was a well-rounded story, and i would recommend it to anyone. As with any stories, there are a few bumps here and there, but it plows through them with an endless supply of endurance. definately a must-read, and i simply enjoyed the heck out of it
3568120
That is awesome. Thanks so much for it.
Not only that, but you have helped to give me ideas for something else I'm going to do in the future. I was going to just do another 'five years later' chapter, but I may have a few ideas for a full on sequel. Less to do with the actual Bionicle universe though, and more a continuation with the characters from this story.
In short, denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1021_Rainbow_Dash_says_youre_awesome.gif
3568144
It took a while. Sorry I didn't include everyone. It's just that, with such a huge range to go by, I decided to let the results speak for themselves. I'm not that great, I'm just helping where I can.
I look forward to the idea of that sequel, and wish you the best
3568181
I'm starting to plan it now, so I may be able to get some semi decent ideas by next week everything willing
3568401
Good luck
now i'm wondering what i am gonna have to review next
4690806
Trust me, if I could draw anything better than a terrible stickman, I would try my hand at it.
4692976
Glatorian?
4693122 Yes. The warrior race in Glatorian were called the Skrall if I'm remembering correctly.
4693167
I was meaning what is Glatorian? I'm guessing it's another Bionicle type thing.
4693192 It was the next wave after the Karda Nui event and detailed Mata Nui after he was banished by Makuta.
4693240
Ah, cool.
4693465 Yeah. They were the first sets to introduce the lego hands for the Bionicle/Hero Factory sets. They also had some bada
weapons!
4694035
Very nice then, I may have to check the, out and see.
But any reference in the story was merely coincidental.
4763775
Yeah, they were the awesome, staff toting bad-asses.
4763845 can't argue with that logic.
5107495
You do realize that come 2015, we get new Bionicle sets and stories, right?
5277309
We do???!!!!!!!
5277332
Yep! LEGO has even released an official flash animation trailer for the new stuff!
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T65CUNecgMs]
5277398
And my happy face is gone.
I was hoping for a new film like the mask of light style. Something about that animation and the new story for Makuta and whoever Ekimu is (Is he an old fluff guy?) just seems odd.
5277453
Thats not entirely true. Remember, when Bionicle first made its appearance, LEGO used a very similar trailer to promote it, minus the animation style of course, and it took two or three years before they were ready for a movie to be made. It appears that the new sets and characters are gonna go through something similar.
On top of that, they're completely rebooting the universe instead of picking up where they left off, so we're getting a brand new story with a whole new universe to explore! If you think about it that way, it really gets you excited to see what LEGO has in store for us. Well, for me at least...
5277469
I can see both sides, I'm just becoming increasingly skeptical of reboots and people who may decide to shit all over past stuff. *cough* Moffat *unconvincing cough*
5277595
Oh, don't be that way, the new Doctor Who and Sherlock series are both great and amazing shows! And look at the Star Trek reboot movies. They're near flawless perfection! Reboots aren't that bad, if they're telling a totally different story from what the original told, which is what the new Bionicle stuff is gonna be doing.
5277607
I know, reboots can be awesome, See Dread, and the new Dr Who had it's awesome moments, re-watch the Rings of Arkan. But are you honestly telling me that you thought the season finale of the recent Dr Who was good?
5277638
Yep, its at the top of my top 5 episodes list, with the episode called Listen taking the number 1 slot.
5277651
It bastardized the cybermen, it had the master killed off in a ridiculous way, the entire portrayal of the master made him/her (which was an interesting part) seem entirely insane rather than crazy and brilliant in an evil way, Danny was an ass to the doctor as always, they killed off the awesome UNIT scientist, and the worst part? They tried to lever in Brigadier Stuart coming back as a fucking cyberman. Really? Really!?
5277676
Its called becoming creative in terms of how the Cybermen do their conversions. As for the Master/Mistress's "death", we all know they're gonna bring her back. She could have easily gotten away with a well placed teleport to make it look like she was killed.
5278758
There's being creative, and then there's C.S.Goto style creativness, but yes, it could be just creative lisence. I'm just annoyed because the first half had so much potential for a new bad guy amd then they just said 'lol nope,' new breed of Cybermen which are pretty much just dead guys turned into robots, rather than living brains inside a metal suit. In my opinion (take it with a pinch of salt) it's the difference between Imperiual Servitors and Necrons.
And yes, we all know the master is coming back. They can no more kill him/her off permanently than they can kill off the Daleks or the Cybermen.
Again, this is all just my opinion.
5280579
Yeah, and when you put it the way you just did, you're absolutely right. I just tend to like the weird ways they bring back villains in Doctor Who *shrug*
5280589
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be one of those people who shout and scream when things change just because they changed. I think epanding and changing bad guys silightly is good, but I just thought this time was really bad. To be fair though, I think the design of the parallel world cybermen was better. I personally think Moffat watched Iron Man and the trailer for Age of Ultron and said 'I want me some of that, fuck it, Cybermen can fly.'
5280705
I bet you're right, it would explain so much about that design!
5280944
Cyber-Danny turns to Missy: "There are no strings on me."
Missy: Oh shit.exe.