Two Dresses
On the eve of the Grand Galloping Gala, Twilight stood in the boudoir of her guest apartment in the Canterlot palace astronomy tower, studying two dresses.
The first was a brilliant gown in sunset colors. Crimson beadwork covered an elaborate interweaving of vermilion and yellow silks, all fading toward darker hues in the ruching that extended from the haunch through the train. Rarity had done amazing work, once again. The dress was dazzling, in every way fit for a princess. But it wasn’t her dress.
The second… Twilight had reluctantly agreed to let Rarity alter the old blue Gala dress. Twilight still wasn’t sure she was happy with her decision. It felt wrong, somehow, to let that dress be changed. It wasn’t the dress’s fault that Twilight was a princess now. But even with the alterations, the dress was as beautiful as ever. To Twilight, it would always be her dress, the first dress Rarity had ever made for her.
Both dresses were beautiful, but Twilight knew without hesitation which one she preferred. And still, she couldn’t keep herself from feeling a stab of fear, and of shame, whenever she looked at it. That dress was special. The sight of it, the feel of it, carried so many good memories.
Twilight sighed, looking back and forth between the two dresses. The gala would start in less than an hour now, and she still hadn’t decided which dress to wear.
A loud knock at the entrance to her guest suite tore Twilight away from the problem. She trotted back through the bedchamber and pulled open the door to reveal two unfamiliar ponies: a fire-maned yellow unicorn mare and an earth pony mare with a dusky rose coat.
The unicorn mare took a step forward, stopping just beyond the threshold of Twilight’s apartments. “Princess Sparkle, my name is Spinning Top. If you are agreeable, the Cabinet Office would like me to accompany you at the Gala tonight. You seem to have gone into seclusion for the last three weeks, and the Secretary simply wants to make sure the press don’t become over-excited by your return to public life.”
Twilight looked between the two mares, feeling a lump of worry form in her stomach. She recognized the name. Doctor Spinning Top was – according to Twilight’s notes, which had become quite copious over those same three weeks – the Secretary for the Cabinet Office of Public Affairs. Most ponies just shortened the title to Press Secretary, though. Apparently Twilight’s earlier performances had been so bad that somepony had seen fit to call out the cavalry. That rankled, but Twilight could hardly call it unjustified. Giving a small nod, she motioned the two mares inside. “And… um… Your companion would be?”
Before Spinning could respond, the other mare stepped forward and held out her hoof for Twilight to shake. “Gilded Lily, of the Equestria Daily. And if I may say, what a pleasure it is to have the opportunity to meet you in person, Your Highness.”
Twilight shot a panicked look at Spinning, but the press secretary returned her expression with a smile. “Lily is an old colleague, and somepony I trust. I thought it might help things tonight if we started the evening with a friendly interview, before we have to face the swarms of reporters down at the party. Assuming you have time, princess?”
Of course I have time, and I’ll bet you know it. Twilight fought back the urge to sigh. The civil service had probably been monitoring her every move since she arrived at the palace. She suspected, in hindsight, that her schedule for today had been carefully arranged to ensure that she would be entirely free at this precise time. Well, no help for it. She’d have to face the press tonight, one way or another.
“Yes, I think I have time.” Twilight paused for a moment and took a deep breath, before giving the two mares a smile. “I just brewed some tea for myself a few minutes ago. If you’d care to have some, we could all sit and talk for a little while.”
Spinning returned Twilight’s smile, and the pair followed her to a round table that stood near a bank of windows overlooking Canterlot Town. The sun was low on the horizon, casting a pink glow across the palace and through Twilight’s windows. The three sat, and Twilight levitated a pair of cups and saucers from a china cabinet along the south wall. She reheated the kettle with a spell she’d learned back in her days at the academy, pouring for herself and her two guests. The citrus scent of bergamot filled the air.
Gilded Lily took one perfunctory sip of the tea before clinking her cup back onto its saucer. “Your Highness, I know you’ve had some difficulty with the media before now – even going so far as to suggest that press freedoms should be cut back, I think I read – but I do hope we can have a pleasant conversation, just the two of us.”
And like that, Twilight knew the test was upon her. This was why she’d spent the last three weeks reading every scrap she could find that might help her solve her problems with the press. There weren’t any books about how to be a princess, but the Canterlot library was packed with volumes about government-media relations, chronicles of various scandals, and treatises concerning proper conversational etiquette. But despite three weeks of careful study – long nights spent at her desk, poring through page after page by candlelight – it was Applejack’s words that first popped into Twilight’s mind. Stop an’ think a couple seconds before you speak.
Spinning Top’s smile slipped ever so slightly in the brief silence that followed Lily’s words. She turned to the reporter and spoke in a soft voice. “I thought we agreed that—”
“No, it’s fine, Madame Secretary. I assume you’re referring to the article that appeared in the Daily Sun, Ms. Lily? I believe the headline was something like, ‘ “Down with the press,” declares Equestria’s newest royal.’ ”
“I can’t say I remember precisely where I saw—”
Twilight smiled. “Yes, that particular piece was written by Spicy Dish, as I recall. And wholly inaccurate, but what can you expect from a paper like the Sun? Of course, they’re free to publish whatever they want, but don’t you agree that we’d all be better served if more journalists strove for the standards of your own Equestria Daily, Ms. Lily?”
Spinning took another sip of tea, her smile now replaced. “Yes, quite,” she murmured.
Gilded Lily pulled out a small notepad and set it on the table, scratching down a few words before returning her attention to the conversation. “Well, I can hardly argue with that, Your Highness. But you can’t deny that your run-ins with the press have been – shall we say – problematic, since your coronation.”
“No, of course not,” Twilight said. Applejack was right: it wasn’t in Twilight’s nature to prevaricate with the truth. “The whole thing took me by surprise as much as anypony else, and I wasn’t prepared for the the sort of scrutiny a princess of Equestria has to face. But it’s hardly fair to blame the press for my own lack of preparation, don’t you think?” Well, it wasn’t in Twilight’s nature to prevaricate too much, anyway. Sometimes, Rarity’s way was better.
Lily hummed in agreement as she scribbled out a few more notes. “But surely you must feel some guilt, especially regarding the increased tension between Equestria and Griffonstan over the last two months. Your comments about Camelu water rights and Northern Griffonstan, in particular, have been seen as particularly inflammatory. And arguing about griffon quills with the trade minister? I mean, isn’t that just a little insulting?”
A dark look clouded Spinning Top’s face, and she stared openly at the reporter. Clearly, this wasn’t the sort of interview the press secretary had expected. She appeared on the verge of saying something, but Twilight held up a hoof to stop her.
“On the subject of the Camelu situation, I stand by everything I said before.” Lesson one, in many of those books on government-media relations, was to address the question you wanted to answer, rather than the question you were asked. “The people of Camelu are facing a crisis of the first order. Their representatives may have to soft-pedal the issue to keep the Griffonstani appeased, but Equestria has no such duty. It is simply inexcusable for the Griffonstani to keep this issue tied up in endless talks. Camels are dying.” Twilight had very strong opinions on this subject, and she wasn’t about to walk them back to make the Griffonstani ambassador feel better about what his country was doing.
“Yes, of course, but what about your comments on the subject of Northern Griffonstan? Many ponies in Equestria agree with you about the Camelu situation, but taken together your statements seem to show a pattern of disregard for our Griffon neighbors.”
This time, Spinning Top didn’t try to jump in. She just turned to watch Twilight, her face curiously absent of expression.
“Is that so?” Twilight gave the reporter a smile and took a languid sip from her teacup. “If I remember correctly, your paper has published eleven articles on Northern Griffonstan since – as you call them – my comments. But I found it curious that only the first of those pieces carried an actual quote from me. You had quotes aplenty, of course, but all from members of the Griffonstani foreign delegation and officials from our own Equestrian civil service. Would you care to know what that first article said?”
Gilded Lily was writing furiously now, but her quill seemed to be running dry. She tapped it against the notebook, trying to bring some more ink forward from the cartridge concealed within the pinion. “The initial comments are hardly important; what matters is the reaction that they—”
“ ‘Princess Twilight Sparkle, formerly the prize pupil of HRH Princess Celestia, offered her thoughts to our tourism reporter during a brief visit to Pony Joe’s Donut Shop. “Northern Griffonstan? I read that it has great mineralogical wealth. And the canyons of the Cold Snap badlands are supposed to be very beautiful. Maybe I can go see them sometime soon.” Although the griffons closed off tourism to Northern Griffonstan last year, citing increased danger from Free Gryphon Republic separatists, her highness’s hopes for a resolution are most assuredly shared by this reporter.’
“That was from the sixth page of the D Section, incidentally. The first front-page article was the following day’s response from the Griffonstani ambassador, where he decried ‘Equestria’s long history of imperial adventurism’ and said that ‘Griffonstan stands ready to resist any territorial threat Princess Sparkle or her nation may have in mind.’ ”
“You memorized the articles?” Gilded Lily looked incredulous, and a little insulted. “Isn’t that a bit… thin-skinned?”
Twilight blushed. “Well, I didn’t really memorize them, but they did stick in my head pretty well. I’ve always had a good memory, though. For example, I believe you wrote a column on the Camelu water crisis that came out the same day as that tourism piece, Ms. Lily. It was quite good, as I recall. There was a particularly evocative bit about ‘thirsty calves fighting one another at the riverbed each morning, pitchers in hoof, desperate for a few more ounces to bring back to their families.’ To be honest, your reporting had a lot to do with shaping my own attitudes about the situation there.”
Gilded Lily dropped her eyes to her notebook, looking a little abashed as she tried to scratch down more notes. For her part, Spinning Top was wearing a small smile once again, but one that looked less practiced and more genuine than her earlier smiles.
“In any case,” Lily said, “don’t you at least regret what you said to the trade advisor about griffon quills?”
Twilight arched an eyebrow and grinned, choosing not to respond to the barb just yet. She had felt a little bad about that particular argument, but the guilt just prompted Twilight to do what she did best – research. Maybe she had been wrong about the ink capacity of griffon quills, in which case she’d have owed the trade advisor an apology. Then again, if Twilight’s opinion were borne out by data, there wouldn’t be any logic behind her feeling bad. So she’d tested a random sample of griffon quills alongside a random sample of pegasus quills, and the results were quite conclusive. Pegasus quills held more ink than griffon quills, by a factor of nearly two-to-one.
Knowledge had always been Twilight’s weapon, after all, and clear thinking her armor. Being a princess didn’t change who she was, it just placed her under deeper scrutiny.
The scritch-scritch of Lily’s quill continued a few more seconds before trailing off. With a look of frustration, the reporter began tapping it against the notepad once more. As Lily realized Twilight wasn’t going to answer her question, she looked up and opened her mouth to speak – which was precisely when Twilight cut her off.
“Your quill doesn’t seem to be holding ink very well today, Ms. Lily. If you’d like, I can let you use one of mine.”
Spinning Top stood, giving Gilded Lily a tight smile. “All right. We’re done here. That should be enough material for your exclusive, Gilded. I think we should let the princess get back to her preparations. Thank you, Your Highness.”
Lily rose from the table as well, and gave a small curtsy. She met Twilight’s eyes and blushed. “I… um… Our editor, Breaking News, had some strong opinions about what sort of interview we should run tomorrow. I’m sorry. But thank you, for making sure I can’t write what he wanted. I’ve always hated writing pieces like that.”
Spinning motioned the reporter toward the door and turned back to Twilight. “Your Highness, as I said, I’ve been asked to accompany you tonight, but if you’d prefer…?”
The vote of confidence felt wonderful – wonderful enough to help Twilight make a decision – but she shook her head in response to the question. “No, I think I could still use the help. That is, if you don’t mind?”
“It would be my pleasure, Your Highness.”
The princess set her teacup on its saucer and stood, walking into the boudoir. “All right. If you could wait outside for just a moment, then, I should be ready to go down to the Gala soon, Madame Secretary.” Twilight smiled and ran one hoof over the familiar, star-patterned blue silk. “It will only take me a minute to put on my dress.”
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Author's Notes
To anyone stopping by and thinking this looks familiar, it is. I've been revising this story for EqD and this is the updated version. Given the length, and the fact that it's a comedy piece, I've also chapterized it (after clearing that this is an acceptable way to bump the story with Wanderer D). The third chapter is entirely new material, but there are minor revisions in the first chapter/scene and slightly larger revisions in the second chapter/scene as well.
Again, lots of thanks to PoweredByTea and GhostOfHeraclitus for pre-reading the revision on this story. I lost my way a bit in the new section, and they both helped me to make it better. Thanks, also, to my EqD pre-reader who will remain nameless unless he/she chooses to identify his/herself, but either way, that person's continuing input through the revision process has also been very helpful. Again, Dr. Spinning Top of the Equestrian Civil Service and her former colleague Gilded Lily appear courtesy of GhostOfHeraclitus. And as always, if there are elements about the story you don't like, all blame should be placed squarely at my feet.
All I can think is hell yeah! The story keeps all the good things it had before and simply adds better writing, pacing, and more bad-ass Twilight.
This revision flows a lot better, the fleshing out and addition of the third chapter do a lot to enhance an already well done work.
Twilight for the win!
Knew she had it in her. You don't read THAT many books without picking up a few tricks.
~Skeeter The Lurker
The conclusion always was the weakest part of this story. I must say you have improved it dramatically. If I could thumbs up and favorite a second time I would.
Very nicely done! That new interview worked wonderfully.
2693419 2693531 2693658 2693686 2693781
Wow, thank you all! I have to admit I'd still been a little nervous about how the revision would be received, since I was very nearly scrapping a part that I think a lot of people really liked (the last line on the old version). Feedback on the new stuff is very much appreciated, and I'm glad you guys are genuinely finding this to be a clear improvement.
2693838
Improvement?
Huh. Coulda fooled me. Still, I enjoyed every second of it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ah - much better. As I recall, the conclusion previously was somewhat ambiguous. This, however - far more definitive. Very good.
Jerking off Equestria Daily in a story you're submitting to Equestria Daily?
Awwkwwaaardd.
2694263 I'll admit, it did feel awkward to write that, awkward enough that I actually want to give your comment a reply, if for no other reason than to put my thought process out there.
In the original version of the story, I got permission to use one of GhostOfHeraclitus's OCs. I could have pulled Spinny entirely in the revision, but the story had to some extent already been sold on the inclusion of a Ghost Civil Service™ OC and so I wanted to avoid that. Unfortunately, that left the problem of writing that OC correctly, and the only reporter Spinny was likely to trust for a private, friendly one-on-one to help the princess was another one of Ghost's OCs, who he'd already portrayed as working for the Equestria Daily within his own stories.
Left purely to my own devices, I'd have probably tried to go with a different paper, maybe invented some new incidental characters, but since I was already writing in continuity with a friend's stories, I wanted to stick as close to what he's presented in that continuity as I could. I figure a brief moment of awkwardness in the submission process was an acceptable price to pay.
Of course, I still managed to mess things up for Ghost's OCs, but in a way that I think he quite liked, after the fact.
I like it. I think the revisions worked well, and I'm glad you kept the line about Twilight and knowledge.
There was a little bit of confusion before I realized that this was a revised version. However, I have to say breaking down the story into a trilogy made it a little less intimidating to read the second time.
And I love how the conclusion was redone. Incorporating Twilight's dress and actually putting Twilight through a social situation she couldn't have handled before gave the story an amazingly satisfying conclusion.
Before, I would have said this was my second favorite fanfic, next to Snowdrop.
Now, A Fillies Guide To Not Making Headlines IS my favorite fanfic.
After reading this, I am beginning to seriously consider making a Dotty-verse group. Ghost's OC's are starting to get around.
That last scene was incredibly satisfying. And yes, for all my whining earlier, I DO like the revision better.
Rarity and Applejack's argument felt more natural too. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png 
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
I still adore the CMCs portrayal here. Scoots and Sweetie's little political maneuvering is priceless.
2694263 Gilded Lily works for Equestria Daily. You wanna use the character, you gotta use it right.
My apologies in advance for not writing this more clearly - it's late, and I won't have time to write this later, but...
Wonderful!
Since I'm leaving a comment, I'll just tell you the truth: I enjoyed the original - in fact, I actually enjoyed the original final ending sequence a little more, to be honest, pretty much because it had a feeling I liked; that of Twilight 'taking the stage for the first time with confidence and shaking knees', and it was easy to feel excited for her and root for her on a lower level. But I also very much enjoyed the revised story, especially the third section interview with Gilded Lily, particularly her handling of the question regarding quills. If I had to choose one overall, I did enjoy the revised story more, FWIW. It was a very enjoyable read.
I'm not sure if I really prefer the revision, truth be told. Don't get me wrong, the ending was a little threadbare before, but the tone of it seemed to be a lot better. It felt far more uplifting than this new chapter.
It also seemed to take a lot of emphasis on the best part of the old version (next to Cutie Mark Crusaders Vaguely Treasonous Politicians (yay)), which was Applejack's turnabout, where she unexpectedly adds the actual sage wisdom.
Before it felt like an episode of FiM. We had a problem. Friends trying to help, and failing, some wackiness and comedy, and then the lesson about being yourself. Now it includes something we'd never really see in it. A long (comparatively) bit on out-twisting a slightly hacky journalist bent on writing a smear piece.
And I think a lot of it is just a lack of real emotional content in this new chapter, when the rest of the story is so wonderfully rich in it. It gives a feel of dissonance. Twi is utterly distraught! Sadness. Rarity will teach her! Hope. Cutie Mark Crusaders! Amusement. Applejack ruins things! Shock! Betrayal! But AJ comes out with the real lesson. Warmth. Then the (previously a bit short) ending, where we felt very confident. We knew Twi could do it. Now we have some dry political maneuvering and a character that's kind of shady. But not shady enough for you to really hate them to a level more than vague disgust. Emotion felt: ....meh.
It's not even a bad scene. It serves a very clear plot purpose. It's written well enough. It's just the tone is so inconstant with the rest of the story. In a more drawn out, more 'serious' work, it wouldn't have earned the batting of an eye. In this story, with its crisp, quick pace and emotional density, it really stands out.
Don't let my lengthy ranting make you think I hated it. I didn't. It's still a very good short story. That hasn't changed in the slightest. I just wanted to be as clear as possible with the reasons why I felt the way I did.
Woo hoo! It's always a nice morning when I get two meaty comments!
Even if they're both kind of negative...
I think I can see some of what you're both describing. The original version (which I'll link again here, for anyone perusing the comments) received a lot of praise for being Original Flavor. That's not really something I set out to write, ever, but I think it informs my understanding of the characters enough that it often shows through—so, since I'm not particularly conscious of trying for it, it's also something I'm not looking at when I revise, either.
To me, I think the change with Applejack and Rarity in Ch.2, particularly, is truer to their characters. But I think 2702486 makes a very good point. My opinions about accuracy of characterization aside, the revision is less true to the spirit of the show, where characters really do show up and act on teachable moments. And that's something Applejack is generally good at. But at the same time, Rarity's advice isn't all bad, and the more I re-read, the more I felt like Applejack's wisdom was getting a bit overplayed. Good for flavor, perhaps, but to me it didn't feel quite as honest as I'd like. I guess it's just destined to be one of those points of trade-off. What makes it read better for me, makes it read worse for some other readers.
For the ending, I want to thank you two (now including 2701672) for the solid critique here. I can understand the feeling of tonal disconnect, and I think that's something I'm going to have to learn to watch out for, especially in future writing. The original 6000-word story was written over the course of two days, very nearly a one-sitting story, and so I didn't really have to worry about tone because it was all being generated by one long creative streak. Just thinking about what I know is in there, the first two chapters (in the revised version) have a kind of "antics" feel to them, and although there were no antics in the original ending, I think it was more consistent with an antics framework. The revised ending, though, was created out of a desire to give Twilight a real moment of victory, and it's definitely not constructed in the antics mode. To be honest, I kind of wish I'd seen the disconnect here sooner, because I think I probably could have crafted an ending that would have kept the tone. It would have been more difficult, but the rough outline forms in my mind pretty easily. At this point, I'm not going to go back and mess with it again—I really don't want three versions of the story running around—but this is definitely something I'll want to keep in mind for future writing, especially multi-session writing.
2702960
Don't be discouraged by people like moi who loves to hear the sound of their own voice (Or key clicks). It's a great story, and you can be proud of it. I just do a lot of pre-reading and now spend far too much effort considering how stories feel, read and are paced, and such, whenever I read something for fun.
Plus I was excited to see the revisions, since I liked the original so much. So I was willing to expend the attention.
Kudos for taking constructive criticism with grace, though. That always makes me happy to see, and it speaks well of you as a writer.
Wished I'd seen the original story link before though! Would have been fun to compare. Though I think I like the original AJ/Rarity bit at the end of the faux party more too. So... uh... maybe for the best.
Well, ya get to keep my thumb. Which is unusual for a revision of this magnitude. Congrats :).
And, like others here, I enjoyed the less ambiguous ending.
This could be a nice season 4 episode. If Hasbro makes episodes like this, where Twilight and her friends work together to solve Princess issues and Twilight stays the same, then I think I could forgive them for their horrific writing of the season 3 ending.
2707716
Umm. I actually really like the hoof wave...
To me, it doesn't erase her neuroticism. She's still plenty capable of going neurotic. But it's a nice way—as a writer—to transition her out of Lesson Zero mode, if you need her to actually be part of the plot again. Leaving her out of action on account of shell-shock is still fun and possible, but it's no longer out of character to temporarily resolve her issues and let her function as a
human beingnormal pony again.2707716
I respectfully disagree. Seeing her frantically and unsuccessfully doing the hoof wave like it's an aerobic exercise after she realizes they picked up the wrong Miss Harshwhinny at the train station is one of my favorite parts of that episode. Clearly, the hoof wave is not proof against all freakouts, and it makes them all the funnier in my eyes.
2716245
Admit it. You didn't actually care about the hoof wave.
You just cared about being able to write a sentence justifying it because OMGZ Miss Harshwinny.
2716260
I refuse to admit this! Ha ha!
My tactics with snobs and reporters is to be so freakishly over-the-top with my responses that they have no idea if I'm really that insane or just trolling the hell out of them... and if the latter, it may mean that I have some plan for whatever article they may write. So they end up writing nothing.
The truth is, of course, that I am quite mad.
2719561
In that case, sir, I say to you:
Have a hat.
2719592 *eats the hat* Needs tumeric. Tumeric's good with hats.
2719611
I prefer smoked paprika myself, but then we all have our own taste preferences.
I will say this: The current version is goodfic.
2727957 That was intended as a reference to Cadance. I take the G.M. Berrow books to be a secondary source for canon, since apparently the show staff are treating them as such (which I think doesn't mean a whole lot beyond saying that the show doesn't plan to go revisit decisions being made in the books and contradict them).
But I can definitely see how that could come off a bit confusing. Hmm. Might look at a slight reword.
Funny story. But shouldn't it be "Golden Hoard?"
2730003 Had to go check where I used that.
And... it looks like this one could go either way, and I'm not quite sure which I originally intended. Certainly, "Golden Hoard" goes with the mining thing a little better. But "Golden Horde" is in some ways a better proper name, and matches better with talk of war. Frankly, though, given that the Mongolians were such a horse-centric culture and that the whole thing turns into a bit of a pun, I kind of like the "Horde" version better, so I think I'm gonna stick with that. But thanks for bringing it up!
Excellent. Certainly more readable than a lot of stories I've read on EqD... I haven't gone to EqD in a year and a half. Ha, not missing much; all I need is on FimFiction.
Very enjoyable and made me grin more than a few times. Good work!
There were a few times when I actually had to jump out of my seat and cheer. Twilight handled that interview like a total boss and you have written one hell of a story. I would love to see this turned into an episode. 10/10 would read again.
Thank you for this new ending.
I agree with previous comments about how this feels like a different story than the previous two chapters, but I remember the original version, and to be frank, I really really really wanted to see Twilight win by flustering a reporter or two. The original ending left a lot of ambiguity as to exactly what Twilight was capable of - but this new version grants us all the satisfaction of knowing that our little princess is growing up.
Loving the inclusion of Spinning Top (and now GIlded Lily), too. Whom the Princesses would Destroy is far and again one of my favorite stories.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7zea5Ymfp1r3a5z6.gif
I'm so conflicted about this. I really like the new chapter. I just don't think it should be there. I'm a bit biased, given that I don't like it when authors go back and heavily change a story. It's hard to go back and read again without being, uhm, influenced by my original interpretation.
I feel like the original story is more about Twilight regaining her confidence than about her becoming competent in dancing around reporters, which is what Rarity was trying to teach her to do. She comes to Rarity completely distraught and sure that she'll be laughed out of Canterlot, and ends ready to face the world again. Now, after Applejack's encouragement to just let the press know who she is, she goes out and becomes a master fencer. What's kind of maddening is that the revised middle chapter supports the original ending better, but the ending is now different. The original party practice palace scene was fairly confusing when it came to exactly what lessons were being learned and why. I'd argue it's still confusing, but in this version, Twilight is the one to wake up and realize that she needs to persevere and play to her strengths, but now, in the final scene, she's still not confident in her ability to handle the gala until she's field tested her knowledge, for which an opportunity to do so is very conveniently handed to her by the plot.
If you ask me, the entire ending chapter could have been done without the two dresses gimmick. It feels heavy handed and out of place. Did Twilight really get Rarity to make her a new dress and alter her old one just so she could ponder over which one to wear moments before the Gala? Is she writing her own life for dramatic effect now?
All that said, I loved the actual content of the interview, and especially the delivery of the final blow with the quill. Though I noticed that actually making the content of the news stories part of the plot made you move them out of the description(s) and into the story proper. It was a cool back when it was just flavor for the curious, but it's also impressive that you used what was originally just interesting flavor to craft a very exciting interview.
2736983
Dah! Oh, this disappoints me greatly. I do still think the new version is an improvement, personally. I agreed with what the EQD pre-reader had to say on the thing, and your earlier comment definitely influenced the decision to go back and rework the middle chapter a bit.
This is the first time I've really done a major revision as such to a published story, since "Purple Prose" was effectively an extension, and I have to admit, it is frustrating. On the one hand, you're more aware of the problems and where the character and story arcs need work. On the other hand, you're effectively tied to some of what was done in the earlier version. I suspect there would have been wholesale revolt if the dress thing hadn't worked its way in there somehow, and that's a surprisingly large constraint under which to work, since it basically dictates the last few lines you have to try to work toward. I had similar issues with including Spinning Top—I didn't want to just abandon an OC from the original story in making a new ending, but keeping her in place limited my storytelling options.
Sorry to disappoint on this. If you genuinely prefer the original version, that is still online (albeit not as convenient to get at). But yes, it's definitely a little frustrating to get some very good negative comments (which I do think are justified) to a story I think is probably improved overall. I really need to just suck it up and submit through EQD entirely before publishing things so I don't run into this revision situation again.
At least I gave you something else worth reading today, though!
2750247
Oh God. No.
Well, porn is notorious for bad pun naming conventions. I suppose it shouldn't be too surprising that if I use the same sorts of naming conventions, there might be some overlap. But... eek. Sorry. No, completely unintentional.
It's beginning to seem to me that this particular paper is a bought-and-paid-for subdivision of the Griffonstani Embassy. Maybe some of Luna's better intelligencers should be sniffing around and kicking over a few rocks to see what comes out. That issue with the quills is the key proof; it's probably commercial rather than political bias but it's bias nonetheless.
I wonder how twisted the resulting article will be?
This was amazing! I sort of wish it were longer, and went on, but I do suppose it's best not to ruin it by dragging it on. Still, a very interesting concept, and well done!
YAAYAYAYYAYAY
Out of the last few stories I read lately this one was the most palpable. After a pretty spirited introduction to Twilight's misgivings with the press, the story shifts gears to a surprisingly more serious tone and subtle jokes. The general gist of the character interactions had the right idea, and it was clear that thought was put into trying to convey their different approach to dealing with problems. (Also, the spy joke with Sweetie and Scootaloo was pretty awesome, hat tip to the author).
Unfortunately, while the general idea of the characters was right, and there were a few instances of good dialogue, I couldn't help but feel that character voice evaded the author. This is one of those things I can't really point to a specific portion and say: this is the problem! It was more of a general feel - the way the characters articulated and spoke seemed clumsy and inaccurate. Rarity's voice felt the closest to her show personality, but the CMC were basically lost in this fic - I never really got the sense that they were actually present. AJ and Rarity's fight seemed a more harsh than necessary, and the final resolution was straight out of a after school special - Oh, I should listen to both my friends, but use my own words!
For my part, I think if the story went for a more wacky tone it would've fared better. I don't rightly know how many people can really relate to a slightly more serious exploration of the difficulties of navigating tabloid journalism. Having had to deal with this personally, it really does boil down to what's the narrative the paper wants to build, and if they decide to take it in one direction you can do precious little to stop them (no matter how well read you might be. Or maybe even more then. Try explaining mathematical chance to a journalist who doesn't have the first clue about probability and then see them writing about: "Lottery to decide the future of our children!". That was a fun day.)
All in all, this story lacked strong characterization, and while humorous at parts, the ending was both dry and boring. Some good prose elevates this higher than most, but in the end it falls short to excite.
Very nicely done. I haven't seen many stories that specifically cover new-Princess Twilight's suddenly public profile and its effect on casual actions. Celestia's, yes, but not Twilight's.
And I loved how quickly she learned it, as well. She's going to be an excellent politician, in the best possible sense. Not one for doublespeak, as evidenced by her standing by her positions, but she'll definitely have a silver tongue.
Spinning Top?! I bucking love Spinning Top! *goes back to reading*
Oh man, when Twilight dropped that "Your quill doesn't seem to be holding ink very well today" line I just about lost it. *continues reading*
Oh, and look, you also wrote a couple of other things that are on my read later list. *Followed*
2750304
Don't worry: on the old Brunching Shuttlecocks website there was a game called "My Little Pony or Porn Star?" So it's been a thing for a while.
Rarity was very believable, but Applejack less so. Still, nice little story.