• Member Since 13th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen June 4th

F4D3


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Four mares are stranded in the middle of a quarantined Ponyville, and must find their way out with little rations, few weapons, and not a clue of what is happening to the rest of Equestria. This combined with constant bickering and the search for a lost sister could spell these four survivor's demise...

Inspired by the popular gaming franchise: Left 4 Dead

This is the first fanfic I've ever written for this site, but feel free to judge it as critically as possible.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 32 )

I can see the Mane six as the special infected already - RD the witch, AJ the tank, PP the jockey, and Rares the smoker. I guess that only leaves Flutters to be the spitter, but TS doesn't fit as the charger. I guess she would survive, since she probably has a zombie survival plan. So maybe just some Wonderbolt as the charger.

Hm, interesting. I wonder what that device could possibly be. Maybe the Mane Six were used for experiments, and the device on her face..hmm...Part of me wonders of Rainbow Dash can even see in the first place due to said device. Maybe the Device helps her see? I dunno. A blind Rainbow Dash though, that's quite interesting, If I do say so myself.

I can imagine Rainbow screaming as she flew down ontop of them, and lemme say that it really gave me chills. I really enjoy you're writing style. As much as I love Left4dead and zombie/pony fan fictions, I don't see many good ones. However, this one is off to a pretty damn good start. I'll thumb up and fav and wait eagerly for the next chapter.:pinkiecrazy:

Comment posted by F4D3 deleted May 6th, 2013

2520806 Well, if you count them there are more special infected than the mane six so there are bound to be other characters that will fill those roles as they come along. But you won't know who until later in the story... :pinkiecrazy:

2569267
Wait, what?
Austere a. 1. strict 2. very plain, severe:rainbowderp:

Well, that became depressing REAL fast. Poor Twilight, gotta feel bad for her. Gotta say, you were spot on with how Twilight would respond in the situation, and about how she tries to find a cure and gets all upset and things during the library visit. Still REALLY confused as to why she didn't at least ATTEMPT to find a way to let in Rainbow Dash. I mean, come on, they're best friends.

The boss battle...oh it gave me goosebumps. I can just imagine, the terrifying feeling of being pulled closer and closer to what must feel like your doom, but with there being no one to help, and nothing seems to be able to stop it. I woulda shat myself. God that sounds horrifying. Kudos to you author, nailed it spot on.

But then, she noticed something strange. They're appeared to be another page stuck to the back of this one. This page was rather strange. The writing was written in some kind of gray ink, and covered the entire page:

Also, just a note, watch the amount of redundancy in your writing. I notice a lot, or if it's not redundancy, just a lot of repeated words, like the paragraph above. Just keep that in mind, because it almost made my head explode.

Anyways, wonderful chapter! Simply brilliant! What you're doing to the mane six is very intriguing, and learning about what happened to them, and how they spent their final moments is very...unique to me. Also, the interaction between all four survivors is neat as well. Keep it up!

-Cyneryk

2603233
Thanks for the advice. That's something I've been trying to work on for a while, but I haven't found a good way to go about doing it.:twilightsheepish:

Luz

Le thumbs up.

Terrifying and gratifying. Please continue. :ajsmug:

2536915 no... not Rainbow Dash... NOOOOoooOOOoooo!!!!

PLEASE PULL THIS OUT OF HIATUS! I've been waiting for another good read and this is one. :heart::pinkiegasp: I shed many tears. :fluttercry::applecry:

Fade, you never said anything about being a writer! Has i known, I would of looked at this!

3204082
Well, would you mind telling me what you think, if you don't mind, that is.

I've sorta been keeping this story in hiatus, mostly because I'm not too sure it's all that good, some constructive criticism would be very appreciated.

...Granted I'm a Pinkie fan, I don't like the idea of having Rainbow Dash killed off. It...makes think of bad things... but either way good story so far, Fade!

Good start, there are some grammar and punctuation mistakes, but they don't divert me from the plot.

To be honest, I don't see how you could put this on hiatus. The story so far is great, your way of telling how the mane six died is spot on, and while yes you do have minor errors fixable with the backspace and some taps of the keyboard, the storyline is original enough to keep me reading.

You my friend, are Obi wan in this scene, against the power of doubt, You really shouldn't give up, stop listening to your depressed side of your brain and start looking at the positive.

Left for Friendship

Author: Zz_-F4D3-_zZ

Reviewed by: theforrealdeal

Left for Friendship tells a good story full of dialogue and action to keep the reader’s attention. It is easy to read from it’s simple writing that hits all the basic elements of writing. However, that is all the writing is: basic, which is essentially what holds this story back from what it has the potential to be. What truly prevents this story from being great is the elementary feeling that the writing has. It tells a good story, but it just doesn’t show it well enough to really make it a great story. Along with its amateur style, the main factors holding this story back are the various technical errors within the writing.

Though these flaws are consistent throughout the story, they are only minor and do not completely take away from the story. If one can look past the simple writing and minor flaws, this story holds a ton of potential to make for a cool adventure. Anyone looking for a quick and easy-to-read zombie apocalypse story will likely not be disappointed with this but should not expect any of the writing to jump off the page at them. Read this for the tale it tells, not for the writing.

6.5/10

Full Review

~Equestrian Critics Society

“You know what I hate about all this?” Cloud Chaser asked.

That you aren't wearing a vest?

Reading on, to give you a review.

This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews.

Oh look, a zombie pony story. And before you think this review is going to start with yet another rant on how overused the zombie apocalypse scenario is, allow me to throw you a massive curveball by stating that I'm not so down on the zombie apocalypse. Yes, it's infecting every asset of popular culture like… well, like a zombie apocalypse, but, just as high gas prices lead to cheaper, more fuel efficient cars, an overabundance of zombie apocalypse stories leads to the perfecting of the formula. Nowadays, to make a zombie apocalypse story that anyone cares about, you have to put extra effort into characters, characterization and character conflict - often to the point that those three are the true meat of the story. And if any of you handsome motherfuckers read my reviews with any regularity, you'll know that those three salient points are the aspects of story writing that I write sappy, melodramatic love poetry for and make longing glances towards in the school cafeteria.

But I am not so caught up in my love for characters that no restraining order in the world can hinder that I'm not also aware that this is a story spat out by the internet, which is only populated by assholes, idiots, closet homosexuals, incredibly open homosexuals and overdramatic people who won't shut the fuck up about Pierce the Veil - notice "really sweet writers" are not listed among these. So, I'm well aware that there is a high probability of cliche, like the author killing off the main cast in gruesome, overly detailed Cupecakian gore scenes only suitable for teenagers (see "teen" and "gore") - not for adding to the drama of the story or exploring the impact of such a death on the rest of the cast, but rather to show that the author is not fucking around as well as provide a prime opportunity for giving characters that the author likes screen time. However, if you kill off characters for the sake of killing off characters then your left with a cast you don't want to kill but don't know what else to do with, so you run out of ideas. (see "On Hiatus")

Well, I'm pleased to report that the author did understand the need for characters and character conflict, but it's a shame that each character and conflict are completely generic. So, let's meet the crew: First is Cloud Chaser, the badass one who's on top of everything and wields a custom chrome shotgun that can't run out of ammo and surprisingly both exists in a world where there's absolutely no need for guns nor, indeed, a method for creating guns and it can be operated without fingers. She gets the prerequisite missing romantic partner/family member subplot, as if stamping that onto a character automatically makes them sympathetic. Next we have Carrot Top as the de-facto-group-leader type who serves as Cloud Chaser's antithesis so they can fight all the time in a manner that feels juvenile, contrived and counter-productive. Then there's Colgate, the practical one that has no personality traits and screams "I'm the one that's going to get killed off later!" And finally, there's Derpy, starring as the useless, idiot character that you really want to die but never manages to fucking die.

I am now going to sum up my general opinion of the rest of the story by hitting my head against my computer keyboard a few times: yh554tyyy7y6tydewhyt5iuerdfghjt

Probably the worst part is that "Left for Friendship" is actually pretty well written, save a few redundancies and "lavender unicorn syndrome". Imagery is pretty spot on, the narration is from an objective standpoint, which I personally appreciate, and descriptions are brief but vivid - though the story is way too eager to describe all the dead bodies. I fucking get it, there are dead bodies around! In fact, there is a surprisingly large amount of dead bodies, both as zombie-fied "trotters" and just the normal smelly kind that make the squishy noises when you stomp on them. Either Ponyville, which the story instructs us to believe has been quarantined in accordance with heretofore unnamed biohazard protocols, has seen a monstrously huge immigration influx or friendship is a whole different kind of magic.

The presentation blows quality of the story itself out of the water - it's like Reverse-"Dream-Whisper-Story-Syndrome"! It strikes me as hiring an awesome voice actor like Liam Neeson to read the blog posts of a shallow, maladjusted teenage jack-off with serious daddy issues that feels uploading pictures of their self-mutilation sessions on iFunny is both appropriate and productive in some way. The quality of the method of presentation outshines the quality of the material being presented is what I mean. If the story had a single original thought in its head, the presentation could've really drove home more potent themes and made a good story a great one. As it stands now, the presentation makes an average story seem smarmy - yeah, that's a word, look it up!

There is some kind of hint that maybe something interesting will happen later on in the chapter where Twilight hangs herself, (spoiler alert, I suppose) but by then it was too little, too late. I wasn't connected with the characters, so everything they did was so much piss dribbling down me leg and collecting on the toilet seat. The characters are unreal - they're two dimensional and exist solely to serve the plot, which behaves like a sporadic shithead child smacking its dollies together. The universe in which the story takes place doesn't exist to draw you in or color the tale, it exists to force its favorite characters in scenarios to make them look cool. The story spawns a massive zombie horde when it's zombie-horde-fighting time, but then the zombies disappear completely when it's time for contrived character drama. Like a man with no eyes stumbling into the arena of the cannibal monkey rapists, I'm not sensing the immediate danger.

So the world doesn't feel like a hazard, zombies don't feel like they're a perpetual threat and the characters don't feel like they're autonomous, or capable of various emotion. "Left for Friendship" feels like a string of various individual zombie story scenes that the author thought were cool violently and horrifically sewn together in a fucked up Human Centipede kind of way. First , the story tries to be tense for a chapter before getting bored of that and sliding down to the next bit where it tries out being action heavy. Then finally it puts on its emotional roller coaster hat and tries to move you through melodrama and mystery. Keep in mind that the gastrointestinal tract is pretty well polished (that's the metaphor for the writing, if you're having trouble keeping up), but it's the very literal shit slugging thru this centipede that concerns me. So a lack of interesting characterization and a lack of believable cohesion ruined the experience for me, and the further I disinterestedly got in this gastric-tract-disco-fun-ride the more I could smell the shit!

So that's the review then; "Left for Friendship" is your stereotypical copy-paste zombie story scenario playbook with hints at something greater, but that never gets quite off the ground. It's got every cliche in the book save the black guy getting killed off first and after a while there's a sense that the story has fell flat on its face and is being drug along the sidewalk. As I mentioned before, the only real difference between good zombie story and bad zombie story is character, and when the characters are cliched paper cutouts that I can't connect with, the whole bottom falls out for me. So, if you absolutely need to hear the same old zombie story again, then you'll find "Left for Friendship" comfortably docile and familiar. However, if you're hoping for something intriguing that mixes up the formula, then you'll be as disappointed as the gays are going be when we let them get married, but not divorced.

Comment posted by F4D3 deleted Oct 13th, 2014
Comment posted by Viking Hoof deleted Oct 13th, 2014
Comment posted by F4D3 deleted Oct 13th, 2014
Comment posted by F4D3 deleted Oct 13th, 2014

Hiatus or not, I tried reading this. Sorry but I bailed out. I'm just done with zombie stuff for a while. Watching every season of walking dead will do that.

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