When somepony is forced into an unknown world, it forces them to discover unknown strength.
Dream Whisper is a usual mare with an unusual talent. Everything is just fine, until someday the inevitable happens: When entering the dream, something goes terrifically wrong. Accused as murderess, she now has to find a way to justify herself and restore balance to Equestria.
A story about a pony, who is not perfect, who is not a heroine, who always makes mistakes...
Have fun reading :D
PS: The cover picture is the lowest quality, I have a better quality picture, if anypony wants that...
Chapters (24)
Whelp, somepony just dumped their entire story in one go. (Generally stroies get more recognition if the cahpters are released periodically, so word of mouth can let it spread over the site.)
3279932
...eeyup. =/
aw well, i'll put this on my Read Later list. :3
........ SO SUPER SADDNESS!!!
3279932
Oh, well, then I messed up
I can just hope, this gets read anyway. I wanted to bring my story finally out there and had it completely written already. I did not know, that you should publish the chapters periodically...
Well, I derped it up
And to whomever it might concern: I am still looking for an idea for my next story, so if you have one, go ahead :D
3280652
There is just one pony in Equestria, who can make you smile again.
Pinkie will always be there to show you that it isn't that bad
3280684 ... I guess you're right...
and Candy Pop
..... and Discord.... kind of). But I still loved it. I was actually kind of scared that the story was going to span over several books... I'm glad to see that didn't happen!
But yes, in the end, I loved it. And a thank you!
I can't wait to see what's in store next! 
But anyways, GREAT JOB!! I loved the story all the way.... Well, there was some sad parts I almost cried over(specifically Luna
3296405
You!
You are the single reason why I write. Even if the whole story was just written for you, it would have been worth it.
I can hardly express how thankful I am for that comment. I had already thought my story would have been plain bad, but if at least one enjoyed it, it was worth all the trouble
Actually, I am already writing a second story: Time is up, Twilight.
It is a bit different, in 3rd person and without OC, but as I imagine the whole story, it is going to be awesome anyway. Probably, just probably not as long as this one, but hopefully also worth reading. (Just in case you are interested: My story: "Time is up, Twilight" )
Just again, in case I didn't made it clear enough:
You have made my day.
You have made the whole story worth the effort.
You have probably made me the happiest brony.
Thank you, for your kind comment and just for being awesome
3296644 You is welcome. And thank you. I'm glad I caused you to have a great day.
The following review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews
So Dream Whisper's 'Dream Whisper' starring Dream Whisper is all about dreams and is only tangentially related to whispering. Dreams are a shaky premise to start your story because they possess the ability to utterly confuse your audience. To Dream Whisper's credit - that's the author Dream Whisper, not the story nor the character - the rules of the dream world are clear and distinct and he/she's not ripping anyone off as far as I can tell. You get a big thumbs up for that Dream Whisper, and for letting the dreams speak for themselves rather then trying to shove symbolism down our throats.
So if anyone wants a how-to on how to make dreams and the whispering thereof a central premise, Dream Whisper - the story Dream Whisper, not the character nor the author - is a story I can point to. Clear and distinct dream rules, present the dream clearly, have all characters follow the dream rules and if you do symbolism, don't make it apparent. You see, the exposition makes enough apparent to the reader without beating us over the head with it and without making us feel under informed, but still leaves enough mystery to be interesting. You see, Dream Whisper - the character Dream Whisper, not the author nor story - shows up in people's dreams and that somehow puts the dreamer in mortal danger. It clashes with what we intuitively understand about dreams, but that's fine because it creates a clear sense of conflict. It's okay to introduce plot devices like this if they're adequately explained and used effectively.
The plot's fairly unique, which gets you bonus points in my book, and goes places you honestly didn't see coming which reflects good imagination. I like to try to predict how a story's going to turn out and, while it ended at the place I expected it to, the plot points leading up to the ending upheaved my expectations but still felt like a naturally developing plot. The best part is that Dream-Whisper-Character gets to make actual decisions that drive the plot and fuel her character rather then getting drug around by narrative. I also like the character because she's morally ambiguous, makes mistakes and has her own agenda just like us fleshy mortal types. It's nice to see an OC that's this well balanced.
But before Dream-Whisper-Author thinks this review is going to be a wonderful boat ride of praise, allow me to call attention to the giant leaky hole at the bottom of the boat and the multitude of water that's rushing in. You see, every type of artistic media - whether it be stories, movies, music, games, etc. - must to be able to draw you in. I honestly tried to lose myself in Dream-Whisper-Story but it just wouldn't let me in. It was interesting enough for me to read it a few chapters at a time, but I would often get distracted by shiny objects or youtube videos or an escaping victim. The story, the ideas and the characters are all like delicious, freshly-baked brownies and the presentation is like having those brownies callously rocketed into your face at high speeds, knocking out your expensive tooth fillings.
A common rule among stories is "show, don't tell", and Dream-Whisper-Story only knows how to tell. The first person perspective is of great detriment to the story as there are probably glorious scenes with interesting moments in them, but Dream-Whisper-Character narrates the story with the zest and emotional range of a glass of water. Everything that happens is flatly and robotically told to you and that does not inspire empathy with the character nor does it add much needed flavor to the story. It's use of language is redundant, flat and dull, and more often then not it's redundant. First person perspective should only be used if the story is about the character and the emotions and thoughts of that character. Dream-Whisper-Story isn't about Dream-Whisper-Character, it's about Dream-Whisper-Character's actions and the consequences of those actions.
Dream-Whisper-Author is overzealous with the comma key, and it's amazing how one little key can utterly destroy pacing. Commas are supposed to provide logistical stopping points in longer sentences. When, you litter, the sentence with, commas that don't, belong, it makes your, sentences read like, a roller coaster, that keeps halting, to a stop, every 6 inches. Sure the roller coaster that is Dream-Whisper-Story looked fun enough as I was approaching the ticket booth, but the constant screeching halts and boring presentation make me less enthusiastic. I don't often point out grammatical errors because they're like harmless little fleas on the backs of a lovable hound, but the overused commas are like a hundred billion little fleas and I can't see the hound underneath anymore.
So, with a combination of it's basic use of language, lackluster description and the horrid, limited first person perspective Dream-Whisper-Story gave my imagination nothing to work with. I wasn't losing myself a vast, complicated world full of interesting characters, I was a dick in his PJs reading a bunch of organized words on a page. It honestly made me sad, because it's evident that Dream Whisper's 'Dream Whisper' starring Dream Whisper was made with a lot of care and backed by interesting ideas and characters that are all shoved to the wayside by the fat, greasy elbows of terrible presentation.
If anyone starts to read my reviews with regularity, you will often hear me pine on and on about how every idea - even a terrible one - can be great if it's presented well. The inherit antithesis of that is that every idea - even a great one - can be terrible if it's presented poorly. Dream-Whisper-Story's ideas, characters and plot are solid, but it's presentation is awful and hollow. Unfortunately, that ultimately drags it down deep into the bland and uninspiring Kharybdis of mediocrity. Dream Whisper's 'Dream Whisper' starring Dream Whisper, needs to be, rewritten, in third person limited, with more, descriptive and connotative words, a better, understanding of, pacing, emotion, and immersion, and far, less, commas.
3336512
First of all. This, was, the best, review, EVER
Almost with the first sentence
I nearly lost it
You sir/madam, are brilliant at writing reviews and I thoroughly enjoyed it. That is something, I can only say of very few things...
Things like this:
made me literally burst out in laughter, which I can say of even fewer things...
And I finally had to stop, just to get down from laughing to much again, when I reached this gem:
So great
It is strange because I exactly realized this point:
But due to my horrific grammar, I never came up with a solution for it. I mean, even now, I am totally, littering sentences, which should not, really be littered, with commas. I think, that is something, I would have to, really work, on
Before twitterdick - the author, not the actual... errmmmm... The author of this review - thinks, this is all I have to add to that review, he is wrong
There are still two big things that bug me. Let me rephrase that: There are two things you mentioned that were wrong / badly written, and I acknowledge that. However, I would like to ask you about them:
1.
I am not quite sure, how I feel about that as Dream-Whisper-Author as I tried to show her feelings reasonably. However, I think the whole problem does not come from an inability to express the plot with feelings, instead it comes from the pov (point of view, as you probably know).
I think through the first person narration, I kinda forced myself to give more much emotional distress and suspension, however, I did not really deliver in that compartment. Is there a reason for that? Yes! Dream Whisper is and was always a very introverted character, who likes to analyse things thoroughly and with a certain intellect.
That is no excuse for not letting her feel at all, though. I was overzealous to present that idea that I forgot about the importance of emotion of and sympathy towards a character.
2.
Yes, the commas. Even in that last sentence, without really noticing, a comma arrived. And in that one too, and in this one, and probably in the next ones too. That is one of the biggest problems I have: Letting go of the comma (not completely of course).
The comma was always important in my mother's tongue (German), which makes it hard to just drop it completely. In every German sentence, there are at least 50 commas (slight exaggeration). That is probably the reason why I use so many commas. It gives me some kind of structure for the story, however, it destroys the readability of it.
Having said that, it would probably be the wisest to just look for an editor next time and try to shove my story up his *** and see, what comes out of his mouth
Thank you for that constructive criticism, for that great review and all the effort you have put into it.
and maybe a bit of applause 
and maybe a muffin 
You really deserve a heart for that
Thank, you, and, best, regards,
Dream, Whisper
3336886
I'm glad you enjoyed my bantering, Dream-Whisper-Author, and I would be happy to clarify the 'emotional zeal of a glass of water' phrase with ze following;
Dream-Whisper-Character did exhibit emotions thru her actions - that much I understood - but her narrations were flat because they 'told', they did not 'show'. Dream-Whisper-Character would say, 'this happened. I was scared. This happened. I was nervous.' I mainly blame the perspective and the language, as I did in me review. I could tell that you were trying to bring emotion into the character, but it was mostly filtered out. It's very difficult to write first person effectively, and since the story is more about what Dream-Whisper-Character does rather than who Dream-Whisper-Character is, I'd say third person limited will fix a lot of the issue.
Also make good use of connotative adjectives and verbs to really paint a scene. For example, instead of saying, 'Dream-Whisper-Character was scared.' say something like, 'Dream-Whisper-Character's forelegs locked and her teeth clenched as her head sunk back'. (I tried my best) Describe how Dream-Whisper-Character emotes, how she shows fear rather than asking the audience to assume it.
As fo' the commas, I say reread your story and take a 5 second break every time you put a comma. You'll start to feel which ones work and which ones don't. The ones that work feel natural while the ones that don't feel awkward and make the phrasing choppy.
Hope more bantering helped, happy writing!
reviewer-dickblister-twitterdick
3338775
I think, for the next story - the one after Time is up, Twilight! - I will try to get an editor...
Do you have any suggestions on where to find one?
And for the rest, thank you great master of eternal wisdom!
3338975
i know nothing about editors. i don't know things.
i have failed you.
*seppeku*
3339097
No!!! You can't leave me
! Not now 
. What am I going to do without you 
Well, it's time to become crazzzyyy
Due to a lack of information, the site has once again lost two great authors. One committed suicide in his home, while the other one was delivered to a home for mentally ill. I am asking you, dear readers: How long can this site hold on without the information about editors? We have lost too many authors and the mods are silent. Let us take a minute to appreciate those who we lost one last time.
Oh, and before I forget it:
Great Master of Great Inspiration and General Greatness - which is GREAT btw. - ,
would you mind letting your generous heart do another generous action?
If your answer is truly a "yes", I would like you to tell me, whether my other story, Time is up, Twilight!
has made the same mistakes. It doesn't have to be a full review, I would just love to hear your opinion, as I seem to be able to agree on yours the most.
Please help an unfortunate soul, oh, great master
3341243
yeah, I'll try to take a look at it at some point in the future!
Er, I mean. *gasp*... How did I come back to life!?
3342217
Just one answer:
I was in a bit of a bitter mood, but hell, after reading ch 1 all that had been replaced by keen intrest! This is very good so far! Thank you for brightening my mood
Also, I'd like to add that you have gotten better with commas since this. Ugh. Good job!
3454532
// Please be warned that the following paragraph uses excessive use of commas and may be harmful to read due to that fact //
I am so sorry, for you to endure, all those commas, who are not really, belonging there. My mothers, tounge, really emphazises, the use of commas. We seperate, like, everything, with, commas.
I actually am quite pleased with the ease that we put into writing when writing in English. It makes the whole thing more fluid. I guess that is why most English people act like they were talking to Russians, when talking about German.
DER PANZER ROLLTE IN DEN KINDERGARTEN, ABER DORT, WO KINDER WAREN, WURDE ER AUFGEHALTEN.
Yep, that's German for you
Trust me though, for us it is completely usual to spam everything with commas and divide every sentence into logical parts. You got to love dem Germans