Twilight Sparkle becomes better and better with manipulating the time itself, but before her great breakthrough, she is interrupted by a mysterious mare. There is only one pony in Equestria, who can help her now: Twilight Sparkle - the future Twilight, of course.
Twilight's path takes twists and turns and it ends where it had to. Follow Twilight on this adventure, where not only she will discover time travel, but also something far more essential.
It doesn't matter, if you can control time itself: At some point, your time is up.
20% cooler now and 50% more words. Definitely give it a read!
Heavily edited by EnderBlaze!
Leave a like, if you liked it!
Chapters (13)
Please, please, pleeeeeaaaaase try to finish it... please :(
3296729
Of course I am going to finish it :D
However, I will only be able to update it daily since I am not incredibly fast at writing.
~1500 words per day will have to be enough at first.
And you are awesome :D
I love your avatar, that derpy really enjoys her muffins
While you wait, you might (!) want to read Dream Whisper, my other story. Only if you might want it, though. I don't want to force you to anything
My other story: "Dream Whisper"
Thank you for commenting, you are awesome
Tomorrow is the next part, so prepare yourself
You...Are...Soooo...AWESOME!!!!
3310549
If anypony is awesome, it is you
Seriously, everytime I read a comment like yours, I decide to stay a writer for another year. There is nothing more awesome than knowing, your stories are appreciated. Seriously, nothing.
I can only reiterate, thank you for your nice feedback, thank you for being an awesome brony, thank you for your awesomeness.
YOU sir, you keep me writing and I can only be eternally thankful to you!
You my friend....are awesome.
3321409
Oh, why, thank you very much, I appreciate it
However, you are the awesome pony for reading the whole story.
Every comment, that I receive is like a present at Christmas. It keeps me writing, it keeps me happy and I am really glad, you liked it
Before I forget it, your avatar is AWESOME
3321426 Thanks! Yours is pretty epic as well.
First off, the concept seems really interesting.
Count me interested.
Second off
...
Have a mustache for sheer speed writing skills alone.
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/colbert-jaw-drop.gif
Maybe I'm just like a super-slow writer, but I could never write anywhere close to that a day....or at least not without my quality going straight down the toilet.
3321439
I like yours more, it is not so insane
However, I have done mine myself, so that was a bit of hard work
3321443
Wow, we are really having a comment party down here
The incredible thing about it is, that I could actually write more, much more, but I never get the time for it. My day is way too scheduled.
Yes, I am indeed a fast writer, but I have seen people writing at almost 6000 words per day
That's what I call
Wonderbolt speed...
I guess you are not really a slow writer, you just take your time, which is a good thing. I often think about what I have written and realize, that there may be some mistakes. I decide to live with them, to go with them and hopefully find my way through it.
And that mustache, I have got to admit, is just dazzling
Now, being honest this isn't the best writing I've come across. Better than Theater Critic for sure... but it does need a little work. I found it hard to read in some places...
That line bugs me, IMO. You don't have to change it but I didn't exactly like it.
3335710
It is incredibly difficult to find criticism these days, because everypony is too busy to read a good old story
Let me explain just one thing beforehand:
The story is really supposed to start off quite strange and with many holes. Over the chapters, these holes are slowly getting filled, step by step, revealing one bit after another. I know, that is quite a work to read, but I didn't want to give the reader directly the information, because where is the fun in reading then?
And now to that darn line:
Yes, it absolutely bugged not only you, but also me. Already when writing I thought about it quite a lot. The pillows everywhere part doesn't really appeal to me nor would it to the reader. I decided to leave it in as at that time, I didn't really know, if that was just me. Sometimes, I think a way of saying something is totally messed up, however, it often turns out, that it wasn't.
Seeing you also being annoyed by that formulation gave me the security to safely rewrite it, without feeling bad for it all
If you read more and more of the story, you might discover, that it is actually picking up pace, although it starts very slowly and - as I already mentioned - with many plot holes. That is most definitely a flaw of mine, as I can (maybe?) not make the story appealing enough without revealing too much for my liking. Maybe I should become more open minded to giving away information, or maybe I should give more action in the start, although that can sometimes really seem forced, especially in a story, that is - like this one - really reliant on plot, not action.
This is the rewritten part:
This time, she swore to herself, she wouldn't fail. Twilight had already prepared one of the rooms for the testing. Instead of being filled with books about all sorts of topics, this room was filled with lots and lots of pillows. Why? She had encountered undesired side-effects before, like losing her balance. The pillows were there to stop her fall, if something would go wrong, which - she reminded herself of that again - this time it would definitely not.
Hooooweeeeveeer, after all that egghead stuff
my first criticism 
Let us get to partying
By the way, I have been working on this, although there are some major flaws still to it right now: i39.tinypic.com/nmdfkw.png
Well, you can't be a good artist and a good writer, so some day, I will have to stop doodling around in Vektor-art, but until then, I will doodle all of it.
By the way: That image was my first try to draw somepony without any original to copy from. That is why the proportions feel out of order. The part from her bum to her shoulders being to flat for example, the face looking slightly out of orientation and the heart amulet being slightly off target. However, just tell me, what you think about it
Is it just your profile pic, or is that even your OC? I guessed, it would be your OC, but you can never be sure, without a scientific proof, that causes the Gaussian distribution to go over a certain sigma-level, can't you?
Have fun reading that uber-long comment. Except, when you are here, you have most likely already taken that hurdle. Congratulations, you have just read about 200-300 words in only one comment
With best and friendliest and awesomest regards, that are about 20% cooler, than everypony else's regards,
Dream Whisper
Hello!
Call me crazy for understanding this, but...
" The particular potion, Twilight wanted to create was nothing but a mere potion to decrease the stimulus threshold for the electromagnetic receptors in her horn. Theoretically, the potion should decrease the amount of concentration required for keeping up a certain amount of magic, thus increasing the overall possible power of every unicorn."
(i know this is just a story, but im confused.)
If the magnetic receptor threshold is decreased, wouldn't that make her more sensitive to magic, allowing her to manipulate very small objects with precision, as that would only require a small amount of magic, too small to manipulate normally? In which case, she could be able to find crystals better, by following the feint aura of magic that surrounds them (similar to rarity)?
Also, does it increase the overall power by allowing her to detect and gather faint magic, or is it harder to concentrate on compressed energy, rather than more spread out and abundant energy?
Also, "Carbonate ions" dies that mean magic is somewhat related to electricity?
"She reloaded the battery with her magic"
That also kinda supports that.
Or am I all wrong?
Please excuse my strange rant.
Back to English:
I just finished chapter one, so I'm not sure if these are the holes you're talking about. Sorry if I made no sense.
Although... If you like not making sense and/or strange logic, wanna read my story 'The Shimmering Truth'?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/135383/the-shimmering-truth
Html test (I'm new here)
<a href=" http://www.fimfiction.net/story/135383/the-shimmering-truth" > Link..? </a>
Good day sir, keep up the good work.
Ok I guess html doesn't work :/
3342239
First of all: Hello
Secondly: Finally somebrony, who actually understands, what I wrote
Yes, it does. It makes her extremely sensitive to magic and I would be sure, that she could find those tasty crystals just as good as Rarity
Okay, here is my idea of magic in Equestria: There is magic all around in Equestria, not only concentrated in ponies (There is natural magic, magic in zecora, magic in timberwolfes) and you learn (or inhibit) how to control it.
The horn serves as a detector of the magic and with the horn, unicorns can detect and use the magic. Increasing the potency of the detectors does not only help them to sense fine magic, but also an overall bigger amount. Usually with big amounts of magic, the receptors get overstimulated and the unicorns cannot control it, thus resulting in their spell eventually failing. With that potion however, it makes the receptors potent enough to resist the over-stimulation of using too much magic.
So using the magic, which is required for casting bigger spells becomes easier to access, not meaning it would be easier to use or easier to understand. The spells still have to be learned and trained an exceptional amount of times, but I am sure, Twilight already handled that problem
Oh, not only electricity, but also physics, biology and chemistry. You know why? Because those sciences only describe what is happening in our world. With magic and enough knowledge and training (we are speaking about Twilight here
) it should be possible for a pony to do most things, that we know of. Like creating electric currents, stimulating a certain reaction or ... charging batteries, which is nothing but reversing a certain electricity-generating chemical reaction inside of the battery.
Yep, it supports it all. Magic is really nothing but the smart use of the energy around us to our advantage. Some may say, what we humans do is very similar to magic. Imagine talking to a human from thousands of years ago:
What do you have there?
Well, a magical device, that let's me communicating with humans all over the giant world, which is a globe flying around a giant gas cloud, that continuously burns, and creating electromagnetic wave signals, that are sent to flying metal bodies in outer space, where we also landed on our moon with those metal thingies.
Yep, they would either think, you were the greatest magician of all times or think, you were completely stupid.
Coming from a field of science, it was my "job" to create a reasonable explanation for magic and there you have it
Ponies however, can use the energy around us much more efficient and manipulate it over greater distances. They are quantum-entangled with the universe making it possible for them to do such stuff.
I could write entire novels, how magic is indeed scientifically possible
However, this is fimfiction, so I didn't feel like writing extra 20 paragraphs just to explain the origin of magic in Equestria.
What would you say, should I write such an origin? (Of course, easier to understand than what I wrote here
)
Html doesn't work here (I tried, too
), however, there are some possibilities on top of your comment box, like posting a link, a picture, a video, quoting, changing color, writing bold italic and underlined and crossed through and also changing the font size.
Thank you VERY much for reading and have a nice day.
It's nice to meet somebrony, who understood that science stuff
If you are going to continue on reading, you are going to find yourself in a different world though, so be warned
With best regards,
Dream Whisper
3342245
And yes, I read your story and I found it worthy to be liked
A big yay for party time
Amazing! This story is just... Wow. Im pretty sure I understand everything that's going on.
Great ideas.
However, I'll be honest, this is a little bit predictable so far.
3342533<
Oh, I hope it doesn't ruin the fun while reading?
Where exactly are you now / were you when you wrote that comment. Got to trace it all back with scientific accuracy
I hope, the twists and turns of this story can still catch you
3342381
Hello again!
I'm on my phone right now. Ill have to play with all the buttons when I find a computer.
"The horn serves as a detector of the magic and with the horn, unicorns can detect and use the magic."
Hm. That would probably mean that a horn could theoretically be biologically implemented.
But...
Nopony has ever succeeded. I'm almost certain some have tried (Trixie?), but to no avail. Does this mean allicororns exist on a different plane, or have a different level of awareness, possibly? If that were true, getting to the state of being an allicorn, would require a monumental amount of magic. [SPOILER ALERT]
Possibly, in the season 3 finally, Twilight generated enough magical energy with Star Swirl's spell, to 'jump' to an allicorn's level. If there are two planes of magic, this would explain how Luna and Celestia have so much abundant power, having access to a whole new level of energy!
" Increasing the potency of the detectors does not only help them to sense fine magic, but also an overall bigger amount. Usually with big amounts of magic, the receptors get overstimulated and the unicorns cannot control it, thus resulting in their spell eventually failing. With that potion however, it makes the receptors potent enough to resist the over-stimulation of using too much magic"
Interesting. Resist, or be utterly immune?
"Oh, not only electricity, but also physics, biology and chemistry. You know why?
Because those sciences only describe what is happening in our world."
Makes sense. Like with gravity, magic could have some sort of magnetic attraction. Hell, matter itself could be some condensed form of energy.
If unicorns couldn't detect or manipulate said energy, they would have to surround an object with less dense magic, allowing it to float.
With this potion however, Twilight may be able to manipulate matter itself, rearranging atoms, or possibly even deforming them.
Atomic detonations could be from this dense energy expanding, creating copious amounts of heat!
" Yep, they would either think, you were the greatest magician of all times or think, you were completely stupid."
Or a God. This had actually happened before in real life!
This makes me curios though. Do you think ponies evolved over time, and slowly became accustomed to magic?
" Coming from a field of science"
Uh oh. Did you use a calculator for '306'? O.o
" They are quantum-entangled with the universe making it possible for them to do such stuff."
Either I'm misinterpreting chapter 10, or Twilight may have 'come loose', and is now drifting through time/existence. Yes yes?
" I could write entire novels, how magic is indeed scientifically possible"
I'm not trying to persuade you to do so, but I would love to read them! Your a lot smarter than I expected. At first I thought you were just going to reply with "Umm... Sure?" Nice to meet you ^_^
" What would you say, should I write such an origin? (Of course, easier to understand than what I wrote here )"
I would definitely read it! I love over-thinking simple things, like a cartoon, with talking ponies. (THEIR ANATOMY IS HORRID FOR SPEAKING! I think magic is involved in talking too.)
" If you are going to continue on reading, you are going to find yourself in a different world though, so be warned"
Oh no! (Hehe, I already have suspicions as to what it is)
Thank you for having the patience to read all this, and my story! :)
-[EDIT]-
I did it! I made a time 'machine'! I still have some bugs to work out though.
-[EDIT]-
I did it! I made a time 'machine'! I still have some bugs to work out though.
-[EDIT]-
I did it! I made a time 'machine'! I still have some bugs to work out though.
3342553
" Oh, I hope it doesn't ruin the fun while reading? "
Naw, this story has me hooked ;)
" Where exactly are you now / were you when you wrote that comment. Got to trace it all back with scientific accuracy
I hope, the twists and turns of this story can still catch you"
Right at the beginning when I read " Ponykind would be forever safe." I immdiatly knew that there would be some sort of war with the other species, either out of jealousy or abuse of power. Along with other (correct) theories.
When I posted that I had just finished 7.
I'm still surprised at a lot of things. Didnt expect what happened at the beginning, or middle of 10 AT ALL WHATSOEVER.
I think I can predict a few things because the story story was falling into place, and I saw where the pieces went. Don't worry.
3343167
I think, Alicorns do not have another type of magic, but are just more keen in it. Did you realize, that all Alicorn's horns are bigger than usual unicorn ones? The reason for that is more receptors being able to sit on a longer horn...
I think, it was Celestia lifting / helping Twilight to get on that level, less Twilight's own success
That is actually an interesting idea. Resist is what I have written about, but the ability to use infinite magic? That would be told in another story...
EXACTLY. However, there is one problem to it. Remember, how I told you about the receptors? They cannot sense infinitely fine magic. Their sensing is limited. They cannot sense the little atoms and that is why they can't create atomic explosions. Now, however, Twilight could do this after drinking the potion...
I don't actually know. That is quite an interesting question. One could argue, that those ponies are a creation of some kind of god-pony, but they could also be evolved animals maybe even from right this time. There is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much possibility to write about how ponies could have evolved, I could write the whole history of Equestria down, but who would read it (except for you, ofc
)?
Yes. Being a physicist doesn't make you a mathematician
Haha, no I am sorry. No no, you have misinterpreted. It is just insanity, that finally stop creeping up on her and finally caught her.
It is definitely a pleasure to meet you.
As I stated above: If I could be sure, bronies would read those, I would write them.
Just what I said above...
Hmm...
Hmm...
I don't know. The 'unsure' is killing me. Am I going to write the history? Am I? Celestia help me with this decision...
If you carefully read my story, you are going to (possibly?) realize, how I think about this conundrum.
When you travel back through time, can you actually make decisions?
3343213
YAY!
Get captian hook and the lost boys out and ... oh wait... isn't this peter pan? This is fimfiction? Darmn. Then let us throw a Pinkie-Pie-Party
Okay. That is actually quite smart of you. Only some bronies would have detected that. I know, it was a bit overzealous with that term, but I wanted you to know, that there was going to come a change, of course
It was a hook, I was laying out to catch the readers... And well, some of them, I have hooked
YES! That is what I had wanted to do
I always want to create twists, that ponies don't expect. Don't you worry, there will be another one.
Regards, Dream Whisper
3343236
"Did you realize, that all Alicorn's horns are bigger than usual unicorn ones? The reason for that is more receptors being able to sit on a longer horn..."
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!
I assumed it was because of their larger bodies. That's a great way to look at it.
That gave me the funny idea of an 'extension horn'.
"I could write the whole history of Equestria down, but who would read it (except for you, ofc )?"
Well, would you enjoy writing it?
" Haha, no I am sorry. No no, you have misinterpreted. It is just insanity, that finally stop creeping up on her and finally caught her."
Alright, ill re-read chapter 10 with that in mind.
" I don't know. The 'unsure' is killing me. Am I going to write the history? Am I?
Celestia help me with this decision..."
Again, would you ENJOY writing it? As long as it doesn't get in the way of anything of course.
" If you carefully read my story, you are going to (possibly?) realize, how I think about this conundrum."
I think I do. At first I was doubting, but as I read on it made more sense.
" When you travel back through time, can you actually make decisions?"
In essence, yes. However from third pony view, no. It would seem as if you're doomed to repeat it, but I think of it this way:
You are walking down a sidewalk, when a future you appears, says "What?" Then leavs. 10 years later, you are sent back in time, you say "what?", then you go back.
Because you have the exact same thought process, you cannot say/do anything different.
My theory: You cannot alter the past, or future, in any way. If you think you have, you will find out that it happened anyway, or will happen anyway. You made the exact same choice as the past or future you made, which led up to the events that caused you to go back/forward in the first place, therefore making your attempt at "Changing the past/future" useless.
Your interpretation of time is very interesting however, and had me pondering for a bit.
3343256
"YAY! Get captian hook and the lost boys out and ... oh wait... isn't this peter pan? This is fimfiction? Darmn. Then let us throw a Pinkie-Pie-Party"
Fimfiction or Peter Pan, you can count on me to come along for the ride!
" YES! That is what I had wanted to do"
You did it very well ;)
Do you have an editor?
(in Dream-Whisper-story)
"Having said that, it would probably be the wisest to just look for an editor next time and try to shove my story up his *** and see, what comes out of his mouth"
[read in Fluttershy's voice]
Umm... Im hesitant with the methods, but I could edit. Engrish is, one, my spesialtees.
It'd be away to keep in touch, which I would like. It's rare to find people like you these days.
3343393
Darn you, you got me. Okay, I am going to write it. I would love writing it. You are right. I should really write what I love, not what would get famous
I am most definitely going to write it
That's what I wanted to do
3343408
3343512
Yes yes, that formulation was a bit harsh, wasn't it? Those three stars can imply a lot of things, can't they? Yes yes, imply
As my editor, you would not only have to watch "how thou English art pronounced", but also general story-technical mistakes. You would have to make me think about my own words, which you did obviously. You would also have to get along with this style of writing. I know, not everybrony can get along with it. No no, not everybrony
Best examples for my writing style getting weird are those passages like the insane Twilight one, extreme malfunctions in emotion or "THOU ROYAL VOICE ART USED ONCE AGAIN".
Did I scare you with those requirements? I hope not
So, if you really feel up to the task, you can most certainly do it.
Oh, stop it you
Yes, why thank you.
Errrmmm... okay
Did.. did your time machine break again?
Damn it, I told you not to use that one again...
Fluttershy bonus
3345614
"Darn you, you got me. Okay, I am going to write it. I would love writing it. You are right. I should really write what I love, not what would get famous"
Great! I'm looking forward to reading them! It'd be nice to figure out how to watch someone. I think id have to get on a computer and figure it out...
" I am most definitely going to write it"
Like I said above :)
" As my editor, you would not only have to watch "how thou English art pronounced", but also general story-technical mistakes. You would have to make me think about my own words, which you did obviously. You would also have to get along with this style of writing. I know, not everybrony can get along with it. No no, not everybrony
Best examples for my writing style getting weird are those passages like the insane Twilight one, extreme malfunctions in emotion or "THOU ROYAL VOICE ART USED ONCE AGAIN"."
Considering I (Usually) understand what's going on, the emotions, etc., I think I may be up to the task!
P.S. Don't forget commas X(
P.P.S. You're going to have to teach he how to do the underlining, bold, and italics things.
" It's rare to find people like you these days."
Mmhm :)
" It's rare to find people like you these days."
Uh oh... I didn't type that...
" It's rare to find people like you these days."
Did I type these?? I get a headache whenever I attempt to
Did I type these?? I get a headache whenever I attempt to
Did I type these?? I get a headache whenever I attempt to
3346167
>> Dream Whisper
Yay
You watch somebrony by going on his/her user page and clicking the big eye, that says "Follow" or any other eye.
Just make sure, it is not the read later button (that has a book and an eye)
As I stated once, it is all in the box just above. There is a B, an I an U, an S and an A and finally a colorful circle. You can play with those a bit if you want.
We will do all of it on Google Docs, I think. It is the easiest tool to give writing access to.
Oh! The new chapter is out. I hope you like it. I am sure, you will.
I hope, you also like the image, I did it myself
Well, I have to go now, see you this evening
And yes, I just did that with Twilight. Believe it or not.
PS: The story about how Equestria works will be most likely the one after this.
I will need some time to rest my head after thinking about a story like this
3346540
" We will do all of it on Google Docs, I think. It is the easiest tool to give writing access to."
Ok. Ill have to research it, as I've never used it before, but sounds good.
"Oh! The new chapter is out. I hope you like it. I am sure, you will."
Before- Yeah, I probably will :D
After- That was... WHAT!? It was great, but still... WHAT???
"hope, you also like the image, I did it myself"
After- mmhm :) I can guarantee it's about 200 times better than I could do. Im not exaggerating by the way. Great job.
" And yes, I just did that with Twilight. Believe it or not."
Before- Oh no. Im scared..
After- *takes a deep breath* Wow... Um... Uh.............. Didnt expect that.
" PS: The story about how Equestria works will be most likely the one after this. I will need some time to rest my head after thinking about a story like this"
I know how you feel. Anyway, when shall I start editing?
Aaaalso, should we communicate through email, (or something else) instead of spamming the comments?
Or would you miss your faces too much ;)
Good day, and happy reading!
Oops... Ill delete that... Heh...
If I make an idiot of myself because this isn't the last chapter, sorry. *Looks at the incomplete status thing*
Simply put, great fic!
However...
It was fast paced... A little too fast paced. The story as a whole needed a bit more detail. Still though, I never guessed so much could happen so quickly without it ruining the story, but you proved me wrong. Hell, time flies.
The moral lesson is spectacular! Very good wording, and I whole-heartedly agree. Life is meant to be lived, not lived through. A while ago I didn't understand that... Then one day I saw a .gif. It was of Fluttershy and Rainbow playing in a cloud. (I CANT FIND IT AGAIN :'( if you know what gif im taking about pleeeeeeeease give me a link?) That, my dear bronies, is how I became one of you. Ever since I watched the show, well... This is gonna sound cheesy but dammit :) I'm gonna say it cuz it's true; I learned about the magic of friendship. I used to be 'that one guy that never talks', but MLP helped me break out of my shell. I'll admit I'm not the most social person... But still!
Back to the fanfic:
The twists and turns in the story definitely caught me off guard more than a few times. I have to admit though, having a major revelation every 3 chapters made it hard to focus on the story without having to re-read a few things.
I'm sorry to say, but this story had almost no emotion. Despite the insanity and confusion however, which was fun.
The science, ideas, and time travel logic, made this story a great success! It had me pondering for a while after each chapter. Some great thought went into this.
I shall conclude with the thought I kept thinking throughout the whole thing: This story needs way more views and/or likes.
(I just now noticed the excessive amount of 'th's when I looked back XD)
Good day everyone, happy reading!
3354260
First of all: Thank you for reviewing the story
Indeed, the whole thing is still marked as incomplete as there is a lot and lots of editing to still be done to it.
After being finished with that, I will probably upload an epilogue.
Eyyyuppp.
I completely agree on this point: I am going to edit the whole thing through, so don't mind the word count rising daily.
Get a hug
As I am going to say once again: The pacing in this story right now is indeed very weird and I recognize it. That is almost the only reason, why I didn't set it to be complete yet. Maybe there will be new interlude chapters between already existing ones, we will see
With ~25000 words, there is still enough word count to built upon.
Hmm... Yes, that problem seems to be somewhat reoccurring
Any tips for my overhaul of the story?
Thank you
I just finished reading Chapter 1. I noticed a lot of comma splices, and I understand that those can be difficult to pick up on while writing. Good note: I like your cliffhanger, and the setup for a larger plot is quite nice. I think I will continue reading this, but I will go ahead with giving it a like and fave. Because it deserves it.
3403780
Don't spoil it all to yourself
There is going to be a better version up very soon and all those mistakes in grammar and writing will be gone. Just a couple of days patience and you will have a much smoother and better experience reading, I pinkie promise
ponders the story........... shrugs, not bad, fairly tragic. not bad.
though to get technicaly this fate was only fated because time was altered. pertty much just like in the series, the only moment of any predestination was when someone screwed with time.
3440734
That is actually true
The time traveling however, is also a metaphor for not being able to cherish every single moment of your life and wanting to "skip" through your life. I know, I know! I am not very good at conveying deeper motives and ideas, but hopefully this story was at least worth the read
(Should have seen it before editing
)
The follow review is off the books, written at the request of the author. For more reviews like this one, visit Zero Punctuation Reviews.
Y'know, the guy (or gal) that invented the whole concept of yin-yang must be pretty pleased with his/herself while they're not busy burning in Hell, the non-Christian fuck! If you're unfamiliar with the concept, congratulations on making it out of your mother's vagina, you new-born baby; Yin-yang is the symbol used to encapsulate the idea of interdependent, contrary forces within nature - i.e. every natural concept has its opposite. And so, enter Dream-Whsiper-Story (a tale with awful presentation that I thought was pretty alright) and "Time is Up, Twilight" (a tale with pretty alright presentation that I don't like so much).
Alas, but this is not the good kind of 'I dislike this story' where I get to feel all smug and superior by pointing out the crucial flaws in the stories design and presentational philosophies, but the bad kind of 'I dislike this story' where every waking inch of my handsome figure is desperately trying to like it, but there is something so off - so uncanny that it grains away at me the more I think on it. "Time is Up, Twilight" is a beautiful lass with long, sandy hair and a sweet motherly voice but she's an overbite, her eyes don't align properly and she's a loud chomper. I tried to overlook such things for the sake of our love, but the chomps, the eyes, the teeth, they eat away at me - at my very core. Look what you've done to me, Dream-Whisper-Author, I am a shell of a man doomed to wander this empty universe now. You've turned me into a nihilistic Cain - but I don't have a brother to murder, so I can't even be that.
The ideas behind "Chime's Cup, Twilight" are as commendable as the one's in "Dream-Whisper-Story" but the latter's problems were purely in presentation - it did everything right on the story-telling front. But "Lime's Lump, Twilight" is trapped within the storytelling equivalent of the uncanny valley; Its so close to ascension that its inherent flaws are bursting to the forefront, corroding its good nature and good intentions.
As encapsulated in the title, "Time's Up, Twilight" is a tale of time travel. In parallel to Dream-Whisper-Story's well developed dream mechanics, the mechanics of time travel in this tale are well thought out and well implemented. But trouble arises quickly as the swirly, maladjusted eyes of this heifer lack focus. Whereas that one previous story I'm obliged to stop talking about maintained a tight focus on the actions, reactions and the consequences of actions of its eponymous main character, "Rhyme's Blight, Twilight" can't decide what its about. First its about time travel, then its about Twilight, then how Twilight's prolonged absences affect the world around her, then Twilight's actions and desperation. The story is blurry and frantic like that naked man the shouts Epicurean philosophy at me whenever I visit the mall.
Speaking of souls dying with the body, another misstep comes from the delightful realm of character - my personal favorite aspect of storytelling. Coupled with the lack of focus comes an equally disquieting disjunction in Twilight's character arc. It exists, but its frenzied and schizophrenic, much the same effects writing this review is having on me, and it shifts about much to rapidly. Twilight herself is no Dream-Whisper-Character (that is actually a bad thing). I really connected with Dream-Whisper-Character for she had a distinct personality, goals, thoughts and flaws and everything about her was integral to the story. But Twilight strikes me more as a prop than a character for she lacks the subtleties the define a character. Without a strong lead all of us emotionally codependent reader dullards can attach to, the ride to story-land is rendered meaningless. Like it or not, readers will project onto the protagonist and study them - and they need to be interesting and flawed and so goddamn vital to the story that they are irreplaceable. Twilight could be replaced by a rock with goggly eyes that secretly hates Christians and the story would have the same effect.
The other characters are just kind of there. None of them really get a part to play, and they also lack the quirks and subtleties that would bring them to life. The supporting cast harbor no trace of sentience - no will, desire, personality, perception or thought. They feel like cardboard cutouts of human beings scattered and seated at a plastic table, being served tea by a fat toddler. Their expressions are fixed, their eyes lay unblinking. They are things of paper, not life. It is like they haunt the story, like specters of something greater. They are stillborn ideas that never took their first breath...
::Let's breached the slog of unfunny, depressing emptiness to praise real quick. Presentation is a little exposition-heavy and there's too long a pause between dialogue and action but overall a vast improvement! Great job! Alright, back down we go.::
Lastly, everything just feels so empty, meaningless and forgettable - like ever single relationship I fostered in high school. There's no tangible theme or message I can grasp onto, everything feels like a wax museum - like hollow effigies of the dead; all staring without eyes, watching without faces. It looks real and parts of me says its real, but its so still and bloodless that it can't be anything more then a shadow of what was. That's what "Time's Up, Twilight" is. Its a beautiful idea trapped in a wax body, on display but never moving, never breathing. It feels no sun, no warmth and transmits nothing to anyone. Goddamn this got bleak really fast. Sorry I'm not feeling very funny about it.
Breathe some life into this thing, motherfucker!! Its very close to being something great!
3757268
This review of a review of a story by an author is brought to you by that author, yet the review of the story is brought to you by the reviewer.
Damn you, twitterdick! As I, the Dream-Whisper-Author or just Dream Whisper, although that might be confused with a certain story, read the review, I was personally torn apart between laughing and crying. Well not really crying, but definitely a certain feeling of sadness, liquid pride I guess. So why was there this split in my emotional reaction, you might ask. Well, to fully answer that question is to describe my entire character - which no brony here wants to hear - , so I will at least try to make it reasonable if not fully answer it.
As could really be expected by a twitterdickian review, I was seriously not disappointed by the amount of humor in that review. So that explains the laughing part. And to be completely honest, I had enough laughing for probably the rest of the week. So, thank you for that already, you have stolen the ability to laugh, since there will be nothing similarly humorous and exciting in the rest of my week.
The sad part is much harder to explain. To be honest, I should really not even be bothered and yet I am. As you probably don't know, I am as successful as I can be in real life. Basically writing stories is nothing but a hobby of mine, and not even my only one. I write, I draw, I program and I play video games. Saying that, I should really not care about my stories that much. The truth is, I do for some unknown reason of my strange self, that not even I can fully explain (And to underline that, let me use a graphic representation)
. So, there is a reason for me to be sad when my work gets crushed into pieces and yet there is another problem: It doesn't, at least not really. It is true that some points are very hard to take, but just the more true. I think, I get myself another author who does nothing except putting my ideas down 
. Because while I write, it can happen that my ideas develop into other directions than what I had planned and what results is TIUT (Prime is cup, Twilight). A story with one idea in mind and then another one and another one ,and suddenly a giant mix of ideas about what characters should or shouldn't do and a certain suddenness of character development.
So, still there is no real reason for my sadness. I see my problems and had a lot of fun reading the humorous review. The only reason I can actually can come up with is that my newest story (FOTC - Fall of the Changelings) goes in a similar direction and I feel like the good presentation is slowly fading into a shaithole of exposition and bad character-writing. And I feel terrible about that and have no idea how to stop it.
So while I go into my corner now and think about my newest story and slowly
crymake liquid pride until I fall asleep, I will try to figure out how to avoid the inevitable destruction of my newest story. And with that, I am signing off and wish you a wonderful day/week/month/year/aeon/whatevertimeunityou'dlike.The author or story or character Dream Whisper.
3759857
"I am as successful as I can be in real life."
No, you're not. There is always more ground to cover, more to gain. If you're not getting better at something, you're getting worse at everything. Yeah, being criticized is tough to handle but it's all for the best. I do not mean to make you feel sad or discouraged, but play a hand in making your work better - beyond the humour and the callousness, that's all I am striving for.
Here are some words far more inspirational than any I can conjure.
Best Wishes,
twitterdick
3342245 No, but BBCode does.
Why are you intalicizing all spoken diolog? It very jarring. The quote marks are enough to mark diolog. Intalics are usually used for thought and flashbacks.
Why the heck would you trust them after they attacked you and started blaming everything on the machine especially if the machine showed everyone how their future would be and what they need to change to stop outside interference?!
Why the heck would you grief these idiots after they clearly already turned against you even after knowing that you are the source of the potion?!