Paul's Thursday Reviews CVIII · 8:53pm Mar 15th, 2018
Y’know, in the last few months I’ve heard a number of people talk about how the fandom’s dying, especially with the rumor that the show is nearing its official end (Is that still a rumor? Nobody’s confirmed it yet?). While I acknowledge that the fandom has shrunk in the last few years, I for one do not think it will ever outright die. I suspect FIMFiction will be around for a good long while. Just look at other fandoms that are still around.
But the decline does force me to re-examine my priorities. For the last several years, writing MLP fanfiction has been high on the list. It’s only in the last year that I’ve shifted at least some of my attention back to original fiction. Part of this is pressure from people like my mother, who longs to have the opportunity to brag that her son is a *dons tuxedo, fake moustache, and faux British accent* published author. *back to normal* Frankly, I don’t care about the ‘published’ part, I care about the range of audience I’m reaching. I write because I like sharing stories, not because I’m trying to enter some elite club. But with the shrinking audience I might find here, publication – be it through a company or indie – is starting to sound more and more appropriate for my personal interests.
Now, now. Don’t panic. I’m not leaving this fandom anytime soon. At the very least I want to finish the epic franchises I’ve started, and those will take many years yet to complete. But it does mean I may start putting more of my time into original fiction as the years progress. After all, once I produce one thing, more tends to follow.
But I think this fandom will always hold a special place for me, and thus I don’t see me ever really leaving it. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is singularly responsible for reigniting my passion for writing, something that had been on the wane in the years before I discovered it. Even if, in the distant future, I move on and stop writing horsewords, I’m sure I’ll keep coming back.
Plus, I can’t imagine I’ll ever run out of stories to review. Speaking of...
Stories for This Week:
Equine, All Too Equine by stanku
Guardian Angel by SparkBrony
Rainbow Dash Gets an Abortion by jmj
Soft Soil, Bab Seed by ILurvTrixie
The Girl Who Couldn't Change by R5h
Total Word Count: 99,314
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Equine, All Too Equine
66,135 Words
By stanku
I was very eager to read this one when it first came out, but alas, I had to submit to my schedule. But now we are here, and I must say this didn’t turn out anything like I expected. The description does a great job of pulling you in, but doesn’t tell you anything whatsoever about the story.
One hundred years ago, the last alicorn died. Since that day, Equestria has been ruled by a Parliament in Canterlot. But all is not well, with some even claiming that the world is dying. Amidst the chaotic, crime-ridden, desolate landscape that is Canterlot, Citizen Guard Deck Heart only wants to protect his daughter Lily. But there’s a serial killer hunting the descendants of the Element Bearers, a political figure who will stop at literally nothing to revive Equestria, and an army of griffons nesting in the cliffs of Canterlot. None of them are inclined to care what Deck Heart wants.
I simultaneously loved and hated this story. It’s a passionate, emotional tale about a stallion’s struggle to keep Canterlot and the world from falling to pieces around him, a mare’s desperate bid to reignite the days of the alicorns, and a crazy pony’s need for purpose. Along the way we meet a slew of interesting characters that you may just fall in love with. Here’s a tip: don’t. By the time this story’s over, the world may or may not be ended, but there will be a trail of bodies regardless. Make no mistake, nopony is safe with this one.
Our hero had the audacity to smile over an ending involving hoofball. I was most certainly not smiling.
But I was moved. The story combines action and political struggle with dark conspiracies and hope in the future, all working together to make for a significant punch to the feels. I’m not sure whether to be relieved or frustrated, and I like the emotional turmoil it brought out in me. If an author can do that, they’re doing something right. I still hate stanku for killing off my favorite characters, but it’s the right kind of hate (if that makes any sense).
The story’s only drawback is that the author struggles with certain grammatical issues. I don’t know if they’re typos or what, but I kept seeing missing words. They don’t happen often, but when they did they always caught my attention enough to draw me out of the story. It almost looks as though the author is seeding colloquialisms without knowing the full phrases. I do wish they’d stop that.
Ignoring that one niggle, this is a great but gut-wrenching story where the world is bleak, ponies good and bad die in immensely frustrating ways, but somehow there’s always that extra spark of hope. I don’t know if I should look forward to the sequel or not, but I’ll be damned if I don’t read it.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Guardian Angel
2,876 Words
By SparkBrony
Recommended by Pascoite
Let me just go on record as saying I don’t buy into this whole “Angel Bunny is a powerful warrior that can kick any creature's butt and will protect Fluttershy at any cost” concept. I’ve seen it used over and over again in a great many stories, sometimes for comedic effect and sometimes taken seriously. It always strikes me as ludicrous, but people keep shoving my face in it.
This story is no exception. I’m not buying any of it. Who enchanted his cloak and sword? Who protected Fluttershy’s home before she got Angel? Who will protect it after he’s gone? Who in their right mind decided to take the idea seriously enough to bother with getting Angel what he needed, and in what position of power in the world are they currently engaging in malpractice?
But if we put aside my complete disdain for the concept… what we have here is a worthwhile story. SparkBrony gives us a window into the secret life of an individual determined to protect the one he loves, even while he screws up in everyday life and refuses to let anyone know of his nightly vigils. Angel’s struggle to protect Fluttershy from the regular return of the timberwolves to her home is nothing less than impressive. The narrative is pleasantly descriptive, giving us a clear insight into how Angel interprets everything happening around him. About the only complaint I might have in this regard is that we don’t see how Angel survived this particularly difficult night… although I suppose there’s something to be said about leaving the unbelievable alone.
So, while I have absolutely no interest in the overall concept involving Angel Bunny, I won’t say this is a bad story just for that. On the contrary, I think the author did a great job with the material. Not bad, Sparky.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Rainbow Dash Gets an Abortion
5,082 Words
By jmj
Requested by yamgoth
Accurate Title: Rainbow Dash is an Evil, Selfish Mare
Wait, wait! Before you all explode at me and start into your social justice righteousness, hear me out! This is not a story arguing the pros and cons of abortion. I thought it would be, and I was so very wrong. jmj calls this a darkfic for a good reason.
The concept starts off simple. Rainbow finds out she’s pregnant, and feels as though the unborn foal is going to be nothing but a burden and get in the way of her potential career as a Wonderbolt. So when Scootaloo shows up and informs her that there’s this new ‘borschun’ clinic in Ponyville, she decides to take advantage of it. Things spiral way downhill from there.
The first thing you have to do is forget everything you know about Rainbow Dash and her relationship with Scootaloo. Though there is no AU tag, this definitely needs one, for RD treats Scoots with nothing less than contempt. This goes to extreme levels, right up to her thinking Scootaloo never should have been born. I think it is this blatant disregard for everything known about the two of them that makes this story so unpopular. Scootafans will loathe this story with a vengeance.
Then, of course, you get the ending. I won’t spoil it, but I think anyone who sees it will agree that it makes Rainbow a wretched creature.
For now, let’s ignore the fact that you need to be into grimdark and unforgivably corrupt characters to get into this. As a story in a general sense? I’ve seen worse. It makes good use of foreshadowing and effectively builds up to its finale. However, it does suffer from extreme tell and an unpleasant desire to extrapolate on exactly how Rainbow got pregnant (spoiler alert: in exactly the same way everyone would expect). The problems present have a terrible effect on any attempts at connecting to either Rainbow or Scootaloo emotionally, such that the reader essentially has to be revolted by the events themselves in order to get any kind of reaction. At least in that area, jmj has it covered.
The good news: this is one of jmj’s earliest darkfics. The bad news: the much newer Shandershears wasn’t that big of an improvement. I’m all for dark, disturbing, and frightening stories, but so far I am not impressed with what this author’s shown us. Perhaps if jmj had given us this story from the perspective of somepony we don’t already know so well, and maybe if we’d been given an explanation for how an organization as evil as the Filly Planning Center could even exist in a place like Equestria, I might have been more lenient. But as is?
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Shandershears — Needs Work
Soft Soil, Bab Seed
13,495 Words
ILurvTrixie failed to provide cover art.
In this story, Babs Seed decides to visit Ponyville for the weekend. That’s pretty much it.
That summary might make the story seem bland, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s also not as dramatic as its description suggests. It’s mostly about Babs Seed hanging out with the CMC and Spike for a couple days, with no great drama or rising action or anything like that. The worst that happens is a side-story event in which a currently out-of-town Twilight’s magical mishap leads to Sweet Apple Acres getting overrun with apples. Oh, and the weather team wrangling wild Everfree tornadoes, but those aren’t even treated as a threatening occurrence. Nothing more than a plot contrivance, really.
So the story ends up being fairly pointless on the whole. And yes, for someone who wants to read a story that has a theme, purpose, or goal, that’s bad. But the story somehow manages to avoid my wrath in this regard, perhaps because it’s got such a relaxed, feel good ease to it.
The best part is the Spike and Babs friendshipping, which includes Spike being unexpectedly observant and helpful. In fact, the late night chat over hot cocoa was the highlight of the story. It certainly impressed me more than talks about Celestial feces or the blatant lack of FlutterMac (talk about wasted opportunities!).
Soft Soil, Bab Seed is a curious story. Not necessarily engaging, but not boring either. I suppose it fits in the middle ground. For this author’s first foray into FIMFic, it’s not bad, but I do like their recent stories more.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Special Delivery — Pretty Good
Edited Details — Pretty Good
I Hate Hearts and Hooves Day! — Worth It
The Girl Who Couldn't Change
11,727 Words
By R5h
2nd Place Winner of Oroboro's Sunset Shipping Contest: Changing Seasons
Guess I have no choice but to admit it: this blows The Fourth Season out of the water.
In this tale, we learn that Chrysalis has taken over a school known only as C.K. (what it stands for, nobody knows). She’s been hearing rumors of powerful magic at Canterlot High, so she decides to pay the school a visit and add it to her territory. Still possessing the changeling powers of her Equestria counterpart, she is able to mimic the appearance of anyone she touches. Soon she realizes that she can also take magical abilities.
This was a story touching in its message, convincing in its character building, and blessedly lacking in the worst tropes of the redemption genre. Sunset uses her natural awareness of the people around her to its greatest advantage in understanding and ‘dealing with’ Chrysalis, and the approach works wonders. The fact that the story is told entirely from Chrysalis’s perspective makes it all the better.
I loved every moment of this. The characterization of Chrysalis as she struggles with her desires, the dread of knowing she might actually succeed, the conclusion that is as strangely dramatic as it is anticlimactic. R5h has my attention after this, and I am looking forward to more. The only thing I want to know now is how in the heck ...But it Often Rhymes could possibly beat this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Waiting for Adagio by Lonarion
Dashaloo Days and Scootabow Nights by RGLloyd
Flight of the Magpie by DuncanR
Vaguely Familiar. by Reptilicus
Daring Do & All of the Time in the World by The Princess Rarity
Sucker for a Cute Face by Eyeswirl the Weirded
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Yeah, Girl Who Couldn't Change was really solid. So was r5's entry to Aragon's comedy contest. They're an author worth watching. :)
I don't see the fandom just up and dying, either. There are too many connections, too many untapped possibilities, too many ships to simply vanish into the aether one day. Yet I constantly wonder if it's not struggling a little, holding together but sagging more and more each day as people simply don't come back. I'm glad to hear you plan on always coming back.
I helped edit The Girl Who Couldn't Change while I was working on my own contest entry. It's an interesting feeling editing a story that you absolutely know will crush yours in the competition. I heartily recommend that story.
4817746 Heck, there's still fandom for 80's era comics.
Oh my god, Rainbow Dash Gets an Abortion. XD
And from what I recall, the show's ending after season nine. Whether there will be more stuff, like movies, I'm not sure about, and I don't know if they were either.
The rumors haven't been confirmed yet, last I checked.
And yeah, the fandom has shrunk a bit, but it's still going strong.
I know for a fact I'll still be doing pony content long after the show ends. There's just so much to do, and just so much passion here!
Well, I still have to finish The Dusk Guard Saga. It'll take me another decade, probably, but hey, it's fun!
It might not. Most of the contests around here suffer from very uneven judging.
You're right that stanku has odd phrasing problems. He's a good writer, but I'm pretty sure he's a non-native speaker. I can't remember if I ever confirmed that or just suspected it. Either way, it wouldn't even take that great an editor to make him into a very good writer.
4817831
Hey there! Don't knock But it Often Rhymes. Honestly, I think there's a quite decent reason why Posh won: his story was more explicitly romantic in focus than mine, and is also really good.
4817720
Aww, thanks. That means a lot coming from the first place winner of that contest.
And to you, Paul, thanks for the glowing review! And fear not: there's plenty more where that came from.
4817835
When did I knock it? I never said anything against it. I haven't even read it or yours. I just said you can't read too much into what story beat what other story in a contest.
I'm in that original fiction camp as well. The biggest difference that I fear between OF and ponyfic is audience interaction. Sure the pony audience is smaller, but this site is full-to-bursting with interactions between authors, their audiences, and other authors (for good and ill).
4817831
You suspect correctly in what regards my first language, and I hope you're right about my potential as a writer too! In any case that was the nicest thing anyone said of me this whole month (that I know of) -- thank you!
Much obliged for the review! Honestly I hadn't expected anyone would still pay interest to this one, but I was all the more pleased to find myself wrong.
I don't have much to say about the review as such since I find it concise and accurate. I only wish to add that I got huge (in part unconscious) influence from Pratchett and Martin while writing this, since I was reading those two a lot back then, which perhaps helps to explain the many untimely ends and other aspects of the world. The passion you mention is most probably in part borrowed from these sources through the characters they inspired, and I'm happy to see the siphon succeed this well. The lesson there is that this story actually functions as a threefold fanfic: 4/6 of pony and the rest an amalgam of Discworld and Westeros.
Looking forward to reading the review for the sequel!
4817755
Did you, now? Hmm.... *Story added*
4817825
Sounds about right for my multiple ongoing 'saga's, as well.
4817831
People downvote for the strangest reasons, don't you think?
Funny thing is, I've already read ...But It Often Rhymes, I just hadn't at the time I wrote the review for The Girl Who Couldn't Change. But since I don't care to change my reviews in hindsight like that...
4817994
That's another reason I wouldn't want to leave. It's great getting direct feedback from my readers, as opposed to relying on sales numbers to tell me anything.
4818148
Oh, I added Equine, All Too Equine back when it was still being updated. This was way back before I was shortlisting stories as they finished, though, so it ended up on my lengthy first-come-first-serve RiL, thus it took a minor eternity to get to. Alas, there's really no way to speed up the process other than "read more!", which brings its own batch of issues.
Someday I'm going to have to actually read something by Pratchett. It sounds like I have no idea what I'm missing.
4817720
I'm starting to get that feeling myself.
4817746
Yes, the ships. All the ships. I must continue creating more to add to the fleet!
4818147
Also, please don't delete comments. All that does is make the blog owner look bad, as nobody knows who did the deleting or why, so they tend to jump on the worst case scenario: the author can't handle criticism.
4818167
Ah, my bad. Let it be known that it was simply a minor technical blunder which I didn't think twice about how to deal with.
4818760
I've got a few things down the turnpike. Someday I should pick up my old OF stories like Rose and The Cadejo Wars and spruce them up for publication. But right now? New material only.