Babs returns to Ponyville! On better terms with the CMC but still unsure of what to make of herself. When things go wrong and plans are wrecked, she gets by with a little help from her friends.
Plus a dragon who keeps those friends from driving her crazy.
BabsXSpike Friendshipping. Maybe just a little implied romantic crushing.
(After Season 3, before Season 4, hope I didn't miss any canon details)
(Teen just in case I screw something up)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Congratulations on winning the contest for November!
Because I'm going to be writing a review of this story, I can't tell you what I thought of it just yet
but keep an eye out.
I much appreciate any review you see willing to render.
And thanks for the congrats.
Though I was the only entry.
OMFG THE END!! XD the random kiss!! That was such a cute moment of Babs and Spike! This fanfic is AWESOME! 8D
I appreciate the enthusiasm, glad you liked it.
3641419
Review has been sent off, I think it will get posted tomorrow. One thing though, in dialogue, when addressing a character, a comma goes either before or after the address.
EXAMPLES:
"Scoots, are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Scoots?"
P.S. You have to hit the "reply to comment" button to let the commentor know that you've replied to them.
3741561 It appears my newbie is showing. Thank you sir.
And drat.
I thought it scanned well in my head. Ah well, perfection is a journey, not a state of being. Thank you for the feedback.
Here's hoping the scathing reviews will leave some part of me alive so I can finish my other stories.
DUH DUH DUH!!!! She better knock on wood.
What about the kiss?
3988158 Since it was an accident, and the two of them settled it between them, there's nothing to worry about.
Nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.
3988892 Except Spike and Babs Seed thinking about that kiss, that one moment of passion and tension filled up to the point that it's been building up day after day night after night in reality and their dreams, that they can't resist the calling for one another that with the power of love and desperation reliving that moment to make more moments of THEIR LOVE ONCE AGAIN!!!!!!
3989097 Perhaps.
Perhaps. While I hadn't planned on any kind of sequel with the pair of them, it might be something interesting to see. And it does seem you have an idea in mind.
This is a pretty good start.
4005948 I appreciate that. Although I have a loooong way to go on reaching 'quality' writing. I think I'm currently hovering around 'kwallitee.'
As fun as this is, I'm kind of disappointed with this magic tree development. With both the Apples and a mare as studious as Twilight, they should have followed the first rule of messing with anything: You try it out in a controlled environment. That's the main issue with gene-modified crops, spreading and cross-pollination, and with farmers and a very thorough researcher involved a catastrophic lack of containment measures make them all seem increeeeedibly negligent and stupid.
4006010 I point you at my previous reply.
I should have perhaps thought that a bit further through, but I believe we have seen points on the show where things go wrong simply by putting faith into the wrong idea. Of course, using the 'idiot ball' is hardly a valid excuse for writing.
Cute. I like this.
Hahahahaha. Didn't see that coming. Sunny fertilizer. Makes a lot of sense though.
And to be fair, yes, a lot of problems in the show happens because people don't think things through. So let's meet halfway, we'll live with the dreadful breach of scientific caution, because the plot is fun enough. Still, think a little more about the effects next time.
The first description of the events at Sweet Apple Acres was a little confusing and I didn't really get what was going on, I just didn't get the picture until the following chapter. So you should work on being more clear in the "reveals" next time. Also, I personally dislike the "x time ago" as it's own header. I want the "time information" to be weaved into the narrative, unless it has been established throughout the story that you get the time before each chapter. As an example, in a spy novel, I can live with it if every chapter begins with "time and place" stamps or "month and year" in a historical novel spanning a long time. But if it is only in a single place the time is important, weave it into the narrative itself.
Two specifics:
"Spike covered his mouth wide-eyed at that comment's escape, " This should in my opinion be "Spike covered his mouth; wide-eyed, at that comment's escape" or reword it a bit, because it looked wrong at first glance.
"Applejack blinked, and hopped out of the hole she'd worn into the dirt, grumbling at the bemused pegasus." Don't you mean "amused"? Bemused pretty much means "confused" or "baffled", not "amused".
Now with the criticism out of the way: I like this story a lot. I think it is a real shame how few likes and reviews it has, because the writing is pretty decent, the characters are pretty much as they should be and it's a fun little read, with neither too much description or too little. You manage to stick to the past tense (something a depressing number of people fail to do and what instantly turns me off a story unless it has a LOT of promise) and you don't make many mistakes. I can recall no places where you confused one word with a similar one or shifted tense without reason. Only the bit that Danger Beans wrote is a problem and I didn't notice, so good job there. You keep a consistent tone that is very similar to canon, which I really appreciate (I'm tired of dark and gore in my MLP) and this is one of the few good Spike and the Crusaders that I have found. Having Babs is just a bonus. Don't know if you hit her perfectly, but considering I have only that one episode to base her on, then, well, she worked as a character.
So, good job. Hope to see more of you, self-proclaimed newbie
Happy writing.
4006148 Wow! Thank you for the more in depth analysis. I admit I haven't gone back through to patch my two stories so far; as I'm trying to keep up with other story ideas; but at this point I should probably go back and start fixing things. I'll probably need to tweak some scenes to make them a bit more clear. I think I just get stuck running with an idea and don't realize my glitches until too late.
4006211
You're not the only one to have made that mistake with bemused. I always thought it was the kind of reaction people have to Pinkie, amused AND confused. You know, the situation where you smile and nod and can't help but find something funny, even if you don't really get what's going on. But I learned better at some point.
And you don't necessarily have to go back, though that will make me feel important. I have come to understand that my corrections are usually taken to heart for future stories and not necessarily followed in the story I'm actually commenting on.
hahaha so many yes! for this chapter
This part confused me. Is he referring to Sweetie Belle in that last part, or Rarity?
4191161 Should be Rarity, but you're right, it's kinda unclear. I'll patch that up... within the next week or so. Give the whole story a nice little patch-up.
You can't stop the passion.
Then Babs Seed love the kiss!?!!?!?!!!!
Those red apples have had it with ponies eating them. They have declared war upon us all. This part of the chapter made me very amused, more so than I should be at apples anyway. :)
You can has review!