Help me find the worst stories on the site · 2:43am Jun 17th, 2023
My girlfriend isn't a pony fan. She doesn't hate ponies, they're just not her thing. However, she loves me sharing stories I've written with her and showing her the wider culture of the site, including other peoples' stories. This isn't a blog about the good fanfics I've shown her (I have yet to show her anything particularly long), it's about the bad stuff. I've made her read some of the most downright awful and nasty fanfics on the site. Even after a year and times when she's literally thrown up in calls reading things that I've shown her, she still will not leave me. I have given her viscerally awful experiences with MLP fics for shits and giggles. For some reason, she is willing to put up with it.
Now, I'm asking y'all for help. I've shown her a variety of badfics. Help me find the worst possible stories on the site to show her. Think of the worst stories you've ever read, seen, heard of, whatever. Post them in the comments below. Help me find new badfics that will have impactful exposure to a non-pony fan, but also to someone who doesn't really read fanfics in general. Generic overly edgy self-inserts don't really mean much to someone who doesn't have much exposure to fanfic culture.
So far, I've shown her:
- SomethingEmoAndEdgy's masterful works
- Spike Gets Neutered
- The amazing works of apple short
Please don't link:
- anything where the badfic elements are derived solely from something in an episode that she won't get it
Please DO link:
- literally anything awful
- something you can't imagine being read out loud
- something gross
- anything that reminds you of the worst furry culture has to offer (she's been exposed to furries enough that she understands them more than ponies)
- anything that is dumb
- it seriously just has to be awful
She seriously won't leave me despite the cancer I've made her endure
It's far too much to offer in a comment, so I'll cheat a little:
In my Review Archive is a set of 56 stories that have the distinction of earning the rating of None, meaning I found them so bad that I didn't even consider them worthy of being placed in my bookshelves for public perusal. Go there, do a Ctrl+F search for the rating (or just scroll to the bottom), and you'll find links to each one of them and their reviews. Assuming the author's didn't bleach the story off the site in shame, which I know for a fact has happened to a few.
And if that's not enough, I've got 309 more listed as "Needs Work", which is the lowest rating I'll allow in my bookshelves. The quality will be a lot more varied for those, but I guarantee you there are still some "gems".
Have fun.
I have a folder called "unique style" which a couple of very idiosyncratic works in it, I want to link some of the stranger ones i've seen but it seems a bit rude
Detective jakkid166 stories are great if you’re a fan of the “so cringe and bad it’s good” genre.
If you really want gross and horrid.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/126352/sjlvdestruktivitetens-emissarie
I won’t quite say it traumatized me when I first read it, but it came as close as anything.
Oh, you want gross? I'll give you gross.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/109787/giftgiver
I accidentally found this story by clicking the 'Random' button. I didn't look at the tags before reading(which was a mistake) because the blurb intrigued me, but this is one of the most viscerally disgusting fics I've ever read. I couldn't even read all of it, i had to skip a bunch, and somehow someone had the guts to do a reading of it. good luck grossing out your girlfriend
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/388982/death-battle-rainbow-dash-vs-rhymey
Can you really do worse than ponyfic written by a dude who bitterly hates the concept of friendship being magic?
As tempted as i am to link 120 days of blueblood here, i feel that would be overkill. But if she can handle the first chapter, there will be nothing on this site which could faze her.
He was before my time, but I remember really disliking a lot of RealityCheck's stories when I hunted them down out of curiosity; for various reasons, mind you, but most prominently, his persistent obsession with completely stopping the plot to go on tangential rants* about episodes / plot points he hated. I'm pretty sure it's at least half the reason I dislike the "I'm going to not-so-subtly rant about this episode I hate!" subgenre as much as I do. Even disregarding the political elephant (and donkey, I suppose) in the room, his ponyfic prose often belies an inhospitably self-righteous wangst that just as frequently feels fundamentally at odds with his choice of IP.
Which is to say nothing of Yes, It Matters, his own accursed take on GAPJaxie's infamous Would It Matter If I Was? and the gamut of increasingly tongue-in-cheek recursive fanfics it wrought. Perhaps I'd like it a smidgen more if my first read had been with a clearer head, but I still feel genuinely insulted by how violently callous he had his Twilight act towards Fluttershy**. The onslaught makes that one controversial Pinkie scene from "Filli Vanilli" look like comforting whispers and headpats by comparison.
Mind you, there's stuff by him I can find enjoyable — Parting Words has a grounded yet rather heartfelt resolution despite otherwise falling victim to all my aforementioned reservations***, its sequel The Great Alicorn Hunt can be a lot of fun whenever RC isn’t going on chapter-long tangents about Season 1 worldbuilding and/or whatever newly aired episode has incurred his ire****, and Starting Over Again is stunning in every sense of the word (not to mention, proof that he could feasibly write in recursive without his penmanship devolving into Cucco-crazed chickenscratch) — but otherwise, he just isn't for me.
…And his whole "How DARE Ashleigh Ball post AppleDash? HETERONORMATIVITY IS DYING!!!" brouhaha probably makes it a moot point anyway. Ugh.
*Usually by Twilight, AKA his thinly veiled mouthpiece by virtue of being "Da Smart One"
**Culminating in Twilight forcibly "outing" Fluttershy — by this point driven to tears by her friend's uncharacteristically brutal teardown — as a changeling herself. Granted, he had Twi ease off the acrimony from that point onwards, but that point stands. If you're of the belief that the changelings in the original Would It Matter? were meant to be a metaphor for… well, basically anything, prepare to be horrified.
***i.e. Apple Bloom has a spontaneous, distractingly brutal falling out with Applejack halfway through (basically an excuse for RC to complain about the Babs Seed and/or Diamond Tiara episodes) that, while somewhat plot-relevant by virtue of providing a nearby Celestia some much-needed perspective, never gets resolved and hangs in the air like a wet fart.
****There's a completely plot-irrelevant chapter entirely and shamelessly dedicated to "I literally just got done watching the CMC get their cutie marks and I didn't like it."
*****Ironically, I'm also not really a fan of his obsession with annotated footnotes. These are webpages, buddy, not books; I have to scroll ALL the way down and back EVERY time you do this.
Not sure this applies to your request — probably should've thought of that before I wrote it out, TBH — but eh, maybe your girlfriend will get a kick out of the dumb mini-essay I wrote anyway. Whoops!
When I was a foal, I believe on a dare, I read Cupcakes. That delayed my entry into the fandom by several years.
Have you tried SuperTrampoline's Please Downvote? Pretty sure it's designed to be bad.
I could make one up, if you like.
show her my stories
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I am going to be nefarious.
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I am doing this for shits and giggles, not to bully folks.
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Tonight I read her the first story in the series from my hardcopy of the text. It admittedly strips an important facet of the stories away from her because she's not able to see all the typos and bad grammar. However, this was what she had to say about it:
>during the middle of the story
"It is certainly words."
>when the story was nearly over
"Vodka is often cheaper than the labor necessary to create these things."
>when I asked what her favorite part was
"The end.
Because it concluded the story and was the perfect gateway into my upcoming alcoholism."
(Note: I do not let her drink for the sake of her own health.)
>when I told her the story was 'lovingly crafted'
"No it wasn't.
It was crafted at gunpoint in a Chinse sweatshop.
My brain is deteriorating at the mere idea of this story.
Virtual insanity"
She had to be muted when I read it so I did not get a live reaction of her suffering.
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Fiddlebottoms is a glorious author I have yet to show her.
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She really likes horror, so for all I know she might not hate that one.
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I was thinking about having her read the first story where his OCs appear. It was removed from the site but it used to be one of the most downvoted stories when it was hosted here. I was thinking about showing her his 'Friendship is Failure' series since I wasn't sure how well the crossover stuff would do. Also, long time no see!
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When she asked me to link her some of the most disgusting and vile stories on the site that was one of the ones I linked her. Literally about 70% of what I could find that constituted the most horrific stuff ever published on here was porn, which sadly says a lot about certain chunks of the people who use this site. Headless_rainbow, Rimmer, Flutterpony, GrayOnBlue, Night Soil, Third Wheel, RunningThroughTheAshes, and more -- basically a mix of the most ridiculous trollfics and shock material (I remember there was a story about Noam Chomsky I sent her) out there mixed with genuinely disturbing awfulness that reflects terribly upon their creators.
Regarding the first chapter, she sent me this and said:
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/920902571001020426/1119704348956573716/Thats_it.png
"I can certainly say that I've read far worse."
Regarding the last chapter (the part right before the epilogue, so, the last proper chapter):
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I actually hadn't even considered him, and not just because I thought it would take too much in-episode context to get his stuff, he's just genuinely before my time.
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I've never been able to find a copy of this.
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I was thinking primarily of short stories, but that one might work.
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I'm sure she'll find this one riveting.
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I showed her Tension and she said: "That was a really nice story. I'm just pleasantly surprised. I was expecting a bad fic and got something good instead. Tell Bike I said that story was quite nice."
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It's not on fimfic but easy enough to find if you google. 0/10 do not recommnend.
If you just want, like, purposefully poorly-written troll stories, you can't go wrong with stuff like Love on the Acers of Sweet Aplles, or the works of authors like Xx soul sorrow xX, Ara or Dashiel. I guess if she's okay with gore and stuff though, also Ethesto and maybe even GorisTheDeathclaw.
And now I present: Some of the worst stories I've ever read. May their authors never see this post. (I do not guarantee any of these work, I'm mostly just copying them out of the blogs without checking.)
This and its sequel
I have no memory of this place
The absolute worst story I ever read is only available on Fimfetch
haha, if she never read Pattycakes, get that bitch some pattycakes
This is the only N from the batpony review blog that I would suggest, if only because it contains one of the best lines I've ever seen, I still quote it to this day
This might be something?
Most mistitled story ever
"For badfic connoisseurs"
"...doesn't do a good job of trolling." "This is, without a doubt, one of the worst fanfics I have ever read…"
A good idea done poorly
This one's on fanfiction.net but apparently was so bad, it's funny.
This is the fanfic your mother warned you about.
A self-described "spamfic"
Ah, my favorite: bad hospital drama!
"No one who considers themselves a good person should read this."
"I'm really starting to question my decision to give in to peer pressure and review these stories."
Pool toy transformation fetish, oh boy!
Oh, hey, everyone needs some Scootabuse, right?
I described this one as 'cringe'!
"...the most weaksauce fetish [fic] on the site."
This one has peeing described in "eyebrow-lifting detail".
"...a combination of “lol random” and “really edgy” that doesn’t sit well with me anymore."
Maybe the worst fanfic title ever
"Scootaloo Cupcakes Rainbow Dash"
"I'm not sure I can recommend this to actual people..."
"This is a really stupid fic about Sunset Shimmer and Sonic the Hedgehog having sex."
This sounds like it's absolutely insane
"I have to question pretty much every choice the author made here."
"I mean, I was expecting necrophilia, and that happened, but the details were absolutely audacious."
"...the half-millionth published horseword on Horsewords Dot Net…" "...a Youtube poop in text form…" "...clearly the hero we deserve."
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“Doesn’t do a good job of trolling” and “Scootabuse” don’t link anymore.
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probably for the best!
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Is there any chance that they’re still archived somewhere?
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probably fimfetch
heck, lemme see
Well, this one is but not the other, but that's not too bad, right? :B
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Thank you!
OH SNAP I almost forgot some old ones! These are all off a particular document started back in like 2011, for particular reasons I will not mention. :V No guarantees for anything except them working!
Mind of an Ancient
Momma Fluttershy (I shudder to think what this might be)
Cloppy Pasta (gee, I had repressed that one)
Big Macintosh's Story
Vinyl's New Beat: One of those ridiculous, over-the-top gore fics, featuring a scene where Fluttershy beats a guy to death with a crowbar, now in 12ish chapters of glorious gorn:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oDIngckxOwOJEvayjMxo4VFnv1VezaE7z9ze1fb_VwA/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dYQAIdksnWFPZpLoxmhB3-NWbkUQlvxgxk1_-vI6Cww/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SyoBrOWRr4SiUkzz9Qxw67dU2uZoCPr2itT7Siv5t58/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gPDaeIZ7VpbpW3IlcplKBVDbN3TMEd09eUHPbmTGXZ0/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sX9PdYdeEyIPAxQlKDd1MX41BYs3ZVPYr86sJyb-tJg/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v8bWhqQhwX_PBP0myL-6GWWkmjyuhq0ipTs_7SI0ARE/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TKMGbIoRLXIQ8Ce9ZeBUZiFBH2JU0P6q8D5DQU8eSKk/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gngnngythp9v3fzCY3lfYGKx343LQNbKXGjiCuyK9Nk/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sSNIJ9-XBI7-8AKG5aRsomWqPg7WyctknZAfc2eUnpY/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k1kCruzJK3sxfdQzHR0AYA98hUQjvS4rdQhllZk7v2I/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lGYeKfl7bGmzF_1b2b5FL5CMOlpoilwm2OcHM6NKW9E/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iQyaD24AYwGwpYOF7QtWQqC7-Ngp7bRLyuF8LxCWsQM/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BAWDJN1c2629dGotlJhcXHLGI8Jswk0Ydj-P2EEi0Js/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
Fluttershy's Guardian
Integration is Better (tagged for age-regression and unbirthing apparently!)
And last but far, far from least, it's Tickling Rainbow, only the best badfic I have ever read, please make sure you experience it, please please please you need to
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These look glorious!