• Member Since 11th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 3rd, 2014


Because no one expects the Chimicherrychonga to attack.


Dewdrop the pegasus is unique amongst ponies due to the fact that she could fit on a pony's hoof with room to spare. But why does she go to great lengths to keep herself hidden? Is it because she lives in the walls of the Golden Oaks Library? Or is it something more?

The premise is based off of The Borrowers.
Special thanks goes to EricKilla who is editing for me.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 29 )

I like this. Give me more, plawks. :3

<3 DarqFox

Ok, this looks quite promising.

EDIT: Alright, I've read it, and this indeed looks quite promising.

As far as I can see, your spelling's near perfect. There are a few grammatical problems, but not too many. The biggest issues that I can see mainly pertain to sentence structure and dialogue. For the dialogue, it seems a little stilted in spots, not quite sounding like how people would actually talk. Other than that, it's perfectly in character, aside from that spot where Twilight randomly decides it's a good idea to tear the door off her balcony (:rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:).

As for the sentence structure... For lack of a better word, your sentences feel thick. It's like walking through molasses. They aren't run-on or anything, but you seem to be trying to pack as many three to five dollar words in as you possibly can. Not like you're trying to fit a lot of words in, but in that you're using larger words where smaller ones would do.

The largest issue by far, though, and the biggest contributor to its 'thickness', if you'll pardon the phrase, is that you seem to be putting words in the wrong order.

I could see that the clock tower across town read 7:23, its face easily visible to me from its five story tall steeple.

This makes it sound like she's standing on the steeple and can see the clock from there. Like the dialogue, this tends to make it a little difficult to read, and not sound like anything anyone would actually say. Out of curiosity, and I'm honestly not trying to sound insulting, but is English your first language?

I've passed this on to a group I know, they'll come in and give you a bit of a helping hand. In addition, might I suggest you submit this to W.R.I.T.E.? I'm a member, and I'm sure we could help you iron out the kinks and make this already good story even better.

I'm expecting great things from this story, good luck! :pinkiesmile:

2393928 Thanks for the review :twilightsmile:
Yeah American English is my first language. It's thought provoking that you felt like asking though. now I want to know what that could mean. I'll work on the wording and dialogue in the next chapter since you pointed them out. Thanks again.

Ok, this looks quite promising.

I know right? I could go practically anywhere with this. Or rather, I'll go places with it. It promises to be glorious.

2394003 The reason that I felt like asking is simply because of your sentence structure. You see, reading that comment you just posted, I have no doubt that it is. I think that you might be trying a little too hard to make the sentences sound professional and descriptive, and instead have the opposite effect of making them more difficult to read.

I look forward to the rest!

Alright, I just finished this. Despite not having seen "The Borrowers", I must say this story looks interesting, and has definitely caught my attention.
Now, I did notice a few issues with it. For starters, most everything that 2393928 said is correct, completely. It sounds like you're shoving in unnecessarily big words, which isn't necessarily a good idea. You should feel free to use some more advanced vocabulary, but don't go overboard with it.
On top of this, I noticed that, in many cases, the words seem to have been put in the wrong order. For example:

I mentally started picking out the prominent features...

sounds better, and makes more sense, when written "I started mentally picking out the..."
Other than that, your grammar, spelling, and syntax is practically impeccable.
As for the characters... Ya, mostly in character, though I still have absolutely no idea why Twi had to rip the door off. That said, it did lead to a scene that did make me laugh a bit, so it's not all that bad.
All in all, the story is good, and your problems are minor enough that all you really need is an editor/proofreader to get this thing in ship shape, which is a service I'd be more than willing to provide. If you'd be willing to let me edit/proofread your story, send me a PM and we'll get everything set up! I'm going to go to bed now, but I'll be up to answer you tomorrow.
Keep up the good work!

Wonderful first chapter. Good story plot.....This is a good story! Please update :)

I like it, its a cute story, look forward to seeing more. :twilightsmile:

Shouldn't she have little fairy wings? ... It's one of those breezies right?

I am intrigued, please continue. :trixieshiftright:

o.o .... Dammit all to hell, i has a sad now.

:raritystarry: Really?
:raritywink: Mission accomplished then.

2423640 Tell me that sooner-or-later she's going to be generally accepted by one or more ponies in this story - eventually?

while I won't say anything compromising, I will direct you to the absence of a Tragedy tag. Of course, only a half-hour ago it didn't have the sad tag either. :trollestia: You'll have to wait and see.

2423715 *Just.... stares* .... *sits and STARES* .... *THROTTLES~!* NOPE. Can't deal with that kind of sads. *throttlethrottlethrottle~!* D:

Absolutely perfect. You've fixed all the issues I'd seen, and aside from some random capitalization, this is perfect.

Can't wait for more!

You ought to check out "The Secret World of Arriety". It's a lot like "The Borrowers" as well. Just throwing it out there to have another reference to go by. Not to mention it's a great film.

the frying pan on her nightstand

Daisy, you need help. :facehoof: Paranoia isn't healthy.

And so do Dewdrop. :fluttercry: Poor thing. Lucky you have a fuzzy and kind friend who looks out for you.

Ohya. Owlicous and Dewdrop unite!

I has feels...

My feels... So adora... Can't- HHHNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGHHHH!

Your vocabulary kept my attention, and your style was truly brilliant. I have almost nothing to complain about. Just one or two grammar errors.

<3 DarqFox


Actually... I own that along with all the other Studio Ghibli films :twilightblush: but I'm glad someone else knows of it. :twilightsmile:

I haven't felt these kinds of feels since Past Sins. Absolutely amazing. Keep it up, and I look forward to where this goes.

Feels comparable to Past Sins? Really? :pinkiegasp::rainbowkiss::pinkiecrazy:
That's high praise. Thank you very much and I shall try hard to keep the quality of my work up. :twilightsmile:

Past Sins was also the closest to crying I have come in a while, even more so than My Little Dashie. Even though I wouldn't say that it is par with Past Sins, it is REALLY close.

Cute so far!


I apologize greatly for disappearing off the face of the Earth. I had to deal with a period of homelessness that kept me offline for a decent while. If you wish for me to edit for you once more, please let me know.

2463862 Are you still alive? :fluttercry:

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