In the wake of the massacre of the Uchiha clan, a mysterious masked man steals a bargaining chip and the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi in one fell swoop, locking them away in the realm of Kamui. Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto join forces to find their way out, yet what they escape to is not their home, but another world altogether. Turning their backs on their hardship and pain, Naruto and Sasuke embrace this world with open arms.
But what if their presence were to interfere with a scheme one thousand years in the making?
Chapters (2)
Well... a Naruto fic that has a long start. I have attempted to read exactly one Naruto fic, but it was not at all well written. I'm gonna read this tomorrow, and I'll let you know if you pass my scrutinous evaluation.
Til then, have a good night mate!
Edit: Ok, it took me a little longer to start reading this than I had anticipated. I must admit, you are off to a very good start. Everything seems to be well thought out, and you cover the inner thoughts and emotions of each character in a realistic and believable manner. The only thing I would suggest is doing a little more proofreading and editing to get rid of the misused words here and there, and also using more breaks between scenes along with spacing and indenting to separate paragraphs and make the writing seem less... overwhelming. All in all this was a good read, it is interesting and makes me want to read more, which is always a good sign for a writer. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, if you need any help just shoot me a pm and I'll be happy to assist!
Interesting start.
The only immediate niggles I have is that even repressing Sasuke seems to be taking things a little to well though I suppose that could be an artefact of that repression.
The second is that that Twilight, even if she's eager to please is new to being Celestia's student she is the Princess and the one that gave her he direction with the first SSC she was at then helped her when she got her cutie mark and made her her personal student. I can see Celestia wanting to keep Twilight close to impress upon her the duties that take up her time though so she understands why there's times when lessons may be skipped or rescheduled.
The Third is that even if he's younger Naruto gives up on returning far far too easily. He adores the Hokage as a grandfather figure and he considers the promise to be the next hokage as important and promises not to be broken. Yet he immediately turns round and says he doesn't want to go back.with out reason or thought. The most I could see would be him remembering how he's treated, the cold looks and not being allowed to play with other children and just not knowing. The offer of a place where he might be liked is seductive but why should this place be any different? It has a really nice leader but so does Konoha.
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Repression is a part of what's keeping Sasuke from having a complete breakdown. The other is the utter bewilderment of his current situation. It's as if he fell down the rabbit hole and just woke up in Wonderland. He's not sure what's real and what's fake, so he doesn't know how to think or feel.
Considering the purpose of Celestia's tutelage, I don't think it impossible that Celestia would want Twilight to see a little of the things she has to deal with as a princess.
I believe Naruto's relationship with the Hokage has been exaggerated by fanon. His dream sequence was supposed to show his interpretation of life in the village. Not a realistic one by any means, but life as which he has seen and experienced it. Deciding to stay in Equestria means no longer having to live like that. A chance to start anew.
Thank you very much for your consideration. I'll keep your notes in mind.
but what about there ninja training and jutsu i mean sasuke can only do the firebal jutsu and naruto....... wel you know what i mean and the fact that he has kurama seald inside of him i dont think euquestria can stand a chance against the power of the nine tails
This is great and interesting story. Will Celestia find out about Kyuubi anytime soon? Will others from the Shinobi world eventually show up? Will Naruto and Sasuke learn magic? I look forward to reading and finding out.
this is good stuff here. I'll be watching for further progress. Good job so far.
YES! ALL OF MY YES! I havn't even read it yet but I'm going to favorite it! There's finally a Naruto fanfic on this site! Ha ve a moustache!
2371023 there are actualy a few naturo fics on here
2371202 First one I've seen.
What happens when a Ninja moment collides with Ninja synthesis?
Think you'll have Sasuke teach the infant Spike the fundamentals of breathing fire?
Interesting choice of time to send them through. I wonder, are they going to learn jutsu, with nobody to teach them, and what'll happen when they find out about the kyuubi?
I couldn't read any of this, simply because of the WALL-O-TEXT.
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It definitely makes reading unnecessarily difficult, that's why I suggested a few ways to break up the wall. Hopefully our dear writer will take the advice and break it up next chapter. I will say though, it was pretty well written. Only time will tell if its gonna be a great fic, or just an average one. I'm puling for it though, I've yet to read a really good Naruto crossover.
The possibilities of this story is alot still I really hope you DON'T let them use magic since you know their jutsu thing is what makes then unique plus it's pretty cool if your gonna make them a team and sasuke doesn't end up being an enemy of naruto heck I'm surprise you made this before the start season 1 not alot of people see that there's much more possibilities if you don't have the mane 6 formed aleardy if you do add enemy's to this I recommend adding them once sasuke and naruto gets good enough skills I know that alot having them use magic is pretty cool and some people think having most of their jutsu knowledge intact makes them over powered I'll give you some tips they could help eachother even without the books or teaching on making thereselfs powerfull in their own way heck you can go a bit creative and add some new foes since I think there's more unexplored lands In equestria anyway that's a tip there love the story btw keep up the awsome work
WOW! This is off to a great start! Aside from a couple minor textual errors, this is very professional and well thought out as a story. Keep up the good work! (Have a
)
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant
Wow, this looks... good. Like, really really good. I'm really excited to see where this goes.
You could probably do with a little more clarification on Naruto's thought processes at the end there, with the final decision. At first he wants to leave, then the next sentence he wants to stay. Showing his thoughts progressing from 'getting back to Konoha and becoming Hokage' to 'possibly becoming loved and accepted' (which is all he has ever wanted) will make it more clear why he has said yes.
Another little nit-picky thing that doesn't really matter much is how Celestia knows to call them boys, before even getting them to say a word at that? A boy is a young male Human, but she doesn't know what a human is, so that word shouldn't even really exist in her vocabulary. Simply calling them 'young males' could work, or calling them 'stallions' or 'colts' when she first meets them could be better, as then they'd obviously just fix the problem themselves. "Uh, we're boys, not colts."
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There have been a few occasions when members of the Mane 6 have called each other "Girls", Fluttershy and Twilight being two definite examples. Applejack also referred to Spike as a boy during Ticket Master, in the quote "Well wallop my withers, Spike. Isn't that just like a boy? Can't handle the least bit of sentiment.".
As you can see the boy and girl gender titles certainly exist within Equestria. It doesn't seem possible that Celestia wouldn't know them.
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Oh yeah, I remember that. Just sounded off in my head.
Continue on!
So will there be jutsu? I mean, when you break down a jutsu, all it is is handsigns and chakra flow. Plus, each jutsu usually has a 'cornerstone' symbol for it's element/ability. Rat was for illusions, tiger was for fire, and dragon was for water, and those were the only ones I can remember. I'm sure with a bunch of intelligent ponies and an immortal goddess, Naruto and sasuke can break the jutsu equation formula. Great chapter, love the idea of the two being raised in Equestria. Hope to see more soon ,keep goin and stay golden^^
I like your story so far, but I have one complaint. Sasuke should feel anger towards Itachie for killing his family, not just wanting to run from it. Maybe Im too caught up in the later Naruto universe, but I recall Sasuke having hatred for his brother from the getgo. If not in this chapter I believe this issue should arise later and he may want to change his mind.
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I understand your perspective, but right now Sasuke is more terrified of Itachi than anything. There will of course be more on that later, but for now Sasuke is still living in fear of his brother.
2388951 I see, well I look forward to later chapters and good luck writing
Honestly, I was a little reluctant to read this story, mainly due to the nearly intimidating length of the first chapter.....
But HOLY CRAP am I Glad I read this thing!
Hmm, I'll definitely be waiting for this to update...have stache mate
I must say that I agree with you that fanon has exaggerated Naruto's and the Hokage's relationship, after all if they were so close then why did 'Jiji' leave a toddler Naruto alone instead of taking him in himself? Oh well, I must say that I am looking forward to how you have them advance their skills. The Neighponies ninjas maybe? 
Hmm....Something's up with that Guard...
Great chapter. So Minato is teaching Naruto. What's the deal with the guard. Will Celestia ever find out about Naruto's seal?
Okay, I was wondering how you were going to fix the "Learning Jutsu" problem. But still, now because of Celestia's offer, Naruto and Sasuke's original home will fall into the genjutsu made by Tobi! Of course, she didn't know that, but great; there goes all of Konoha and every other ninja. Oh wait, hold that thought. Now Tobi can't even do the genjutsu without the Kyuubi, but he will still have the others...
Oh, I'm sorry for babbling, please continue
I love this story keep it up!
I hope you don't turn them into ponies, sure the wings and horn thing is cool, but please don't turn them into ponies...
I hate pony-fied characters stories
-Kiryu
Sir... you have my attention.
Glad to see this updated, it's looking really good so far. I do have to agree with Kiryu though- please don't turn them into ponies. Thank you for making a Naruto crossover that is really good.
Holy shit! 16k words in chapter one and 12k in chapter two? Daaaaamn.
With the last chapter, you had my curiosity. But with this, you now have my attention. Great job, keep goin and stay golden^^
Ok I really like the hole growing wing and horn thing but I really hope sasuke only uses magic to strengthen his jutsus cause if he uses Equestria magic spells it will kinda take out his Ninjaness ( that word exists now xD) so I hope you just let sasuke just use magic to strengthen his jutsus but he doesn't actually use any spells
And naruto you shouldn't let him use his wing too often to the point where his legs won't be trained alot cause there's alot of fast ninjas on legs that CAN beat a very fast Pegasus on wings
Also love the idea of minato teaching him and sasuke I guess really loved that idea also thankful that you didn't take out their Unique Ninjaness that make themselves well.. Them >:D can't wait until Equestria sees how powerfull Shinobis can be. Also amplified by magic HEHEHE!
I will have eye gasm if in the next chapter auto fights some enemy Ohh I can see it now Naruto going Bersker letting out waves of chakra that Makes celestia's magic looks like foals-play then beating the shit out what ever enemy he faces :D
MOOaR!!!!!!!!!
Hmm, interesting direction. Nice to see a son and father bonding, though it'll be hilarious when Naruto is exposed to Kushina's personality. And the company should prove interesting for Twilight's development. Can't wait to see what you do next.
Imagine if Naruto had instead gotten earth pony traits instead. Uzumaki clan blood + 9 tail + earth pony = never tiring powerhouse.
I also think Sasuke should've gotten wings, he seemed to make good use of them in his cursed form.
LET THE UNDERMINING AND INSANITY BEGIN!
All right! The plot thickens!
Great job with this and I do find it interesting that you are having Naruto and Sasuke's bodies adapt to the magical nature of Equestria like this. I can see it now: Behold! The very first of their kind! Pony-Human hybrids!
~ Super-Brony12
Well, that was an awesome chapter! Your writing quality is excellent, I was so happy to see the beginnings of a well written Naruto crossover, and this chapter definitely didn't disappoint. Looks like you found a way to work around the previous formatting issues, the spacing and scene breaks really improve the readability of the story. The plot is interesting, character interaction feels natural, and the internal dialogue and thought processes are all good. I'm really liking the concept of Minato being able to teach Naruto in his dreams, and the human chakra/pony magic interaction and adaptation is an interesting spin as well. The suspicious behavior of the guard makes for an intriguing plot development, I am wondering what will become of it, and what significance the stars hold in the grand scheme. Is this going to somehow involve my favorite lunar princess? I hope so!
Looking forward to the next update, if there's anything I can do to assist just shoot me a PM and I'll be happy to lend a hoof!
I haven't even started to read and I already like it. I mean look at the size of those chapters! There so... *sniff*... So beautiful....
The story is getting better and better!
I'm looking forward to the next chapter
Let me guess no more chapters
Nice looking forward to more
this story made me jizz in my pants
Ok first this was actually pretty damn good and right off the bad I'm liking and faving this.
Second the way you did this story wise was actually pretty good for a naruto crossover you did something pretty new for the verse!
As for Sasuke I'm surprised by his actions, and you know? Definitely not out of the realm of possibility since he is only a what? Eight your old kid who had his clan slaughtered?
His reaction is completely understandable at this age.
Eager to read the next chapter now!
Good eventful chapter loved how both of them were, Hm, the only thing I didn't really care for was filly twilight, she was completely in character to how she would have acted like but I just don't like her shut in nature. She just comes off as annoying to me.
Hopefully when she spends more time with sasuke and naruto she'll changed a bit. ^^
Anywho can't wait for more.
2488768 Ginkaku and Kinkaku could be resurrected and have Kurama's chakra taken out of them.