• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen September 5th

Skyblitz


Language student, residing in the wonderfully bleak UK! Occasionally I write horsey things.


E

After the initial wonder and excitement of ascending to the ranks of Equestria's Princesses, a sudden realisation comes to Twilight: her immortality...and how she will outlive her friends.

When the fateful day finally arrives, Twilight calls Princess Celestia to the shores of Eternity's Crossing, the Great Sea of the world...to ask for one final favour.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

So sad, but definitely 2 hooves up.

Oh god, right in the feels. :fluttershyouch: Superbly done, my friend. I only wish I could have seen Luna's reaction when Celestia came back alone and had to tell her Twilight was gone. :fluttercry:

These stories... these loss stories... they all wind up on my faves somehow.

Yet another beautifully done story. Well done! Keep up the great writing!

:fluttercry::raritycry:....what no! Im not crying...its...its liquid pride...totally different thing...

Is that Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven" cover art? :moustache:

2369808 I don't think so, this was just something I pulled off Google Images :twilightsmile:

Whyyyyyy!! Did you write something so saaaad.

I'm so happy!!

Oh so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. :twilightsmile:

So sad, but beautiful too. I recognize the song from youtube.

Someone's been listening to Annie Lennox - Into The West... :coolphoto:

Every so often, a sadfic comes across as incredibly moving and poignant, and I found this to be one of those times. Well done.

2387420 Thank you :twilightsmile: I was listening to the song when I suddenly thought: "Hey, I have some pony related ideas I can fit into this."

And here we are. I'm glad I didn't disappoint

:fluttercry: I got to the part on the beach and started balling Great story :pinkiehappy:

Beautiful piece of literature. Liked and faved :twilightsmile:

So sad and beautiful. Amazing! Fave

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors.

Name of story: I assume you already know this ^_^ but: That Place Beyond the Sea.

Grammar score out of 10: looks like a ten to me. (edit: Ooh, ooh, except I found one mistake on my second read-through. I won't mark you down for it, though. That'd be kinda stingy.)

Pros:
-Beautiful, spellbinding narrative.
-No typos as far as I can tell from a single read-through.
-Character and dialogue seem spot on.

Cons:
-It's extremely difficult to come up with cons here, and I don't want to force myself to come up with undeserved criticism for your story, so I'll instead give you a more subjective critique in my notes.

Notes: The writing style is very flowery. I think the style fits this story beautifully, but I can imagine some readers with a preference for minimalist descriptions and filling in details using their own imaginations might take issue with it. Regardless, I wouldn't advise you to change it. This point, is, after all, dependent on who your readers are, and the last thing you want to do is to try and please everyone.

On the positive side, I love your characterisation. While Twilight yelling at the guard might have seemed out of character, her reasons were quickly demonstrated in her dialogue with Luna. You could, technically, have held off the dialogue for a while, keeping back the explanation for Twilight's behavior and drawing the reader's curiosity, but considering that the summary of this fic kind of explains the reason for her grief anyway, it'd probably be pointless.

Celestia seems perfectly in character with her serene, yet sad acceptance of Twilight's death, and the way you handled the actual death really took the edge off what could have been a very sad scene. While I'm happier that that's the way it was written, some readers might have wanted the scene to be sadder, in which case you'd probably end up writing her death in a more harsh, literal fashion- but I don't think that's what you intended here, and I for one, prefer it.

It's annoying, because I keep coming up with criticisms, reading your story again to support them, only to find my points aren't true and you actually do have everything covered. Man, you're good! How am I supposed to criticize this story when there's nothing to criticize? Gah. Curse you and your writing skill! I'm sorry if this review wasn't as helpful as you were expecting it to be. You'll probably have to find an author with a sharper eye than me to offer concrit :(

The line: "You're home" was beautiful, might I add, and just as I went back to quote it, I saw it was missing the comma after "home". There's your grammar mistake AND THAT'S MY CRITICISM BYE.

Heh, I hope this was somewhat useful :)

Heya heya! I saw your post on AHA, and figured I'd share my thoughts of your story. I'm going to be a bit less formal than I normally would be when giving a review, in that the structure of this review isn't going to be bullet points.

First off, I want to say that I normally stay away from stories like this one; not because I don't enjoy sadfics, but because many of the fics on this site dealing with Twilight's immortality read very much the same. That said, this was wonderfully written.

In regards to grammar and formatting, I have nothing negative to say. Your syntax is damn-nigh perfect, I'd say. I saw a missing punctuation mark here and there, but nothing that disturbed the flow of the story.

Your descriptions are very vivid, and help breathe life into not just the setting, but the characters themselves. The condition of a room can say just as much about a character's state of mind as a line of dialogue can, and you've used that to great effect.

I will say that there were a couple points (mostly toward the beginning) where I found myself a little bored with the flowery descriptions. Not to say that they are poorly written, or anything. There were just times where I felt that it went a bit overboard.

There was one line that I thought could actually use a bit more detail:

"Of course" she said happily, with a slight frown.

I think you could do a bit more foreshadowing here. If you don't mind, I have a suggestion:

"Of course," she replied. Though she kept her tone serene, something in the timbre of Twilight's voice caused her to frown slightly.

It's not perfect, by any means, but I think that a bit more description into Celestia's reaction would help set the tone for the following events. Feel free to tell me to piss off, though. :)

Your characterizations were all spot on, and even the bit part that the guard played was well fleshed out. I love Celestia in this story, simply because she feels like the mother figure that so many other fics have tried and failed to portray. Her reaction to Twilight's decision was phenomenal.

Speaking of said decision (I'm trying not to spoil anything in this review,) I did not see that scenario coming at all. Well done! It's refreshing to read an alicorn fic that really throws you for a loop. I think that the whole second half of the story illustrates the grief that we all feel when a loved one passes, and the lengths we'll go to to keep them close to us. This is the first sadfic dealing with immortality that I have Favourited, and it will likely remain the only one. You caused me to favourite a story in a setting that I don't care for at all. I can think of no higher praise than that. Kudos, my friend. :moustache:

2924342 Why thank you. Oh, and I'm stealing that improved line :raritywink:...if that's okay with you, of course...:fluttershysad:

2924395 Hahaha! It's all yours, bud. Glad I was able to contribute.

my god this bought tears to my eyes the first time i read it and it still brings me to tears each and every time i read it this is possibly the most beautifully written thing i have ever read and that's saying something with how much i read I'm just sorry it has taken me several months to find the words to comment on this masterpiece

Amazing descriptions. I pride myself in my descriptive writing, but your word choice is so perfect that I feel my work can't even hold a flame to this. A couple of your metaphors/similes were a bit of a stretch, but hey, nobody's perfect! :twilightsmile:

The story itself was a beautiful premise. It brings up that beautiful sadness that feels good yet hurts at the same time. I was brought to tears at least three times. :pinkiesad2:

You may want to go back and proofread a bit, as there are a couple typos here and there :derpytongue2:

Overall, an incredible story and by far one of the best I've ever read. Kudos to you and I hope you continue writing! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by MoonLit_Assassin deleted Nov 19th, 2016

Ya know, I just wanna say, it's been a long time since I first read this story. It's one of my favorites despite the rather sad tone. For a while it even spent some time on my userpage as a recommended fic. It's also about the only story I've read that can actually make me tear up, and continues to do so to this day.

I think a big part of what makes this story genuinely powerful is how you tempered the melancholy tone with hope. Twilight dies, Celestia is left grieving, and in general it's all just rather heart-wrenching. And yet Twilight's crossing is treated as a happy occasion, if also quite bitter, because even though she dies she rejoins her loved ones. It gives the story more depth than a one-dimensional tearjerker.

I don't really have anything bad to say about this one, so I'll just highlight one quote that really stands out to me:

"Come with me, where worries will never bind you. All your grief at last, at last, behind you...come with me, I'll lead you to bliss. And take my love, for love is everlasting."

That makes me choke up, even just thinking about it. Not to mention the part where Twilight loses her immortality and is about to make her crossing, where you effectively contrast her joy and slight confusion with Celestia's despair and understanding. I could sit here and list things all day but I'd just end up summarizing the whole story.

So, I'm just gonna say well done. It's a powerful and emotional story that has more depth than many that are far better-known. It's a shame more people haven't seen it.

It takes a lot to make me cry, I rarely ever do it, but when I read something so poetic and beautiful as this, I can't help but to cry my eyes out, Fantastic job Skyblitz. :twilightsmile:

THE FEELS...THE FEEEEELLLLSSSS!!!!!!

Well, I've found yet another fic that brought tears to my eyes. This has defiantly got to be one of my favorite stories now. Excellent job well done my man :raritywink:

This was a beautiful story.

and like that Celestia made her wrong right.

Very well done. I really like how you captured the feelings. :raritywink::applecry:

Login or register to comment