• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Skyblitz


Occasionally I write horsey things.

T
Source

Blaze, a low ranking officer in the Royal Guard, starts to consider that there isn't a point to his career. His duties include watching over empty unused rooms in the Palace, or occasionally escorting the Princess to another uneventful meeting.
However, one night whilst covering for the Library Guards, Blaze stumbles across a long hidden tome. As the guard begins to read, he finally learns the truths behind events in history that he grew up learning, but never really paid much attention to. In a single night, he learns just how much Princess Celestia has sacrificed for all of Ponykind.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 45 )

As a writer who is currently trying to flog his way through a story series about the Royal Guard (Or rather the Equestrian Military as a whole) I rather enjoy the way you're leading with this and I look forward to seeing more. The characterisation works well and I love the way you've portrayed the tedium of an institution that seems to have forgotten its purpose, finding it replaced with tradition and regulation almost purely for the sake of looking pretty on the parade ground than any actual soldiering (or maybe I'm projecting here? My own interpretation of the Royal guard isn't too kind towards the state of their training or the quality of their commanders. Probably has a lot to do with making sure every soldier has the same coat and mane colour)

Dat cliffhanger... Anyway you got yerself a watch but, I noticed something that would make actual Japanese people angry. It's Yin Yang, not Ying Yang. No G in Yin.

Very good story. You captured military life pretty damn well (for Equestria anyway) and I was pleased with this:

"A land that has a military power rivalled by rabbits and parasprites. Do you not remember what happened during the Royal Wedding?"
Blaze opened his mouth to retort back before he stopped. He had no answer. The Royal Guard and the Canterlot City Watch had failed dismally in the Changeling assault. Nopony could deny that, even the beloved Princess Celestia herself was defeated by the Queen. High Flyer did have a point, but Blaze doubted that it was worth yelling out over Great Hall, especially while the guard captain's own personal regiment were sitting six rows away from them.
"We were just...unprepared" was the only reply that the grey unicorn could answer back with. High Flyer let out an amused chuckle before returning to his paste.
"We never are" :rainbowwild:

-I particularly enjoyed this. It's a very true statement and none of the the fanfics I've seen to date pointed this fact out or acknowledged it. :pinkiehappy:

Shitty living conditions, shitty assignments, shitty pay, shitty combat training, shitty government meals, poor execution of military power (changeling invasion), shitty technology, and boredom... :pinkiesick:

remind me to NEVER join the Equestrian military if I ever go there, unless to be an officer or something because that life SUCKS! :pinkiesick:

I'll stick with the U.S. Air Force, thanks! :rainbowlaugh::twilightoops::rainbowlaugh:

Silver out!

DAM, It was getting rather good, will follow.:moustache:

1070106
Haha! Error corrected :pinkiehappy:

And thank you everpony for feedback so far. I was kinda worried that I do what I normally do with this particular type of fic and over-describe things. But none of you have complained so I wont either :twilightsmile:

I am looking forward to this story... Stupid cliffhangers

Interesting history.

You must have worked hard thinking all of that up.

Great job!

Silver out!

I feel like a hipster, why, because I have a feeling that this story will reach out to others. . . one day. . . :ajsmug:

In case anypony is wandering, i have NOT given up on this story. Ive just been preoccupied with other things like school -.-
But i shall continue this fic when i get the oppotunity:scootangel:

While reading the fight between Discord and Celestia I was watching the duel between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker... yep the music made this chapter even more epic. Epona and Gaea, if this is just the first chapter then by the goddesses the rest of this story is going to be epic.

You've made both Luna and Celestia transcend their mortal canon selves into true goddesses, not just by their actions by their words. And there is their entrance, 11 11/11/11? Excellent bit of symbolism right there, which just adds to the epicness. I am so going to have follow this, and add it to "Protect Celestia"

In the Name of Her Serene Majesty Celestia Everfree, Princess of the Sun, Consul of the Clouds, High Chieftain of the Vanner Plains, First Diarch of the Equestria Federation
Celestia's Paladin: Ex Solis et Lunae, Providentia et Prosperita

1200999
thank you very much:twilightsmile: i wanted to give a sense of mythology to equestrian history, and i liked the idea of Celestia and Luma's titles simply being called The Fire and The Storm. Plus when this is finished i plan to write a sequel...possibly featuring a new character...say, the 'golden leaf' perhaps... :scootangel:




...New princess...

1201063
As I try to do the same for my own headcanon I see nothing wrong with that, as a matter of fact you aren't the only one to give the Alicorns a title pertaining to the elements. Celestia Alicorn of Fire, Luna Alicorn of Water, Cadenza Alicorn of Wind, Sejr Alicorn of Earth. And I think Her Serene Majesty would simply like to be called Chieftain Everfree.

1201143
I suppose in my case she would be the Blessed Laurel, the First Alicorn. Avatar and Friend of Epona.

Nightflyer, I have to ask, is it by design that you use the word "proberly" instead of "probably"? Is that like a British slang term I haven't heard yet? Cause this whole time I've been thinking it was a typo - even when I set my language to English (UK) google docs spellcheck says NOPE. But now I've seen it too many times in your stories for it to be a coincidence...

Anyways, this chapter exceeded expectations, it seems more polished and detailed, and I like that. Not to mention the nice concept - we always see royal guards just standing around, it's fun to hear them complaining about it. It sort of reminds me of the first episode of Red vs Blue.

A full review is coming after I'm up to date.

This is quite interesting. I'll start, as usual, with the couple things I disliked:

-Your portrayal of this primal Discord, for me anyways, took a heavy amount of suspension of disbelief. A version of Discord who is genuinely sadistic and cruel, who wants ponies to live in pain, that's not the Discord that the Mane 6 fight. In my head I said well, this was more than a thousand years ago, maybe time changed him. But if we're being real, logic would dictate that spending milleniae in stone would make someone more angry, not less. I understand that a more villainous Discord was part of the whole theme (a more intense version of events featuring badass Celestia/Luna), but I would have encouraged you to not play up the cruelty part so much.
-Why oh why does Discord call the princesses bitches? LOL. What were you thinkin, ya silly goose?
-Minor technical errors, like this tense change at the end: And he seriously doubted that she'll come sneaking back in here when she lived in Ponyville. If you plan to continue this, I'd suggest getting someone to look at/edit/proofread your drafts.

Aside from that, I found this almost as fascinating as Blaze did! Really interesting, and this third leaf alicorn thing has got me mighty curious! Good work on picking places to cut certain parts of the history book out, leaving us with the important parts. A beautifully tactful way to reduce the fluff in the story. You did a fine job of this so far, Mister Nightflyer, and I hope you'll come back to it, if you have a mind to!

Very well written story! I cannot wait for the next chapter and especially high congrats to you thinking up the interesting history, it seems to have worked very well!:yay:

Took you long enough, but well worth the wait. Griffins versus Equestira... epic, and now dragons? Oh boy this is going to be awesome. Celestia's badass boast:

'I am the Dawn and the new day begun; I bring you the morning, I bring you the Sun! I hold back the Night and I open the Skies; I give light to the world, I give sight to your eyes! From the first of all Time, until Time is undone! Forever and ever, I am the Sky and the Fire and the Sun! I am one with the world and I am the Dawn!'

That is simply awesome.

The Griffins already lost their elite guard? Luna and Celestia just obliterated an entire army with only the backup of a small contingent of ponies. Badass. The biggest issue that the griffins overlooked is that, yes Equestria was exhausted and their horsepower (hehe :pinkiecrazy:) was severely depleted, but all of those survivors are veterans! The only way you defeat an experienced enemy if your troops aren't vets is through attrition.

That said, Luna and Celestia better scrape together at least a couple regiments' worth of ponies before striking.

Silver out!

Comment posted by Skyblitz deleted Jan 11th, 2013

1st all, I would like to say, FINALLY, this fanfic updated! :flutterrage:
Next, I would like to say that you did an amazing job on writing this chapter, I cant wait to see what you got in store for us! :scootangel:

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Our Savior, Our Princess

Grammar score: 10/10

Pros: First up, every time the princesses show up, there is a sense of spectacle. Just wonderful. Next, the character of Blaze, whose narrative frames the story, is pretty likeable. I mean, he's a royal guard so by rights he ought to be as unique and compelling as a Stormtrooper, but somehow his curiosity and the way he kicks back and tries to have conversations with that owl and other little things just make him a great POV character. And finally, the world-building is excellent. There is a sense that you are looking at the tip of an iceberg and there is a whole fantasy world just out of view.

Cons: The biggest con has its roots in something you do very well. Those spectacular scenes where the princesses show up are written with real care, but I can't help feeling like the narrative keeps me on the outside looking in. What I mean is that we haven't gotten to see what's going on in the princesses' heads in the story. They still seem so far away from us. And I know these reviews are supposed to mention three cons, but that's really the only criticism I have of the story. As the story begins to show just how much Celestia has sacrificed, the audience is going to want to see her more closely.:pinkiesmile:

Notes: Your characters are well-crafted and you show a real care for the world you are building. You also have a good sense of where to end a chapter. (That dragon cliffhanger is great.) Also, I really like Celestia, so this is right up my alley.:twilightsmile:

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story, Celestia in Excelsis.

I'm with the guard on this, Luna did what? Good job on showing how badass both the Sisters are.

1927198 Thank you muchly, the explaination of Luna's actions will be explained in future chapters :twilightsmile:

This was another kick-ass chapter, I was able to imagine that happened in my mind, even without the details of the setting. I belive Luna to be best princess, but after reading this great piece of work, I have a new found respect towards the Sun Goddes. Keep up the great work, I'll be waiting for your next installment in the series, but take your time, okay? :pinkiehappy::derpytongue2::twilightsmile::raritystarry::scootangel::trollestia::moustache::eeyup::ajsmug:

This review brought to you by the group Authors Helping Authors.

Fic Name: Our Savior, Our Princess
Grammar Score: 8.5
Pros: Treatsies on Equestria's history are always an interesting read, but you've added a level of mystery to why it has been hidden away.
Showing the Princesses as their true immortal, goddess selves in both power and authority is pulled off with panache.
While this is primarily a description of Equestrian history, you've managed to pique my interest with the Golden Leaf with the Sun and Moon.
Cons: There are a few misspellings here and there, but nothing too major.
Owliscious (hope I spelled that right) seems somewhat unnecessary.
Discord was OOC quite a bit whenever he spoke. His actions were not though, which helped to mitigate it.

Notes: This is a very well written story, and your description is top notch. I particularly enjoy how you've somehow managed to merge the typical history narrative style with that of a journal entry. It truly does give the feel of a firs-hand historical account. Celestia being totally kick-flank (and her kick-flankness being so well written to boot!) is always a treat and I hope you continue to show this side of her. Keep on keeping on, you've earned a like and fav from me.

Hoped you enjoyed and found helpful your review. Please review my story, Marks of Harmony. I don't expect you to do it all at once by the way. That would be too much for even me to read!

This was the music that inspired me to write the story. Enjoy :twilightsmile:

This review brought to you by Authors Helping Authors

Name: Our Saviour, Our Princess
Grammar: 6. I'm seeing quite a few misspelled words here than there and some poorly-phrased sentences that distract me from the story (1/4th of the way into Chapter 1 and I see "proberly" and "broccali"). I'd recommend finding an editor or a proofreader for this.
Pros:
- The tone of the ancient passages is very well-done
- The battle scenes are well described and quite epic
- The way you use missing passages is both dramatic and realistic
Cons:
- I know this is the whole point, but the alicorns seem rather overpowered, considering how easily Celestia was defeated by Chrysalis. I hope you have some way to explain that.
- Discord seems OOC as well. It's worth noting that Discord's statue seems to be singing, not screaming, in Return of Harmony, so I'm having trouble reconciling this account with that fact.
- The griffon chapter is confusing. The alicorns were kicking their asses before the dragons showed up, and then suddenly their asses are getting kicked after slaying the griffon's greatest warrior? I hope there's something in that missing passage that explains that.

Hope you found this review helpful. Please review my story, Fragment.

1950261 Grammatical errors are now being removed and corrected :twilightsmile:

Celestia's boast is indeed badass, but..."I hold back the Night"?
i.imgur.com/wkRsmpQ.gif

Hello Skythorn! This review is brought to you by Authors helping Authors,

Note: This review is going off the first chapter, by I did favorite so I can continue reading. :twilightsmile:

One of the main reasons I even felt like giving your fanfiction a try was because of the synopsis. Going by the title and picture only I felt kinda like it going to be all about Celestia and such, but your synopsis manged to grab my attention. Going with a guard that is in fact bored with his current life in the guard and eventually discovers something that makes him rethink how he views is job was a different approach that I gladly appreciated. Given how most stories are usually "ban wagon" stories, it gets hard to fine those that try to be different and unique and for that I applaud you.

As previously noted there are some noticeable grammar mistakes.

"so anyway, what exciting duty to you have today. This time, I've moved

It should look something like this

"so anyway, what exciting duty do you have today. This time, I've moved

And really the mistakes are like that, minor but numerous enough to be noticeable. So its something I suggest going back over and fixing or find a proofreader to help.

Pros:
1. The interaction between the MC and his friend about how stale their job as become. Brings a flare of "its not all cracked up"

2. Description that surprisingly went along side on what I thought the guards did in the castle.

3. Just how it feels (to me anyhow) more like a slice of life than an other story of Celestia's past. bonus points for it being told from a book.

Cons: Really its a personal one but I kinda felt the speed of the chapter was a bit to fast for the first half of the story. Now its not a huge thing and I understand none of us really want to know how many titles are in this room compared to the one with pillars in it. XD

Overall The Story is interesting enough for me to have favorite it so I can continue to read and follow it. But I need to ask, does the title of the book translate to the story's main title?

.

2528362 Thank you very much for the review, and I'll be sure to go back over every chapter and hunt down the grammar mistakes before purging them with fire :twilightsmile:

The title of the book does indeed (loosely) translate into the title, however the Latin word for 'Princess' seemed rather dull, so I've changed it to 'Our Saviour, Our Queen.'

So falls the Usurper King. Epic, very epic. And now the War of Eternal Night, this is going to be awesome. You have done well my friend

Hmmmmmmmmmm... I really like this story. Only thing I can object to is the main character being a unicorn because everybody knows Pegasi are the best, end of discussion.

And then out of no where... DRAGONS:moustache: it's like Helgan all over again lol

This story is more addicting than the white powder on the end of my nose!!!:twilightsmile:

Awesome Celtic Woman reference there! Lol

I can't wait for more. This story just drags me in.

This seems interesting, putting it into read later list. :)

I like 'dis! It be good thinking! Gief moar, pl0x?

Sorry, I just like it a lot. <3 Take your time, I'll be waiting.

This is wonderful. As unlikely as it, I hope this piece continues.

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