Rarity has considered Fluttershy to be a close sister... until she starts seeing this 'sister' as a sexy mare. She has always pictured herself with a dreamy stallion or prince. Though, more recently, a shy, yellow mare with a pink mane.They go to the spa every week and hang out together all the time. How could she not fall in love with this kind mare?
This story is now cancelled. I may continue, but I probably won't. I wrote this a while ago and so it isn't too well written. It's too bad for me to fix it. I'd have to rewrite all of it. I've given up on it.
Chapters (19)
I think that this was good. But, like what Emerald Flight said, you should have it so that it's one pony's point of view at a time. So, you could do two chapters: one in Rarity's eyes, the other in Fluttershy's. Still, keep up the good work!
Very well written, but the third person didn't turn out so good.
2219948 I don`t understand how it`s in third person. I`m trying to do it through their eyes and describe it. I want people to understand what`s happening, but trying to do it completely through their eyes is difficult. At least I`m not always saying things like 'she said' 'Fluttershy whispered' I`ve gotten a little bit better at not doing that. This is also my first story focusing just on the romance so I`m still working on the way I write these.
2219944 That`s kind of what I`m trying to do in the next chapters. It will alternate between the two characters, but I won`t show the same chapter twice just to show the two perspectives. Some chapters will be both though. This first chapter was mostly Rarity and the next will be Fluttershy.
2219948 Thank you and I`m trying to work out the kinks in their perspectives.
2224489
Great! I can't wait!
Well...this is going to be interesting....
Uh...I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!!!!
Well...this can only mean one thing...Twilight and Rainbow are going to have to date somepony else.....
Mother of The Tyrant Overlord Baal, dood.
I am not entirely sure if Rainbow Dash would act like that, and Twilight took it better than expected. To be honest, this whole chapter feels rushed, mostly at the end, dood. Where they tell each other how the morning after went and then *Spoilers about the end of the chapter*... I figured there would be more of a 'licking your wounds' kind of thing.... But I'm a criminal in the form of a explosive penguin slave so what do I know about romance, dood?
2240102 I could`ve gone deeper into the pain, but they don`t really get extremely upset in MLPFIM so nopony is totally sure how they would act. Also, Twilight is calm and collected, Rainbow Dash is all about her ego so Fluttershy`s response to her feelings just kinda hurts her ego in her mind I`m guessing. Also, I`m still pretty young and I didn`t want to go too deep into the fact that they slept together. Also, I`m not good at sustaining pain. I can make them sad for maybe a chapter, but I don`t like things ending badly. I want this to be a light comedy with some deeper parts. Also, I really wasn`t sure what I was going to do with that chapter, I just know that I wanted to do it. I tried pretty hard, but it wasn`t the best chapter. Thank you for commenting!
P.S. There will be a little more dealing with pain in the next chapters. Also, with the small spoiler ideas I was kind of doing the give a dog a bone and then they love you thing. People will read more if they want to know more.
I like this story A LOT,plz make more chapters
2258551 I`m going to write another 16 chapters, each of them will be 1,000 words or higher. I might even add a couple extras if I need to.
P.S. You`re name is epic! :)
Wrong your
Slow...down...a... Little... Maybe? I want to enjoy this story, but right now it's just way to fast to do that.
2263883 I totally understand. You`re right. I wanted to do this, but I also really hate when things end badly. I know that it was too fast, but I don`t like making people sad.
Not a bad story, felt a little rushed at times with the element of "in your face" and "straight to the point" type writing, but the plot is good and the little cliffhanger at the end here is a nice twist.
umm... wat? aldo, you spelled "Base" wrong. in the context you used the word in, it should be "bass" as in the instrument, not the fish. "Base" means like home-base or a basball diamond type base, not the instrument.
2293465 Thank you! It has been fixed! I don`t know where my head was when I wrote that!
Angel have a girlfriend? This I got to see.
Fame or love? We all know she'll make the right choice.
OOOH so suspenseful, i like that
can't wait to find out wat happens next 
2319149 I like that you enjoy my story! I am in the process of writing the next chapter so be patient.
killing... thas a bit... extreme. ok story so far, but serriousley, slow down the setting transitions.
2319438 Killing? Explain. Also, thanks for the comment!
P.S. I`m not editing the way the scenes change. Muahahahaha!
2314438 yes i concure, is it possible you could write that side story?
2319469 If you are talking about ripping off my plot in the story then I give you this
this chapter, so many ways it could turn out.
2319467 oh and when i said "killing" i was refering to the part where fluttershy threatened to kill rarity if she was with someone else.
2319704 That was meant to be taken as a sarcastic statement. It was not to be taken literally. It was a funny, light hearted statement which I guess you took literally. Fluttershy would never kill Rarity just to be clear.
2319749 okay yea that explains alot.
Buttercup huh? what color is she? no offense.
2326095 She looks like this
http://images.wikia.com/mlp/images/4/45/Fluttershy_showing_bunny_to_Rainbow_Dash_S2E07.png
Go to this link and you will see Fluttershy holding a little, brown bunny. That is Buttercup.
I saw it and possibility make a spin off of those two.
2329736 I have two things to say. First, I think that I will make a little spinoff. It will probably be a quick, one chapter love story. I may make it longer. Second, is Angel your favorite character because you really like his part in the story?
I knew it as soon as he asked about a romantic partnership.
2293465
And you, sir, misspelled baseball.
...Fluttershy would kill Rarity? That's awfully out of character.... ...Loophole! Fluttershy said that Rarity couldn't touch anypony else, but somepony else could touch Rarity.
Awesome. Now that I'm caught up, I will move on to my next story. And great job too!
2351024 It`s supposed to be taken sarcastically! Another person commented about this. Why would she kill Rarity?
YAY! NEW CHAPTER,and I like this Rarishy ball/dance idea you've come up with,SMART!
2361273 I`m happy that you are so excited! YAY!
Awesome job. This is awesome. Just...WOW!
I have no idea how this is getting so many thumbs down.. To me this story is very good. I like the inclusion of the CMC in there too. Have you considered continuing on with the series?
Okay, if your story is going to be viewed on a beige/off-white/eggshell/whatever-you-want-to-call-it background, you should not have white text. It's nigh impossible to read.
If you really want to make each character's thoughts a color, make Rarity's purple, not white. At least then we'll be able to see/read them.
That being said, I didn't actually read anything past Rarity's first thought, so... no further comment.