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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Woot Tentacles and Spitfire
Now I can read the story.
The end part appears to abruptly cut off before going to the ending.
Alright, now it's up. :3
1946829>>1946821
1946844
I RUV YOU FOR FIXING THIS
Spitfire tentacle smexxing
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1946866 I haven't laughed out loud at a comment on one of my stories in a while. Good job!
well, in honest opinion, it was great, right up until she said "wanna make out?" once she said that, it just felt wrong to me. but anyways, good story, needs work on the ending.
1946929 I have an alternate dark ending I should post one day. Came up with it while writing, was too lazy to write it.
I stopped playing Spec Ops: The Line for this. And Im happy I did. Kinda sad the tentacles didn't do more. Great story though.
Excellent! Top shelf! 10/5
Ha, that was pretty good. Its always fun to see *ahem* tasteful tentacle sex
lol
Way to go out with a bang Jexx; I'll be here in a month.
Waiting.
Hungrily.
That was a combination of hilarious and erotic, mostly the latter. I'm glad I got the chance to read another one of your prize tentaclefics before your departure, and you've inspired me to attempt to write a story involving said cephalopoid appendages.
Enjoy your trip as best you can, and hopefully you'll have some inspiration for a new fic upon your return. Well done, my friend. Well done.
Pleasantly surprised with soarin's minor role. Thumbs up! Hot Hot Hot!!!
Pleasantly surprised with soarin's minor role. Thumbs up! Hot Hot Hot!!!
Hot very..... Hot i barely see tentacle clop nowadays or maybe i'm just not looking hard enough Brilliant my good man!
I came.
BEST. FAREWELL. EVER!!!
I tried to clop to this for you. Couldn't do it, but hay, I tried.
Poor Soarin gets to have no fun.
TENTACLES!
People can try to beat them but... Tentacles will always win in the game
of sexual stimulus!
Fave and like!
(Joke) Alt. Title: Whose Vine Is It Anyways?
Besides, in my opinion, if Babs was there, this would have been a real vine party! SPRING BREAK! WOO!... Sorry.
That was... quaint.
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Tentacle sex is hawt.
I... I wha....
J... My god...
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WTF.... My brain.... I can't even....
Good story but.... ._.
At first I thought, 'awesome a Spitfire and Soarin' story that made the featured box!', but then I read the description. 'sigh'.
I find this really.......catchy.
*puts on sunglasses*
LOL..
First clopfic I ever read, and that was just... LOL!
I CAME!
DAT ENDING
Before I start my critique, a few things:
You missed quotations. I would also suggest an exclaimation point after "me" because he's yelling to her/trying to catch up.
Unneeded capitol.
No need to tell us it's carbonated.
Awkward sentence. I suggest rewording it a little to make it sound better. To me, this would look more fit: "It was hypnotizing, and intoxicating to feel the vine roll around her tongue, secreting more of whatever was coating it."
Run-on sentence.
Semi-colon would work a lot better than that comma.
"She shook, moaned, and twitches her legs in writing pleasure. As she desperately wishted to be able to rub her clit, her hips bucked and juice dripped freely from her marehood to the floor below."
I suggest changing it to that. Looks a lot better and has more flow.
Being 'caressed' already means tender. Alongside that, this word is being overused. Synonyms would be appreciated, by now.
"But - between all the other pleasures she was experiencing - it felt really good."
Read that sentence again without the hyphenated area, and tell me it sounds a lot better than your commas beforehand.
Is it me, or does everyone forget to space, and capitolize, after an elipses?
Is she dead yet?
Please, one hyphen is good enough. Unless it was supposed to be a period.
This piece is missing an indent.
For the love of God, use 'fuck'. This is a nuisance to see in a mature fiction.
----
Alrighty, so, I read through it. Was thoroughly enjoyable, and I loved the reference of aliens in there - a white owl and bright lights. Alongside that, the characterization of the two was spot on, in my honest opinion. To be fair, the tentacle pieces irked me, but was so well described that I enjoyed. All in all, this was a very good fiction.
But, the problems I have were displayed above, and here's another: don't use hyphens improperly. One type is to display outside information, and the other is used for stutter and/or swapping to relevant information. Also, a little bit more pacing and backstory would have been nice. I like fictions to have a bit more lead up than this.
Good job, though. Work on your synonyms, too.
Carefully, it brought them higher and gently set them amongst the glowing grass. The mares were still going at it, tongues wriggling in each other’s mouths and lips covered in each other’s spit. The plant patted them gently on the heads, then slinked its vines back into the pit.
Why does this sound like the Grinch?
You're a sly one... Mr. Tentacle-Thing-From-The-Pit~
You can pleasure any mare~
You can give them lots 'o passion; a lot more than they can bear~
Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Tentacle-Thing-From-The-Pit!
*insert more parodied Grinch lyrics here*
1949526
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tentacles, you say?
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1948374 I see that GIF and see the words 'Zero Fucks Given' LOL!
Where are you gone to and For how long?
SEQUEL! THEY BANG IN THE HOT TUB!
1950254
"We'll bang, ok?"
2:25 is the better one.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CpeRk1YFn8s]
If you haven't seen the Youtube Poops for ME3, Oblivion and Skyrim, you've missed some funny things.
Edit: Youtube doesn't want to work :|.
Im sorry, i cant find an emocon for "Mind Exploded"
Maybe I've seen one to many sci-fy horror films but I was always half expecting that plant to rip them in half or impregnate them with some sort of beastie.
Weellll Not one for tentacles but... THAT WAS THE BEST EVER!!!!
Okay
You win, damnit.
1950601 we think the same.
and also... that was hella wierd
Tentacle rape is best rape.
This looks interesting.
Commence Read.
Soarin just kinda hung around a bit.
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