Checkup
Twilight Sparkle woke with a start, realizing something as she’d slept. She rushed downstairs, and checked around. The library wasn’t a mess. Her magical items weren’t strewn about the place. Big Macintosh was still asleep, as was Spike. Nothing had been tampered with. She walked into the kitchen, and corrected herself: Big Macintosh had gotten into the bonbons in the middle of the night. She heard a misery-infused groan from his room. Heh, serves him right for gorging himself. Still, she was impressed he hadn’t gotten into the stronger stuff. Big Macintosh has more strength about this than she thought he did. Twilight sparkle had forgotten to put up the barrier the previous night, and this was all Big Macintosh had done. Considering his moans, she guessed the tummyache had taught him his lesson.
Twilight decided that it was time to wake up, and pulled out some breakfast. She turned on the stove, and put on a bit of tea, and started on the toast. Big Macintosh wandered out of his room by the time the toast was done. Twilight couldn’t help but look smug; Macintosh did not see the humor. Big Macintosh sulked over a bowl of oats, staring at it for a moment, unsure if he wanted to risk eating anything. Twilight charged her horn, and put a light enchantment on the oats. He gave her a weak smile, and ate his breakfast without a mope.
“Ugh, I’ve skipped over so much work…Today is going to be packed…So much to do and catch up on…I don’t know how I’m going to handle it all,” she admitted.
“Relax,” Big Macintosh instructed, “T’ain’t no need to rush. If it’s really important, don’t put it off. Everythin’ else can wait fer that.”
“Right! I’ll make a checklist of all the things I need to do, and hit them each by their importance!”
She started to rush off, but Big Macintosh held up a hoof.
“Take a second, there, darlin’. Just ‘cuz you got big things t’do don’t mean you gotta rush and ferget everythin’ else. Slow ‘n steady gets the field plowed.”
He motioned to her dishes, still on the table, and she saw his point.
“Right. Slow and steady,” she agreed, and put her dishes in the sink.
“Ah’ll git the dishes, don’tchu worry,” he promised her, and Twilight trotted off, starting a checklist, first running a mental checklist of the things she needed to assemble for the checklist. She’d figured out a while ago that making a checklist for the things to write a checklist was rather redundant and excessive. Twilight half-listened to Big Macintosh wash the dishes as she wrote up the checklist of all the things she needed to do, and then prioritizing them by importance.
“Done!” she declared, and rolled it up, assembled her saddle with all the things she needed, and started for the door, when it opened, and Dr. Oblong stood in her way.
“Ah, zhe Twilight Sparkle. I apologize for not taking zhe chance to spend more time wiz you at zhe party, but eet ees not often I get to see my favorite ghrand-niece, Pinkie Pie. Sooch a delightful party, wouldn’t you say?” he asked, entering.
“Oh, Doctor Oblong. I didn’t expect you until much…Later…”
“Vell, I figured zhe earliest zhe better. Now, vere is zhe patient?”
“Uh, right over there. Big Macintosh, would you come here, please?” Twilight called, putting her saddle down. She had the feeling she wasn’t going to need it today. Again. She was going to need to rewrite her checklist. Again. Sigh.
Doctor Oblong was followed by another pony in a white labcoat with a microscope as a cutie mark, carrying way more than he should be carrying. His legs shook under the weight, and his back curved towards the floor. Twilight was absolutely sure that ponies do not bend that way.
“Put eet over zhere,” Dr. Oblong instructed haphazardly, and the assistant obeyed, “Stethoscope.”
The assistant obeyed, putting the mass of stuff on the ground, and then quickly dug for a steothoscope. Twilight thought she had a good assistant! Dr. Oblong listened to Big Macintosh’s heart, and then instructed him to breathe. The stallion took a deep breath; Dr Oblong, who wasn’t much bigger than Pinkie Pie, looked somewhat silly being moved by Big Macintosh’s massive chest.
“Reflex hammer,” Dr. Oblong popped Big Macintosh on the knee to see how he reacted, on all four legs.
“Turn your head and cough.”
“Dawk, are you sure that’s, uh…”
“Oh, don’t be sach a baby,” Dr. Oblong huffed, “Do you have a prhivate room?”
Big Macintosh led the professor into the guest room, and Twilight was confused.
“What’s going on?” she asked the assistant, whose ears went flat.
“Listen, lady, if you don’t already know, I’m not explaining it to you. Ask your buckfriend later,” the assistant told her, and Twilight scowled.
“He’s not my buckfriend, he’s a patient.”
“Is that why he’s living with you?”
“As a matter of fact, it is. He had specific requirements for his treatment that could only be addressed by moving in here. Since moving in, his condition has increased exponentially, to the point that I am seriously considering releasing him back home. He will require a little more observation, of course, but given the condition he was in when I first brought him here, I would say he has made incredible progress. He is the brother of one of my closest friends, and a friend to me, as well. But that has not gotten in the way of my goal of seeing him back to health, or my professionalism as a student and a magic practitioner and researcher. And I resent your implication that my professionalism has been compromised.”
Twilight Sparkle huffed with frustration.
“Goot job, Magnus,” Dr. Oblong said with a smile, appearing behind his assistant, “You’re getting better at zhis.”
“What?” Twilight ground her teeth.
“I instructed my assistant to get an outburst from you, to reveal zhe extent of your treatment, and get a better understanding of, well, you. You vould be surprised how much you can learn from angering ponies and listening to zhe ensuing rhant. Big Macintosh, aside from your magic addiction, I vould haff to say you are an exemplary specimen of Pony health.”
“Thank ye, Dawk.”
“Wait, so you…DELIBERATELY got me angry, just to find out how I really felt?” Twilight’s mane was starting to stand on end.
“Dah. Worked, too?”
Twilight Sparkle slapped the assistant on the back of the head.
“Too well.”
Dr. Oblong couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction, though the assistant seemed far less pleased as he rubbed his head.
“Now, show me what you’ff been doink to help Big Mak-eentosh viff his prhoblem,” Dr. Oblong instructed, and Twilight started with the pillow.
“Since the doll that caused all of this was mostly dispelled, I first just used my horn to lure him out. Later, I enchanted this pillow. I did this with all of his linens. I was keeping him in a magical imprisonment spell during the nights, too, and occasionally his food. One of the other victims specializes in making chocolates, so I had them enchanted, as well. Of course, we’re out of those already,” she shot Big Macintosh a look, and he pursed his lips and hung his head in shame. Twilight snickered and rolled her eyes.
“Good, excellent! You haff been very creative in exposing him to zhe right amount of magic. I agree viff your assessment from what I have seen zhusfar, zhat he is nearing zhe end of his trheatment. However, zhere are some sings zhat you should be aware of, Beeg Mak-eentosh. Viff zhe amount of residual magic you haff been exposed you over zhe last few days, you may haff begun to develop a tolerance. Zhis means zhat magical remedies and magical effects may not have zhe same effect on you zhat ozzer ponies would have. Injuries vill probably need to rely more on your body’s own repair systems zhen anysing a Unicorn could provide.”
“Yes, sir, Ah always did believe that the body knows what it’s doing, ain’t no reason to mess with it,” Big Macintosh said. Dr. Oblong seemed pleased with this.
“Quite right! You have a visdom not seen, but surely heard, Beeg Mak-eentosh. However, zhere is something else you should be aware of. Most of zhe time, Magic addiction has nothing more zhan a tolerance for a side effect. Most ponies don’t get it more than vonce in their lives if zhat. However, addiction is psychological, as vell as physical. Ve haff mooch to talk about. Do you feel comfortable speaking here? Privately?”
“Uh, yes, sir…” the Earth Pony seemed very confused.
“Good! Twilight, for the sake of doctor-patient confidentiality, I must ask you to leave.”
“What? But this is my house!” Twilight protested.
“And your office, but right now, Beeg Mak-eentosh is my patient. You are neizha qualified to perform the duties of a psychologist, nor would it be appropriate for you to do so under zhese circumstances. Perhaps if the nature of your relationship in this case were not so personal, it vould be different.”
Twilight started to turn pink with anger, but Oblong held up a hoof.
“It vas a poor choice of words, forgive me,” he shook his head, “I meant zhat you haff spent several days acting as his doctor, his nurse, his host, and caretaker. Zhat is very intimate, even under zhe most personally distant situations. It vould not be appropriate for you to also be his psychologist in this matter. Please, I know what I am doing, and vhat I am talking about.”
Twilight calmed down, accepting Oblong’s logic. Her pride had gotten the best of her again, and she immediately regretted it. Her first impression of Dr. Oblong had been similar to that of her first reaction to Pinkie Pie: This pony is crazy and random. Dr Oblong, however, was a premier professional, and was really showing it. He was funny, smart, and loved life, it seemed, but took his duties as a doctor seriously, even when it didn’t seem like that. From what she knew of Pinkie Pie and of Dr. Oblong thusfar, she admired him all the more for this.
“Very well, I have a lot of things to do anyway. Let me go wake up Spike, and I’ll be out of your mane. When should I come back?”
“Sving back around in two hours, I vill be able to give you a better schedule by then,” he told her. Twilight liked having a definite schedule in place to get things done, but she also recalled Big Macintosh’s advice: Don’t rush, slow and steady gets the field plowed. With a simple nod, Twilight nudged Spike awake; he got more and more difficult to awaken every day, and the dragon was getting bigger, too; nowadays, he walked on his own rather than riding on Twilight’s back. With a snort and a groggy, “Huh?” the dragon crawled out of his bed, and followed Twilight out of the library, only half aware of what was going on.
Twilight checked the checklist. First thing she needed to do was buy some cleaners for the house; they were almost out. She looked to the bottom of the list; check up on the Mayor.
“You know what, Spike? We’re going to vary from the checklist today,” she announced, and Spike’s eyes went wide.
“Wait what? You, change from the almighty checklist? Call Dr. Oblong, I think something’s wrong!” Spike laughed, now awake. Twilight giggled.
“I know, but I want to check up on the Mayor. She lives alone, so there’s nopony to keep a check up on her all the time. At least Bon-Bon has Lyra all the time. She might not be living with us, but the Mayor is my patient, and I can’t focus only on Big Macintosh, especially since he’s doing so well.”
“All right, but can we get something to eat first? I haven’t eaten yet…”
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Yay
Too bad it's on haitus, though. Hope you continue it soon.
Glad to see this is posted on this site.
In the meantime, have a thumbs up and a fave!
1639131 Hiatus? Son of a gun, I was really looking forward to reading more of this.
1639159 Wait on hiatus? Aw man
1639131
Yeah, I was going to end up having Ditzy Do talking to Oblong about her problems with Dinky's half-sister but I decided that was really drawl and not nearly relevant to the story.
To be honest, I don't know where to go from here with it. I haven't decided if this is a Shipping fic or not; I honestly do not know how this is going to end.
I loved it!!!! i started reading this morning and just could not stop!
i give it 10/10
Only 35 likes and featured?
Eh, might as well give it a read.
Sounds interesting but that "On Hiatus" is a bit off-putting. I don't like unfinished stories...
i have an idea...
can you make APPLEBLOOM addicted too? she was the first earth pony the spell effected and since she spends all her time with her freinds lately (a unicorn and a pegasus, both create their own magic) she should show signs..even if it's late.
1639506
That's an idea. I'll think on it.
Please continue!
1639591 yay!! i hope it makes it in the next chapter. do you know when you'll update next?
1639699
Whenever I make a decision
Hiatus... The kryptonite of FIMFiction.net....
Such a good story. I love the pacing and the way it's all set up. Very nice, smooth delivery, and just the right amount of chapter for the narrative. Not too long to start sounding long-winded, but not so short that you don't really get anything out of it. Very nice indeed!
Also, The writing in of the accents- Love it. Kinda hard to read the first time, if you're just glancing it over or don't know what the accents sound like, but it's pretty easy to sound out or read outright if you do or have been around those accents before.
You get a Like and a Fav. I can't wait to see more :3
1639930
It's on Hiatus because I don't know how I'm going to end it.
1640389
The most fun part about this Fic is reading it out loud. You have to in order to really follow what they're saying; that's a point I deliberately make.
1640557
I know! I spend a bunch of times reading over Pinkie and her Great Uncles lines before the party, just because it was so much fun to say!
Awww, no romance tag? ; ;
I... guess I'll read it anyway... Though with a premise like this, I'm SLIGHTLY disappoint for no romance. ; ;
1639591
A way that some writers to get out writers block is they they ask for suggestions in the comments and use them to get ideas.
I have been a part of stuff like that before and it is fun for both parties most often than not. And the other peoples input can create interesting and good chapters.
1641467
It might be. I haven't decided.
1641644
Isn't that what people in the comments are for?
1642321
Yeah but people feel more comfortable if you say it out right and are more likely to post suggestions.
1642391
That's what I'm doing now, isn't it? :P
A good read, if I say so myself. I like the premise of having them hooked on magic. And why do scientists have to have that accent anyway? Izn't zat steereotyping ze scientists? Eet iz wrong to say zat all scientists sound like zis. Aaand I suck at writing accents.
Anyway, I have no intention of rushing you... As you said through Big Mac, "Slow and steady gets the field plowed."
But still... It would be nice if you continued...
1642441
Ah, a fellow scienteest! I am very pleased to haff you arount.
I am currently tryink to think of how to end this piece. I am not sure where I am goink viff zhees.
1642472
I'd offer a suggestion, but I am a bad writer... But I am a good reader! Sometimes..
Though I have one suggestion that might help. And I do hope it does.
Don't fret about the ending just yet. Ease into it gently... No need to make this too short. Some of us here love to read a good story. Like a certain lavender unicorn.
Oh wait, she reads textbooks. Hmmm... No difference there.
I may not be the best WRITER, but I can come up with a pretty decent addition to any storyline pretty easily. Namely;
Shipping? Meh, make some funny/awkward moments that have to do with "Shipping", and I'm sure people will enjoy it.
Mayor Mare? Maybe her hair wasn't ALWAYS pink.....at least, not before "Lesson Zero".....If you catch my drift.
As someone else mentioned, was AppleBloom ever affected by the doll? Maybe you could come up with something to explain why she didn't develop the addiction like her brother. Maybe the fact she's around a Unicorn(Heavy Magic User) and a Pegasus(Medium Level Magic User) helps.
This is a fantastic story!
I hope the hiatus doesn't last long I'm looking forward to the finished story!
Ok, that was one of the best parts I've ever read in a story before, the diagnosis of Pinkie Pie was brilliant, I was on the floor almost crying! I also love how you did the doctor he really is a great character.
I for one hate OCs and I thought there was a missed opportunity for using Dr. Whooves (Give the stallion his TARDIS, Dammit!), but I really do like this doctor. Well done you gave OCs a chance!
I hope you continue the story soon, until then good luck!
Random fact of the day: Pinkie Pie to this day is the only pony known to have successfully teleported without the use of magic. The Academy of Science is still investigating this strange phenomenon. Local student Twilight Sparkle has given up her investigation, in response the Academy is sending another student known as ...... The GPT
.
God save the Sparkle!
What I do with my stories is think on an individual chapter basis. Btw, CUPCAKES
1642472 Well, maybe we could have a tiny bit of shipping, like just a line at the end, like -
Twilight: "Hey...you wanna go catch lunch?"
Big Mac: "...I'd like that."
LE END
- like that. Yeah, I really can't see the story ending in any other way other than a bit of shipping. A dark or sad or tragic turn would go against everything that's already in the story, and continuing with just slice-of-life and comedy themes would, I feel, create an anti-climatic ending.
But then again, it's your decision entirely. Just collect lots of different people's opinions, analyse them, look for recurring suggestions in the comments, and then try and come up with something. The ending isn't gonna come to you if you just sit there like a lemming...I don't know what lemmings are.
>reads Apple family accents
It's OK, I can get past it, I can handle the whacky accent-spelling.
>Doctor shows up
NOPE.
P.S. The story needs an editor.
If I may put my two bits in, I think a Twi/Mac shipping would be nice. Like the story and I hope you come to a decision soon.
Seriously, what DO they do with the mouth near the beginning of the chapter? I literally know nothing about doctors. Can SOMEPONY please tell me about that?
1639337 I personally vote no ship-fic - Not that there's not anything wrong with that, it just seems most of these stories go with the whole romantical bit.
1647758
'Story needs an editor' is not helpful without someone volunteering to take the part or somehow contributing.
1648909
The 'Twahlaht' may be a bit much; I wasn't sure about it when I wrote it in.
1649129
Thanks for the catch! I appreciate people helping me out with the proofreading.
Well seeing as the comment section might spur some creative juices I thought I would throw a few random Ideas out. The episode after lesson zero is Luna eclipsed. This could give you a nice setting for some fun humor. The mayor could have to fight the constant temptation of all the chocolate around.(Twilight having to shoo her away from the ones she leaves out to lure pinky)
Zecora could take notice of the symptoms shown by Big mac, Bon bon, and the mayor(maybe saying 4 instead of three to lead into the Applebloom part of the story if you want) and her reaction could be superstitious or helpful. If the latter she could offer some zebra remedies(which could help or have adverse effects depending on how long you want the story to go for.)
The last Idea with this setting I can think of off the top of my head is the addicted becoming enraptured with the enchanted spiders during Luna's outburst.
All in all though I really did enjoy this story so far. The setting is great, Your representation of the characters is spot on and exudes a lot of their charm, and of course the accents are just lots of fun.
Well I will stop rambling now. (I also think I might be addicted to Parentheses.) Oh god I did it again, I must seek help!
1649348
All my stars that is BRILLIANT! I think that's what I'll do.
Dr. Oblong will totally be Frankenstein's Monster.
1649370
That's Genius, and Twilight having to try and help Luna while still keeping her patients from getting in trouble could lead to some hilarious moments.
1649377
Especially the point about the Mayor and the Chocolates! What didn't I think of this before?
And then maybe we can do something with the Cutie Pox, as well, and get in that Applebloom story everyone seems to be craving.
1649392
I was thinking the same thing as well. The cutie-pox could either be caused by or an adverse reaction to the addiction(I mean a little filly managing to make a potion that worked just like she wanted (well at first at least)is a bit far fetched.) Oh sweet merciful Celestia! its getting worse, now I have them inside each other!
also I think Dr. Oblongs reactions during pinkie's confessions could be priceless.
1649164
It might if there were groups dedicated to helping editors and authors connect.
ze doctor iz awesome!
Goodness gracious why do I have this unrequitted need to read more fiction.
doesnt matter read all the fanfiction.
The first bit of good news is that I am taking this off Hiatus. There will be more chapters.
The second bit fo good news is that the first three chapters have had a round of editing, thanks to 1649426
If anyone wants to do additional editing, please e-mail or PM me your suggested changes.
1649426
My solution to parenthesis (these things) inside of parenthesis (just (like) this) is to parenthesis (the fist part [and] blocky thingy the second)
1639337
Isn't it obvious? More addictions.
Really excellent. A unique story line, at least I havn't read anything like it yet and I love the pacing of the story. Can't wait to see more.
MOAR.
I don't see how it's possible that I'm feeling jealousy from this.
Well this is a fun and interesting story. Twilight's being pretty thoughtful for taking on herself to fix her mistakes, and the characters' personalities really pop out. The progression is steady and there's always something interesting in each chapter. I can't wait to see more when it's off hiatus
Welp after having this in my read later list for a week I finally got a chance to read it. I like the detail in all the diagnoses, the characters are well written and the humor is spot on. the accents are a bit hard to read sometimes and the Apples where a bit over the top with some words but its a small thing. Bonbon made me laugh like crazy
I'm trying to remain as passive a I can being a TwiMac fan (the kiss on the cheek didn't help
) but I like the little sprinkling of connection you gave between Twilight and Mac. This doesn't have to go into a full blown romance between the two but you could always end it as the start of one, maybe Mac asks her out on a date, or vise-versa, I just think it would be weird for them to just go back to normal after all this. the Florence nightingale effect maybe?
Looking forward to more!