• Member Since 31st May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 15th, 2023



Fluttershy has decided it's finally time to tell Rainbow Dash about her feelings. But things don't go as planned, and Fluttershy is only left with herself and her imagination.

A/N: My first FlutterDash fic! If you were expecting anything other than terrible, you deserve to be stabbed by a spork!
(Cover image credit goes to Himawari-Chan)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )

Hiya everypony, this is my first FlutterDash fic and I'm looking foward to seeing all the hateful comments constructive criticism that you have about it! Also, I'm contemplating adding the "Sad" tag too, but I'll leave that up to you guys! Oh, and I'll probably change the description eventually too, since it's pretty much garbage right now. Thanks!
And as always, FLUTTERDASH FTW :yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

Awww, when is Chapter 2? Also, great work. No spelling errors that I could see.

Moar please!
I hope for a happy ending!

i.imgur.com/j4Nnv.png ~Wolf
diu vivere in lupus imperium!

I approve of this!

Dash randomly leaving to join the Wonderbolts doesn't make any sense at all, but I'll follow this anyway as I'm curious to see what happens.

Alright, that was a pretty good start. :pinkiehappy: I need to see what happens next. And, yeah, you should probably add a sad tag.

Don't you just love overused memes?

Thanks everypony! Glad to see that it turned out better than I thought it did! Any suggestions for the writing? Is the pacing off? Constructive criticism would be great!

1409990 Why would it be so hard for her, keeping in contact with her would be incredibly easy.
Hell, she could just go with her!

i.imgur.com/j4Nnv.png ~Wolf
diu vivere in lupus imperium!

1409990 Hmm... maybe you could try slowing it down a little? But it's pacing isn't that bad. It seems a bit OOC for Dash to suddenly leave them all, so maybe make her letter longer? Just cover a couple of plot issues.

Well I think we've both read a story where she goes with her :P

Hmm... It's a possibility. Thanks!

This is a fantastic first shipping and you should give yourself a pat on the back.

The meme was instantly the first thing that popped into my head because in just over 1000 words we basically saw an intro, flashback, plot twist, chat session and a lot of emotion. It was paced very quickly and you have to at the end of a paragraph look back to actually see what just happened.
Everything seemed to pop up unexpectedly with very little in the way of build up. Other than that I really enjoy your style of writting and can't wait for the next installment. Consider yourself watched.

Just another quick note, Rarity caught on very fast about Fluttershy loving Rainbow Dash. She seemed to almost bring it up out of the blue, either that or she catches on fast. I sat back and thought 'Wow, good guess.'

Now I only feel it to necessary to give it a Thumbs up and call it a day.

P.S: Compared to some of the junk I've written, this is brilliant.

xD Thanks for the feedback. For the Rarity thing, I see what you're getting at. I suppose it would be because how much it seems to have affected Fluttershy that it made her realize it was more than just a friend missing another friend.

You are off to a good start! Like what everyone else said, the pacing and structure are the only real issues. But honestly? For your first fic, this is a pretty solid beginning!

I think the entire beginning should've been a flashback. At least, until Fluttershy departs for the spa. That might've worked a little bit better.

:fluttercry: Rainbow Dash leaves with only a letter? To join the Wonderbolts? Hmmm...I could be overthinking this, but it sounds to me like she's running away. The opportunity struck her and she took it without properly saying goodbye to her friends. That's disloyal of her! But yet, it could be that she's avoiding the emotional confrontation. But then again, we have yet to see Rainbow's point of view, if you are going to address it. XD

So, I look forward to where this goes! :pinkiehappy:

FlutterDashFTW Its good to see you finally writing some Flutterdash.
For your first attempt this is a good start. Pacings not perfect and it sometimes took me a moment to figure out where if there had been a massive change in time but it looks like its going to be an interesting sad fic…
Of course my point of view is that Fluttershy would accompany Dashie on her exploits with the wonderbolts, but then again... thats just me :pinkiehappy:

If you ever want to discuss a chapter or if you would like a helping hoof with anything I'd be glad to help you out.

Dashie should return to her Flutters... :fluttershysad:
And as always, (to steal your line, since its you who has written this fic...) FLUTTERDASH FTW



Alrighty-dighty, have a cig and let's get flighty.

FERST: I want to say that I'm here because I picked up a pulse. Yes, that's right, I seized your story's wrist and felt a little "buh-bump." Therefore, I am here.

(Translation: You have potential and it's plain to see. You need education, practice, understanding, experience, and general learning, but you do have potential.)

SECUNT: Yeah, I think you already suspect what your deal is--pacing. You understand what needs to be in a story, but you did not stop to explore the spots and let them develop. Instead of being in the moment, you stepped on it for inclusion.

Slow... down... the moment... for full effect. Explore the nooks and crannies. One does not simply say, "Fluttershy was nervous about this." One shows it through exposition of her actions, thoughts, and does it in a well-paced manner. I'm not saying to drag your ass; I'm saying to pause long enough to realize, "Hey, I have an ass. Oh, and I have legs, too."

Do some more reading of novels. Read some of the higher-rated stories on here. Compare and contrast. Find the power.

Good to see you commenting! :pinkiehappy: Yeah, I figured the pacing would be an issue here, but I'm glad to see it turned out better than I expected. I'm not planning on doing a full on Sad fic, but I might as well throw the tag on there... Oh that picture... Silly Fluttershy. :yay: I was thinking of doing a fic where Fluttershy goes with Dash, but DinoManDraves has already got that covered. :derpytongue2:
I would try to copy your signature, but you don't really have one...
:yay::heart::rainbowkiss: FTW! (Close enough...)

Thanks for the feedback! Again, I figured pacing would be the main issue, but I'm pretty happy with the response I've been getting. A lot of people have mentioned it seems kind of random that she would leave all of a sudden. To be honest, I didn't really think of this, but from all of the response I've been getting from it, it's likely to be changed.

Hmmm... Noted. I know that's my weakest point and I'll work at it to fix it up a bit. Thanks for the feedback! :pinkiehappy:

Apparently I deserve to be slapped with a spork, because I had good expectiations of this fic, and it didn't disappoint, so far.

I am ready for my punishment. :derpytongue2:

Oh,My,Gosh.... This is perfect, I really want to hear more! FlutterDash is amazing! They would be the cutest pony couple! :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Haha, thanks! *Stabs with spork*
I appreciate the sentiment, but this is far from perfect. :unsuresweetie: But yes, FlutterDash is the best. :derpytongue2: I reccomend you check out NintendoGal55's fanfics. They're much better than this one. Thanks again!

Not bad at all.

Not bad at all :derpytongue2:

I have finally read this. And I think you will want my review before my opinions so here they are. Let's start from the worst to the best.

Pacing - We both know what's the deal here. Pacing is your biggest problem. I think this story was really fast. I mean it was kinda hard sometimes to keep track of it. Like the part with Rarity, she was like a prophet or something. She instantly noticed it. You need to add some feelings and other misc things.
You need to add some additional words to enhance the plot. Because right now, this is raw. Especially Rainbow Dash's letter. She seemed to be "running away" from her friends. That seemed a bit disloyal of her. But that is just my opinion. BUT I really hope you will edit/rewrite this first and then continue, hmm? And I have noticed I am not the only one saying this about the letter.

Sentence Structure - Some of the sentences seemed... raw. But this is just a minor problem and you know what is wrong with it. I think you need to edit/rewrite and then continue.

From here, it will go to positives.

Idea - Idea itself seemed really sad. I think if you can execute those 2 above... this story can be a really sad story. And it is not predictable as well. That is what is keeping me interested in this story. Keep it up!

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING! - WOAH! I didn't even notice a single spelling mistake. AWESOME! I only noticed 1 "not sure" grammar mistake but I thought it might be unnecessary so I didn't add it here. You amazed me! :pinkiehappy:

Overall - Hmm... I won't give it a definite score right now. I will after you continue this. Anyways this is pretty much an awesome start!
30 likes and 5 dislikes? That is an AWESOME start here! Better than mine! Mine sucks.
You need to add many more details. If you get the pacing right, this can have 3k-4k words. And it will be awesome.

My opinions are pretty much positive about this.
One day, one of your stories will be featured. I am sure of it.

And one last thing. How brave of you to write a FlutterDash story as your second story. I am too much of a coward to write it. I have many ideas to write it and I am not sure when I will write FlutterDash. But some day, some day.

If you want to, you can take a look at my story "First Impressions" before it is published. I would feel more brave about it after you give me your review, you know?
Just reply to this comment with the answer and I will give you the link when it is ready. (It is not ready now.)
As always, :yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

P.S. I read Inky Swirl's comment. He/She is awesome! And very funny :rainbowlaugh:!

Thanks for the feedback! I know my pacing is less than optimal, but I hope to improve upon it in the future! I'll have to take a look at the sentence structure again later...
For the idea, I have 2 ways I'm thinking of going from here that I mentioned in a blog post.
I kno rite i has de best grammer and spellng. :ajsmug:
Again, I appreciate the in depth criticism and praise! Don't think down on yourself! Your writing isn't too bad!

One day, one of your stories will be featured.

You make me laugh :rainbowlaugh: I doubt it, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless. :twilightsmile:
Yeah, I was unsure about writing FlutterDash and still am, considering I have barely touched on the shipping aspect so far. Dunno how well I'll do with that kind of thing...
Sure! I'd like to see your story when prior to release! I'll make some time to read it. :pinkiehappy:
And as always, FLUTTERDASH FTW :yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

Good start, although:

Really fast pacing :/

Apparently, Rarity is psychic

Yep, I'm aware of how terrible the pacing is, and I plan to complete revise this chapter at some point in the future. Although, my writing second prioirty to the stupid amount of work I have to do. I'm quite disappointed with how this fic is in its current state and is due for HEAVY revision. Uhh... maybe I'll get to it some time this year...

You have strengths as a writer and I encourage you to keep writing, even if just for a couple of hours a week.

I'd like to provide some feedback if you're interested. However, I'm a prereader, so I provide a lot of feedback.

Other than the god-awful pacing, I'm interested on what else I can improve on. "A couple hours a week" is something I sadly don't have. If you want, I'd be intrigued to see what else I can do. Thanks :twilightsmile:

WHY is this ahappening i'm seeing a bunch of stories that have amazing potential but, they are never UPDATED! What's happening!!!
i'd really love to see more of this story please update, don't let it die:fluttercry:

Haha, I wish I could. Although my personal disdain for the story as it currently is, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I do plan to revise the original chapter and continue it in time, but at this point in time, my life has been consumed by pointless and tedious schoolwork.
I started close to when school was about to begin session, and I almost didn't for this exact problem, I wouldn't have any time to update it. Eventually, I'll get back to it, and will likely post a wave of chapters in a short time, but right now, this has been pushed toward the bottom of my priorities. Apologies for the lack of activity with it though, it's a matter simply out of my control.
Once again, I appreciate your interest and feedback on the story. :twilightsmile:

i completely understand due to the fact i myself am also consumed by a rediculous ammount of school work aswell. it has completely hindered my movment towards trying to start producing music as well as re-starting my digital art work, it's really getting on my nerves lately...

but seriously there are like 5 different stories that are amazing but are never updated, and i'll be lloking foreward to when you update yours.

PLEASE PLEASE finish this, i love it so much and i cant bear to see flutters like this, this is a wonderfully put together story and i am loving it, this is one of the few stories that i didn't find a need to fix errors like grammar and spelling, because you are AWESOME!:fluttercry::heart::rainbowkiss:

:fluttercry: I'm soooooorry xD
However, it is Summer now and I should have significantly more time to write! To be honest, I'm losing a bit of interest in ponies and the pony community, but I still do want to finish this project. Thanks for having interest in it! :twilightsmile:

2752331 oh my gosh, nonononononono we...OK I cant lose someone as important as you in my current situation, i'm having some problems with friends and family and stuff and reading stories like this makes me calm and level headed in my worst of times, i know we all need to move on at some point, but i just want you to know that stories like this, and people like you, make my life at-least 20% cooler! :fluttershysad::heart::rainbowkiss:

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