The earth farmer that previously lived in a corner of Equestria, mysteriously finds himself waking up inside a forest he didn't recognize.
So, he does what he has done his entire life.
Keep living in the present.
It's worked for long enough, why wouldn't it work now?
Also why are so many ponies with life problems coming to him?
And why is the number just constantly increasing?
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Like the story so far love to see where it goes.😃
Quite a curious story, yet very interesting. I'll keep an eye out for any updates
Interesting premise, I'm curious to see just where this will go with the MC basically being a (literal) captive audience to anyone dropping by. Maybe Zecora will be happy to have a neighbor that doesn't (can't) avoid her?
Very good start.
Mmmmm... I wonder if Natural Remedy is speaking modern equestrian, or if there is some translation stuff going on in the background... or maybe Equestrian language didn't evolve all that much?
Or perhaps Natural Remedy is a modern earth pony and all the signs of time passing are just red herrings...
So many questions, with no answers yet.
Looking forward to the next chapter. May you always be inspired!
Lovely chapter
This is a truly bizarre Celestia. The coughing blood is painfully anime. Not sure how I feel about this story so far.
Mmmmmmmmmmm...
This chapter is... Uhhh...
The dialogue between Natural, Center, and Zecora is... It feels extremely forced.
Zecora is... very trusting that this is an actual pony considering that... you know, said pony is hidden behind a barrier that seemingly hides him from sight, and is seemingly... fascinated by what seems to be... well... very basic magic.
No wariness at all? Not worried that the stallion might be a honey trap? ...Nothing?
...Okay then...
Also... why is Celestia coughing blood? Does she have an old injury or something? If the ruler of the country suddenly starts spewing blood that is usually a very good reason to be alarmed. Why is Celestia's assistant so... blatantly hostile? Even if you disagree with something your ruler does you don't threaten them!
Like here:
You could get the same amount of surprise across to the readers by saying something like:
One last bit, this time a quick lesson, before I go to bed: "When you have someone talking in a written medium using quotation marks, it always needs to end with some sort of punctuation," I say as I enlarge the comma placed at the end of my words. "Of course the punctuation needed depends largely on what comes after it." Megabyte97 states, drawing further attention to the use of the enlarged period he used in place of a comma. "If you use a pronoun, it most likely should end in a comma, a name, or title placed after the dialogue usually indicates a need for a period." The Writer continues before realizing just how much he sounds like a pompous stuck in the mud.
...I have no idea why I wrote out that last paragraph the way I did, but at this point I'm just too tired to care.
Have a wonderful day. May you always be inspired, and... tentatively looking forward to the next chapter.
Yay! New friend and neighbor get! Also, yeah, that bit of info about his brother is far too suspicious...
Did we just enter a Xianxia novel?
Lastly, there were... A LOT of typos in this chapter. Below are some for your editing pleasure. Though do note that I didn't point out all the times you didn't use an ending punctuation, or a comma during a break in a conversation.
the amount increased ridiculously," she responded -or- the work increased by a ridiculous amount," she responded
bore, but to think
Remedy said rang
"What were your parents' names
moon hung high
joke or two. But the scene
or at least knock myself
"Yes, thank you very much Twilight, let's end it for today. I'll see you later, goodnight!" (Unless you meant all that to be a run-on sentence?)
in 2 seconds - in two seconds
11806962
I like to think Zecora has a pretty solid idea on what the situation is, even before actually meeting with Remedy.
I just feel like it fits her character to be someone who just, knows, for no particular reason.
The bit where Celestia spits blood is meant to be just for comedy.
And for why Raven seems hostile, well, wouldn't you also be mad if the ruler of your country just decides to go missing two days in a row right before one of the most important events, in the particular country?
Also, thanks for your input, even if harsh, it still helps me improve my writing skills, so I appreciate it
Good story funny and relatable thank you
I feel you bro. Had exam week and slept like 2-3 hours a day. Feel like shot now. Hoped for weekend of sleep only to get a call from my boss they need me for the weekend :/
But overall chapter is good. Nice dash of combat and further mystery.
I'm starting to wonder what Remedy is hiding. 20 years on farm can't be all that happened to him. That flashback further putting things into question.
Is mc becoming Nature's Avatar?
What is your country celebrating?
Hmmmmmmmm...
Well... It's not bad...
The fight scene was a little bit too anime for me, but hey that's just a personal preference.
Now then, I've notice that you've added punctuation to when someone is talking, so that's an amazing step forward. Next you should try to focus on paragraph formation. Because while these one sentence lines might be a... valid way to write a story, you lose something when every line is only a single sentence.
I was too tired the day before to really pay attention to it, but many of the lines in this story could be condensed into paragraphs. Right now... well, it sort of falls into the "Wall of Text" trap. To be honest, I barely read through the fight scene, and my eyes started glazing over after the first fake out by the timberwolf.
I'm certain that something important happened in said fight scene, but I could not tell you what it was if my life depended on it.
So, this is just a suggestion, but try consolidating lines into paragraphs, making a new paragraph when something happens, or use it as a transition. Save single line paragraphs for dialogue between two people or when you want to put emphasis on a certain line.
Also, before I forget, don't be afraid to use Italics, Bold, or even CAPITALIZATION, to get an important idea across in a paragraph. They are absolutely invaluable when writing a story.
Now on to Blueblood's part of the chapter...
Hmmmm... Well the dialogue between Blueblood and Remedy feels forced, so if that was your intention then you absolutely nailed it. It feels like Blueblood is out of his element here, and Joyful Light is...ummm... there? I can't really say much about her...
The meeting was awkward, and left me with more questions than answers, but it also had enough going for it that I made it to the end of the chapter, which is really saying something because I absolutely hate reading awkward stuff.
Also, just some speculation on my part, but the glowing roots and the fact that the bite marks on Remedy were gone before he woke up... I have a gut feeling that Remedy might be a werewolf or something now.
Thank you for posting this, I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and may you always be inspired.
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These kinds of comments help a lot actually.
There are times when I don't fully know whether what I'm writing is even correct at all and I always worry about my grammar.
So thanks for taking the time to write these things out.
11809808
It's called 'Tsagaan Sar' which basically means white month.
It's pretty much just New Year's, but more traditional because it's in our own calendar.
...
Oh? So Remedy was a kind of shaman, like Zecora?
11810224
Nah, it was something else
I feel like this needs the random tag.
11810267
Max 3 blue tags so, I just left out that one for no particular reason.
Well, that's okay. My only hope is it will be picked again because it had a good premise and an interesting concept.
Take all the time you need!
That's OK, take your time we're a patient bunch.
WELCOME BACK, sorry to hear about school but I'm glad you're back, take all the time you need!
My guess that: after purifying Nightmare moon and getting luna back, the elements of harmony are going to miraculously get him to come back to life , but that's just me
Huh. I doubt he is dead. Either that wonky ritual, or whatever that was, with timberwolves, will bring him back as they, if I remember right, reconstruct after some time. Our guy became an Uchicha and counter genjutsu her ass. That barrier had more functions besides keeping our guy in (which still is weird, creating self-sustaining one way barrier to keep, without a reason, a "normal" pony in? I think not!)
Either way, shenanigans are afoot in the future!
Okay really interesting chapter can't wait to see where this is headed.
11843338
Agreed
Well, both are at fault but not really, strictly speaking, neither are at fault for what NM have done. Basically, psychosis gained from mashing two minds together.
It's hardly fair to properly judge a mentally unstable individual when they are not fully responsible for their actions.
Ah yes, the "Bro I got hit for 5hp, just incap me and rez me so I get full HP back", or in short, "Bro, reset me"
So I think I'm an idiot cuz I had to reread this to double check. Remedy is from a thousand years ago isn't he. Because nobody in the new age knows about Nightmare Moon except as a fairy tale. So I'm going to guess that he died way back when and his soul was bound to that barrier.
Good chapter can't wait for more
11852737
Yeah, I didn't want to drag out the whole reveal thing to the readers, so I decided to make it pretty obvious.
In this chapter, I learnt that:
Princess Celestia has a severe medical condition that is causing her to cough blood.
Zecora has Pinkie Pie level reality warping powers that have nothing to do with potions.
Nopony questions random magical barriers (well, at least not Zecora. Celestia did so the first time).
The Everfree Forest seems to be empty of dangerous wildlife stereotypically associated with the Everfree, seeing as how a pony has been a sitting duck in the same exact place for 3-days straight… That or the magical barrier can identify and block dangerous entities from passing.
Will Natural Remedy ever get his towel :(
Oh yeah, this is loads better. The paragraphs make this so much easier to read.
Now then...
...
...Honestly, I'm having trouble thinking about any advice I could give. You've improved your punctuation, you've improved your dialogue, and your paragraph formation has improved a lot just from this chapter alone.
The two things that I could honestly suggest as an improvement is to cut out the little lines between transitions telling the readers the current POV, and to work on making sure your tenses stay consistent.
First off, you are in a unique situation where you don't really need to tell the readers who is the current Point of View.
Take this for example:
...You don't need this in the chapter. From the use of "Ye Old English" and the "Royal Canterlot Voice" along with the various hints to their identity, I could tell immediately that this was Nightmare Moon's POV without it.
It's only a suggestion really, several big series published stories use it. But I will tell you exactly what my editor told me when I stopped using these lines.
"Your audience is perceptive. You don't need to hold their hand for every little thing. It also makes your work look more professional without these lines."
...Of course this was after I had a lot more experience and stopped having to have the previous lessons explained to me every chapter he looked over, but you are also learning a lot faster than I ever did.
Next is... tenses. Which is something I still have trouble with to this day.
Past, Present, and Future tenses are a pain in the butt sometimes, but they are...
...I forgot where I was going with this...
They are important! I just... don't remember the reason why. Spell check is usually pretty good at catching these things, but sometimes things slip through the cracks. Just be aware of them... and maybe try to get an editor.
Anyways I need to get going for work, have a wonderful day and may you always be inspired!
11855397
Thanks for giving all those tips. It's a real big help, especially when I don't really have the time to go and search for these little things.
Why is there a tragedy tag?
11861196
No particular reason. No, sir. Nothing suspicious about it.
Great chapter, all the build up and character development is just perfect
When you know they get revived, murder really does become more casual
How come he didn't bother to ask her to inform others about his situation? Like the guards, the closest village, the relatives, etc. Seems like that should be his first priority, well before supplies, which he didn't seem hugely interested in either. Strange thoughtlessness after having literally days to think things through.
I too have failed to catch what is thrown at me
Oh, so he was one of those who witnessed that war. It sounds more like a deliberate setup that he was brought here just a short time before NM returned.
Good luck with your exams!
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Happens to the best of us.
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Now what could be the reason for that be? Or is there any at all?
11869911
Thanks. I'll make sure to ace it!
Take all the time you need with Zecora, honestly I don't understand how one would be able to write a good Zecora in a short amount of time
Wonder what happened
You could use chat gpt for the rims
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