• Published 12th Oct 2023
  • 643 Views, 41 Comments

Rising Storm - DanishDash



Equestria has fallen! An alliance of Sombra, Chrysalis, and the Storm King, have enslaved Equestria. A son of a blacksmith and a goddess, is thrust into a grand adventure to save the world from darkness, and save the captured princesses.

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Comments ( 11 )

They are rage; brutal and without mercy.

But you... you will be worse.

Rip and tear until it is done.

Whoa be on to those who enraged the son of Faust

"SOMBRA! CHRYSALIS! STORM KING! I have arrived. I bring the DESTRUCTION OF YOUR EMPIRE!"

"I've been waiting for this! You might not know this, but there is this old tradition called 'Blood Payments'. It means i get a piece of you, for all you took from me! You'll pick it up." - Magnus. Wielder of Mjolnir. God of Thunder.

You know, I knew this was coming. It's par for the course, it is expected to happen with these character archetypes. Still hurts, but lessens the blow when you know it's coming. That said.......

RIP. AND. TEAR.

And now his foes are going to be...

Thunderstruck

Seriøst? Kill off his love interest, will ya?

It was like time itself had slowed down, while he himself could move as normal. His clothes were torn, bloody. What little armor he had left was of no use now. Ahead of him, a fowl growl made Magnus look up. A massive form, made of shadow and flame towered above him like a mountain.

Foul. Fowl refers to birds. Granted, both words are spoken in the exact same way...

It took Magnus a few seconds, maybe a minute, to fully grasp that she was in his room. He wasn't in some battle, he wasn't injured, and he wasn't under attack. He was just at home, in bed, back in Greenwood. As his heart calmed, and the images and sounds of his dream faded into the back of his mind, Magnus let out a sigh.

Typo.

Pinkie finished drinking, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. As she handed the flask back to him, she smiled proudly. "I've not traveled for long, but each place I visit, I find a new song, or story to tell." She said with not a small amount of pride. "Everything I know, I had to learn for myself."

People usually write "no small amount of".

Magnus was surprised. He never knew any pony who owned more than a farm. "Are your family nobility?"

While I understand your reasoning for using "are", I'm fairly certain "is" fits better. Mainly because I've only ever heard it that way...

The farm itself consisted of three buildings, forming a square, with a courtyard in the middle. There was also a barn a little farther away. When Magnus and Pinkie came up to the farm, some of the from the Farfield clan was in the courtyard wokring on a wagon.

I think you accidentally omitted a word or two here, like "members". If you do include "members", I would suggest removing "from the" in the sentence.
Typo in "working".

"I am Pinkie Diane Pie, traveling bard, storyteller, and poet! I've come to offer my songs and stories for you and your house to enjoy!"

Pretty sure whenever she introduces herself by her full name she says Pinkamena Diane Pie. Just food for thought.

The evill will pay for their crimes & murder for innocents lives. They feel the THUNDER through soul get burn painfully.

Get ready for the God of Thunder.

11720448
So Spike is missing for awhile?

This is honestly amazing

Magnus is like a combination of thor and Herkules looking forward to seeing more

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