Going Against the Grain

He had little idea why he even bothered to stay beyond the obvious reasons. Desperation? Loneliness? Resignation? It hardly mattered in the end—anything was better than fending for himself out in the cold, and any meal was preferable to starvation.

An entry for the New Blood Contest.

I am attempting bonuses (#2 #4), judges please give me feedback, I’d greatly appreciate it!

Another shoutout to INeedSleep and Mr. Stargazer for proofreading

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Visharo

Visharo #1 · Jul 28th, 2023 · 3 · ·

This story is most curious and why did you have to leave things off at that!

ibanix

ibanix #2 · Jul 28th, 2023 · 2 · ·

It took me about halfway through in order to figure out how the protagonist was “different”.

But man this is a gut punch, a real echo of how we can stay in comfortable but unsatisfying relationships.

Mindscape

Mindscape #3 · Aug 4th, 2023 · 2 · ·

This was really interesting, and certainly benefits a second read, as when you realize who/what the main character is, it paints the text in a different light. The MC's feelings make sense for both a regular guy stuck in a loveless marriage, as well as a changeling infiltrator, starving because he's infiltrated, again, a loveless marriage, and it's very well written to pull that off.

Interesting idea that it's this guy that warns of the coming invasion. We never get in cannon how they hear about the danger to Canterlot.

DarthBall

DarthBall #4 · Aug 4th, 2023 · · ·

11657660
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading!

RDT

RDT #5 · Sep 18th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Hi, this is RDT with feedback.

The story tackles some pretty heavy themes here, and overall I think it does a decent job.

There's a ton of potential in this story. We have a changeling character who presumably broke away from the hive in the past—or at least refused to play by their rules—but once in pony society, is kind of a lousy person. You set up his background quite well, with just enough information for the reader to fill in the gaps.

Potential directions to further explore (that I see) would have been the dysfunctional family dynamic or his own personal struggles as a kind-of-reformed-but-not-really changeling. Both are present in the story, but neither reaches its true potential in my opinion.

For the dysfunctional family dynamic, the basics are already there. To improve this aspect, I would look for little details to add that extra bit of authenticity to the relationship. For example, the rant that Marginal Success (you wrote Sucess, which seems like a typo) goes on could be spelled out in full as a way to add those details.

For the kind-of-reformed changeling aspect, it would just be adding a little bit more content. This is the one that I think is more manageable, simply because it's a less realistic scenario that doesn't demand as much accuracy as the dysfunctional family does. I like how you only reveal tidbits about his past, so you don't need to add much there. Instead, focus on how those things in the past led to his current situation. Those connections can add more weight to his eventual decision to warn the ponies.

Still, I liked this story quite a bit. Keep it up.

DarthBall