There have always been myths surrounding the mysterious Everfree Forest. Its mysterious origins, its unnatural feel to those that brave its depths, the odd curses and hexes it seems to birth. Since the days before the Alicorn sisters' rule, one story has been told to young colts and fillies, of a protective spirit deep inside, that wards off the dangers of the woods, and safely leads any lost children home.
A story for kids, to make the world seem less scary. However, when Dinky finds herself lost, the story's validity is brought into question when she spots a glowing white deer staring at her from the trees.
How does one continue to find a reason to live when they've been cursed with an eternal life? A lonely spirit, the last of her kind - or so they think.
Athanasia [ ath-uh-ney-zhuh ]
Noun
Derived from the Greek a-, 'without', and thantos 'death'. Meaning eternal life.
Cute story, nice to see some actual pony on site.
Derpy is always a plus.
Gotta love them tutelary entities
I had figured this chapter's reference was to fossilized amber. Only thing that kept rolling through my head was Jurassic Park
11832784
While a very big favourite of mine, not quite, to give a little hint, all the chapter titles (as well as the main story's name) are all linked to one thing, though it may be a little bit vague
Nice start, I look forward to what this story will bring us.
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Thank you! I'm already deep into the newest chapter, here's to hoping it continues the train chuggin
Really loving this story. It seems Dinky and Derpy are going to be major players soon.
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Really glad to hear you're enjoying it! And who's to say on the Hooves family's involvement...
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When I first started this story, I thought it had a promising start, and was looking forward to where it would go. Now I'm feeling that the story's potential has been squandered.
When writing characters who have had long-lived presences in a world... It's not exactly a good idea to have them accomplishing stuff super-far in the past, and just now in the present of the story, with no activity in between, unless you have a really good reason. If the individual is sealed away or something- such as Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender- it can work just fine. But here, Everfree just basically lived a hermitlike life doing basically nothing of importance for roughly a millennia- and it then had no effect on her whatsoever. Not only do we get no explanation as to why she suddenly decided to turn hermit, Celestia and Luna are making it obvious it has not had the impact on her personality/behavior any normal human would undergo. Given that it has become increasingly obvious she is just a normal human, the idea she would be so astonishingly unchanged by this experience is completely nonsensical.
Two chapters ago, when we found out that she had been plagued by a combination of horrible guilt and nightmares throughout that time, that just added to it to a point I was seriously wondering what the explanation would be for her seemingly unchanged state of mind. This chapter is where I realized that there wasn't an explanation the story had planned for any of these issues, and that I should just give up on it.
Even beyond the above, canon characters behave in blatantly out-of-character ways for no understandable reason, and nothing in the story indicates self-awareness that this is being done. Probably the most egregious example is how Celestia and Luna don't behave as co-equal rulers of a diarchy, but instead act as if Celestia is head monarch. The moment where this was most clearly exhibited was just last chapter, and helped me realize what felt subtly off about them. The way Celestia gave that order to Luna was not at all the voice of somebody trying to convince an equal of a course of action, to put it mildly.
Of course, that's not even counting the various minor typos and such throughout the story, some of them quite immersion-breaking- with one of the most memorable of those referring to Luna having a hand of her own, instead of referring to Luna's hoof.
By this point the comment is getting quite long, so instead of going on, I'll just say... The reason I put the effort into pointing all of this out is because, when I first read this story, I saw definite potential in it, and therefore, in your writing. As much as this story turned out to be a disappointment, I'm hoping that this might help you think things through a bit more in your future stories. I read this far and hoped we'd get explanations for the increasing plot holes because the opening to the story was so strong. If you write any future stories... I'm just hoping that they'll stay just as strong throughout.
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Thank you for the comment, it means a lot that you would write such details on how I can improve.
When it comes to Everfree, I wanted to imply she's been depressed since Luna was banished, I keep referring to an argument she and Celestia had, and I keep finding myself not writing about it as I feel it would break the pacing a bit to do a flashback sequence (Which I was intending to do once things settle down a bit), but its clear I may have been too subtle. I was planning on answering quite a few things though!
There is a reason why Everfree isn't completely garbled in terms of being alive for nearly 2000 years, that's one of the big things I was leading to. She hasn't been doing anything of importance, she's basically just been a gardener for the past millennia - because she was depressed, never quite getting over losing her parents or siblings, and then her adopted child turning evil and then being banished for 1000 years. Again, these are things I am going to write about, I wasn't going to just leave them for readers to have to just figure out on their own.
As the story currently stands, she's been task-oriented for days on end and hasn't really gotten a moment to herself. Since Chapter 2 she's been on a mission, babysitting Dinky, seeing the Princesses, finding her siblings, and finding out what in the world is going on. I can assure you that a lot of threads are still untied for a reason, the story is tagged as a mystery.
In terms of characters being completely OoC, yeah that's my bad, I haven't watched the show in 10 years, and I'm writing them in a way I enjoy, and if you don't then that's completely fair! Also typos and such, I'm just writing for fun, usually in the dead of night when I get some free time, so my 'editing' is me skim-reading and hoping someone will point the more glaring ones out to me in the comments, if you kind find the hoof/hand comment, I'll amend it!
Again, thanks for taking the time to comment, but to say this story's potential is squandered when I'm still setting everything up seems a tad silly, but that's just the nature of a story where chapters are still being released, a lot of the answers are simply not there yet, and are seen as plotholes until they're filled in a later chapter which doesn't exist.
I think it's completely fair to feel disappointed with a story, hell, the number of fics I've seen on this site that I fell out of love with over the past decade, due to some weird new thing being introduced, is staggering, but to outright tell the author as such can be a little disheartening. I'm not saying this to discredit what you've said, I think you have some pretty valid points, and I'll aim to stop the buildup of questions while still having many left unanswered, though, when it feels appropriate to the story
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Thank you for not getting upset with my comment. I was a bit worried that would happen, and am glad things are civil. I may have some qualms with your viewpoints on the story points, but don't want to be the sort of annoying person who argues with an author in the comments. So I'll just reiterate that I'm glad things were civil, and leave it at that.
While I normally don't criticize other peoples' fics, I don't approve of you straight up plagiarizing Kratos' monologue from the god of war ragnarok dlc.
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Understandable, having re-read the chapter a handful of times since publishing it, I feel I took way too much inspiration from it, I was hoping to pay my odes, but instead came out just copying it. I was still (and still am) quite sick, so I definitely wasn't thinking straight, so I'll be taking it down and doing some heavy amendments to the chapter as a whole, to a point where the story is mine, and doesn't rely on other's work for the heavy plot points.
Thank you for commenting though, I definitely needed the push to get off my ass and change it up.
11841891
Just to let you know, I've amended the chapter, and credited you in my author's note at the top, just wanna say thanks again for taking the time to comment, and voicing your complaints!
11842002
Sorry it took me a while to respond. I've also been pretty busy. I was actually surprised you not only responded to my comment, but went back and made improvements to the chapter. You even mentioned me in the note at the beginning! (Which I appreciate). The world (and this site) needs more authors with as much integrity as you. Maybe I'll try writing some stories of my own one day...