Gus Hogwill is a blind guitarist, he plays songs to help express his emotions. After his first and last talent show he attended, he found himself near a wall that emits a bright light that teleported him and his brother, Gary, to a world that is almost opposite to the current world they live in.
This is my first fic I ever made, so go easy with the comments. I also need tips and advice from you guys. I would also thank the musicians for making such amazing songs!
Page generated in 0.162 seconds
Total duration
676 users online
947,682 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hello Fellow readers!
I would like to thank in advance to the people for reading my fic, and sorry in advance because updates will be kinda slow since I got school. 
Soooooooooooo, I hope you enjoy! 
I am enjoying the story, but you are not going into enough detail, you are going vague in the descriptions just letting us fill in the holes of what is being seen by there, I mean we know what we are seeing, but you have to pretend we haven't ever seen the show. Also try and go into what Gus hears and feels, it would add a nice depth to this story.
At the end of this chapter you could have written it much better for foreshadowing, made him seem more desperate, or manic, or very disturbingly calm. Even if in the end he is one of the good guys you can paint him as a bad guy for the reader to add a nice twist when it turns out that he isnt so bad after all. Also "Seldom Limps" when you say that it just doesn't fit right with the story, instead you should write down "He limps after every few steps" or something along those lines, Seldom is something more for... hmm how to word it... its more a word you use after you are familiar with someone, like if we knew he limped a lot before then the word "Seldom" would work since its more of a recovery kind of word.
Describe where the bandages are on him, are they bloodstained? are they old? freshly wrapped, or poorly wrapped? Details, details, details! Give flavor text!
As of this moment I can't really think of anything else that is wrong, that said I really like the fact that you have made Equestria humans, i thought you were just making it seem like Gus THOUGHT it was a small child judging simply by the sound of her voice so i like the twist you threw in there with that, commendable ^_^ you will have to explain how their world's magic works since it is pretty obvious this version of Equestria probably has different mechanics than other stories. I eagerly await to see more of it ^_^
oh my gosh that is . . . beautiful. the sing it just. i love it .
it made me tear up.
1380556
Wow, thanks for the tips! I really appreciate it! I'll do the corrections now, thanks again. And don't worry, some questions will be answered in the next chapter!
1381994 i'm glad i was able to help you out
im sorry if i came off too strong and/or mean in my critisims of your story
1381994
wow, i never made someone tear up before with writing i don't know if i should be happy about it or sad
i didn't notice that twilight and her friends were humans until you said man with a purple suit and that describes spike for me
My feels they cry and cheer!
love the story so far!
Must know MAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOR!
I've been wondering, are you guys singing along to the songs in here?
Anyways, still gonna be a slow update for the next chapter. so i hope you guys enjoy for now. and feel free to ask me some questions if you guys have any. 
Dude.....Fucking bad ass chapter. As soon as the song started, I imagened him singing, blind and showing emotion. Insteant like and fave.
Nice choice of song. One of my favorites.
That... was fucking amazing man. The ending just..... WOW MAN.
CLAP CLAP CLAP!!
1395080
You sir brought a smile to my face
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1ixmgcsAYyI]
1402542
whats that? I'm afraid I can't open it.
*CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Oh Buck, accidentally clicked publish!
terribly sorry about that! 
I was suppose to click edit, ah pony feathers. 
Well, some of you guys seen it soooo.... Imma just gonna finish it. Sorry if it's kinda short!
its okay like the story
First off, I'm not dead. Just wanna relax a bit and thinkin' for more chapters and stories. This is just the other half of the previous chapter as you can see
. Still, updates will be slow and sorry if the chapter is too short 
. I might make a new fic too 
Simple numbers should always be spelled out (less than ten or one word numbers.) Numbers in dialogue should almost always be spelled out. It felt like I went from reading a story to reading a text message when you said something like this:
Not the only case of this happening in the chapter, but you get the idea.
Lol magic
1583018
i'll make the changes soon
Thanks!