And it was Celestia's fault
A flash of light, a surge of magic, a Starswirl spell successfully sorcered, and then—
Emptiness.
Twilight awoke to a blue sky of hazy colors and distant stars. “Where am I?”
“Congratulations, Twilight,” answered Celestia, materializing from the aether. “You have died.”
Twilight’s brain short-circuited. “What?”
Celestia continued, unimpeded. “You’ve finally completed Starswirl’s greatest work. A spell to kill even the most stubborn of ponies.”
Twilight’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly.
“The old wizard was tired of living, you see,” explained Celestia. “But he couldn’t just die like a normal pony. He needed something flashier. He wanted to go out with a bang, if you will.”
“How are you here?” Twilight finally found her voice. “Are you dead too?”
Celestia tittered. “Of course not, Twilight. Us alicorns can travel between the realms of life and death without consequence.”
“What about my friends?” Twilight hyperventilated.
“Oh, your friends! Thank you for reminding me, Twilight. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a friendship lesson to give.” Then she vanished, leaving Twilight’s final question to the void.
“Why would you give me a spell meant to kill me?”
And in Twilight’s heart, a seed of doubt grew.
The five mares (and one dragon) gasped in unison. Where Twilight had been now lay an empty, charred streak of wood.
Pinkie broke the silence first. “So, when are we having the Twilight’s-gone-away-to-somewhere-she-didn’t-tell-us party?”
Everypony gave her a look.
“Whaaaat?” said Pinkie, completely missing the mood.
Applejack sighed. “Well, Ah say we send a letter to the princess lickety-split and go find Twilight.”
Fluttershy nodded in wordless support. Rainbow Dash flexed her wings, ready to fly. Rarity turned to Pinkie Pie.
“Will I be in charge of the party decor?”
Everypony but Pinkie gave Rarity a look.
Pinkie nodded rapidly. “Yep! And you can invite all the fancy-dancy schmoozy high-class ponies you want!”
Rarity nearly fainted in excitement. “All of them?”
“All of them,” agreed Pinkie.
Then Rarity did faint.
Applejack looked at the limp white mare, slumped on the ground. She turned her gaze to her remaining supporters. “Anypony else wantin’ to join a party and abandon Twilight to tha wolves?”
“Actually,” said Rainbow Dash, “when you said all the high-class ponies, did that include the Wonderbolts?”
Applejack pulled her hat over her eyes. “That thar was supposed to be a joke…”
“Mm-hmm,” confirmed Pinkie.
“I’m in.” said Rainbow Dash.
Applejack glared at Fluttershy, seeing where this was going. “Now don’t you dare—”
“If you join us, we’ll let you use Twilight’s tree-house for your animals till she gets back,” offered Pinkie.
“Oh,” whispered Fluttershy. “That does sound nice…”
Applejack tossed her hat on the ground and stomped on it. “Now wait just a gosh-darned second! Are y’all saying that you’d rather go to some fancy-schmancy party than search for your missing friend?!”
Rarity lifted herself from the ground gracefully. “It was a fancy-dancy schmoozy party,” she corrected. “Do try to keep up.” Then she went back to fainting.
Applejack’s face reddened in anger. “Well—”
“There’ll be apple pie,” Pinkie Pie interjected.
Applejack instantly mellowed out. “Apples?”
“Apples.”
And so the five of them were in agreement.
Meanwhile, Spike wailed miserably atop the patch of burned wood. “Twilight! I can’t believe you’re gone! You were like a mother to me!”
“Hey, look on the bright side!” said Pinkie. “Nopony can stop you from eating too much ice cream now.”
Spike raised a claw, paused, then headed directly for the fridge.
Celestia teleported straight into the treehouse. Everypony stood to attention, even Rarity, who had begun to grow tired of fainting.
“What happened here?” asked Celestia with calm befitting a princess.
The five mares looked at each other, the same unspoken question looming in their heads.
“Well, now that Twilight’s not here, I should be the one to answer,” declared Rainbow Dash.
Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Actually, Ah’m the most levelheaded one here.”
“Well,” added Rarity, “if it were a contest of brawn, it would be one of you two. But conversing with princesses is a much softer skill.”
Pinkie bounced around, saying nothing.
Fluttershy walked up to Princess Celestia and said, “Twilight’s gone.”
Celestia smiled proudly. “I’m glad you’ve all come to terms with Twilight’s passing so quickly,” she said. “And here I thought you all needed a friendship lesson on dealing with the loss of a friend. But I suppose we may instead turn to the necessary task of divvying up Twilight’s kingdom.”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Twilight has a kingdom?”
“No, silly,” laughed Pinkie, “Twilight’s Kingdom isn’t until next season.”
“Regardless,” continued Celestia, “I am required, by law, to give land to anypony who has saved Equestria. And Twilight has saved Equestria many, many times.” She hissed the words ‘by law’ with obvious distaste.
Spike returned from the kitchen, a glass bowl of ice cream in his hands. “Sweet.”
“And since Twilight is currently dead—”
The ice cream bowl shattered on the ground. “She’s dead?” Spike exclaimed.
“Yes,” answered Celestia. “Did you all not know that?”
She received six head shakes in response.
Celestia furrowed her eyebrows. “Why is nopony but Spike concerned?”
“Well,” said Rainbow Dash, “If I know Twilight, she’s not gonna let something silly like being dead stop her.”
Right on cue, an angry purple mare flashed into the room, with a flaming mane and newly grown wings. She cackled maniacally. “Finally! Thought you could leave me for dead, did you? Thought only an alicorn could escape that hell, huh? Well I became an alicorn and I came back! Now I shall finally exact my reven—Spike, is that an entire bowl of ice cream I see?”
Spike’s eyes shifted nervously. “No?” he lied.
“The 1984 Foal Protection Act against cruel corporal punishment does not explicitly apply to drakes.”
“Okay, okay, it is!” confessed Spike, sobbing. “I’m sorry!”
“I’ll deal with your punishment later,” said Twilight. She turned to Celestia. “Right now, I got some white pony princess ass to kick.”
And then Twilight kicked Celestia’s ass and saved Equestria. Again.
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Sounds reasonable. I mean, since when did Twilight ever let what should have been a guaranteed death get in the way of things? I'm pretty sure she is still hanging around somewhere during G5. And in all honesty, this version of Celestia isn't much more cruel than the canonical version of Celestia who decided to pawn the crown and throne off of Twilight without ever asking her if that is what she wanted.
Celestia had that coming
Hilariously daft fun. Kudos on your first ponyfic, it's very silly, bravo n_n
I know you say it's an overused idea, but this is the first time I've seen a story in which Twilight dying was the point of the spell. Usually, it tends to be some accident. The fact that you made it intentional made it a lot funnier.
Also, first fic or not, this is a really good story.
And it was at that moment that Celestia knew. She fucked up.
I for one welcome our new supreme goddess.
11644429
11644431
Same.
11644489
Exactly.
Trollestia never prospers
Nice little snack for a first fic. Writing's solid even if the setting's a bit played out as you said.
11644429
That's not to add that Twilight was forced to move back to a city that pretty much would separate her from her friends causing the fracture in the first place that led to G5 this is why I write my stories that go past the coronation of Queen Twilight to where she lives in Ponyville and uses Canterlot as a secondary facility for the main bulk of governmental affairs since if she's around the friends that she made there wouldn't be such a distance between her and the common pony seriously one of the big features of the crystal Castle is literally a chandelier made of the memories of her and her friends the ones they shared even after they pass if they even pass (my theory is that while Twilight gained the wings all of them gained immortality in some way since they were connected by the elements and they only aged to a point just slightly past their Prime thanks to Twilight having to grow into Celestia proportions) she'll still have those memories of her time before the castle was even the thing which is honestly the most important part of her life.
Celestia's Two-Step Rule For Dealing With Impossible Problems
1. Tell Twilight Sparkle that it is impossible.
2. Stand back.
11644429
Spending a thousand years ruling over a country might just skew your ability to empathize with mortals.
11644431
Yes. Yes she did.
11644463
Believe me, if I had a word to spare, it would have been “plump” and gone right before “ass”.
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Thank you for the kind words
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Trollestia is Bestia.
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It should not be as much fun to make fun of a 1000-year old cake-loving slightly-troll pony as it is.
11644728
Thank you! All the feedback is kind of convincing me to write more.
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Twilight Sparkle not available? Call in a replacement at 1-800-SUNSHIM or 1-800-GLIMGLAM! Any impossible problem solved or your money back!
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Optional step: if, at any point, Twilight is unavailable, tell Rainbow Dash the problem and tell her you wont think shes awesome until she fixes it. This will result in the problem being;
A: Solved in “Ten seconds flat”
B: blown away by a Sonic Rainboom
Or C: Mysterious third thing
(cackles)
11645353
You're right... It should be funnier than it actually is.
i want to read what twilight did to get out of there or how she kicked celestia's butt
also great story love it
11644429
They... do have destiny and fate as actual things in Equestria, you know? Kinda harsh. "Do you want the responsibility?" No. "Okay, guess we'll all die then."
Not a bad first attempt. Although it is clear that you already have some kind of ability to write stories. Or a large baggage of read stories behind your shoulders. Or talent. Anyway, thanks for the story.
11645507
Everything’s all sunshine and rainbows till you hear about the poor sap named Bucket Kicker.
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I have indeed read a lot of pony and written a good deal of non-pony, though Comedy usually isn’t my genre of choice.
I honestly wouldn’t mind a version with a few more words at the end, but it is great as is!
A very good first attempt at writing, especially considering you chose comedy as you first foray. Writing good comedy is notoriously hard to do.
Nice, but I think the word limit hurt this a bit.
I mean, I know it wasn't supposed to be the focus, but some additional description from Twilight's pov would've been a plus.
Neurotic panicky book horse realizing that Celestia is a selfish moron while that silly conversation takes place would've been even better.
I do love that aside from AJ none of the mane 6 were the least bit concerned,they know how OP Twi is.
I also can't help but picture Starswirl nearly perfecting this spell.... only to die via tripping on his beard and falling down the stairs of the tower he insisted on building higher then any other building in sight simply because
The only issue I see with this is it suffered a bit from the 1k limit.
Also I laughed out loud at "she’s not gonna let something silly like being dead stop her".
11647363
Twilight Sparkle: The demon king of rizz. Lol
This is a really funny and fun story! Thank you for writing and sharing it!
Excuse me?!
a common interpretation of that scene for a reason!
oh that is so him, that weirdo
right after they all zapped her with friendship beams in unison! like, wow!
aww she is so good at fainting! love her
she’s so good at fainting!
yeah AJ is an easy get
so true she is the best at it
ahaha
oof, that’s not ogod!
hoo…ray?
thank you for writing!
”What about the rest of us.”
“According to public records, Twilight has saved Equestria many, many times.”
Some genuinely amusing stuff here. The characterization’s a bit iffy at times, but for a first story, this turned out quite well. A fine Fimfiction premiere; thank you for it.
Well, Twilight is known for achieving the impossible.... multiple times, next thing you know Twilight becomes a seraphicorn just because.