• Member Since 29th Jan, 2022
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I post stories on Fanfiction.net and here so people can read something to past the time, in my opinion. They aren't great, but they aren't terrible either!

Comments ( 123 )

well, the second half of this was far better, kinda skimmed the first half since that was mostly the same. Understanding what was being said made this far more entertaining, we actually got to see what kind of person this warrior and the alicorn is.

And I actually like what I see. Unending determination is one of my favorite tropes to read. I wonder how she'll react to modern times with the point of view she would have now? So many questions, I'm sure at least a few will be answered soon.

Good job on fixing up this story, it has vastly improved in the second half (in my opinion). Though I do suggest getting an editor as small things are getting through (like forgetting a space after a period) nothing major, but I spotted one or two things.

I'll be watching, hope to see more soon.

Thx for the compliments, I try to do my best and I’m glad it paid off! :)

Let's hope some snobby nobles live by the end.

Said Sarcastically

“Αυτό πόνεσε, μπάσταρδε με τα καρφιά! (That hurt, you spike-head bastard!)” The mare casually taunted, blood flowing from her lips, as she kicked off the ground, baring her angered grin.

Tis but a scratch!

Shame it wasn't nurse redheart

I am seriously loving this story you came up! Very neat, I hope to see more chapters coming soon! ^^

Dam. Saw this at a glace and now I'm hooked.

Same provided this story has a happy ending.

I can tell from the perspective this is from the earth pony view. Good focus is a little too hard on the flaws of the others

That picture doesn't make it seem that it's a mare, no offense.

Her type of pony resembles more of a irl horse with mlp pony elements (or Trouble Shoes mixed with the Saddle Arabia ponies if you want to look at it that way) and it was hard trying to get her to LOOK like a mare. The beta design I had look more of like a stallion tbh.

This character kind of reminds me of Asta with all the anti-magic. But I like the character. Also the background story it's fun! Celestia's and Luna's dad and there are problems with him. And all the other things that seeming is going on.

Okay I haven't finished the first chapter yet because being busy sucks, but this is a really awesome concept, and the pacing and details are perfect. Gonna come back to this later tonight.

Taken aback by the comment on her appearance- also not having a full grasp of the concept of jokes -her embarrassed blush turned a subtle shade bright, the warrior facing away with a huff. “H-Hold your tongue, coward! I’m only fifty-eight and still beat your pathetic comrades without a problem; it's not my fault your inferior unicorn genes can’t compare to an earth ponies!” She rambled on.

She was fifty eight she does not look that old from how her character was described before

Well, in the first chapter I described her as middle-aged. So maybe I did a typo somewhere saying she was younger in a different chapter.

Just give her her end as she's been wanting kill her already!

without the parts produced by ChatGPT,

Is it really possible to do that?

Yes, I just edited the document by making my own stuff.

Nevertheless, Trotselot had a job in the name of ‘noble pride’ to accomplish, and damn to Celestia if he wasn’t going to put everything into his act.

I saw this coming from a mile away but this point right here is I think the part where he should have realized this ain't what you want.

None of it was because of some random pony she hadn’t met! She wanted to eradicate the unicorns and pegasi like the beast they were of her own volition. They didn’t deserve to live after everything they did to her.

Okay, thanks for that clarification. That would have bothered me for months.


Started good, but the fight is gone our main oc after so little time. A warrior strong enough to match a Alcorn while injured now downgraded to simply doingbguard duty by a pony younger and weaker then herself.

It just feels so wrong to me after they were built up so much in the beginning. I'm sorry but I just can't read this story after such a bait and switch.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but both Alicorn's sisters are as strong or stronger than her. Also, I'm planning the next chapter to have something special to change Storm Breaker's position.

It's heavily implied that stormbreaker has been feeling guilt about the fact that King Platinum denied Storm Breaker her end. it's plainly obvious she wants to be dead since she can't even handle the world as it is right now and I'd rather that be the end of it. Yeah yeah having a ancient pony adjust to modern day as a thing after all Luna was the one who started the trope. But seriously can we have one story where they actually get the end they want? Where they die before this whole trope happens? No one that I've looked into has really done a story where her after all the buildup they still die the way they wanted to in the beginning. The only reason I haven't written the story like that is because I can't do that kind of existential drama I'm not suicidal and thinking about my characters in that way could cause me to fall into that mindset myself since I have manic depression, I put a lot of myself into my writing so much so that at times I find myself acting like my characters or my characters act more like me than anyone else writing about a character that wants to die would be a bit of a risk for me due to how I write sadly.

For my my story, I wanted the theme to be based around identity and finding your place in the world. Storm breaker’s obsession with her warriors death will get revealed more as the story goes on, but, in short, involve heavily with her hatred of other races along side with her past experiences.

I’m building storm breakers character to be based around the idea of no matter who you are or how you’ve grown up, you can still find your place i the world.

To each their own. I'm enjoying the story I just was hoping that someone would finally do the whole subverting the expectation thing and at the end have them get their death as they wanted, maybe make it a noncanon epilogue chapter at the end of the story or something like that for like a Halloween special you know? you've already got the dark tag so why not. Sure it's only the beginning of July but Halloween sneaks up on you very quickly

I years lived Luna is older than her most likely.

Also what kind of fight do you wish for her to have, if it’s not an au where the rulers are tyrant I see little reason for her to keep going as she was…

This was never going to be a warrior in a doom esque world filled with monsters. This is not a warriors world anymore.

However, what disturbed her more was the large, gleeful smile on the warrior’s face.

Their end is nigh!

I honestly can't wait to see Storm back in action.

Rip and tear, until it's done !

And that day the pony heart grew three sizes. After murdering everything else

No Celestia and Luna are younger than the warrior.

I can see your point but realistically she landed in quite literally the most peaceful area she could have been in. Other than the ever-free, there are no real threats of robbers killers or general crime. At least serious crime in the area. This is pretty much the beginning of the story. I'm pretty sure the bad guy or bad guys are going to be coming around sooner or later.

Embedded version of the YT link at the start of the chapter, so that you can listen to it in-tab.

And it was then the guard learned that she wasn't trapped with them, but it was them who was trapped with her

*Casually grips a grown stallions head in a single hoof*

Storm Breaker: I’m about ruin this man’s whole career

*slams his fucking head into the floor*

I hate conflict for conflict's sake. The guards keep antagonizing Storm for no real reason, even in the middle of a deadly crisis.

Even after watching her in action, compared with their own pitiful attempts, they insist in bullying the proverbial dragon; all in order to give Storm a narratively appropriate target to her anger and make her sympathetic to the audience.

Sorry you feel that way; I finished this chapter when I was, like, half-awake. But I went back and added a bit more to add to the story.

Oh fuck that may cause a problem if she finds out

I find myself feeling the same as Storm Breaker, frustrated (Because of the break from the fight), but now honestly pretty happy (Because of Sky Slicer, he is adorable).

Ok that's a good reason to hate unicorns

“ If it’s the former, I’d gut myself before telling them a thing .” She mentally sneered. What would her fellow soldiers say if they saw her in such a pitiful state? Knowing them, they ride her flank about it for the next month. They’d sing fabricated tales about how a great warrior such as herself was captured by a mere unicorn mare to irritate her. “ Damn alicorn, I didn’t know he had a unicorn companion. ” But why was she with an oversized lizard?

I think that you meant latter since the enemy thing was second.

Awww nooo was he the one the unicorn had hung up?

Most likely, I'm honestly a bit surprised that she's even been able to work with Unicorns.

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