After finding out Lyra Heartstrings has a crush on her, Rarity goes on a secret mission to find out who she is. It should have been a simple operation but things go wrong and the next things she knows Lyra is coming home with her. Not even her friends have seen her home and there’s a good reason why!
Reminder that EQ girls have different love interests than their pony counterparts so don’t hate me.
Written for the Spring Fling contest. Super huge thanks to Stinium Ruide for his fast editing. Seriously dude, you rock!
Chapters (1)
So, some thoughts.
Honestly? It's a little rough at times. There's some stuff that could be neatened up or trimmed down, the "She has a condition" sequence feels a tad cringey (albeit bizarrely real, very much the kind of ignorantly/unintentional quasi-offensive statement I've seen well meaning people say) and the "Fluttershy's Boobs" thing is odd. I get WHY it's there, and what it leads to, but it just stands out a bit. Almost felt like we were jumping to an M-rated fic suddenly.
Despite this, I like it alot. Your Lyra is an interesting mixture of crude and hyperactive. A weirdo who is very intimate, but on the flick of a switch can pour her romantic soul out in music, doing more on a keyboard than she can with her words. The return of Planity is always welcome, but the thing that really hooked me?
The trailer.
Hot DAMN is it nice to see someone talk about class on fimfic like this. Rarity (even in canon) is clearly a bit of a snob who finds her rustic ponyville roots distasteful. Her signature Mid-atlantic accent is a put-on, one that it's always appreciated to see acknowledged from time to time. So to have her EQG counterpart ashamed of living in a trailer? Of arguably being "trailer trash"? That's delicious my friend, solid grade-a eating right there. Her family try to give her contentment with some of lifes basics, but she'd rather pretend to be a middle class 'somebody' with her fashion focus, decorum, and fake accent.
The cherry on this cake of course is Lyras home. After hooking up with this crude oddball, to find she lives the life Rarity wishes she could have? Oh that's good, that's very good
Upvoted AND favourited!
Good job, really created believable dialog that I could imagine the characters saying.
Man, never introduce someone as your first girlfriend. That's a major step toward your second girlfriend.
That was a good story.
The concept of this fic isn’t bad at all, both the first half of Rarity snooping on her crush and the second half where we get a taste of Rarity’s home life. But the execution's messy. Even if it’s supposed to feel like a bit of a whirlwind, the way the story contrives to get Lyra pulled along to Rarity’s home made it feel very rushed. The dialogue also kinda slipped in and out of believability sometimes. Where it ultimately ends up is interesting, but the story feels like it needs refinement. Thank you for the submission.
amazing fic! Their relationship is so cute, although I wonder why Sweetie Belle acted like she was a lot younger. Main takeaway: Sunset Muppet