Terminally Online
Zipp liked to think she was used to change.
Being a princess, her hectic schedule was prime for last minute shifts and alterations. Appointments were often cancelled without warning with new ones being booked instantly afterwards, anything from an appearance in a public service announcement to a talk show booking could appear and vanish in the blink of an eye.
Likewise, she had taken to Maretime Bay quicker than almost anypony else. Within days she had managed to identify the most noticeable landmarks, the fastest routes to each one, the exact angles she needed to reach max speed and so on. So yeah, Zipp was used to change; she was great at adaptability and she prided herself on it.
But even with that, she was not in any way prepared for this. She was so unready for this that even if she was given a hundred years to mentally prepare for this event, she still wouldn’t be ready.
“Misty. Would you care to repeat that?” She found the will to ask, the unicorn shrinking in on herself at the question, her eyes darting wildly as she squeaked.
She’d slept in that morning, some helpful extra rest after yesterday’s hijinks, starting the day with an early morning flight to help clear her head. It was then that she had spotted Misty, the unicorn gaping at something in her hoof in alarm while darting around very suspiciously.
”Hmmm... what’s she doing?” she thought aloud, her natural curiosity already piqued by the sight. She had been wary of the unicorn since the sleepover just a couple of days ago, so some new info would be welcome for her ongoing investigation, the pegasus taking great care to land without making much noise.
”O-oh no. Oh dear. Was this supposed to h-happen? She didn’t say this could happen! Will she be happy? Angry? Ah I’m not sure how to respond to this!” rambled the unicorn, whispering so quietly that Zipp could barely hear her, meaning she could always use the silence to slowly listen to her as she revealed vaguely worded secrets.
That being said, she was headstrong and got bored easily.
”Hey Misty!” she exclaimed with a smile, the unicorn jumping into the air as she frantically tried to stop what she was holding from falling to the floor. “What are you up to here so early?”
”Zipp! It wasn’t me! I promise! I don’t know what happened! I’m the most innocent pony involved here! Aside from Pipp since t-that’s who-”
”What are you talking about? And what was that about Pipp? Did something happen to her?” Zipp raised an eyebrow, Misty putting a hoof over her mouth as she realised she had said too much.
”N-nothing! Nothing at all!”
”Yeah. Right. Anyways, what do you have there?”
“I-I... but... it’s... o-oh fine! Just p-please don’t be mad!”
”Ok, I promise! I promise! Sheesh…” Zipp rolled her eyes, she was certain that whatever she was about to be told was just going to be some kind of misunderstanding involving her sister. At the time, she thought maybe she wanted Misty to help her do an advert or something, or be in some video of the latest trend.
Then Misty told her.
And Zipp, after processing the bombshell dropped onto her and double checking she had even heard it right, instantly knew it was far too early to deal with this.
—
“Pipp’s a phone.” repeated Zipp, her eye twitching as her friends stared at her in confusion, instantly reducing the curious chatter to a stunned silence.
”Pardon?” asked Hitch. “Can you say that again? Since for a moment it sounded like you said Pipp was a phone. Which is crazy! That’s crazy right? Somepony tell me it’s crazy!”
“Oh it’s crazy alright. I’ve been freaking out so much I’ve become numb to it for a moment. But give me a minute and I’ll be right with you Hitch”
“I-I… is this a joke? Is this a friend thing? Friends make jokes, right?” questioned Sunny as Izzy simply leaned in close to the phone.
“Oh my gosh! I didn’t know Pipp could turn into a phone! Is she a werepony? Only she turns into a phone instead of some horrific beast? Do pegasi normally do this?”
“Do they!?” Sunny shouted in shock and excitement, dashing to get her notebook while Zipp groaned and facehooved.
“No! Of course not! I wouldn’t be so alarmed if this was normal Izzy!”
“Awwwwww… thought I could finally update this…” muttered Sunny in disappointment.
”Never mind everypony, the freak out is coming back. Oh hoofness this is nuts. My sister is a phone. She is a phone. What am I supposed to do!? The Pippsqueaks are going to riot if she can’t stream! Do we try to pass this off as a trend!? Oh gosh what do I tell mom?”
“You could tell her it’s totally awesome!” Izzy grinned, poking the phone and looking through the apps.
”Hey! Don’t touch my sister like that!” stuttered Zipp with a blush.
”That sounded better in your head, didn't it?”
”Don’t start with me, sheriff.”
”How are you sure it’s her though?” Sunny asked, narrowing her eyes at the pink phone. “Pipp could just be playing a prank on you.”
”Oh I wish that was it, but nope. I’m pretty sure. She texted me about it.”
”She what? But if she’s a phone… how does she?” asked Hitch, Zipp sighing as she pulled out her own phone and showed a series of messages.
[oh hi sis!]
[please stop screaming.]
[zipp it’s me!]
[ZIPP DO NOT THROW ME I DO NOT WANT MY SCREEN CRACKED!]
[yes I am the phone.]
[no, I don't know how it happened! really? a prank? you are insulting my creativity big time sis.]
[of course I don't know how it happened! one minute, beautiful pegasus. next, poof! state of the art phone. can’t complain too much though, have you seen these specifics?]
[specs. sorry! I’m still not used to this autocorrect.]
[i am not underreacting! and why would Misty have anything to do with this!? she’s basically hyperventilating over there!]
[oh sure, tell the others, l’ve been looking around and I think I just found the algorithm! now I can finally uncover the secrets of the universe! my content will become the greatest and most seen in all of Equestria! l’d laugh smuggly now but it looks kinda cringe in text so just imagine it. catch you later sis!]
The group gaped at Zipp’s phone, reading the messages over and over before looking back at the phone in Izzy’s hoof.
”Oh my Twilight she’s actually a phone.”
”Yep. On the bright side, she can still talk to us. Somehow. I might have conducted an investigation to determine the limits of her abilities if I wasn’t so concerned about undoing this as soon as possible.”
“Well… I guess she mostly talked to us through text anyways?” Hitch flinched at Zipp’s unimpressed stare, laughing nervously as she rolled her eyes.
”Oh come on Zipp! Don’t worry so much! Pipp seems really happy!” Izzy smiled wide, tapping away on the phone while browsing through the apps.
“I said stop touching her Izzy! Come on, please! You’re making this weird!”
“I think you’re making it weirder describing it like that…”
“That isn’t helping either Hitch! How else am I supposed to describe it as anyways!?”
“Something less weird, preferably!”
While the two bickered, Sunny trotted over to the phone Izzy was holding, leaning in close to take a closer look. “Well... she sounded happy in the messages. Are you sure you’re not just overreacting Zipp?”
”Overreacting!?” repeated the pegasus in disbelief. “Look at her Sunny! She’s a phone! How is somepony supposed to react in this situation!?”
”Oh come on Zipp! She seems fine! She just texted me saying she’s unravelled the mysteries of the universe!” Izzy beamed.
”She said what now?” Zipp dashed to her phone, seeing the latest text in their group chat right away.
[hey girls! I’m guessing that Zipp told you about my new look already so I’ll get starlight to the point!]
[straight.]
[well I found the algorithm and guess what? it’s totally easy to control! so I’ve sorta maybe merged my consciousness to it. that’s right! we’re now one being,!]
[ignore the comma.]
”PIPP WHAT THE BUCK!?” Zipp typed angrily.
Meanwhile, Izzy posted a smiley face emoji.
”Um, Pipp. Are you even allowed to do that? Is that... trespassing? Maybe? I don’t know where to begin defining this.” Hitch sighed, Sunny shrugging as Pipp’s response finally arrived.
[oh calm down sis! this is amazing! i finally know exactly how the algorithm works! i can make it so everypony sees my content! i have become the most powerful inferencer in all of Equestria! nopony will ever be able to defeat me in views and likes now! my clout will be the greatest of all!l]
[influencer. ignore the I as well.]
”Wow, I'm impressed.” Zipp rolled her eyes. “Just one thing you’ve forgotten in your master plan.”
[what?]
”How are you going to make videos as a bucking phone!?”
[oh, that? come on sis! that won’t be a problem!] Zipp groaned, hating how she could almost see her sister's eyes roll behind the text.
“I very much feel like it is a problem!” Zipp argued back, taking a deep breath as she muttered. “Oh my gosh I just realised that I am arguing with a phone…”
[hey! me being your sister should be more important than that!]
“Oh hoofness me, I need to figure out a way to reverse this already…”
“Yeah... about that... are you sure she wants to, Zipp?” asked Sunny with a tilt of her head.
”What.”
”I mean, she doesn’t really seem that bothered by it...”
”I-I... but she’s a phone! That’s not normal! I can’t just leave her like that!” she objected with frantic waves of her hooves.
”Well she seems happy! So it’s not like there’s a rush or anything!” added Izzy with a joyful grin.
”Oh come on! Hitch, back me up here! This is common sense right!?”
”Well... I don’t think this is technically illegal? I’m more concerned with how this happened more than anything.” he mused to Zipps increasing ire.
“Yeah, that’s understandable. Are you sure you don’t know how this happened, Pipp?” asked Sunny while Izzy continued to move Pipp around to test her camera.
[izzy! please stop spinning me around like that! and no sorry sunny. misty was there so I tried asking her. but all I could get from her was it definitely wasn’t because of her dropping some jarred dragonfire she was bringing back home that had been supercharged by the powers of some all powerful alicorn!”
”She said what now-“
”Well that narrows it down!” Izzy grinned, cutting Zipp off as groaned into her hoof.
“You know what? Never mind. I’m just going to try and ignore the fact that I am surrounded by idiots right now!”
[stop questioning my life choices sis!]
”I WILL WHEN THEY NO LONGER INVOLVE YOU BEING A PHONE!” the pegasus shouted back before sighing and flying upwards. “Actually, I’m not going to do anything. I don’t need to! I’m telling mom on you!”
[gasp! you wouldn’t! how dare you!] Pipp angrily typed. [i am one with the algorithm sis! you can’t do this to me! THINK OF THE CLOUT!]
”Oh yeah? We'll see how powerful you are if it stops you being totally grounded!” she snapped back, turning off her phone and dashing out of the window while the three ponies left behind watched in stunned silence.
“Pfff, silly Zipp! She should know the clout is important!”
”Oh my Twilight, today is just crazy.” muttered Sunny as Hitch comfortingly patted her on the back.
—
“Honestly Zipp! Just what has got you so worked up? You should be happy for your sister's achievements!” laughed Queen Haven, Zipp’s eye twitching from the words as her frustration mounted.
“Mom, seriously!? She’s a bucking phone!”
“Language Zephyrina! Don’t use words like that with me!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Zipp hissed. “Clearly that is the problem with this current conversation! How do you even know she's a phone!? You looked like you knew already before I even told you!” Zipp questioned with an accusing point from her wing.
”Hm? Oh she texted me about it obviously! I think she’s going to put it as a post on her socials soon.”
“Oh come on! She can’t blog about this like it’s what she had for dinner or something! This is serious!” objected the pony while her mother simply sighed.
“Honestly Zipp. You should be happy for your sister! She’s become one with the algorithm! Think of the clout that gives her now!” she gushed in pride.
“Do you even know what half of those words mean, mom?”
“Not particularly, but I’m still proud of her anyways! Isn’t that enough, dear? They should increase her popularity tenfold!”
“Mom. That’s nice and all, but like I told Pipp. She cannot stream. If she is a phone.” Zipp groaned in exhaustion. “Also, does she need to be more popular!? She live streams on literal billboards! I have no idea how other users even compete with that already!”
“I did notice that she was a phone, dear. And honestly! Pipp asked very nicely, so I couldn’t exactly turn her down!” She laughed, Coudpup yipping in agreement.
“B-but! There’s a chance Zephyr Heights is going to be ruled by a phone!” She protested in desperation with a final string of logic.
“Well I don’t see a problem with that! Our citizens do love technology! It should look stunning next portrait day!”
THUMP
“Oh don’t slam your head into a table like that darling. Princess or not, it’s never a good look for anypony.” she commented while checking her reflection, Zipp simply sighing into the table in response.
—
“Pipp Pipp hooray everypony! Welcome to the first of many post-phoning streams!” announced the phone, the voice disjointed and clearly mixed together from previous recordings of the pegasus, all the ponies watching across Equestria cheering happily as they watched from their own phones.
Zipp, from her table outside Mane Medley, simply sighed as she stared into her phone. “How am I the weird one for trying to figure out how to undo this!?”
Try as she might trying to figure it out, nothing obvious came to mind at all, the lack of any clear answer only annoying her more. It just didn’t make sense! Was it normal for everypony to just go along with this like nothing was wrong?
“It doesn’t make any sense! The pony races spent who knows how long distrusting each other for reasons that don’t make any sense! Yet somepony being turned into a phone just isn’t a concern for some reason? What is wrong with ponies?” she ranted.
Jazz hummed a tune to herself as she cleaned up the pegasus’s drink and snack. “You seem a little stressed, Zipp.”Is what happened to Pipp still bothering you?”
“Yep. And from the looks of it, absolutely nopony else.”
“Well, I was a little concerned at first… but Pipp said she was happy! She seems to have really accepted what happened! So I just didn’t see a point worrying about it! I mean, if she wanted you to fix it, she would have told you right?”
“W-well…” began Zipp, pausing as she thought upon the words once more. “Huh, I guess you might be right. Did I get so caught up in wanting to help my friends that I was trying to solve a problem that didn’t exist? How didn’t I see that before?”
“Yeah, maybe. I wouldn’t know though. You just seem like the type of pony that wants an answer to everything.” commented Jazz with a grin as she headed back inside.
“Huh, thanks. Oh god, that means I need to say sorry to Pipp though! I hate apologising and being all mushy like that!” she lamented, getting to her hooves and sighing as she headed down the street, going over what she could say in her head on the way. “Oh I’m never going to hear the end of this…”
“Zipp! Zipp! Are you here!?” a voice suddenly cried, Misty running down the street with a frantic expression all over her face.
“Oh hey Misty. What’s up? I was just heading to the lighthouse to say sorry to Pipp about how I was treating her. Things are getting kinda crazy lately so-”
“T-there isn’t time for that right now! I definitely, totally, absolutely have no clue how it happened! But it’s Sunny! She’s been turned into a Twilight Sparkle plush!”
Silence.
Zipp’s eye twitched.
“Oh buck me.”
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Quite good. Only thing I can say, is that I felt like Pipp's interaction method wasn't entirely clear. Did she have microphone access or could she only read texts? Was she displaying texts on the phone she became or sending them directly to the other ponies' phones. It appears that she cannot control the phone interface and only has control over the backend stuff as Izzy was able to tap through apps and use activate the camera with no interference from Pipp.
Overall, fun story.
But is she anatomically correct?
An artistic representation of Pipp as a phone:
assets.newatlas.com/dims4/default/a5540cd/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1350x900+125+0/resize/1200x800!/quality/90/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnewatlas-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F2e%2F50%2F3669607c42b384bd4fb4aff24170%2Fzanco-6.jpg
I did enjoy reading this story.
This is the most absurd fic I've read in a while.
I love it.
One of the best weird ideas done seriously I've seen in a while, very good. That ending nailed it too.
If it was Zipp, I'm sure the title of the story would have been My Sister: The Drone Pone
11413493
Asking the real questions here.
11413514
she smol
11413622
Thanks so much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
11413589
Thank you for the kind words!
11413559
Thanks again for offering some suggestions!
11413713
Amazing, lol.
Funny! But I do agree more with Zipp here.
And when excitement from her new all encompassing clout dies down, Pipp going to have a moment where she realizes she lost sense of taste, smell, touch, and can't interact with physically with anypony, she'll be begging for Sparky to turn her back.
Also I would love to see a sequel in some capacity involving Sunny as a Twilight plush.
Nice and funny stuff, put a smile on my face.
Keep up the good work!
Also, you don't need to use separate comments to reply to different people, putting all the replies in one comment makes the comment section cleaner, don't you think so? (at least I think it would save some space
)
11413514
"Pipp is smol" meme can be seen everywhere
11413911
That is how we take stories so seriously lol
11413946
Thanks so much!
Wait that's a thing you can do? Mind blown, lol.
11413802
I certainly enjoyed prereading
Wowie, that was fun! :D
This is hilarious!
Now that I think about it: Weren't pegasi the only ones using phones pre-unification?
Maybe there is more behind this...
Not sure if Twilight would be like
, like 
or rather like 
upon hearing her name being used like this.
As long as she doesn't call herself Skynet everything should be alright.
Let me guess: Sunny is perfectly fine with that?
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Hahaha poor Zipp. Glad Pip's having fun.
I think I agree with Zipp more here.
Like, how in the hell is being a phone not a problem when you're happy about it?
I think the others were kinda underacting to the situation.
Overall, great story I enjoyed a lot lol
Yeah, I'm not surprised that Pipp enjoyed being turned into a phone. RIP Zipp's sanity though.