Aria Blaze has been suffering with insomnia ever since the Dazzlings were banished from Equestria. She doesn't know why she has to deal with this, but it makes her life a living hell. Every day is a tiring mess and every night is a lonely abyss of thoughts. Sometimes, this lonely siren can't help but question the meaning to life. What does it matter if her life just feels like torture anyway...? Luckily for her, another siren is always there for her, if not to help her sleep, to help her feel a little less lonely~
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This is a story idea I got inspired by and I decided to write it last minute~ Ren on Twitter helped me come up with this Sonaria idea, so check them out! https://twitter.com/ARlABLAZE
This story also has a sequel titled Sleeping in Her Arms! Check it out if you have the time!
DISCLAIMER: This story includes references to alcohol, sex, self-harm and suicidal ideation. All of these are only references, so don't worry. I don't show anything too bad.
having by now been awake for 3 days on all of 6 hours of sleep i agree
A new Sonaria fic in 2022? Thank you very much, my tank was empty for a long time.
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Tis what uni does to me~
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If you're going to thank anyone, it might as well be Ren~ They inspired me to write this. I don't usually write Sonaria as seen from my works, but yeah~ I'm glad you liked it and it was definitely fun to write! I wrote a sequel to this oneshot called Sleeping in Her Arms if you want to check that out and some of my Sundagio stories have Sonaria in the background too~
Your paragraphs are super dense. You have some good language and turns of phrase, but they get lost in these long, overstuffed paragraphs.
One reason for that is, while again, you have some good language and phrasing, it’s... It repeats. You say and do a lot to expound on your characters’ thoughts and their meaning, and like, that’s not in itself a bad thing. But I think you carry it a bit too far at times. You overexplain, you repeat, there’s a lot of redundancy, and it bogs your writing down.
The other reason is that your paragraphs just don’t break very well.
A good rule of thumb to follow is starting a new paragraph for lines of dialogue (or inner monologue).
But in general, it’s a good idea to break into a new paragraph when the focus of the paragraph changes.
On a final note, there’s a lot of “the purple woman” going on in here. I control-F’d the word “purple” and got nine results. Eight of them were in the story; a ninth was in the description of one of your other stories in the recommended bar. I realize that you’re probably trying to add variety to your descriptions of the character, but as another rule of thumb, a stylistic rule, it’s just better to use their name.
We know who “the purple girl” is. It’s Aria. Just call her Aria.
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I can understand your criticisms, but I do these things usually on purpose. I like really long paragraphs in writing that explain in multiple ways how the character is feeling, which is why I usually don't read a lot of fics. In a way, I can see how it's overstuffed to you. To me, it's just the right amount and I love paragraphs like these, but it's completely within your right to like them shorter.
As for the paragraph breaks, I do admit I sometimes struggle with that. In general, I try to avoid breaking a paragraph just because of a quote. It gets boring for me if every single paragraph break is just a new dialogue option, so I try to make some new paragraphs just because the center of attention has changed, you know? I know it's more traditional and such, but I find it more interesting to read if I sometimes start a new paragraph by describing the character that is about to talk. Like, "Sonata's face looks towards the floor downtrodden. 'Are you sure you don't want to come?' she asks me in a dejected tone, making my heart feel a little heavier." I was also told by friends that it was sometimes confusing when I didn't start a new paragraph for a different center of attention, though I can completely understand your argument here. Everyone has different reading likes and that's okay~
For my final comment, thanks for realizing that I was trying to add variety~ There's only so much I can do to make myself not sound repetitive when the scene is only about one character. I used "the purple girl" or "siren" or such to describe Aria because it's generally hard to read and boring if the name is repeated like five times in the same paragraph. So, even though the audience knows who I am referring to, it doesn't make the paragraph sound boring, repetitive and uninspired. Adding these descriptions helps to make it more enjoyable for some of my other readers~ Overall, thank you for your criticisms and I fully understand your point-of-view~ I hope you have a great day~
As someone with insomnia, this really captured how bad some nights can get, but also what good things we can do to make it better <3 Liked and faved!
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Have a great day!
Thank you very much! I tried to make it a realistic story while adding my own twists to it~ I also made a sequel to this story called Sleeping in Her Arms if you're interested in it? I'm glad you liked my story and I hope you'll give my other content a look too~
Poor Aria.
Also I wonder who her girlfriend is.
Why would Aria date Sonata. They're technically sisters.
If they truly love the person, they'll say it as many times as they want.
That a girl.
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I'm glad you enjoyed this oneshot of mine~ Also, the sirens aren't sisters in this story. The sirens aren't canonically sisters in MLP, so it really depends on which story you read. In Dreams and Reality, they are sisters, but here? They aren't.
And yes, if someone loves you, they will tell you no matter how many times they've said it before~!
Also, this story has a sequel called Sleeping in her Arms, so if you liked this one, maybe you would like that one~
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Ik and yes I'll be reading the sequel later today.
I have RLS, and while my meds normally make it tolerable except for the occasional horrible night once every couple weeks, I know exactly the feeling described in this story. You do an incredible job describing the loneliness, and showing how your thoughts can wander lower and lower. I can only imagine how nice it’d be to have someone to keep me company on those nights.
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I'm glad you liked this story~ I tried my best to describe the feeling of a lonely and dark night in the most faithful way possible. I know how some of those nights can feel, so my heart definitely goes out to you for those nights. I'm sure there will be someone for both of us later on, but in a way, it is these lonely nights that make us appreciate the nights where we can sleep even more. Regardless, I hope you can find something to keep your mind off those darker thoughts and remember that you're needed~