• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2019
  • offline last seen Wednesday

shadowslayer133


Hello and welcome! Feel free to DM me if you have any questions or just want to chat.

T
Source

Sunset is caught when attempting to steal Twilight's crown. They show her friendship and she learns the error of her ways. Upon returning to the human world Sunset is determined to make real friends. She attends a party hosted by The Dazzlings, unaware they are the legendary Vampire banished by Starswirl the Bearded. Human world AU. FIM mostly Canon. AdagioXSunset. Vampire Dazzlings.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 62 )

Can't wait to see where this goes.

Oh...

Sunset is in trouble now.

This is good setup so far I waiting to see were this goes

So far this is a great story!

you have my attention.

ohmygodYES!! I'm a sucker for SunDagio and this was so good, and the way you write seems very true to these characters! Everything I needed and wanted! Pleeeeaaaaasssse continue!

Interesting premise, excited to see what comes next

What do you think Twilight + sci twi = :heart:
twilight falling in love with her counterpart

9973836
Not my cup of tea personally. But I don't judge other peoples ships. If you like it that's cool by me.

9972331
I'm glad to see your enjoying it. I am very humbled. I promise more is on the way.

9973840
Thanks someday I'll gonna wrote my own story about it :twilightsmile:

Oooo intriguing. Nice pfp by the way

Interesting diversion. This sets a few aspects that may or may not prove vital (just thinking here, won’t matter if they won’t matter; this will be interesting nevertheless :raritywink:)

1. Sunset has been “reformed“ before she even escaped with the crown. Thusly, she never became the Demon. While this may sound good, and maybe it is, this also takes away one of Sunset‘s biggest drives. Without this experience, she is not as strongly redemptioness as in canon, and she doesn’t know the lengths of darkness and corruption.

2. I did not read that Sunset is a bully in this universe, but I also have not read any further. Still, this is certainly important for any interaction with other students and people, if she even goes to any school.

3. It is quite clear that Sunset is lonely, so she likely has not really aquainted herself the humane six. And considering who is on the cover of this story, that may be a bit crucial.


If you‘ve read till here, congratz. Hope I did not overthink this. :twilightsheepish:

9989865
Thanks for the detailed comment, ill gladly answer your questions to the best of my ability!

1. Sunset being saved by the mane 6 in Equestria is important to the plot of this story, which I will expand upon in the second and third points. What I'm going for is that Sunset is mostly just lonely. Her loneliness is a important plot point. She never had friends, even in Equestria. Not that no one tried. She did have a lust for power that prevented her from making friends. However Twilight and her friends broke through that wall and made her realize the error of her ways. This is explained a little in dialog in chapter one. While she was power hungry she was never so far gone that she could be considered evil though.

2. Sunset does not go to school. She got a job and lives alone. This will be further expanded upon in point 3.

3. The humane six and other Equestrian human counterparts do not exist in this story. The human world in this story is built more like an alternate human world and less like the canonical high school AU. The only Equestrian beings in the human world are Sunset herself, The Dazzlings and several other weaker vampire who will not be important to the overall story.

The goal with this story is not to have Sunset and her friends defeat the Dazzlings. The goal I am aiming for is to write a romance story between Sunset and Adagio. The theme similar to something like Beauty and the Beast for example.

I want to expand on the characters personalities too. If you have any more questions I would be glad to answer them.

9991394
Well, I mean that was just a few statements of myself instead of actual questions, but thank you for your response nonetheless.

Wonder how long Twily will need until she discovers that her friend is... well, we don’t known what she is.
Time will tell...

Maybe spending time with Adagio will help calm Sunset down a bit.

Perhaps a chapter dedicated to Adagio. One showing her thoughts, her feelings. Dont rush it, take it slow. This has a chance to be a good slow burn romance.

Also, I've noticed this several times. Cloth is what clothes are made out of. They are not interchangeable.

What you are wearing is clothes, not cloth. A wash rag is a cloth, even a towel is a cloth. What is worn are clothes. :twilightsmile:

Hmm, interesting, I really want to know how Adagio feels about this.

Very curious to see how their date will go as well as getting some answers from Adagio

This has promise. I look forward to seeing how you develop your stated goals with this story.

I tend to agree with your decision to unlink this version of the human world from Equestria, it lets you focus more on the characters without having to worry about all the EQG baggage.

9993679
My plan currently is for Sunset and Adagio to have a long talk during the date. The readers will get to see how Adagio feels through her dialog with Sunset, as well as get some answers. I also plan to try and make this a slow burn, so no worries there. :twilightsmile:

Thank you for the heads up with the clothes issue, I will see about fixing that at my earliest opportunity.

9993639

Hopefully not...

(puts on sunglasses)

DEAD CALM!

Anyways, glad this story is back.

9994138
Dialog is good, but internal monologue is more telling. Why did she change her clothes, why did she make food fresh like that. Simply caring for her isnt enough, what thoughts were going through Adagios head when she did those things? Currently it's set up kind of like Sunny stroked her ego and bought her love. That's shallow as it can possibly be. Can this be explained in dialogue? Sure. But we don't speak our innermost thoughts. So showing a chapter between the party and Sunny waking up gives us a direct insight into her thought patterns that she wouldn't normally speak.

Keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

9994304
I see your point and like the idea. I don't want to spoil anything for future chapters but I will confirm that the ego stroking mentioned in the chapter is just a theory of Sunset's, not a confirmed reason Adagio kept her. It may play a small part in it but Adagio has multiple reasons behind her decision, and these reasons run much deeper than just ego stroking.

Thank you for your feedback! Its much appreciated

9993827
Thank you. Your spot on with my intentions. I wanted this story to focus on Sunset and the Dazzlings. Plus I wanted the world to feel unique. There are more reasons behind this decision as well that are important to the overall plot. Such as Sunset's loneliness, and the fact that no one will be rushing in to rescue Sunset from this situation.

Ah, good morning Lady Sunset. I see you have awoken. It is now roughly one-hundred and four weeks and six days until you may attempt your escape to Equestria.
Currently, your chances to make it until this date are 96,51%. This is a massive increase from the 4,79% from last night. But please note that from this percentage, the chance of completely resisting the Mistresses‘ influence have only changed from 1,93% to 2,061%.
You may be happy to know though, that the percentage of your ultimate death by the hands of my misstress have been greatly reduced to 1,0142%.
I bit you farewell and good luck for your dinner with the grand mistress.


This will certainly be interesting

One thing I hope/expect is that in the 1000 years they’ve been exiled, the Dazzlings have mellowed out from being evil and they host parties to only feed on humans just enough to get by.

9998680
They have mellowed out a bit. I guess if you consider them evil or not depends on your point of view. I can confirm the Dazzlings don't kill for the thrill of it. They feed to survive, that's it.

Well I like where this is going so far. I will say that the drama tag worries me a little. There's nothing wrong with drama in small doses but when I end up skipping over like 10 or 20 thousand words because it's like a bad soap opera then there's a problem lol. Not tryin to be a downer or influence the story in anyway. It's just a pet peeve of mine. Quick question though, why are the words with an F in them having the first 2 letters replaced by a strange symbol? It makes it hard to know what i'm looking at at first and it disrupts the flow of my reading a little bit. Anyways, I've rambled long enough. Keep up the good work my dear Author, and have a nice Christmas week.

Nice to see that Adagio is not playing any games with Sunny. Also love how supportive and happy the others are for her :twilightsmile:

9999037
Huh, weird, I don't see any formatting issues.

A nice look at things from Dagi's point of view. Gives us a little insight into what vampires are like in your AU, and better fleshes out the personal interactions.

I'm definitely interested in where this will end up going.

Also, author, you did the cloth/clothes thing again, when they put the next day's clothes in the bathroom for Sunset.

This was a nice chapter! It’s nice to see that Adagio cares for Sunset and is willing to give the dating game a chance and she’s planning on doing it the non-hypnosis way so she can let Sunset be herself.

Wow, I didn't know Adagio put Sunset under her spell, let alone how effort Aria & Sonata did to make sure Sunset would feel welcomed, once she woke up. Color me impressed

9999037
I don't plan to make this into a soap opera or anything like that. I added the drama tag because of Sunset's unwillingness in the first 2 chapters. The suspense of not knowing what Adagio really wants with Sunset. I wasn't 100% on if it was necessary so if enough people tell me otherwise ill remove it.
As for your question I don't see that on me end. I just double checked the chapters and I don't see it in any of them. I'm not sure why that would be happening but I certainly want to try and find a way to fix it for you if I knew any idea how.
You have a nice Christmas week as well!

9999128
Oops, thanks for the heads up on that. I was trying to be really careful this time but I guess one slipped by me. I fixed it.
Also thank you for the kind words! I wish I knew a way to fix the problem for MLP Forever, not sure why it would be doing that.

I really liked this chapter, it gave us an insight on what Adagio was feeling. Keep it up!

"Sonata, Aria, I need you to do a few things for me" She spoke softly, squeezing Sunset's hand. Something both sisters noticed, the smile on Sonata's face grew larger. A small smirk coming to Aria's. "This is Sunset Shimmer. She's very special to me and she is not to be harmed. Sonata, I want you to go make the guest room for her. Aria, would you go out and buy her some clothes? Specifically sleepwear and something for tomorrow, including some options for a lunch date."

Adagio, are you planning to (put on sunglasses) HAVE HER FOR DINNER?!

Sorry had to make that joke.

Anyways good chapter. I'd really like to see where this relationship goes.

9999346
Well it turns out something about using Open Sans font type was causing it. I've never seen it replace letters with odd symbols till now though and I go through 100k words stories like they're candy. Must have been caused by a recent site maintenance or something.

you rushed through every thing there was no story here just vague back ground detail of a story

why not just stick with the first film as it was and then change things going forward as it stands i have no context to this version of sunset you even point out she has no reason to go back to the human world canon sunset was left there and then by the time the portal opened she had friends there friends that would become family to her as the story went on

over all i am enjoying this story but yea your first chapter was really really not good so glad i stuck with it thoe keep up the good work and update soon

10006451
The prologue was supposed to be short, more of a synopsis of events that explain this AU and not an official chapter. The information was still important so I wrote that up for readers to better understand the overall plot. The meat of the story is Adagio and Sunset, so I didn't want to focus on the prologue events too much.
I am also glad to hear your enjoying the story!

When can we expect more amigo?

10025269
I've been busy with work recently but I plan to sit down and write again soon.

This is bizarre.... And that in and of itself is an impressive feat... You sir or madame have my interest in this story

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