After the events of Rainbow Rocks, Adagio Dazzle has been leading a depressing life. That is until she gains friendship in the most unlikely of places. Now that Adagio has a friend, her sisters tease her nonstop about the possible romance of such friendship. As much as Adagio may try to ignore them, she knows that there's some truth to be held by it. Unfortunately, the siren doesn't have time to worry about that. She has to concentrate on her night with Sunset Shimmer.
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This is the second place winner for the Second Chances competition from the group Sunset Shimmer X EG/MLP Villains Shippers's Group and Competitions! Go check them out! This story is also brought to you on two hours of sleep and a dream~ I hope you like it, even with the big amount of flaws! I'll fix it when I can~ Possibly by rewriting it as a full long story~
- Member Since 4th Dec, 2021
- offline last seen 58 minutes ago
Spyder27
I am Spyder27 and I write MLP stories! I'm known as the Emperor of Sundagio by friends~ I don't write free stories, so DM me for comm details. Follow me if you want regular updates on my stories~
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Spyder27 · 3.5k words · 29 5 · 594 views
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That was an unexpectedly powerful and riveting opening sentence! ...I'm very disappointed that you did nothing with it.
The toxic and exceedingly juvenile heckling from the other sirens is great (if perhaps painfully juvenile), and Adagio's rapt attention and anticipation of how Sunset reacts to the desert order are shining highlights of this story, and I hope you feel proud about those sections.
Wow was this exhausting to read. The narrative voicing can't decide if it wants to be internal monologue or purlply exposition, and ends up combining a lot of the worst aspects of both. Purple prose seemed ideal for unwitting gushing over Sunset, less fitting for expressing disdain at humanity or functional exposition; as internal monologue, I find it difficult to believe Adagio thinks many of the descriptions that she gives us. There's a comedy tag on this story, so that's confusing. The apparent goal of a callous, disaffected tone sits oddly with the banal, sophomoric execution -- if it was a deliberate effect, and what you intended, I am not your audience.
You wrote a thing, and not even I can take that away from you!
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I probably will, considering how much I like the idea~
Thank you so much for the comment! I was going to put more into the opening sentence idea because originally, this story was going to be 20k words~ But I squished it down into just under 5k because I really wanted to participate in this competition~ Though I may rewrite this story in the future to further elaborate on everything~
As for the other sirens, I definitely wanted to include their heckling and make it seem like a hypocritical thing for them to do. And yes, I am proud of these scenes in particular, but even I can admit this story is not the best it can be. As you probably can guess, I am not used to writing oneshots. I love writing longer and more emotionally in-depth stories. I feel a little sad I couldn't elaborate more on things within 5k words, but I may go ahead and rewrite this sometime.
I can definitely understand your criticisms with the story. I was taking a lot of the things I have used in my writing from A Dazzling World and tried to make it work in a oneshot, which is not the best. It's hard to write this first-person narrative, being descriptive about the world around Adagio while also making her thoughts relatable. While I understand your criticisms with the oneshot, I will say that I hope you can check out my other work~ Maybe the longer story format will make it more enjoyable to read~ Adagio describes things the way she does because I sort of saw her as a different reformed person in this, but I still see your point. And the comedy tag was mostly because I thought the other sirens were a little comical during this, but I will think about removing it~
P.S. Thank you for your overwhelming positivity during this comment, despite your criticisms~ It would be so easy to leave a hateful comment and it makes me smile to see someone talk constructively about my story~
My heart aches I genuinely got the butterflies reading this and that’s a rare thing for me when I read a story. Thanks for the amazing entry!
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I kind of think it's really short, so I'm debating about rewriting it in a longer format in the future~ If you like this story, maybe you would like some of my other work on my profile~ 
Thank you for the compliment~ I really tried to make a story that I would like and something that would fit within the parameters of the competition~
Once again, thank you for the compliment~ Stay special~
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That’s something else I didn’t type I feel a longer version or a more drawn out scene with Sunset would do the story some good.
I think a longer version is a great idea & I will be checking out your other stories after I finish reading the competition entries.
She does have a point Adagio, the signs are quite obvious.
Lmao, good one Sonata.
You just don't understand how love works Aria.
Mhm