A warm day in Barcelona
"And that concludes day one of pre-season testing here in sunny but cool Barcelona," the announcer said. "Red Bull took top honors again, their new 2023 cars almost a full second per lap faster than Mercedes in second. It looks like it could be another dominant year for the Red Bulls."
"And Haas with their new Renault powertrains in third," the other announcer said. "Quite a surprise."
"I think the biggest surprise of the day," said the first announcer, "is Ferrari in dead last in tenth after this first day of pre-season testing."
"Agreed, especially after their excellent second-place finish in the standings last year."
Guest commentator Rainbow Dash interrupted. "Why do you keep repeating things the viewers already know?"
"Because this is television."
"Are... do humans have memories that terrible?"
"People like to hear things they already know, it makes them feel in the know."
"We should talk about Scootaloo," Dash said. "She got P7 in her Alpine Renault."
"We're talking about Ferrari, not Alpine, just now," said the first announcer.
Dash pouted, crossing her forelegs over her chest.
"Why," said the second announcer, "Ferrari dumped two of the best drivers on the grid and replaced them with two rookies, I can't understand."
"Well, LeClerc did well with his new seat at Alpine, partnering Scootaloo," he glanced at Dash, who nodded, "with Carlos replacing Bottas at Alfa Romeo."
"I think we were just as surprised as Bottas was when he chose to suddenly retire."
"Well, marrying a hippogriff and moving across the portal does make it hard to drive Formula One, but his new jet-ski racing league in Seaquestria looks very successful."
Dash pointed angrily at her iPad, which was open to Google Translate. "I'm offended," Dash grumped, "that Scuderia Ferrari and Scuderia Alpha Tauri don't have any pony drivers. 'Scuderia' means 'horse stable' in Italian!"
Both human announcers facepalmed. Then, "Ah, here we go. Nico is ready to interview Ferrari at the pit wall."
Autumn Blaze pranced around, admiring her bright red Ferrari racing suit. She levitated off her helmet and gave it to one of the pit crew. Smolder stood, arms crossed and frowning mightily, helmet hanging from a claw.
Nico Rosberg, retired Formula One world champion and current TV commentator, waved a microphone at Ferrari's team boss. "Pérez put in a one minute twenty-three point eight. The slowest non-Ferrari on the track today, the Williams of Albon, put in a one minute thirty one point six. Your two drivers put in three-minute-plus laps. Can you explain?"
A stream of angry Italian shouting and sweeping hand gestures blasted towards the reporters.
"Okay," Nico said, "we'll be bleeping most of that out later, and I don't envy our subtitle software."
"I had so much fun!" Autumn Blaze said, shouldering her boss out of the way. "I drove the car! Zoom! Screech! Zoom! Crash!"
"You certainly did," Nico said, looking away from the angry Italian and to the kirin. "Just like I did when I drove for Mercedes and became world champion and beat Lewis Hamilton with identical equipment."
"Give it a rest, mate!" came a shout from the Mercedes paddock.
"How was the car?" Nico asked Autumn Blaze.
"It was fast!" Autumn said, standing on her rear legs and twirling. "So fast that I want to 🎵siiiiiiiiiiiing!🎶"
More angry Italian shouting and gesturing came from her boss.
Autumn dropped back to all fours and hung her head. "He reminds me I'm contractually obligated not to sing on company time. Or on my own time. Or especially in the shower."
"The shower?" said a Dutch reporter.
"It costs the team too much to replace hotel showers if I melt them or blow out the glass doors from a steam explosion."
"Miss Smolder? What about you?" Nico asked.
The dragon glared. "I need to get more accustomed to the tires. Specifically, the tire temperatures."
"Did you have trouble getting the tires up to temperature? The track temperature was only about twenty centigrade today."
"Nah, I breathed on them before we left the paddock, so they were over-temperature. That's why I had the quadruple blowout on turn three."
"They brought out the red flags for you!" Autumn Blaze chirped. "That's so thoughtful of them! Red's a festive color!"
Smolder faceclawed. "Yes. Yes they did."
"And all the yellow flags for me whenever I ran off the track! Are yellow flags better or worse than red flags?"
Nico stared at her. "Better."
Autumn's smile fell and she hugged Smolder. "I'm so sorry! We're teammates and I got better flags than you! I'm so inconsiderate! I'm sorry! And on my first day of driving!"
"Your first day of driving Formula One, you mean?" asked one of the other TV commentators.
More angry Italian streamed at Autumn Blaze.
"He advises me not to answer that question," Autumn said, "but I spent all winter playing Gran Turismo on my Playstation!"
The reporters stared.
Scootaloo, in her blue and pink Alpine driving suit, sidled up to Smolder. They shared a hoof/claw bump. "A shame about the tires," Scootaloo said.
"We'll try a different compound tomorrow," Smolder said. "They have a set of Perelli's experimental asbestos tires in FedEx."
"Miss Aloo," Nico asked, "what did you think of all the different cars' performance today?"
Scootaloo closed her eyes and sighed. "Please don't call me that, for the ninety-seventh time. I'm not a curry! Hopefully Smolder and Autumn Blaze can put in a good showing tomorrow. Their Ferraris are quick on paper."
"They're quick in the simulator, too!" Autumn Blaze said, hopping up and down. "I hit the wall at over three hundred and fifty kph when I tried Monaco!"
Scootaloo's head snapped around to look at her. "How did you get up to that speed on the slowest track on the calendar?"
"That's what he asked me!" she replied, pointing to her boss.
The Italian closed his eyes and counted slowly to dieci.
The commentators turned back to the Ferrari boss. "We still haven't gotten a non-evasive answer," Nico said, "why you paid off the contract cancellation fees of two brilliant drivers who served you so well last season in order to hire two rookies."
Smolder put her helmet back on and lowered the dark visor to hide her expression.
"I'm so glad they did!" Autumn Blaze shouted. "This was the most fun I've had since I learned about roasting marshmallows!"
Another stream of Italian flooded at the reporters, hand gestures looking like a hummingbird on espresso.
"Oh, that's not true and you know it," Autumn said, poking her boss in the ribs with her hoof.
His face turned pale, pointing a chiding finger at her. "Per favore! Silenzio!"
A massive fireball erupted from Smolder's paddock as her car detonated. Mechanics and technicians ran out of the building, screaming, and then a few seconds later, Autumn Blaze's car also spontaneously combusted where it sat, quietly parked in the Ferrari garage.
"See?" Autumn Blaze said. "Smolder the dragon. Autumn Blaze the kirin. After all the engine whoopsies last year, the league told Ferrari that this year, they were required to hire drivers who are fireproof."
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But yeah, not a good day for Ferrari by any stretch of the imagination. Unless you're Autumn, but she's had nothing but good days since she was allowed to rejoin society.
Ferrari, bad reliability and bad strategy. Three things that go hand in hand. I won’t be surprised if Binotto continues to screw up the championship chances for both his team and drivers, and I’ll be less surprised once they lose said championship to Verstappen and Red Bull. These next races are going to be crucial to Verstappen, and I don’t see how Ferrari have any chance of getting it back.
11322904
At this point, Mercedes is the threat to Supermax, not Ferrari.
11322898
Thanks! Autumn Blaze, indeed, can make any day a good day.
11322906
Mercedes have still a bit to catch up to the Bulls, and right now they are poised to overtake Ferrari in the constructors for 2nd. At least no one is Alpine or McLaren right now, it’s PR nightmares over in those two teams at the moment.
11322909
RIP Scootaloo. Renault's black and yellow livery would have looked so good on her color scheme, then they rebranded as Alpine and now they look like a baby shower.
11322913
Alpine isn’t that bad, it’s just that their management is holding them back. I mean look at last year’s Hungarian GP where Ocon got his first win.
11322914
Alpine's worst sin is their livery.
11322915
At least you can say they aren’t Aston Martin.
Heh, had a good, quick laugh over this one
Longfic when in this verse?
11322963
Thanks!
And not sure when, to be honest. I don't have a good story question for a longfic.
11322963
11322964
Cue a full season (full of fire, that is).
Seems fitting Ferrari would rather hire people who are fireproof instead of actually fixing the car
10/10 flaming Ferrari engines, would read again!
11323109
Heeheehee, yup. Haas-Renault 2023 team learned.
Heh. Fireproof rookie drivers.
🏁 🏎
Now we just need to teach Autumn Blaze to drive.
And teach Smolder the correct procedure for warming up the tires.
Is that Nico Rosberg who beat Hamilton in the same machinery?
Joke aside, really funny short fanfic. As Mlp and F1 fan, hope to see more of these
Jsksbksvjdnidjkd hilarious
Let's be honest here: you got the idea for this fic while watching Tell Your Tale #21
("(...)not a smoothie operator")
Scootaloo really is an angel, staying loyal to Enstone all these years
Normally I'm against updating fics, but for this I'll have to make an exception
(spot the Leclerc fan 
)
11323359
Actually haven't watched any "Tell Your Tale;" one of the pony discords I'm in has an F1 channel and we were posting Ferrari clown memes.
I'll update Ferrari to third when Mercedes passes them ...
11323182
The very same machinery!
11323138
Maybe kirin pit crews. Light the tires up while the car is on the pit lomiter.
Autumn Blaze, you better don't mess with me on Nordschleife because if you beat my lap time, I will strike back!!!!
Sigh... Many days, it feels that way.
Not the qualification I was expecting, but I suppose Ferrari weighed their options and considered what the best course was for the team going forward.
This is delightfully silly, and I love it.
11322904
Cheat
Wow, I haven't paid attention to the F1 world in *checks notes* 20-odd years, but back then Ferrari was still one of the top dogs. Have they really fallen from their lofty heights that badly?
11327261
They're consistently "best of the rest," i.e., third in constructor's standings, behind Red Bull and Mercedes.
Of course, "best of the rest" isn't where the prancing ponies want to be.
They would’ve won if they painted flames on the side.
11327261
They have the equipment and talent to be #1, but they're going through a self-destructive period. Kinda like the 1980s.
I don't think they're allowed to use asbestos anymore for anything...
But Nomex, like Kevlar, is an aramid fiber, and certainly could end up in the tire belts...not just in the firesuits...
And where were the three blokes? Clarkson still taking the piss, because the other two set him up in his Canterlot hotel...and they don't have steak, either...
May droning on about how horses were still used in WWII...
And Hamster trying to persuade Luna to go to earth and be a "Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car"...
While Celestia is livid that Hammond didn't pick HER. She certainly wouldn't be dithering around with it like Luna, asking those silly questions about visiting The Globe and watching a Guard change at Buckingham Palace...
Though she isn't above showing some cheek, and telling the Queen Mum how old SHE is over tea and cucumber sandwiches...
Good choice.
Is that even legal? Forbidding an Equestrian to sing?!
Smolder: "Don't worry, I got my driving experience from GTA. Worked out in the end. Somewhat..."
Good story!
Back in the 1930s, Bugatti had the fastest race cars in the world but they had notoriously lousy brakes.
"I build my cars to go not to stop."
Ettore Bugatti
I've had an Italian coworker for 15 years.
This is the most realistic fanfic ever.
11333002 "What do you mean, FIA rules prohibit the use of sticky-bombs? So, what is that, five second penalty?"
11327870 Right. The self-destructive period perfectly coinciding with Binotto's employment as team lead.
11322898 "Can I just say she'll never be on television again?" "No, there isn't time, there isn't time..."
Binotto has made his bed; let him sleep in it.
And yes, I firmly believe he would be that dumb and that stubborn.
11400436
Hahahahahhaaa. Yup.
And this is why Rainbow Dash shouldn’t be allowed to commentate on motor sports…