After Daring Do and Lyra team up and trek across the world to a remote cave looking for traces of a lost civilization, they find themselves confronted with a room containing a single door... and the guardian keeping it closed.
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- Member Since 29th Sep, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
Tekket
Hi! I write about ponies doing spooky things! And sometimes in space, too! If want to donate a dollar for the cause, I have a Ko-fi! https://ko-fi.com/vinnrosta
Tekket
Joined 29th Sep, 2016 ·
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i know that door!
So... Zombies I'm guessing?
11075431
de donde?
11075915
GTFO! (It's a four-player surival game)
Are we looking at necromorphs?
I am a simple man. I see GTFO, I upvote.
11076254
I got the inspiration from the game GTFO, but i specifically left it up to reader interpretation how they wanted to imagine the monsters
Ehh
I like the idea, but the delivery is a little lacking. The flashback doesn't add anything, Lyra's dialogue is Kind! Of! Grating! And! Repetitive!, Daring Do's characterization leaves me feeling like a different pony would have filled her role better, and the ending is a little unclear. The Guardian seems to suggest that this was a human shelter to protect humans, and then Clover convinced it to protect ponies from humans instead. But then why does it have to scan to check to see if there are any humans? What is it that's able to punch and claw its way through a steel door? Why is it suddenly showing up the moment ponies arrive? Why is the thing able to punch and claw through a steel door apparently leaving the humans alone to suddenly only now go through the steel door that's presumbly been there for thousands of years?
It's not a bad story. But it comes across as a good idea that was diminished by excessively Hollywood-style pacing and drama.
I assume that, whatever is behind the door, it's nothin' personnel, kid.
I'm thinking it's actually Abyssals behind the door, for some reason.
As in Shipgirl Abyssals.
I feel like this story is incomplete. It's not bad, just... unfinished. I don't think you intend to continue this, and that's okay. However, if there's some reference that explains the story contained within it, it's lost on an audience that hasn't seen whatever other source material you're using. If this is an original creation, then... Perhaps some more environmental storytelling to seed a few clues?
All of that being said, I am jellious of your ability to write dialogue. You're real good at that.
11077276
The idea is stolen from a few sources, but this is supposed to stand on its own as just a spooky little story. I wanted to keep things intentionally a bit unclear, but based off a few comments, it seems I overdid it.
Thank you for the compliment though! I'm really not good at writing dialogue, but thank you regardless!
11077285 It's certainly spooky! Mission succeed there. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have commented at all.
The title reminds me of that one famous edgy sonic OC
Whoa, nice.
In retrospect, combining the biowarfare shelter with a T-virus storage facility probably wasn't the brightest idea.
11081123
correct..shoud probably separate the two by a few miles in my game that im playing rn that HAS those two things...
11077285
this story was prity frigin awesome!
11304122
Why thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my little slice of attempted spooks
11076306
Flood..?