Touch the Sky
Big Mac galloped through the Ponyville market. He pushed through irritated crowds with the single-minded focus of finding a single pony amongst them.
A black pegasus with a silver mane and a smile that melted his heart.
After a short while racing through town, he found him off to one side, away from everypony else. He had a big grin on his face and a bounce in his step.
Mac put on a final burst of speed, followed him into a cordoned off part of the market, and pulled up just short of his target.
Thunderlane regarded him with a surprised look.
“Hey, Mac, what’s up?” He asked.
“We’ve known each for a long time, right?” Mac said hardly winded by his gallop from the farm.
“Yeah, well over ten years by this point.” Thunderlane tilted his head. “Why?”
“Why did your previous dates go so badly?”
Thunderlane’s gave an awkward chuckle. “Well, you know how my luck is with other ponies. Tend to strike out more than I-”
“Was it because of me?” Mac interrupted.
Thunderlane stared at him in shock. He bit his lip and cast his gaze downwards, unsure of how to answer the question.
Mac didn’t need him to.
“What am I to you, Thunder?”
“You...” Thunderlane trailed off then gave a determined look, “Important. You’re important to me, Mac.”
Mac nodded. “You are to me too. You were there for me when I needed you the most. You always hang around me and I’m happier when you’re there.” Mac’s face turned a brighter shade of red than his coat. “I can’t stop thinking of you even when you’re not around.”
Thunderlane’s face flushed, his wings shot up and his fur puffed up, clearly flustered by Mac’s remarks.
Mac thought it was cute.
“I want to be selfish, but I don’t want to drag you down.” Mac hung his head. “I don’t want you to feel trapped with me.”
“What?” Thunderlane shouted. “Mac, that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said!”
“But, I have so many responsibilities and-”
Thunderlane grabbed Mac’s face with his wings forcing him to stare into his amber eyes. “Listen. I don’t feel trapped with you. When I’m with you, I feel safe. Like everything is going to be okay and nothing can hurt me because I have you near.” Thunderlane gave a warm smile. “You’re my rock, Mac.”
Mac smiled. “I’m glad, because I feel the same way.”
Thunderlane put his wings back at his sides. “Glad that’s sorted out, but, uh, was that all? Kind of an intense speech to give out of nowhere.” Thunderlane chuckled.
“No; are you free tonight?”
“I have to generate the rain clouds for early tomorrow morning this evening, but after that, yes. Why?”
“I have a picnic prepared and was wondering if you wanted to go stargazing with me in the north orchard,” Mac asked nervously. “If you'd like that, of course.”
Thunderlane’s face split into a near manic grin. “Mac, are you asking me out on a date?”
“Yeah, I am, Thunder.” Mac felt a sense of embarrassment take hold of him. “B-but only if you-”
“Yes!” Thunderlane wrapped Mac in a big hug with his forelegs. “I would love to go on a date with you.”
Mac felt a surge of happiness well up inside of him. He felt overwhelmed by his emotions, but for once, it felt good.
He hugged Thunderlane back.
And in that moment, he felt like he was home.
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Wonderful story and an adorable ending.
Alright.... it was a good ending that much I can say...now I'm bah ok so see I'm Catholic and well I wish it wasn't male on male...
Now on to the review I will say you did rush it a bit on the end but that's fine, I did not find any grammatical errors so that's good you did a wonder full job on cliff hangers so good on you for that.
I wish right at the end you expended a bit you didn't which honestly is fine and all and all it was a good story.
Okay, so first things first; great story. Seriously. The plot was straightforward enough but with plenty of good emotional bumps here and there, the characters felt realistic and had understandable motivations, and the settings, when applied, added well to the overall tone being conveyed each chapter. From what I understand, most of the dislikes were earned early on, likely as a reaction to your early portrayal of Applejack in both her leaving and then returning to the Apple Acres farmstead. This only proves how important patience is with some of these fics, because 'Releasing the Warden' chapter was an excellent explanation and ending for Applejacks character. Overall, a good story with a good theme on Family.
However, I have to agree with fellow reader 'Death is bliss' that this last chapter feels off. Like he said, if you need to extend it, extend it. It certainly felt a bit short from my perspective when reading it. There was also something else about it that felt slightly odd, but I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it's just that the interaction between Mac and Thunderlane takes place in an open and public domain? Setting can have a lot to do with tone. If made a more private setting, the intimacy of them beginning their relationship might carry a bit more 'oomph'. But I'm not writer myself, so it's ultimately up to you. Nonetheless, this was good work. I appreciate you taking the time to write this.
11026118
So, I won't apologize for doing MxM, that is primarily what I write, however, I do thank you for being respectful and giving the story a chance. That is really great of you to do.
Yes, I will admit the ending is rushed, so I might actually spend some time reworking, but thank you for reading the story.
11026185
I'm really glad you liked the story! And as Death mentioned the ending is a bit rushed so I might spend some time reworking and expanding on it.
Most of my dislikes are actually from what is known as the "gay tax", which are dislikes garnered because, well, it's gay. I can usually tell by the fact that the view counter on the story stays stagnant, but the dislikes go up. I would also agree that probably the rest of them are from Applejack, as I definitely went with a harsher portrayal of her.
Otherwise, thank you very much for reading!
11025802
Thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed it.
11026294
Honestly I wasn't looking for a apology there was a reason for the Sp. but I will most likely read the rework of it just because the MxM wasn't that long so I could just skip it, I look forward to the rework.
11026185
Probably what felt so odd is how Applejack mood did a 180 from our perspective.
I mean you did give a reason why she did what she did but it wasn't that personal for us as the readers,
For example for most people and cases if someone said a homeless person died they would just shrug there shoulders and move on with there lives while yes some might feel bad or something like that it just won't make a difference now however if you said Big mac became homeless and died then you would care,
now just replace applejack as the homeless and well you should be able to see.
I would suggest to expend a bit on the Applejack and Pinkiepie part to give the reader a more emotional reason on how Applejack came to the conclusion that you had at the end.
Loved it was exactly what I needed. Hope to see a sequel about thunder and Mac being together ❤
Oh, this was fantastic. It’s fascinating to see how the dominoes fall once you take Granny out of the equation, especially with Applejack. Great tale of an equine Atlas struggling to carry his whole world on his shoulders, and ever so slowly learning that he doesn’t have to.
And I do love how there’s a specific rule against Apple Bloom building death machines.
Thank you for this. Best of luck in the judging.
This was great. My one complaint is that I feel like the plot pacing/character development was a bit rushed to fit into the contest's wordcount limit.
11057396
Completely fair. I basically gave myself a 1500 word count limit per chapter in order to be able to get all the details in and then continuously failed to make it only that every chapter excluding the last ones.
hehe, the wings! love it
so true, that is the dumbest thing!
aww! and i guess Thunderlane figured it was best to wait for Mac to figure himself out before telling him any of this but oof, what a wait!
yay, happiness!
that really was quite wonderful! the Apple parents’ deaths and their aftereffects are such a ripe source of angst and drama, but it takes a deft hand to give it the weight it deserves while presenting a fresh perspective. really loved the very complicated relationship between Applejack and Big Mac here, and how different the family dynamics between the two would be in such a scenario. Applejack’s adventures and Element-bearer status had such a different feel from this perspective! one of dread at a random and capricious world masquerading as one with order. and augh, Thunderlane is such a sweetheart, and i’m glad Big Mac’s stubbornness and self-denial could not stop them from being together. great work!
I absolutely adored this story. Read it in one sitting and it had me in tears and joy. I have a sweet spot for hurt comfort, especially family and queer romance and this had all of it.
I just wish there was more of this quality content, I guess I will just have to try some of your other works.
Thank you for writing this masterpiece, I hope you might one day return to it or write something similar. The writing quality was also top notch and I liked your style a lot! It felt refined, clear and well written!
Also loved the MxM and relationship presented here!