Chained to the Plow

by daOtterGuy

What Broke the Horse's Back

Since that day in the market, Mac’s panic attacks had gotten more frequent.

He would be working alone in the field when suddenly he would be overwhelmed by a feeling of being trapped. He found that if he took several deep breaths, the feelings would subside before they became worse.

In cases where they didn’t, he wound up on the ground and unable to stand back up. On those occasions, he would slowly name all of the trees across Sweet Apple Acres until he could right himself.

He had considered the issue resolved and had managed to keep it a secret from his family.

Until Apple Bloom caught him.

He had hit a particularly bad bout while apple bucking. He had gotten back under control fairly quickly, but had been met by his baby sister crying and shouting his name when he came out of it.

She had wanted to show him a new contraption she had built.

It was one of the worst moments of his life.

Mac soon found himself seated in the kitchen with Bloom, Applejack, Thunderlane, and Rumble across from him — the latter two brought by Apple Bloom.

Mac had tried to downplay the issue, but failed to account for Thunderlane and Apple Bloom’s panic induced rage.

He knew they were reaching a boiling point when lightning arced through Thunderlane’s mane and small cracks formed on the floorboards underneath Apple Bloom’s hooves.

So, he explained the panic attacks to them.

When he was finished, Applejack looked annoyed, Apple Bloom was in tears, Rumble was as dour as he always was, and Thunderlane had an unreadable expression on his face.

Then the calm broke and all Tarturus let loose.

Thunderlane told Mac he needed to see a doctor in Canterlot. Mac countered that he couldn’t leave the farm that long, and that they couldn’t afford the treatment.

Apple Bloom offered to forgo her allowance until Mac could see a doctor. Mac replied that it still wouldn’t be enough and he wouldn’t compromise Apple Bloom’s future.

Thunderlane offered to cover the cost. Mac retorted that he shouldn’t as Thunderlane still needed to support himself and Rumble.

Applejack threw in her two cents saying that they were making a fuss over nothing. Apple Bloom exploded. Applejack said that she didn’t know any better and the Pegasi brothers leapt to Bloom’s defense.

Everyone was arguing, and shouting.

He was drowning everypony he cared about.

A prison of his own making.

Then, because mercy was a foreign concept to Mac, he had another panic attack.

He came to some time later with his head lying on the table and Thunderlane desperately trying to get his attention.

Rumble was comforting Apple Bloom.

Applejack looked paler than a sheet.

The compromise made afterwards in exchange for not seeing a doctor was non-negotiable.

---

Big Mac huffed as he stirred a pot of stew.

“Oh, stop being such a grouch,” Applejack said from her seat at the table. “Thunderlane will be here soon and then you won’t have to deal with me.”

Mac grunted.

“If you didn’t want a foalsitter then ya shouldn’t have...” Applejack stared into empty space as she trailed off. She shook her head. “Well, it don’t matter. Your next sitter will be here soon.”

Mac glared into the bubbling stew. He was being treated like a hobbled old stallion.

If he had any pride before this, it was in utter tatters now.

He turned off the stove top, poured the stew into two equal portions in nearby bowls, and took both to the table. He placed one in front of Applejack and the second in front of himself as he sat down.

They both glared into their bowls.

The silence was mercifully interrupted by the appearance of a scroll in a blaze of green fire. It landed in Applejack’s stew splattering her.

Mac snorted as Applejack unrolled the scroll and read it over with a scowl marring her face.

“Looks like I’m leaving soon with the girls to deal with some nearby dragon.” Mac’s ears perked as she placed the scroll on the table. “I’ll head out when Thunderlane arrives.”

“A dragon?” Mac asked.

“Oh, look. He speaks.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Yeah, a dragon. Apparently, it's snoring up a smog over Ponyville and the Princess wants us to tell it to get lost.” She snorted. “We’ll see how that goes.”

Mac stood up from the table and made his way to the front door. He found himself blocked by Applejack who had galloped to intercept him.

“Where are you goin’?” Applejack demanded.

“Out.” Mac attempted to move past her.

Applejack stepped in his way. “No, you ain’t. Not until Thunderlane gets here."

“Why do you care?”

Applejack bristled. “Because…!” She looked down. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Then you should have thought of that before you left.”

Applejack glared up at Mac. “What do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said.” Mac loomed over her. “You should have stayed in Manehattan.”

“In Manehattan?” Applejack asked incredulously. “That was a decade ago! You’re still on that?”

“‘Course I’m still on that,” Mac said mockingly. "I’ve always been on that.”

“Seriously?” Applejack stomped her hoof. “You can’t just let that go?”

“No, I can’t just let that go.” Mac jabbed a hoof at Applejack. “You left us when we needed you the most and now you’re doing it again with this darn Elements of Harmony business.”

“Well, what do you want me to do, Mac? Honesty chose me. I can’t make it un-choose me. I don’t want to, but I have to leave-”

Mac released a bark of laughter. “Don’t want to? That’s all you ever want! Not being here.”

Applejack released a growl of frustration. “It is not my fault for being dragged into this! What do you want me to do, Mac?”

“Leave!” Mac roared. “I want you to leave and not come back, so I don’t have to worry about you never coming back. So, why don't you go out the door, meet up with your new friends, and die because then I never have to worry about you again!”

Applejack stared at him in shock.

Mac felt his heart stop. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes.

Shame didn’t begin to describe how he felt at that moment.

He needed to leave.

“Mac...” She raised a hoof towards him.

He pushed past her, charged through the front door, and raced into the orchards.

“MAC!” He heard behind him.

He kept running.

---

Mac eventually stopped once he reached the farthest point in the northern orchard. He was found by another pony some few minutes later.

Said pony laid down next to him a few inches away.

Mac was laying down on the ground with his head buried in his forehooves. He released a loud wet snort.

“Go away, Thunder,” He said.

“Applejack left,” Thunderlane said. “She didn’t want to, but, well, palace business is more pressing than family, unfortunately.”

Mac sniffled in response.

They sat in relative silence interrupted only by Mac’s muffled crying.

“I told my sister that I wanted her dead,” Mac said.

“We all make that mistake sometimes,” Thunderlane replied.

Mac growled. “That’s not funny.”

“It’s not meant to be. We all say things in the heat of the moment we don’t mean to.” Thunderlane looked at Mac. “How long have you been bottling this up?”

Mac didn’t answer.

“So, long time then.” Thunderlane ran a wing through his mane with a sigh. “At least, we know the root cause of your panic attacks.”

“It’s not that. I’m just stressed from the harvest. I’m-”

“If the next words out of your mouth are ‘fine’, I’m going to get really mad at you.”

“I’m sorry.” Mac sniffled.

Thunderlane groaned. “Don’t be, I’m just- Ugh!” He ruffled his mane with both wings. “I just keep thinking that if I’d paid more attention to how you were feeling, I could have stopped this from happening.”

“Thunder, it’s not your fault.”

“Well, it doesn’t feel like it isn’t.” Thunderlane sighed. “Look, Mac. you need to promise me that when Applejack gets back, you’ll talk to her about this.”

“She won’t want to talk to me.”

“She will. Trust me. Promise me you’ll talk to her, please?” Thunderlane pleaded.

Mac lifted his head up. “You know I can’t say no to you.”

“Good, you shouldn’t, I’m very wise.” Thunderlane grinned when Mac snorted. “Applejack won’t be here for a while and the chores can wait. What can I do to help?”

Mac stood up, closed the short distance between them and then laid down next to Thunderlane.

He leaned against Thunderlane.

Thunderlane wrapped his wing around Mac’s barrel.

They stayed like that well into the evening.

Comments

[daOtterGuy]

11024677

Indeed, Mac's responsibilities are quite stacked as it were.

[Bicyclette]

Thunderlane told Mac he needed to see a doctor in Canterlot. Mac countered that he couldn’t leave the farm that long, and that they couldn’t afford the treatment.

Apple Bloom offered to forgo her allowance until Mac could see a doctor. Mac replied that it still wouldn’t be enough and he wouldn’t compromise Apple Bloom’s future.

Thunderlane offered to cover the cost. Mac retorted that he shouldn’t as Thunderlane still needed to support himself and Rumble.

a doctor is a very good idea here! and there is that stubbornness and self-martyring, oof

Everyone was arguing, and shouting.

He was drowning everypony he cared about.

A prison of his own making.

Then, because mercy was a foreign concept to Mac, he had another panic attack.

so ironic that the prison is Big Mac refusing to accept help here, perfect

“If you didn’t want a foalsitter then ya shouldn’t have...” Applejack stared into empty space as she trailed off. She shook her head. “Well, it don’t matter. Your next sitter will be here soon.”

and oof, reading between the lines here…

“Looks like I’m leaving soon with the girls to deal with some nearby dragon.” Mac’s ears perked as she placed the scroll on the table. “I’ll head out when Thunderlane arrives.”

oh hey, it’s that episode!

“In Manehattan?” Applejack asked incredulously. “That was a decade ago! You’re still on that?”

oof! yeah, that must seem quite ridiculous at this point

“Leave!” Mac roared. “I want you to leave and not come back, so I don’t have to worry about you never coming back. So, why don't you go out the door, meet up with your new friends, and die because then I never have to worry about you again!”

damn, dude!

He leaned against Thunderlane.

Thunderlane wrapped his wing around Mac’s barrel.

They stayed like that well into the evening.

augh, Thunderlane is so good for Mac! honestly there is no way he wasn’t deliberately sabotaging all his relationships until Big Mac came around, if he’s a partner of this quality