Like Father…?
The first night back home went about as well as Applejack could have hoped, especially given the circumstances of her return. The snow had, in fact, let up overnight, though the weather conditions were far from pleasant. The blizzard slowed to a gentle dusting of snow, but the snowplows would likely not make their way as far as the rural roads until later in the day.
Most of the morning was spent enjoying breakfast. By the time noon came around, Applejack noticed just how much she’d become used to a different routine. She was half expecting Rain to come by and ask if she was going to attend their session. But of course, surrounded by wooden walls that were nothing close to the whites or pale blues of her previous institutions, there were no more sessions to be had. No routine anymore.
She couldn’t just go back to her old routine, and she had forced herself out of the recent one. Admittedly, Applejack was the type of person who thrived on routine. It was the only way to keep a working ranch working. But with a change in routine that led to an overall halt in her routine, Applejack was amiss. That wasn’t the problem she should focus on now, though.
The boxes occupying the room were the problem. Applejack, luckily, had Strawberry to help her deal with unpacking, but she was starting to think that maybe it was a fruitless effort and she should just live out of boxes.
“You had a lot of stupid stuff in your room. I mean, you keep all your buckles?”
“Yeah.” Applejack cocked her head as she looked over at Strawberry, who sat in front of one of the boxes and inspected a buckle in the box she was currently working on. “You don’t?”
“Well, yeah, sure, but you have so many of ‘em. I usually give away my old ones.” She shrugged and pointed at her waist. A shiny buckle, studded with gems, adorned her belt. “This one’s the oldest one I got right now.”
The buckle was clearly won for barrel racing, as it depicted a silhouetted woman on top of a horse rounding a barrel. Applejack thought it was a nice buckle. “What’s that one from?”
“It’s from that high school rodeo competition. Sophomore year, remember?”
Sophomore year. She remembered that rodeo, or hearing about it at least. “I wasn’t there.”
Strawberry furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Really? Why?”
Applejack frowned. “Wasn’t really a good year for me.”
Strawberry’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, yeah.” She rubbed her forehead and shut her eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t think about it that way.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t really think about it much this year. I’ve been too busy gettin’ high on painkillers,” Applejack joked with a morbid smile.
“It’s no wonder I won,” Strawberry added with a grin to match. “You were so much better than me when we were fifteen.”
“I still am.”
Both of their smiles faded a little bit. Strawberry swallowed in the wake of the sudden awkward tension. “Yeah.”
Applejack looked at one of the boxes. It was labelled “Awards”. It was full to the brim. How egotistical could she get? Maybe she should get rid of them.
“So… Thistle. Just a friend, huh?”
“Yeah,” Applejack shot back, eager to shut down her teasing. “He’s my friend. Nothin’ more.”
“Coulda fooled me,” Strawberry responded with a shrug. “I know you’re new to the whole ‘boy’ thing, but he likes you. And I’m not an idiot. I know you know. So what’s the deal there, Applejack? You like him, too?”
The blood rushed into Applejack’s face once more. She cursed her body for betraying her; she knew that when she blushed, she blushed hard. She really hoped it wasn’t as obvious as it felt. “He’s a nice guy. I guess I might like him, but so what? Since when do you care?”
“He looks… familiar.” Strawberry looked up as if she were trying to remember, but ended up shrugging.
“Everyone keeps sayin’ that,” Applejack pointed out with a forced laugh. “Of course he looks familiar, he does ropin’ and chuck drivin’. You’ve probably seen him around the circuit.”
“Really? He sure looks like he drives chucks,” Strawberry said with a laugh. “He’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”
Weird? Applejack thought maybe he was a little shy and awkward, but he only seemed to be that way sometimes. Otherwise, he was actually pretty charismatic. “Not really. He’s one of the only other people to talk to me since…” She bit her tongue. “Well, he’s nice.”
“That’s cool,” Strawberry agreed. “I don’t know, I just get this weird feeling from him. I guess I don’t really like him much.”
“How can ya not like him?” Applejack rolled closer to Strawberry, who leaned back and looked up at Applejack. “You barely know him. All he’s done is been nice to me. He doesn’t treat me like everyone else.”
“He doesn’t know you,” Strawberry argued. “I mean, you met him, what, like last month or something?”
Applejack raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I think you’re jealous.”
“Jealous?” Strawberry crossed her arms and gave Applejack a lopsided smile. “Why would I be jealous of him?”
“I dunno, I got someone to replace you now,” Applejack said without really thinking about what she was saying.
Strawberry scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Took you long enough.”
“Well, he doesn’t piss me off, so that’s a bonus.”
“I piss you off?” Strawberry asked with a tight frown. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
They held each other’s gaze for a moment. Applejack’s lip twitched into a smile and she looked away. “You’re an idiot.”
“Takes one to know one,” Strawberry countered. “You were kind of starting to irritate me.”
The room was a little bigger than Applejack’s old room. It didn’t really feel like it, though. Applejack rolled over to the emptied desk and looked at the worn mahogany. She rubbed it gently with the tips of her fingers. “Guess I just know how to push your buttons.”
“They’re easy to find,” Strawberry responded, “so don’t give yourself too much credit.”
Applejack chuckled.
“I just want to be clear, I don’t like Thistle.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Okay, I don’t care.”
“Just… watch out with him,” Strawberry added a little more seriously. “He’s your first boyfriend—”
“Not my boyfriend.”
“—And you’re practically going from being an antisocial shut-in to dating some guy you met, like, a month ago.”
She didn’t want to start another argument, so Applejack just nodded. Those weren’t the nicest words she could have picked but… they were true in a way. Whatever stupid issue Strawberry had with Thistle after only just meeting him wasn’t really Applejack’s problem. She just wanted to forget everything that was happening outside of her house. She wanted to feel at home again.
“Barley’s a great horse,” Strawberry said out of nowhere. “He’s... a tough horse, but he really listens if you know how to talk to him. I get why you like him so much.”
Applejack didn’t turn back to look at her. She didn’t want to talk about Barley, but sometimes what she wanted wasn’t what was right. “He was a gift from my parents. My Ma thought it was a mistake on account of how difficult he was, but I didn’t give up. I knew he was the right horse for me.”
The statement hung in the air as Applejack traced the divots in the old desk. It was probably older than she was.
“He must have been expensive,” Strawberry guessed. “I mean, I know he’s got some really good blood in him. There must be a reason why you guys left him intact. Are you going to have him sire foals?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan.” Applejack licked her lips anxiously as she thought about Barley. “But… I dunno. I don’t think I’m really the right owner for him anymore.”
“What?”
“I think…” Applejack bit her lip and turned around to face Strawberry, who was already facing her with a frown. “I think I’m going to sell him. Like you said, he’s worth a lot of money, and I know we need it. All of this,” she gestured to herself, “ain’t exactly worth a handful of spare change. I know it’s all been a big expense and it won’t be any cheaper. I know we don’t have the money to spare, either. We don’t have that much cattle we can sell and no one’s really boardin’ here anymore. It ain’t like I can make any money off of him otherwise, I can’t ride him anymore.”
Strawberry worked her jaw. “Are you sure? Have you told your family?”
“No,” Applejack admitted. “How was I supposed to tell ‘em? This is the first time I’ve even said it out loud. I only started thinkin’ ‘bout it recently and now Barley needs to recover. That’s just more money down the drain.”
“I think you should think about it more.”
Applejack took a deep breath. “I’ve been lookin’ into it for weeks, and I really don’t see another option. Barley will be happier somewhere else.”
“What about you?”
Strawberry’s question caught Applejack off guard. What about her? There was already so much that Applejack lost. Apart from the obvious, she had lost her career, she had lost her future, she lost everything that made her her. To lose Barley would be the cherry on top, but she had to do it. She’d get over it. Or maybe she wouldn’t, but that didn’t really matter. She would rather her family stay okay. “I’ll be fine.”
“I hope you’re right.”
The conversation lulled after that, but it didn’t feel peaceful. Tension hung in the air, and Applejack could barely focus on the task at hand. She shook her head and sat up straight, abandoning the slightly slumped position she had adopted in order to organize through old belongings that she barely remembered. The blonde grunted as she rubbed her back, sore from the awkward position.
“Dammit,” she muttered under her breath.
It wasn’t quite quiet enough, however, as Strawberry turned her head with an alarmed look. “You alright?”
Applejack nodded with a grimace. “Yeah, just my back. It’s fine, it happens more often than I’d like,” she added in an attempt at humour. Strawberry didn’t even crack a smile. Applejack’s grin dissolved as she shook her hand. “Could ya look in the drawer there and pass me the pill bottle in there?”
Strawberry looked to her side and lifted herself to her knees to retrieve the item. She inspected the bottle then frowned. “I thought you were kidding earlier.”
“Just hand ‘em over,” Applejack scoffed. Strawberry tossed them to her and Applejack caught them in her lap, the rattling of the pills filling the dead space. “They’re prescription, it’s fine.” She mindlessly took one and tossed the bottle on her bed before stretching her hands over her head. “I think I need a break,” she admitted.
“Me too,” Strawberry agreed, doing her own stretch, though it was more of a leg stretch. “Your brother still out?”
“Lots of snow to clear, so yeah. He and Thistle’ll get it done quicker than a rabbit” Applejack watched Strawberry stand up and twist her back from side to side with quiet cracks resulting from the action. Applejack licked her lips in realisation that she hadn’t had something to drink in a while. “Ya wanna go grab a beer? I think Big Mac’s got some in the fridge in the basement. If you wanna go grab us some, I’ll set a fire.”
“Yeah, sure,” Strawberry responded. “I haven’t had a beer in a while.”
“Me neither.” Applejack thought about that night out at the bars, and for as much as she couldn’t remember, she was certain she’d had at least one beer. “God, I’ve missed havin’ a nice cold beer.” She grinned as she led the way out to the main entrance of the house next to the living room and near the basement’s entrance.
“Even though it’s cold as hell out there?” Strawberry teased.
“It’ll warm ya right up.”
With a short laugh, the pair separated. Applejack stopped in front of the fire and reached for one of the logs. Luckily, it was just within reach and the fire was shortly made. As she waited for Strawberry, who must have been taking her sweet time retrieving the drinks, Applejack poked at the fire. Never would she have imagined that she would be sitting with Strawberry and sharing a beer with her.
Strangely, the thought of it wasn’t unpleasant. It was almost… exciting. Applejack grinned, getting lost in the flickers of warmth in front of her.
A poke. Applejack snapped out of it and turned her head. Strawberry stood next to her, two ice cold beers in each hand. “Mac’s got the good stuff,” she pointed out with a smile. “Coltson Caneighdian.”
“You like that stuff?” Applejack asked, only half-joking. Strawberry shrugged, which made Applejack shake her head. “Aw, you don’t know what good beer is. That’s fine, Coltson’s good enough.”
“Don’t beer shame me.”
Applejack rolled her eyes and took two of the beers, then parked herself next to the couch and set one of the drinks on the table. She stuck the top of the bottle in her mouth and expertly removed the cap with her teeth, while Strawberry simply used a bottle cap opener she had on her keychain.
“Cheers,” Applejack said while clinking the bottles together. The two women took a sip and sighed in unison.
“I needed that,” Strawberry muttered.
“Same.”
Applejack let her thoughts wander while she worked on her drink. It seemed that Strawberry had her own thinking she wanted to do as she looked off into the distance. Applejack’s eyes trailed down to the label on the bottle. Coltson. That was her parent’s favourite beer, for some reason. Well, really, it was her dad’s. He was the one who got Pear Butter to like it.
She remembered what it was like tasting beer for the first time. She was just a bit younger than Apple Bloom was, on a hot summer’s day. Applejack had been out working in the barn all day, but it didn’t matter because it meant she got to work with her new horse, Barley.
She wasn’t sure why, but her dad decided that it was time for Applejack to have her first taste of beer. To fend off curiosity and to reward her for a job well done. Needless to say, Applejack didn’t like it at first. No kid did.
With a smirk, she took another swig.
“Can I ask you something?” Strawberry broke the silence quietly. “You don’t have to answer, but I’ve always wanted to know.”
Applejack nodded, though slightly put off by Strawberry’s change in tone. “What is it?”
Strawberry took one more sip of her drink, then swallowed with pursed lips. She darted her eyes around the room for a moment before finally looking down at her bottle. “What happened to your dad?”
Applejack froze. “M-my dad?”
“He… he made it out of the crash alive, right?” Strawberry continued slowly.
Numbly, Applejack nodded. Almost instinctively, her hands came together, one set of fingers reaching for the ring on the other too busy holding the bottle. She had just been thinking about her dad, but that was a long time ago. Before everything got bad.
Strawberry must have sensed Applejack’s discomfort as she stammered, “I–I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I doubt you like talking about it a–and it’s not my—”
“He was a coward,” Applejack interrupted, though there was no malice in her voice.
“What?”
Applejack sighed and shut her eyes. She could almost remember that week plain as day. “Well, he wasn’t always. He was actually quite brave most of the time. My dad… well, it’s no secret that he was an addict, but it ain’t his fault.” Applejack frowned. It was still hard to talk about him like that; it was all so complicated. “It’s easy to get hooked on the pills.”
“Right,” Strawberry added, if only to let Applejack know she was listening.
“And the pills go down smoother with a beer or two. Maybe even some whiskey,” she explained, still refusing to directly at Strawberry. She swirled her own beer around in its bottle. “He and Ma were goin’ out somewhere. God, I don’t even remember where.”
Applejack blinked. She was on Barley enjoying the warm breeze.
She was in her chair in front of the fire.
“He wrapped the car ‘round a tree. Killed Ma on the spot.” Applejack licked her lips. Dry. “She was the lucky one, I guess. He hit his head on the wheel and was out cold. Woke up to a dead wife. Drinkin’ and pills only got worse those next few days.”
Strawberry didn’t say anything at the moment that Applejack took to pause and take another big swig. The blonde wasn’t sure if she was glad. “Guess he couldn’t handle the guilt. Or his body couldn’t handle the drugs.” Applejack shrugged, drinking the rest of her beer in one big gulp, then set the empty bottle on the table. “Dunno. Mac found him by the lake a couple days later. No note, nothin’.”
“Shit,” was all Strawberry said.
“Yeah.”
“So you don’t know if it was on purpose?”
Applejack snorted. “He didn’t have to say it for me to know. Maybe I didn’t understand when it happened. I was just a kid, after all. But I get it now.”
Strawberry placed a hand on Applejack’s shoulder. Applejack turned to her, for some reason taken aback by the action. Strawberry barely smiled. It was more of a grimace, really. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Applejack muttered. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know. That’s not why I’m apologizing.”
She didn’t have to say it, and she knew it. Applejack swallowed dryly and nodded. “Thanks.”
Strawberry let her hand linger on Applejack’s shoulder before gently squeezing it and letting it fall. She, too, drank the rest of her beer.
Applejack opened the next one and tried to calm down her shaking. C’mon, it’s been years. Just relax. She took a sip, but the taste reminded her of that day. She’d just taken her painkiller. She shouldn’t be drinking. You’re not like him.
“I’m sorry for bringing it up,” Strawberry told her as she held her unopened second beer. “I just… I don’t know. I was thinking about it since you brought it up in your room. I’m sorry. ”
“It’s okay,” Applejack said with a deep breath. “I’m serious.”
Strawberry nodded. “It’s crazy,” she whispered. “He always seemed so happy.”
A sad smile crawled up onto Applejack’s lips. “He usually was.”
“Were you… mad at him?” Strawberry asked cautiously.
Applejack took a swig from her drink and shrugged. “I dunno. I guess at first, maybe I was. I mean, I think for a while before the accident I was angry with him sometimes when he’d get drunk and yell. I didn’t like when he did that, but even then I understood that he wasn’t quite bein’ himself.” She sighed and rubbed her finger on the denim of her jeans. “And then after he… passed, I was angry at him for leavin’ us. I couldn’t understand why he’d do somethin’ like that, why he’d leave me. Me and my brother and sister.
“I get it now,” Applejack said with a frown. “I mean, it’s not the right thing to do, of course, but I guess I understand how somethin’ so big like that happenin’ could just… make ya wanna give up.”
Strawberry gazed at Applejack, but the blonde did not meet her eyes. She opened her mouth and made a noise as if she was about to say something, but nothing came out.
“Anyway,” Applejack continued, “I don’t wanna talk ‘bout that anymore. But thanks for askin’,” she said with a smile to the slightly frowning Strawberry. “I don’t ever really talk about it, and I thought that was the best choice, but it felt kinda good.”
The redhead nodded and lingered for a moment before putting her beer on the table. Applejack raised an eyebrow but before she could question it, Strawberry had wrapped her arms around Applejack in a firm hug.
Applejack blinked in surprise, her body stiff and awkward. Her heart rate picked up a bit as she processed the display of affection. She glanced down, but could only catch a glimpse of Strawberry’s curly red hair and the pale skin on her neck. Hesitantly, Applejack returned the hug—though far limper than Strawberry.
“Hugs are good, too,” Strawberry whispered. “I hope I’m not overstepping.”
“N–no, it’s fine,” Applejack told her. She smelled like citrus. For some reason, Applejack assumed that she’d smell like her namesake. That would be stupid. “I’m just… not used to it.”
After what felt like the longest hug in the world, Strawberry finally let Applejack go. “You’re blushing.”
Applejack blushed harder purely out of embarrassment. She shoved Strawberry away with one hand. “No, I’m not! I–it’s the alcohol, it’s hittin’ me kinda hard for some reason.” She chugged the rest of her beer and then took Strawberry’s as payback. “Ya lost your beer privilege for sayin’ that.”
Strawberry laughed as Applejack all but hoarded the fourth beer. After some deliberation, they agreed to split it halfway. Applejack, for once, didn’t mind her time spent with Strawberry. But that was probably just the beer talking.
~~~~➰~~~~
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I really should've gotten around to reading this chapter sooner. I'll jump right into the main thing: I agree with Strawberry! I can't put it into exact words but there's always been something nagging in the back of my mind about Thistle. I'll definitely need to give the older chapters a read after this because until this point it honestly always felt a little unfounded, but with vindication possibly looming...
Anyway, regardless of whether Strawberry's opinions are justified or just jealousy, very happy to finally have someone acknowledge this feeling within the story! Very nice chapter overall, and I'll add that
is super painful.
11538443
I find it interesting that you feel this way about him! I had originally written a VERY different exchange in which Strawberry voices her opinion on him, but it felt way too intense and loaded that I scrapped it entirely and wrote the one here instead. It actually took me a very long time to change that scene for some reason, but I’m glad I did. Just a thing to remember (and this is not specifically about Thistle but it’s definitely relevant), most of this story is written through AJ’s perspective.
And thank you! It was difficult to write that portion not because of the story itself (as sad as it is) but because I was struggling with having it come out right. I had a version where Applejack got very emotional, I had one where she was just plain angry, but I ended up going with this one. I’m glad it appears to have gotten the message across though.
Thanks for the comment!
aww that does sound like a nice buckle!
rip (literally)
possibly-morbid foreshadowing!
auaugh
there’s that ominous foreshadowing again!
augh just kiss already!
hoowee
i wonder if Applejack has ever said this when she was, in fact, fine
this would be the perfect opportunity for an in-story sponsored advertisement!
jay why must you do this to me
ahaha
yeah… after the reveal, i had a feeling that this would end up being how Applejack’s parents died. oof, is all i have to say…
augh. not a good train of thought to be going down
why do you have to do this to me jay. the rules of narrative tell me that there is a loooooot more slow burn to go, so i just have to sit with this. why?!?
and augh, really wish i had been better about keeping up with this story. but i’m glad that i finally got around to catching up. i do hope you continue and finish this, but either way, thank you for getting this far and giving me these wonderful little tastes of StrawJack perfection wrapped around all this angst and tragic revelation augh i love them so much
11782421
Just read all your comments and as usual, they are very kind and were nothing short of smile-inducing. I do plan to continue this story and I have been writing the next chapter (which is actually more of an interlude) for a long time. I’m just kind of struggling with it, plus have been struggling with making time to do anything other than schoolwork! But! I have the next two weeks off, and I’ll hopefully be done with college come the summer, so I’ll be back on that writing train soon!
The hope is to at least get this next chapter done during this break, maybe have a couple back written so I don’t just go completely silent for months again. But it is definitely inspiring and encouraging seeing your comments, it makes me wanna write even more.
And yes… I have big things planned for this slow burn, don’t you worry >:) I don’t plan on leaving this story unfinished, no matter how long it takes.