Open for Art Commissions. I write gay romantic comedies with ponies now. Get off my back, MOM.
Ruby is the assistant to Professor Caramel and they have recently acquired information to a hidden temple that could help fill in the gaps in Equestria's cultural understanding of one of the most ancient civilizations in the world.
Now if only they can make it before SOMEPONY destroys it.
This story is set in the same universe as Side A - The Guard, but does not require any reading of that story to enjoy this one.
Art Credit goes to me.
Editted by LuckyChaosHooves
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I loved this characterization of Caramel. He's arrogant and self-centered, but not so much that he can't still be endearing.
The characters were a huge strength here. Background pony fics take more setup than others, and it happened smoothly here.
Worms are an easy sell for me. I love a good worm, and the action scene was easy to follow. (Though the wagon was described like it was a car, and I had some trouble imagining it. I can't remember how transportation works in Equestria.)
Prose wise it worked well, though there was some passive voice in there. (Somehow it's hard to notice when I do it, and easy when it's someone else.) For the most part it was clear, and I've got no notes aside from that quibble.
My worldbuilding nitpick of the day is using the word "Mayans" to refer to a civilization in Equestria. If it were a horse pun, I would have no complaints.
Overall this story felt like an action movie packed into 3k words. Impressive, if I do say so myself. The pacing was spot on, the characters were engaging, and the story was a lot of fun. Good stuff right here.
i agree with her on that! 24H time is the only correct way to write time
oh hey, it's the cover image!
just when will somebody take care of this public menace?
hehe, i enjoyed this line
a fun, classic type of exchange, and nice to see Caramel has his weaknesses
ending strong! loved the understatedness of the exchange before it, and the fun mental image of a villain roar, actually merited, coming from a background pony.
coming here from Running Off the Rails, i know that you are a very strong writer now who has blasted all of these weaknesses to smithereens, so i am only noting them for the benefit of any third parties: the exposition and the constant switchbacks in Ruby's thoughts really slowed the momentum of the first section, so i could not feel her panic and dread at her lateness.
Caramel's sidelining of the driver seemed like it would lead to a character-based payoff, but instead the driver is never heard from again, and the shoe immediately is on the other foot in the next scene with the machete, too abrupt to make it work as a payoff. did love Ruby though, she is fun!
it's always really fun to see how the actions of a show's protagonists are seen from the perspective of its more mundane denizens, and this was a great choice, echoing common critiques of how Indiana Jones would actually make for an awful archaeologist. the way that it simply ends where it does, with Daring-Do rendering everything they were going for—the year's budget and the genuine hopes of an exciting academic discovery (ugh, relatable!)—completely moot without intending or noticing is really great.
God damn it.
Curse you, Daring Do! How dare you destroy ancient temples and collapse them! How dare you deprive history and science of their wonders! How dare yooooooou?
Jokes aside, this was a fun read! Really loved the interactions between Caramel and Ruby, and their relationship. Quite well written, and their characters are quite well fleshed out even in this short story.
I also like the base theme behind the story; that Daring Do is destroying the temples normal ponies are trying to travel to and study. Really shows why sometimes Adventurers should leave some places for studying, eh?
Thanks for writing,was a fun read!
Ruby is a precious soul that must be protected. You really built her personality well, and her banter with Caramel was so fun. I think one of the things I like the most of how much of a child Ruby feels like. She's bratty, petty, incapable of time management, and is distracted easily. She also gets stuck in her own head, wether that be bad thoughts, or stubbornness.
Caramel also has a unique portrayal, being stern and serious, but with a clear passion for his career. Him acting like a complete badass is also a highlight. One of my favourite moments is when Caramel berates Ruby, but makes sure to comfort her after, with a hug and soft voice. The fact that she's crying also really sells the whole she is a literal child aspect.
The story goes through so many twists and turns, like the casual mention of a panel trap in front of Caramel's office, to the giant worn that is impressing no one, to Daring Do destroying important history (which is also a really nice callback to both the first, and last Daring episode), it's all just a wonderful adventure that doesn't feel stale for a second. The characters bring these circumstances home, and without them, this story would not feel as colorful as it does. Bravo!