• Member Since 1st May, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 21st, 2019

Kihano


I have no idea what I'm going to be in the future. (T-T)

T

Who would have thought that the life of a merchant would be so difficult yet so fulfilling at the same time. That is...

If you were the same kind of merchant as I was.

Here I am, transported to another world and promoted by a higher entity from being an ordinary human, to an immortal merchant/collector. I was also tasked with the duty of finding what seems to be an infinite amount of legendary artifacts and weapons to prevent this world's inhabitants from using them for ill purposes, as well as, try to keep the balance as steady as it can get.

But in this world, where magic, mythology, and all kinds of other weird stuff are practically the norm, I think that would be a wee bit difficult.


Author's Notes
Multiple crossovers with elements taken from them. Mostly from Dota 2.
Constructive criticism is immensely appreciated.
I have no bloody idea what drove me to write this.
Temporary cover art is temporary.
Will be really slow with updates due to life and a brick wall labeled 'writer's block'.

* February 9 2015 *
Sorta fixed and edited Chapters 1 and 2 after I got comments on mistakes and stuff.
Big thanks to Dark Nebula and Minalkra for the help.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 53 )

Love the concept, didn't notice anything that bad maybe a bit of redundancy with the groaning and rolling try and use synonyms.

Be careful with falling into the "I'm in Ponyville now let's visit all the elements" schtick... That kinda bandwagon hopping usually ruins a story. Only saying because you sent him to Ponyville by the way. Good Job!

Interesting.... I do enjoy 'tales from the secret shop', mayhaps the Flimflam brothers will appear? Acting as Sithil and Quirt?
Anyway, the weird transitions are a bit weird, but a minor issue.

Favo'd!

Indian Jones sounds much more interesting than Indiana Jones.

(Hint: proofread your description.)

:D

Will there be snark with your merchant? Because if yes, then I will like and favorite the hell out of your story!

It was okay. Has potential. Right now its caught interest. The hard part is still ahead of you. Keeping it interesting for the readers. Do that and you will probably get a large following.

Way to much first person. Way to much use of I and other such words. Might want to get a beta who is willing to edit your work a bit to make sure it comes across fine.

5591796 To be honest, i was actually thinking about that but then I wondered how I could add them on in the story. So i just filed that away for a later date and chapter.

Thanks for the fave by the way.

Comment posted by Kihano deleted Feb 6th, 2015

I heard you need a proofreader/editor? If that is so, tomorrow at sunrise. Look to the east and I shall be there. Ready to assist you in anyway possible.

Oh interesting story by the way.

Joo need to verk on da grammar!

'Their' not 'there' but also holy crap you love them commas, eh? Have a person work over it and trim those out. A rather nice rule-of-thumb I've found (but is by no means absolute) is that EXCEPT for a list of things, a sentence should at most have two commas. Some of the asides - such as this - could be separated by dashes hyphens because dashes need an alt-numpad code to enter and screw that noise. Also, some of the commas are comma-splices (where two sentences are joined by a comma) and it's just awkward to read.

I'd love to read this idea - so long as it's more of a character interaction/world building piece and a LOT less 'adventure' as you've removed all tension by making this character so powerful and that makes for a boring adventure read. You just need to get an editor in here to clean it up. Also, chocolate is a slow poison in dogs.

I like it, and it can go many ways from here.

Before we get to the next part, let me explain something to those who are utterly baffled. Fenrir, the cute, little, grey wolf cub, is my informant. How the hell do I have a wolf cub as an informant, you may ask? Simple, I can talk to animals like a certain yellow pegasus can. How I can do that? I have no fucking idea. I can't do 'The Stare' though so I'm not OP. Anyways, why Fenrir, in particular, became my informant is a story for another time. So back to the present/past/whatever!

The horror! Oh the pure horror! Why did you put this in the middle of the story! It was going to smoothly up until this part! I mean, what a mood killer! I know you're trying to explain to us readers what the wolf dog is and why he's here, or if he's OP and can survive the stare. Please my dear author do not dump exposition on us. Instead you should express this wolf's abilities by having a specific scene in which you can show us. Believe me it will be better in the long run. I shall post more as I continue.

5604845 Shit, I knew I forgot something.
When I first wrote this I placed that part as a joke and sent it to my sis. She raged on me because of it for like half an hour. (cause she reviews books and shit)
You think I can edit that part out? Hopefully with no one noticing?

Well this seems rather interesting

Appropriate song for the ending of this chapter:

Also, Nova is a black panther, not a lion!

5628478 your avatar pic works so well with that comment...

5628471 I shall rectify this mistake immediately, thank you.

Nova? With Luna? That's... actually pretty clever. :ajsmug:

So i'm totally lost. Why was hew fighting Luna?

Anyways, I think you, the readers, can see what I'm going with here... at least I think you do.

nope not really XD, but this is the fun thing at a FF.

I also think that, if you are aware, you can tell this was inspired by one deviantart user
yudhaikeledai
With his MLP/Dota 2 portrait cards.

So is this MLP x DOTA 2? (don't know DOTA sorry)
But K is funny XD and Angel got a nice roll in all of this. I see a interesting plot coming at me ^^.
So did i get this right? He befriend Zecora, next Fluttershy but the Princess hate him?
Ok what has he done? grabbed Celestias Cake? Joked about Luna ore something else? (don't take this last line to serious XD).

snowball... snowball... sounds familiar... could it be?..is it really THAT snowball?...from bunnykill?

I happen to notice a distinct lack of the daring doo tag! Considering the stories tags such as indiana jones... why isnt she a character in this story?

5674845 That, esteemed reader, is a good question that has a simple answer to it.

The character tags have an annoying max limit... Daring Doo will be included in future chapters, whether it be soon or later will depend entirely on how the story goes. For now, just know that there are gonna be a lot of characters, both major and minor, that will be involved in this story.

5670769 Due to his collecting, he might have been labeled a master thief.

5704503
Maybe..... or he said some thing at a past meeting ;P so it could be a more personal matter ;P

Rather enjoyed the chapter, and am mildly amused at the whole bit with Angel. Little curious as to what the reincarnations will amount to, and I have a couple theories on it. All in all, good chapter. I look forward to the next one.

Seem to be missing a few words here and there but other then that nice chapter

Take your time, art takes dedication.

Although, you could always ask the readers for plotline, if you really feel like you need some help.
Just remember to put your own spin on things.

Me, I will be content to wait until the next installment.
Keep up the good work.

I look forward to Rainbow Dash's inevitable pain.

I wish the chapter was a bit longer none the less great story so far! :fluttercry::twilightsmile:

Can't say I liked the deus-ex feel Twilight's {assuming} magic had there. Doesn't seem like an ancient and very powerful entity should be able to be poofed away. Besides that, not a bad chapter.

I wonder what he did to make them so mad...

Usually your chapters feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie. But this one? Like eating a sugar free cookie with raisins.
Still good, but could have been better

well as causing me to jump slightly

you switched to first pov there

Considering I am apart of the a certain group dedicated to the death of Angel Bunny, I must express that my enthusiasm for this story is waning due to his role in this. Not enough to leave...yet. But it was kind of a buzz kill after K's fight with Luna and Nova.

Here's a funny thought.
Celestia and Philomena
Luna and Nova
Twilight and Spike
*snort*
Cadence and *chuckle* Shining Armor! LOL!!!

:ajbemused: when does the fun stuff happen.
And why is K so lame. The description made it seem like he would be a Gary Stu but he has done nothing but cause questions and get his butt whooped.

Also I know I am just whining but NONE of the dozens of ponies on my favorite list have shown up yet. Luna doesn't count...
...
...okay gamer woona counts :unsuresweetie:

I thought he was supposed to be a merchant who keeps dangerous artifacts out of the wrong hands?
...I have no idea what's going on.:facehoof:

And what's with all this about reincarnations? Just how many random fics do you have in this story? Its like those scenes where a group yells out a bunch of random things cause they are pannicking and the one rational member has to try and put all of it together to make a believable excuse so they don't get in trouble.

6119512 thank you for so eloquently putting exactly what I was feeling:eeyup: complete change in direction from (basically) one chapter to the other. (atleast that's how it felt)

Author: I think I'm done with this...the original concept sounded appealing, and I understand that you are world building, but the (to me) sudden change accompanied by the way the m6 where acting just doesn't do it for me...I'll keep tracking tho, and I'll be on the lookout for more chapters to see how this develops, maybe I will read later, who knows. Good luck :twilightsmile:

well okay fair enough

no grammar from me right now because lazy

wish you luck and I will probably check up on you in a bit thanks for the story and bye bye

I hoped he had a anti alliance with daring since her goals involved display or capture artifacts or her end up destroying history like it make sense for her to Treating him as a rival for his hoarding and her retrieval messing with things and her stories? he doesn't need that.

For your first attempt I think it was good:twilightsmile:. My first attempt at a story was disastrous!:twilightblush: Seriously! I had my uncle read it and there was so much highlited in red it wasn't even funny. Keep practicing, no one gets it on the first time. the version of my fic on this site is my 4th attempt(might be a 5th soon, tho). I had to write and rewrite it 3 or so times before I thought it wasn't a complete waste of space, and I still made the mistake of not getting an editor!:twilightangry2:

Dont give up! With a little elbow grease this would be an Awesome story!:yay:

Right now I'm ironing out my timeline, I suggest you make one too, that way you get everything out in one go, and you have a roadmap you can reference any time you get lost.

This is what has worked for me, you can ignore it if you want though, I'm nowhere near an expert:twilightsmile:.

I would suggest writing a timeline with bullet points for major events, then add sub bullet points for what happens in between, and sub sub bullet points (is that even a thing?) for any additional details.

Againg, for it being your first, you did okay. I have seen so, so, so much worse.

Can't wait to see what comes out of the rewrite!:pinkiehappy:

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