• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Sea Gnash


Idle no more! Been bitten by the writing bug <3

Sequels1

T

A normal evening in Ponyville steadily falls into a mystery. The sun has set just like any other day, but the moon never rose to take its place. Even the stars refuse to shine in the sky. With no word from the princesses and most of her friends too busy working to help keep Ponyville functioning, Twilight Sparkle takes it upon herself to get to the bottom of the mystery with a reluctant Fluttershy in tow.

What is causing this phenomenon? And why can't she shake the feeling of being watched?

----------

Cover Image by BBsArtBoutique.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 37 )

An intriguing start, though I'll have to see more in order to ascertain exactly how I feel about it.

For now, keep up the good work!
:)

Interesting start, I wonder what the next chapter will be like.

*Shiver* Nice job on the atmosphere! I'm kinda shivering myself, waiting for that jump that scares the hibe-jeebies out of me :rainbowderp:Love the story idea and I can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:
Some feedback: There are a couple of sentences that run along a bit. It disrupts the flow of the story a tad, but I love the description that those sentences give! It just feels a bit like a speed bump. Maybe some more commas/semicolons? Regardless, love the story idea. Everything else is well written and it really pulls me into the story. Keep up the awesome work!:pinkiehappy:

10695662
Thanks for the feedback! I'll make sure to look out for those little speed bumps in the future to hopefully avoid them. I'm glad you're enjoying the read!

For the sake of editing and practice (I'm far from a professional writer), mind giving an example of one of those sentences? I want to help give the best experience I can, so I'd greatly appreciate it. :heart:

10695729
I'd be happy to! Why I didn't include an example before, I have no idea. Why I'm still up at 3 am? Who knows? :rainbowlaugh:

"She hadn't been able to shake an uncomfortable chill in her spine since leaving Sweet Apple Acres and judging by how Fluttershy had almost immediately taken to climbing under a blanket near the library's fireplace, she wasn't the only one who felt it."

This longer sentence has multiple ideas in it. Maybe separate it into multiple sentences? Now, of course, you don't want to lose your voice. Be unique! But here's an example of separation?

"She hadn't been able to shake an uncomfortable chill in her spine since Sweet Apple Acres. A feeling that she was sure that her yellow friend felt. At least she could guess that based on the speed with whid she'd gotten next to the fire with a blanket."

Now, that's probably not the best way to separate but my voice will be different. Though I hope that helps. Also, please note, I'm no professional writer. Just has some writers in the family and have learned from watching/reading. So take my feedback how you will. :pinkiehappy:

10695832
Oh, that definitely does flow better! Thank you very much for the advice! :twilightsmile:

More please, this fanfic is cool and the cover art is even more amazing. Now I just wonder, will this be about Psychological horror or will their actually be something to worry about in the darkness?

Very good start, and nice use of atmosphere. Just one question though, how does Twilight know it's noon and not midnight?

10698237
Oh goodness, that's somehow a question I never asked myself. I should do a little edit to give that a bit more context. Thanks for catching that!

I've only read the prologue so far, but I can tell this is something I want to keep track of. Good grammar, very informative and detailed.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this fanfic. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

I wonder what Twilights parents are doing.

(grabs popcorn) this is getting good :pinkiehappy:

It seems that Luna isn't the only one capable of dream manipulation it seems, only by nightmares from another time or place. Puts a whole new meaning on shadows. :rainbowlaugh:
Nice job on those speedbumps I mentioned earlier. Not a single one this time. :twilightsmile: Loving the story plot, keep it up!

10749194
I may have to get some of my own! :pinkiehappy:

Hmm consider me interested

This is quite good, brought to mind just one thing. "It is pitch black, you are likely to be eaten by a Grue."

Oh
MY
GOD
That was the most terrifyingly amazing story I have ever read and I LOVED it!

Interesting. Though the mention of the Nuckelavee confuses me a tad. I don't recall any of the monsters behavior matching the lore of the Nuckelavee.

10760290
I'm kind of borrowing the name. I liked it since it belonged to a horse-like demon, but I wanted to shift it a bit to more fit in with Equestria's magical world. Kind of like how the show writers did with the Wendigo.

10760915
It is a cool demon. If you haven't seen it before, check out the RWBY episode No Safe Haven. They fight a version of the Nuckelavee.

10760993
Ooh, I'll definitely check that out when I can! :twilightsmile:

Oh my goodness I'm never going to look at a dark corner the same again. :rainbowlaugh:
Nice chapter! I like the part about the mask. It tells that the darkness is unnatural. So, that makes me think that this creature can infect any where that doesn't have light. Which is a scary thought, add to that it wants to speak to you. *shivers*
Can't wait for more! Keep up the great work!

This is getting really good! :pinkiehappy:
I'm interested if the Nuckelavee is just possessing Twilight's friends and using them to get to her. Or at least trying to anyway. But that makes me wonder why they attacked Fluttershy.
I'm also interested to look more into the Nuckelavee.
Though I don't want to spoil anything that could happen. :rainbowlaugh:

Overall, you've got me smiling after a, interesting, day. Thanks, I needed it! Keep it up! :heart:

When will the next chapter be up?

10776863
Should be arriving in the coming days! It's been sent off to my editor~ :heart:

Well, that was an enjoyable romp. I look forward to seeing what you do next!
:)

Very well done, had chills all the way. RIP AJ, Rainbow, Pinkie and Rarity. :pinkiesad2:

Can't wait to see what you have in-store for later.

Ooh. I'm glad I took a break from reading this yesterday, now I refreshed to see it's completed!

Aw, I'm all sad now. But I'm glad that this happened to be finished by the time I returned to it. I really enjoyed it and you kept quite an amount of info about the darkness hidden until towards the end so that I definitely had to keep reading to figure out what it was. The story's pacing was great and the errors were minimal so as not to disrupt the flow of understanding. I am a little sad Pinkie didn't make it all the way to the very end when she came so close. I bet she coulda helped cheer the town up after the fact.
Interesting take on the Nuckelavee, too. Though I don't know much about it anyway.

I do look forward to reading more in this setting!

Oh my god
This is absolutely amazing!
It was truly scary, intriguing, and amazing at the same time.
I can't wait for whatever you write next!

This is a awesome story that is worth reading all the way to the end. I'm kinda a little sad that not everybody made it in the end. but thats how horror stories work, not every bodies gonna make it. Poor, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity.

Nice! This story was a fun read, I'm so sad I wasn't able to read it earlier. Though I'm sad about the ending. While it was well written and had awesome ideas. I felt it had a bit of an abrupt ending.
Then again it was a one-shot as well. So that kind of thing can be natural to one-shots so, :twilightsmile:
Overall, great job! Again, love the story idea. I look forward to your next story! Though I feel this story has an opening for a sequel? :derpytongue2: But if not, good ending. The flow was good! And the sequence of events connected pretty well together, kept me on my toes. The feeling of mystery and horror was definitely there!

Editing note: There were a few run-ons. Not bad enough to disrupt anything, but if one were to read it aloud it would be pretty hard :rainbowlaugh:
Though the best tip I can give is to try to read the sentences out loud. If you run out of breath, try to break it up. Other than that, it's really good! Got to complement ya on your description skills. Scenes like the Canterlot Library, ooooh my goodness. I had chills up my spine!
Keep up the great work! Look forward to what's next! :pinkiehappy:

10807597
Thank you so much!

Yeah, I might go back sometime in the future and re-write the ending so it feels less abrupt when I get some more practice in actually ending a story well. Still one of my weaknesses seeing as most of my practice writings before going for something actually serious didn't have much of a need for solid endings. :twilightblush:

Though, I'm very glad you liked it and I very much appreciate all of the advice you've given me! I've hopefully been ably to apply it to my latest stories!

10812135
No problem! Thanks for the story! Though don't feel pressured to go back and, "fix," the ending. It's good as it is. I may feel it's abrupt but I'm only one person. :twilightblush: Don't feel you need to change because of one person's words. If that's how you see the story ends, that's how its ends. :pinkiehappy:
If you do want to go back to it, try to continue it. If you re-write this story's ending you may get stuck in a loop of trying to continuously, "Fix," the story. I've found building off your previous ideas can help you make better coherent ideas. Trying to, "fix," leads in loops. Except for grammer and such, don't forget about that. :rainbowlaugh:
Though again, I'm not that experienced. I've only got one story under my belt so take my words as you will :derpytongue2::pinkiehappy:
Regardless, I wish you luck on your future stories! I look forward to them! :twilightsmile:

10812162
Well, I can definitely say I do plan to add to the story however I can, so knowing that’s a good idea helps~ :twilightsmile:

Thank you again! :heart:

Login or register to comment