- Member Since 5th Oct, 2016
- offline last seen 9 hours ago
Israel Yabuki
Canon x OC, that's my specialty, both in art and in MLP stories
Israel Yabuki
Joined 5th Oct, 2016 ·
Offline
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nice story keep up the great work
10210055
thank you
So what the transformation?
10210192
oops, I forgot to edit that out
10210353
So no transformation.
well I congratulate you for starting to use rule 63.
10210461
yeah, my bad
not bad man
That was lovely! Great work once again Israel! My favourite Princess and my favourite of the main 6 in the same story, even if it’s not quite the one I’m used too.
Well written and very enjoyable. I definitely will have this as a favorite; do not want to have to search for it again. Also, I got to wonder how Scotch realizes he and Celestia are gonna be parents. Would this make Butterscotch a Prince because of this or just make him a consort? I'm intrigued...
10220130
He'll be a prince
10210673
What can I say, it's good to try something new
cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/008/981/540/large/joanna-lubanska-praise-the-sun.jpg?1516458718
Great work and brony on
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-There's a nice sense of Celstia just giving herself to him, which is a good fantasy element.
-
Birds are singing, the breeze is blowing beautifully and it was perfect Spring day-- needs another comma, verb tense issues, 'spring' does not need to be capitalized.-
Celestia's sun-- fanfic cliche.-
call their own." she went on.-- incorrect dialog punctuation.-Celestia's voice is not on point.
-Awkward and cringey words for anatomy ruins things.
-Lots of tense slipping issues -- story can't decide whether it wants to be past or present tense.
-
Butterscotch, you are one extremely lucky guy.-- unnecessary summary ruins the ending.-Pretty intense sex scene.
-Though the pacing was fast, it was at least consistently so.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 75/100
Allure: 30/100
Enticement: 15/100
Immersion: 30/100
Prose Quality: 30/100
Total Score: 180/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10256121
You made it through the marathon! How's it feel to have tackled so many reviews?
10256200
Heh, pretty exhausting. That was about 134 hours of reading and juding clopfics!
10256121
aww man, I worked so hard, but it still didn't get above average
It was fun to follow along. Except when someone scored higher than me, anyway. I missed the 25th percentile by 1 story!
Oh well... Enjoy a full night's rest for a change!