Sequel when?

10167856
not sure I'll do a sequel for 'storming the castle' but I've got some clever ideas for another story that should be just as entertaining!
10167789
Glad you liked it.

This was pretty good, even if a little short

10168846
Thank you.
what? It was too short? Really? I was afraid it was getting too long so I made a point too end it. I honestly could have just kept writing chapter after chapter until... until... i don't know I ran out of ideas I guess? But if people like longer stories that's something I can do.

10168981
The stories I read tend to be rather long(100k and beyond), so relative to that, this story is rather short in comparison.
But even if it was short compared to my usual reads, it was still a read i thoroughly enjoyed and i hope your next stories will be as much of a joy to read as this one.

Well this was an interesting read despite the grammar mistakes. Noice

Honestly, this is all over the place. there's no coherence or consistency. That and the characterization is both lacking and uniform.. They all act and sound the same. This story is a good idea but, its terribly lacking and needs a full overhaul with personality, details and plot. When writing the characters you need to add each character their own personality, and not have them be a straight copy to the character they are next to. Think of the psychology and "spirit" behind the character. When writing about the locale, paint us a picture, give us some detail, find that perfect balance of what you want us to see while at the same time letting us see it for ourselves, add detail with adjectives (ex: walls vs stone walls that has faded from overexposure to the elements, etc.. ).

It's around 5 am now, so that's all i'm going to comment
Overall I'd rate it a 3/10.

PS. grammar better. its hard enough to read without trying to figure out what you meant to type.

10341521
Hmmm... 3 out of ten... yeah that seems fair. I'm actually surprised to see that anybody would still even read this. It's a well documented fact that the grammar is almost nonexistent, the descriptions are lackluster at best and the plot is terrible and inconsistent.

I am however surprised to hear that you thought the characters seemed bland, so many people seemed to enjoy the diverse and colorfull cast of characters, it was the one thing I thought I actually got right, seems I'll have to work on that as well.

I don't personally feel that this story is realy worth the effort of a re-write, and more than once I considered just deleting it, but that would be like covering up my mistakes instead of actually learning from them.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, I hope to take every thing I've learned from writing this hot mess of a story and apply it to something better in the future, and who knows maybe you'll even read whatever i write next and see whether or not I've improved.

So untill next time, I'll see you in the comments.

10341893
Most people tend to let their own imaginations run with the character when reading a story. In the case of fanfiction, they tend to go off on what they already know.

In this case, they had their own "personality" but it more or less felt like you took a character copied them and changed a few thing here and there... kinda like when you copy someones homework and changed the wording a bit to make it sound original. At the least, it is what it felt like to me.

When writing characters, I tend to start from the ground up, make a list of personality traits and quirks, zodiac signs etc... and role play a bit in my mind. Give birth to a whole person instead of just a character. Think of making a D&D character but with ponies... and in this case ponies that already exist. I also give them backgrounds, a past, so the character has some flesh, and isn't just a poster or picture you pass by like a billboard.

While this tends to be a bit more difficult from scratch, with characters that already have a "past" it can be easier to build off of, especially psychologically wise.

For Example: Celestia banished her sister to the moon.
This makes her angry and sad, and even lonely. she'll do whatever she can to keep this from happening again and be over protective towards her sister and overbearing. Or, she could not really give a crap, but you'll have to imagine why, like, "she betrayed me, she can rot on the moon for all I care" type of thing.

Now in Luna's case, you have a number of directions you can take this. She was possessed by an the nightmare, She is the nightmare!
She resents Celestia for banishing her, holding a grudge. She lives in Canterlot a bit and sees that nothing has really changed the last millennium, etc...

I'm not familiar with... erotic comedy... or satire, but even if its just a fluff piece, you got to make it, as one little girl eloquently put it, "So fluffy I could die!"

I had more but it flew out of my head... Sorry to lay into you like this.

10168981
Seriously? With how many people love things like "The Chase" and "Diaries of a Madman" I'd think writing longer things is perfectly fine. Both of those stories are around 3 million words btw and Diaries is still going.

Excellent story keep up the good work

La etiqueta decía sexo ¿Dónde está?

11783591
Honestly it was more of a precaution than a requirement, but now that you mention it I can see where it might be a teensy bit misleading.