Unpleasant Correspondence 2 (My Little Pony: Reign of the Goddess-Queens)

by StormLuna

Lazy Luster (S1 E8)

Dear Twibitch,

Well despite the weather turning nice another shitty time has arrived in Ponyville. I think they called it, "Everypony must help harvest or we'll all fucking starve" or some dumb shit like that. Well me and all my acquaintances headed over to the apple farm and got to work on harvesting apples. Well the first thing that pissed me off was that it was just me and my acquaintances along with the other apples that aided in this endeavor. All the other ponies were able to do their normal jobs, even that lazy unicorn Big Mac married didn't have to help since she works at the school. Well I decided to do what any normal unicorn would do and began to levitate the apples off the trees and Apple Bitch slapped me over it. She went on some tirade about how the apples will taste awful or some dumb shit like that if they aren't removed the traditional way. I figured whatever and said, "fuck this shit" and headed home.

Well when I got home I got lectured by Spike! Yep I got lectured by Spike. He told me I was a lazy bitch and that I should go back and help out so I left again but I didn't go to the damn apple farm. I went to the spa and it was the final day for Aloe and Lotus before they retired and were putting their nieces in charge, who just happened to have the same name. I told them how I was your protege and how I was having a bad day and guess what, they led me to the steam room and gave me a pampering that most mares could only dream of!

What made things even better is that they said as long as I don't bitch about my life or my lowly acquaintances is that they will not only put out for me on demand but they will be my exclusive lovers! Now that is fucking sweet if you ask me! Now am I going to stop trying to initiate Bunny Girl and score with Diamond Tiara, fuck no but hey, if I need some action, I know exactly where to go! Now Spike found out about it and he ain't one bit happy but oh fucking well, he will just have to get over it. If I'm not a happy mare, his life will be a living nightmare.

Happy I Have My Own Spa Twins,

Luster Dawn

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Dear Luster,

Well let me start out by saying that I am not happy that you would lie to me. Either they started a new tradition after I left about the everypony starving to death thing or you simply made something up to bitch to me about since nothing bad has happened. Now if that did actually happen and you bolted, I don't blame Spike for lecturing you. Now he knew better than to lecture me but then again I was his owner while I simple decided to loan him to you and he knows I hate you almost as much as I hated Trixie when I first met her.

Now I am happy though that you have your own set of spa hotties so maybe you won't bitch quite so much to me. Remember this Luster, whenever you are having a bad day, just go get some pampering instead of bitching to me. I'm pretty sure you won't listen though, you'll go see them and still bitch to me since I molded you to be too much like me but oh well, as long as you get laid maybe you won't be quite so bad. Now don't do anything to lose those twins or your punishment will be severe.

Your Superior,

Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle