Unpleasant Correspondence 2 (My Little Pony: Reign of the Goddess-Queens)

by StormLuna

Ponyville Warm Up (S1 E7)

Dear Twibitch,

You know something? I just don't get this fucking place. It was just a few days ago that Starbitch's precious little angel won that trophy for winning that dame race and now here it is time to melt away all the damn snow to make way for spring. I want to know something, if you and your lover (aka sister) are infinitely powerful, why the hell don't you just reverse that stupid spell your mother and aunt cast so long ago to cause ponies to have to put up with all this shit?

Well anyway I knew the damn routine, everypony has to take part in this menial event or we'd be stuck in a frozen wasteland for all eternity. Now everypony had their stupid jobs for the most part, everypony except for me and Spike. Well Spike decided to just crawl in a bush and take a nap. I know when he pulled that shit with you, you woke him up and told him to help in getting that sorry event done but I figured "fuck it" and went on to handle things on my own.

For starters, Sweetie Belle is a fucking idiot. Did you know that she was trying to make birds' nests all by herself? I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that? That wasn't the only stupid shit that these ponies were doing. The rich bitches were out trying to score the lakes. Now I tried talking to them and convincing them to forget scoring the lakes when they could score with me instead. You're not going to believe this but I almost got my horn in Diamond Tiara's love canal but then Silver Spoon had to be a bitch and remind us that we had to get the lakes taken care of. Ugh what a bitch, I could have had a friend had it not been for her.

Now for another idiot, Bunny Tracks. She has to be the dumbest of them all, waking animals by ringing a bell outside their damn burrow. I approached her while she did this and told her that she should just let me ring her bell instead but she hit me, she hit me! Well I knew she was going to be a lost cause and then I decided to go help Apple Bloom at the Apple farm but she got all pissy just because I used magic to help clear snow away. Yes I caused an avalanche and shit but hey, it was the thought that counted, right?

Oh fucking well, all those ponies proved to be ungrateful assholes. Not a thank you, kiss my ass or anything from a single one of them but then little miss perfect comes out of the friendship school, sees everypony fighting, fires a bolt of energy out of her horn and cleans up winter. Now for what is funny, the whole town is mad at her for not doing things the traditional way! I guess Starlight's little angel ain't so perfect after all now is she? I am thinking in the future though that I'm skipping town when this lame event comes along.

Hating Winter Wrap Up,

Luster Dawn

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Dear Luster,

You know something, normally I would go off on you and tell you how pathetic you are but I'm not going to this time because you behaved almost exactly how I did the first time I had to put up with that shit. With the exception of almost making a friend, our experiences were quite similar.

Now I am very impressed that you almost made a friend. It took me years before I finally made a friend. Now I'm thinking that if you can get that Diamond Tiara bitch alone, friendship will be guaranteed and you'll have somepony you can fuck till the cows come home. Now don't fail me here Luster, you're way ahead of me here but if you do fail me, I will know you are beyond pathetic. Oh and if you do fail with Diamond Tiara, go after those new spa twins. Spa hotties are easy as pie and hey, if I could get in their coats when I was hated, I know you can get in these twins' coats too.

Now if you can behave a bit more like me, perhaps I won't hate you quite so much. Now yeah, the chances of me ever liking you as much as Starlight does Bright Beam is nearly zero but hey, maybe a day will come when I'll be able to tolerate you enough I'll let you come home!

Sincerely,

Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle

P.S. You know, Starlight and I would have reversed that shitty spell our mother and aunt cast but we enjoy seeing ponies get so frustrated having to put up with that shit. Maybe if they ever was to enjoy the activity, then we'd get rid of it.

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Dear Bright Beam,

I saw what happened with the wrapping winter thing up down there in Ponyville and I must say that I am a bit disappointed yet I am not surprised. I know it was likely exam day and that is why you didn't take part in it right away. I know seeing all those ponies still fighting and seeing nothing being done by sundown frustrated you but that didn't warrant you doing their activity for them. I have received letters from some of the more old fashioned ponies down there bitching and complaining about how you spit on their traditions.

Now yeah, I'd just say "fuck their outdated traditions" and use magic to solve every problem in Equestria but when you live on their turf, you kind of have to be careful not to piss them off. I do have some advice, next year just stay in the school. I know you're a lot like me, you don't have the patience to put up with things like that and hey, you are MY protege, you are above doing lowly things like that. That is the job of Twilight's protege, not mine!

Sincerely,

Starlight

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Dear Starlight,

I know I shouldn't have used my magic to bring in spring early but they were fighting and I was sick of winter! I just wanted to bring in the nice weather early and I thought maybe they'd appreciate my help but apparently not. Maybe I'll just take the students on another trip to Las Pegasus next year around this time and maybe I can win more money in the casino all while Luster can be screwing up in helping with this horrid event.

Sincerely,

Bright Beam

Comments

[vortex123]

I’m feel kinda indifferent about winter wrap up. While it’s pretty stupid that the Ponyville residents refuse to use magic to clear winter, I understand their fondness for traditions. All in all, kinda meh about the whole thing. Good chapter though, pretty surprised that Luster wasn’t the one who did what Beam did.

[StormLuna]

Well I remember how Twilight wanted to try and do things the earth pony way and I figured I'd have Luster at least attempt to. I could see Starlight simply being too impatient to do something the earth pony way and that is why I had Bright Beam do that....plus I figured she needed to have a flaw because up to this point she seemed to be too perfect.....plus it gave Luster a chance to make a friend!....yeah she failed thanks to Silver Spoon but still, she came close!

[Joey777]

Have you ran out of ideas?

[StormLuna]

9983744

Read my most recent blog post. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch psychologically. I will be releasing one I wrote a while back today though.

[RDDash]

if I could get in their coats when I was hated, I know you can get in these twins' coats too.

Maybe, maybe not