Unpleasant Correspondence 2 (My Little Pony: Reign of the Goddess-Queens)

by StormLuna

Mission to the Farm (S2 E23)

Dear Twibitch,

Well that map decided to cause me some more problems. This time it called me and Apple Bitch to Sweet Apple Acres of all places. Now I am happy that I didn't have to go out of town but get this, those old lesbo hags who used to be your friends were having issues. You see, Crash and Applejack were fighting over who could clear more trees while apple bucking and apparently it put quite the strain on their relationship. Hell, they even stopped putting out for one another over that.

I swear, those two are so fucking stubborn. They kept on competing and competing to the point where they had grown so bitter that they were sleeping in separate bedrooms. Now Apple Bitch and I both wanted to say "fuck this shit" and let that be the norm because more work was getting done and she doesn't care for her sister's choice in a wife any more than I do.

Well in the end we told them a world class lie. We brought up how Starlight would simply give Bright Beam the apple farm if they didn't quit fighting and they stopped right away. Apple Bitch has relayed some bad news to me though. Ever since we got them to get along again, they have been bucking more than ever and are keeping her awake all night. I honestly feel a tiny bit bad for her. Between Applejack and Crash along with Big Mac and Sugar Bitch, she never gets any sleep. I told her she should just go sleep in the hen house but she slugged me and told me to go to Tartarus.

Now if that shouldn't be enough for me to be able to come home then I don't know what is. Hey, I got those hags to reconcile and put out for one another again and that is normally something I would consider as being beneath me. I'll even bring you breakfast in bed if you'll let me come home!

Hoping to Come Home,

Luster Dawn

---

Luster,

Oh wow, so you were able to get AJ and Crash to buck again? If you honestly think that finishing a friendship lesson in the same damn dump where you live is worthy of you getting to come home you are delusional. I had to go on friendship missions far from home and dealt with much more complex situations and I didn't get to come home. Look, they may have been fighting at the time but I'm sure those two would have started bucking again soon, with or without your help!

Hell I'd be more likely to invite Cozy Glow to come up and live with us than I would let you come home. Yeah Cozy is a bitch and all but at least she isn't a self-centered little Trixie bucker who has had everything handed to her on silver platter. And one more thing, if you ever want to be on even remotely good terms with me, you will respect me, got it!

Your Owner,

Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Oh and offering to bring us breakfast in bed won't work. You screwed up bringing us our meals in bed so many times when that was your job that you'd cause more problems than anything else. With you, we had to use our magic to re-heat our food half the time and with the student I have doing it now, we don't have to do that because she gets it to us in a timely manner.

---

Twilight,

Ah just thought Ah'd write and let you know that Apple Bloom and that protege of yours were able to get Dash and I to stop fighting over who the better apple bucker was. Yeah we got a lot of work done while we were fighting but that was putting a huge strain on our married life and you know how it goes, if the wife ain't happy, nopony's happy. Now she's happy again and Ah'm getting the action Ah deserve again.

Bucking Dash Again,

Applejack

P.S. Ah'm wondering, does Bright Beam know any fertility spells? You see, Ah kind of want to get Dash pregnant so we can have a foal of our own since Big Mac and Sugar Belle have one.

---

Applejack,

Normally I would demand you be formal with me but since you managed to deal with Luster without killing her, I'll let it slide. Well I am glad that you and Crash finally got past your differences but hey, if fighting gets more done as far as work goes, wouldn't it be worth it? The way you're talking I'd think that you and Crash buck as much as Starlight and I do.

Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Isn't Crash a bit old to be carrying a foal? Besides, Bright Beam does not know fertility magic. Now my slutty former bootie call does but you'd have to contact Colgate over that since she owns her and chances are, Colgate and her friends likely won't let Cadence get out of constantly having horns up in her over something so trivial.

Comments

[vortex123]

Damn, I keep forgetting Cadence exists in this AU.

Also Twilight does have a point, compared to the amount of time Luster’s been away from home, Twilight had dealt with threats as big as Nightmare Moon and Discord, and she still couldn’t come home. Compared to that, Luster hasn’t really done anything.

To clarify, I’m limiting Twilight’s achievements to the same amount of time Luster has been in ponyville. Well, the achievements I can think of on the top of my head.

[StormLuna]

10468769

Well I am thinking of bringing threats along later on that will cause Luster and her friends a whole host of issues. G1 fans will like who I'm going to have come along.