• Member Since 21st Jul, 2012
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Does he even write stories anymore? Geez, what a flufflenugget.

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What does it mean to be truly Immortal? If your body is everlasting but your mind is not, is it worthwhile to have a lifespan that exceeds the Universe's?

Philosophical questions aside, the former princesses of a long-dead land find themselves trapped in an endless void. With nothing to do but wait, how will they fare with the countless eons ahead of them?

Basically, think Waiting for Godot... with ponies... in space. (Don't bother to ask how they're able to talk, though.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

Eh. "Deep" isn't really my strong suit, I suppose.

Want more princesses suffering after Equestria's destruction? Try Eternal Lament by Bronius Maximus or Waiting by Tayman.

... I love this story. Although I can't seem to remember what love is. or a story. or anything. What was I talking about again? Eh, it probably wasn't important.



(jokes aside this story is awesome)

Well that was possibly the most depressing thing I've read in quite some time.

I think I'm gonna go curl up into a ball and think happy thoughts, yes I'll go think happy thoughts.

This makes my brain hurt.:fluttershyouch:
Good job!

Actually this needs one more comment, just so I can state how depressing this is.


It started out with a completely bleak and hopeless intro, everyone is dead and Celestia/Luna/Discord are the only creatures currently alive, leaving them in a giant void of nothingness with no light and no warmth.
-That on it's own is depressing and sad and yet you kicked me in the balls after giving me hope

Afterwards they begin talking about how they have to keep their memories alive for those who've died and that they'll do it for the sake of everyone who ever lived and died
-This gave me hope, it set the story up for a bittersweet ending (BUT NOPE)

You then used the passage of time to essentially wipe their minds, they've lost everything they ever had, their memories their friends everything, they have no idea what they've lost, which makes it all the sadder to read.

And then you end it.

Legitimately me being depressed is my own fault, I don't read sad, I don't write sad. (It makes me sad)

But this is extremely well done, I stayed until the end and if my comment above doesn't show I dislike sad enough, it's a miracle. You are an extremely talented writer and I hope to see something Happy from you in the future.

This would be nice if it had a point beyond. "The vastness of eternity will swallow all hope. The end."

1076118

Well, thank you for the shout out! Allow me to share my thoughts on this story, and I'll do my best to not be biased.

I feel like you needed a bit more description to really hammer in just how vast and empty the void is. I did not feel much contrast in this fic. A few paragraphs of description to open, then mainly light-hearted bantering, a tone that still remained slightly when Discord showed up. You need to hammer in the despair more. Things felt mundane, but that's not what you want in a fic like this. I did not retain the feeling of he true bleakness of immortality throughout the fic; swap out a few words, and the beginning of the story become "The sisters are bored, then Discord shows up to taunt them. Basically, I do not feel that lightheartedness serves your purpose of being "deep," which you imply was your purpose in your comment. There was little reflecting. A bit, but not enough to really pound the point home. You had something going with the "I'm so cold" bit, but you moved on too quickly from this. Considering all they have lost, and how much time has passed, I feel that there should be more sadness. Perhaps I just have a heart of cold steel, but I didn't really get any feels from the story.

Now, I am biased in this regard, but I think present tense hurt you. As I stated above, you needed more reflecting in this story, which generally requires slowing the pace down. Present tense requires you to keep the pace going, so the tense usage went against your goal of being "deep."

But really, (and this goes back to my earlier point) consider this. After probably TRILLIONS of years, do you think Celestia and Luna are just going to be bored? I hate to reference my own fic, but look what I did. I made Celestia into a shell. Completely indifferent to everything, even her own sister's fears. She recalls tragic events as if they were mere facts. Now, this was just one route one could take in a story like this, but if you really want to drive the feels in, show them struggling more! Celestia has a minor breakdown, then she immediately shrugs it off. Show them fighting to keep their memories and their sanity. I admittedly skipped over all of this in my story, but since you have the two still having feelings in this fic, showing them fighting their slow decay seems to be a necessity to me. There wasn't enough contrast. Again, the pacing was too fast. It would have done you well to describe the passage of time a bit more, and the death of the universe, but instead you have an abrupt time lapse. Give us more hope at the end of part one, rather than just a few bits of dialogue. Again, show them struggling more. This could be done through narration, does not have to be dialogue. In fact, I think the dialogue hurt you a little bit. Usually dialogue is more engaging, but it did not serve the purpose of your story, which was to make the reader think. In fact, by having the two sisters and Discord state what happened, you're not allowing the reader to think on their own. A story like this should have the reader fill in some blanks on their own.

Still, you are quite good at writing actively, and I did enjoy the monotonous banter. It just didn't seem to fit what you were going for, but the story is by no means bad. Just not as powerful as it should have been.

Hope I helped a little!

I CAN'T FAVE THIS!

No, seriously, I keep clicking the fave icon and it won't work. Others work fine.
Dafuuuu... :rainbowhuh:

Anywho, great story. I'll fave this later... when I can. :pinkiehappy: Edit: It worked. yay :yay:

I... can't stop crying. I can't.:fluttercry:

I can't.

Reality; the most heart wrenching tragedy ever written.

The two things about this story that truly depress me are when Celestia and Luna essentially forget everything - even what they're talking about as they're talking - after the universe ends, and we never found out what happened to Discord. But yeah, great existential crisis fic, if that was your intention.

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