"Celestia, I - don't understand. What's going on?" Twilight asked, voice shaking with anticipation of the answer.
Celestia opened her eyes, irises flicking back and forth between raging orange and peaceful violet. "I have fallen," she replied.
Celestia's heart has been emptier still, even with Luna returning, with Twilight rising to princess-hood. A small voice inside of herself had been whispering sweet nothings to her for centuries; now, however, she chose to listen. It was better than nothing.
She realised too late she had made the wrong decision.
Cover provided by MrsRemi on DeviantArt.
Featured on 11/07/2019! I'm so happy! Could've been any story but instead it was one of mine! Thank you so much!
Chapters (1)
This was overall a decent read. Even if it was mostly dialogue, you managed to work with that well in Twilight and Celestia's interactions, keeping an emotional pitch with them solid. Some things to take note of, though, would be:
You've formatted this kinda wonky. Instead, it should be:
It's a common early mistake to make with dialogue, but very easy to fix. Another would just be a minor nitpick with the title. Because the title you chose is something that would usually have more punctuation to it and is also usable as a phrase, seeing it without anything makes it read weird to someone who expects to see that. In that case, it could come across like you purposely aren't using punctuation in your title without any clear reason - at the same time, sentences, quotation marks, and a lot of other punctuation marks don't belong in normal titles.
I'd suggest changing it to 'How the Mighty Fall' which reads much more smoothly and is really just the same title, without any filler from the 'oh'.
9725518 Thank you, I think! A decent read is good! I fixed the title and the grammatical mistakes you pointed out; I've always been pretty bad with how in the world dialogue works. You know, grammatically. I was actually pondering the title for a good few minutes, it was 'How the Mighty Fall' and then 'Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen' and then 'Oh, How The Mighty Fall', and then 'Oh How The Mighty Fall' because I just had nooooo idea. Thanks for the help though!
9725530
It's all good! And yeah, decent's good too!
I liked this. It was short but sweet, not too in-your-face, and managed to avoid many of the pitfalls I've seen many other sadfics fall into. I may not like it enough to garner a favorite, but you have certainly gained an upwards-pointing thumb from me!
:)
9725579 Thank you very much! What do you think could've been improved upon to garner that fabled favourite?
(Ha. Alliteration!)
Clearly, Celestia has been possessed by the ghosts of emos!
*SLAP!!* GET OUT OF MAH PRINCESS, YOU GHOST!!
*SLAP!!* MAY THE POWER OF PAIN COMPELL YOU!!!
(Alondro loses 10 million troll points for referencing GB2016, which everyone has tried so hard to forget)
9725880 Theory! The alter-egos are just the ghosts of human emos given way too much power!
Also, no idea what GB2016 is, so you only gain troll points, worry not!
Ya know, this makes far more sense if the 'evil' sides of Luna and Celly are invading demons or creations of Dark Magic.
Otherwise, they just both have dissociative identity disorder for some reason.
9725882 Ghost Busters 2016
(Alondro loses infinity troll points for reminding everyone again.)
9725884 Hmm... don't know enough about DID, so let's go with creations of dark magic!
Edit: oh, that... okay yeah you lose troll points... but gain them back for admitting that was it at least!
... and I can't get up!
9726076 ...dammit! It's because of those cakes, I tell you!
Coverart sauce: https://www.deviantart.com/mrsremi/art/Your-Own-Sky-Song-Cover-534912350 (SFW)
9726319 Oh, how stupid! I credited the artist but forgot to even put the source! Thanks, man!
Edit: source is now there!
9726325 Not a problem!
9726325
this could use a sequel, please?
9758714 Perhaps, I suppose, if there is enough request. However, I also have no idea what I'd do with a sequel!
9759368
show what happened next? (even tho it’s obvious,) and the battle/freeing/of Tia/ boom-zoom straight the the sun? i dunno, XD
I wonder if Celestia loosing this battle is how the wasteland timeline that Starlight Glimmer created when she broke time came about then?
10628223 That's a canon I could get behind!
Hello! Have a review. Well, this was interesting -- in a good way. A good read and rather a dramatic one. Clickin' that ol' green thumb now.
11593145 Hey - thanks for the review, I appreciate it! Great to see someone enjoying my story, even if the ending is, yes, quite predictable. I won't disagree with that at all!
I appreciate the feedback :)
11593310
You're very welcome; I'm glad I had the chance to read it. As for how I found it in the first place: I can't be sure, but I think you commented somewhere and I clicked on your username out of curiosity to see whether ReaderReads also WriterWrote. Something like that, anyway!
11593787 Sounds about right! Can't be surprised at that; it's what you may expect from a name like this. You'd (clearly) be right, too!