"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying, And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying."
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Queen Chrysalis's Changeling Swarm2,758 stories ·3,960 members
The hive is dying. The queen is unfit to rule. The rebellion is nigh.
To a changeling, these are almost impossible concepts to grasp. Faith in the hive is paramount. Cooperation, a must. And ordinarily, Commander Chrysalis would agree. She is as devoted a changeling as a changeling can be.
However, the world is turning upside-down. The enemy is within. And Chrysalis will not rest until it has been purged utterly.
The enemy is strange. The enemy is terrifying.
The enemy is doubt.
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Really look forward to reading this- stand-alone Chrysalis done right is my bread and butter.
Daaaaamn. I'm into it.
I'm curious: why is the last chapter of all things getting so many views? Usually, it's the first that sees the biggest influx.
10276643
Glad to hear it. I certainly hope you enjoy this one.
10277488
Excellent!
That's what I was hoping to achieve; to grab readers early and engage their interest strongly. Thank you for your comment.
So Argent is concealed in her Honeycomb Hideout?
An excellent bit of writing! I really wasn't expecting this to be set so shortly before the show episode, though: with all the talk about how tough taking over Equestria would be, I was expecting there to be at least decades of preparation beforehand. Instead, I was left imagining chrysalis, after encounters with Equestria's show canon security and armed forces:
"We were scared of _these_ Bozos? WTF, Argent???"
10280865
And thanks for the compliment, too!
This turned out to be a lot more entertaining than I'd expected.
Fantastic story!
One of the best I have seen on this site, and one of the few which are actually finished (many of the best stories on this site are either in progress or abandoned).
10304482
I'd make a funny comment about people who don't finish their bigger stories, but given my own history there, what goes around would most certainly come around.
10306162
Thank you for responding!
Good luck on your creative endeavors in the future!
10311452
Very kind of you to say so. Thank you!
why does this story give me Suharto vibes?
10374193
You'll have to tell me that one. I didn't even know who/what that was until I Googled it just now. Only a quick glance: I'd have to read it in more depth at some point.
True, there were various influences for the fic, such as common tropes, canon depictions, my own prior fics, and a few principles I generally try to follow when writing in general. That said, real-world politics wasn't one of them. This was meant to stand on its own feet as a thriller story with a villain protagonist, first and foremost.
10374202
their's documentary that can explain it better than me. just search 'the rise of Suharto' on you youtube a pick a video
That was a fascinating story; it had me hooked right from the start. I really like how you developed the system of the changelings through details such as the Living Hive and the roles of the changelings. The themes of doubt and pride were done well, and I think I have a new appreciation for Chrysalis's character after reading this.
I guess Chrysalis eventually gave in to those desires, considering she soon manipulates Shining Armor.
I wonder why you chose to leave the Queen unnamed up until this point.
I believe you meant Imago's murder here.
10431235
The best way to open a comment ever!
Changeling world-building is one of those fandom crazes that, for reasons I don't understand, totally passed me by before now. Odd enough because changelings are so damn cool, but even odder because, when I did get around to writing this, the ideas came so thick and fast I felt I had several years' worth to catch up on. I was on fire writing this! So I'm especially pleased you found that interesting (the Living Hive in particular was one of my favourites, especially the different views normal changelings and Chrysalis had over it).
The bit I wanted to emphasize was that, in addition to using mind spells on ponies (which Chrysalis is OK with), the new Queen used mind spells on other changelings (which Chrysalis is 100% not OK with). I thought it was obvious from context, but do you think I should rephrase that part to make this clearer?
Changing perspective. To begin with, the Queen acts like a sort of mysterious, distant, untouchable, and all-controlling figure, but as the story progresses and she becomes more personal and "humanized" (for want of a better word, but you know what I mean, right?), I started using her individual name to highlight the change.
Oh. I thought you could write "X's murder" as in "X was the one who did it", but maybe I was mistaken. Should I change this one too, do you think, to something clearer like "Argent's murder of Imago"?
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I do think rephrasing that sentence would help clarify your intention. The "as well as" makes it sound like the Queen also teaches manipulation of the ponies. This is immediately followed by the line on insubordination, giving the impression that this is wrong. It could be changed to something like "taught them how to use mind spells on each other just like those used on the ponies."
I'm not entirely sure how "murder" is meant to be used as a stand-alone word. I interpreted it as "murder of Argent" here. I think your suggestion or "Argent's act of murder" would clarify this.
10436315
Hm, how about this? I simply got rid of the ponies bit, and the result seems to have more obvious punch.
All right. "Act of murder" seemed a bit wordy too, so I changed that part to:
10436325
That sounds a lot better!
10436339
Hes kinda sus
Kaiba: one Too many blue eyes!
/silly joke
And right here I thought she would attack her 2nd in command posing as decoy
ha knew it! Right when she dropped...
:D
Oufff nasty
Jeeez ... Chrysalis has serious issues...
Its almost a shame she won :/
Like
"You got debt" is a prequel to "Forced retirement" (ofc not officially but i be damned if those don't fit perfectly^^
I think this is a sequel to "Mother of many faces"
XD
APU ! AUTOGRAPHIC PONY UNIVERSE!
Love the characterization and the subtle tragedy of Chrysalis here, how at this point in time she could've been a truly great leader compared to... what she was in the show proper. And [Unnamed Current Queen] isn't wrong either- the mistake she made, alas, was in killing Imago. Chrysalis doesn't realize it herself but she's compromised by grief. Which is genuinely a shame. [UCQ] could've led the hive into an era of glorious prosperity, with Chrysalis as her most loyal soldier, if only she hadn't killed Imago and made herself Chrysalis's enemy forever. That was her one mistake. Alas.
Antenna...
Honestly had I not remembered the lack of an AU tag on this I would've been absolutely INCENSED that he didn't do a magic Thorax transformation from giving his love to her. Because that was what it was, really, wasn't it? Genuinely made me emotional.
ETA: THE END MADE ME SO SAD I honestly forgot to comment on everything else. DAMN Argent is a fucking bastard! I hate her! It's so hard to like her even though I know she's absolutely right!
You come in with a dichotomy in mind, see. Chrysalis the uncaring ambitious warmonger versus Argent the sensitive intellectual who loves. But Chrysalis is more compassionate than she lets on, Argent far more ruthless. I don't even think "ruthless" is the right word for that stunt she pulled with the cleaner; vile? Despicable? And she just let Antenna die, even though she claims that she's tired of watching her fellow changelings die...
Love that towards the end, it's Chrysalis relying on subterfuge and trickery while Argent becomes impulsive, aggressive, and relies purely on her senses
Really sad that Chrysalis is so close to bringing salvation for her species and then...
It's also a bit jarring that this seems to have happened relatively close to the show's timeline, but not in a bad way. I pictured in my mind that it would've been a few years of rule before A Canterlot Wedding, because that just made the most logical sense to me, but good lord, she's so young. That really adds to the whole "tragedy" feel of it, in my opinion. This piece is just really tragic. I wonder- if Antenna had lived, if a majority of her rebels had survived, maybe she would've ended up sending that letter. Maybe she wouldn't have held so much vitriol for Argent; hatred still, yes, but less visceral. In the end I can't see her as anything as a poor traumatized little girl whose actions will unfortunately not only not make things better for her but will also make things worse for everyone else.
The worldbuilding in this piece was absolutely sublime! Everything about the Living Hive was incredible. The locations we also managed to see, and the information about them, were also absolutely amazing. I don't need to leave my thoughts about the characterization, because I've scattered them across the chapters, but it was exquisite as usual! You've done a great job making complex characters. There was tension even when I already knew the outcome, and in a way that dramatic irony made it worse as I saw, when Chrysalis couldn't, her own slow slide downwards.