This was a really enjoyable read. You presented something that could've been rendered as a simple comedy/spoof piece, and made something not only erotic, but entirely wholesome. The use of the first person perspective didn't even take away from the effect of your writing. I think you have a really terrific piece here, one to be proud of! Kudos!

9964681
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it as I looove your stories, dude

9964689
Thank you! I'll be hoping to post some stories in December, once I'm done with NaNoWriMo. Only two more days to go!

Looking forward to reading this when I have time, take my like for now!

9965022
I definitely meant definitely.

9966352
Yeah, I can see that. It's mostly to establish the reader before going into the more juicer stuff. I have been sitting on this for a good while trying to figure things out.

I think you need to add in to the warning spoiler Big Tittied Goth Pony/Mare/GF

Mm, this was a little bit more enjoyable than the male version.

9966944
I do my best to proof read and avoid using the same words over and over in a single sentence or paragraph, but its obvious my eyes aren't enough. My stories definitely would benefit more with another's eye.

9967234
Dude, don't sweat it. Try Grammarly, it helps a lot.

I don't think you know how semicolons work.

9967341
Grammar really isn't my forte, is it? I mean, I'm glad I'm getting called out in that I need to rewrite or correct these errors, but it's getting pretty disheartening that only a few comments are about the actual story. Ah well, things I can work through in the next story!

9967350
ok well in that case

This story's writing... sorta makes a pretty yucky first impression. One sentence in, I'm already raising an eyebrow:

If you ever feel lonely and think you'll never find the right girl, guy or person in your life, let me just say one thing;

Because you've said "right girl, guy or person." But girls and guys are also people. So if you wanted to keep it general, why not just say "person" and call it a day? Also, that should probably be a colon, not a semicolon, and there's a typo in the third paragraph. Now, I'll fully admit, those're kinda nitpicky and annoying remarks, but still, they make for a first impression of "this isn't very good," and it's a real struggle to overcome that.

And then I get to the actual, like, story bits and it's mostly pretty dang boring. There's stuff like this:

Contrary to what was just said, this was far from a good morning. The last few weeks have been anything but good. For those of you who don't know me, I like to consider myself a pretty open kind of girl. Openly friendly, openly nice, openly disdained when it comes to dealing with those aptly named 'nice guys'. Just... simply and dorky. I'm pretty polite; offering a hand when mine isn't full and just pretty pleasant to be around. Or so I've been told, anyway.

Where the narrator is just rattling off a list of things they are, and--well, a couple problems with this. Firstly, this is in first-person narration, and I don't know about you, but I don't usually sit around thinking about what a nice person I am. So the fact that this person does that is really weird.

But mostly it's just really bland? There's nothing in the first scene, pretty much, that makes me like this character at all, or feel much of anything towards her. She just feels really boring and generic, to the point where this feels like a story that should've been 2nd-person, because the narrator feels much more like a cardboard cutout of what you think a regular person can relate to than an actual individual.

And maybe that gets better as the story goes on, but between the grammar mistakes and the blunt, straightforward infodump, which is very telly and not in a good way imo, there's not much to convince me to keep reading.

9967434
Fascinating.

I'll admit, I was struggling with wither I should tell this second or first person and decided with the former because it would be more challenging to write. And I can see where my grammar and bland sounding character of the reader can be a turn off from reading the rest, so maybe I can take your points into action and reword them to be more 'blank' (so it's easier for the readers to see themselves in the story) than 'bland'.

I'm taking this lightly because... Well... My story is about an unrealistic scenario that gets the reader laid with an exaggerated 'big tiddy goth babe'. It's really not supposed to be taken seriously. And that's fine! Some stories just won't appeal to people. I just wanted to see where I could take this idea and express it. And judging by the results, I'd say I mostly did well.

Thanks for the pointers! I'll try to revise the first half so it's less telly. And if not here, I'll keep this in mind if I do this kind of story again.

I enjoyed the quirkiness of the characters, but think I prefer the female perspective version; felt a little sweeter to me.

Goth Girls are the best

Surprise epilogue, a threesome between the three~

Hey there. I faved this story a long time ago, but I never got around to commenting. This is some good shit, and the fact that you catered to both male and female makes it all the better!

Something else to note: the first time I read this, I didn't consider myself to be into anthro. Now? Now I consider this story one of the stepping stones that made me come to terms that I do in fact, like anthro.

Hope I didn't come off too strong there.

10654578
Not at all.

This is by for my most popular work and I'm proud of how it turned out. It's only more rewarding to have folks like you comment how ya feel about it. The story isn't my best, but I think fondly of the writing process

I liked this story it was great.........maybe I was biased because of the goth chic, I don't know.

10747156
You are biased for liking it just for the big toddy goth gf. And there’s no shame to that~

10747650
I find goth chics hot......... I ain't sorry for that

I loved this more stuff like this pls

And this part was good as well. You wrote well!

You all don't know how fucken long I've been searching to find this storie