Chapter the Only

Tick.

Tock.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock-tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock-tick.

Applejack groaned inwardly, glaring up at the timepiece which dared mock her. Her, an Element of Harmony, no less! Still, as least she shouldn't be waiting for too long. After all, it had already been -

Eleven seconds. Not quite the ten minutes those seconds had felt, unfortunately. Still, eleven seconds was eleven seconds, which was better than nothing.

Eyes scanning furtively left to right, and then right to left, and vice versa, the orange farm pony searched for something to do to occupy her time and stave off boredom-induced insanity. Her gaze lighted on the coffee table nearby, which was just slightly a lot too low to be comfortable sitting at. On it were three pamphlets, each of which seemed to be egging her on to read them.

Another glance at the clock - another eleven seconds had passed. At this rate her friend's appointment would never be over. Sighing in defeat, Applejack picked up the nearest of the three items of reading material.

"Groin Balm: Its Application & Reasons behind the Necessity for Refrigerated Storage." This did not feel particularly welcoming, especially as the pages felt somewhat tacky. So she moved on to investigate the second available option.

"An Investigative Paper on the Effects of Insoluble Salts on the Ingestion and Absorption of Complex Carbohydrates in the Digestive Tracts of the Manx Shearwater." This, too, did not spark a flame of excitement and anticipation in the mare's gut, instead rather putting her in mind of particularly dull lectures delivered by Granny Smith from the pulpit that was the Apple family dining table.

And so, with increasing reluctance yet desirous of not leaving a job unfinished, Applejack picked up the third and final table-bound pamphlet, reading the title: "Wing Care, the Basics: for non-Pegasus Parents of Pegasus Foals. Well, this can hardly be less interesting than the other two options. . ."

So saying, Applejack turned back the front cover, and began to read.

In case one wasn't aware, the magazine seemed to go to great lengths to explain that not only could most - in fact, almost all - pegasi fly, it was not unusual for them to chose to do so, even if their parents were not, themselves, pegasi. Without going into too much depth into the potential genetic reasons for a pair of earth ponies or unicorns to have a foal with wings, the pamphlet nevertheless appeared to be at great pains to explain that, though uncommon, it was entirely possible, and such an occurrence should not be taken on face value as evidence for marital infidelity.

Furthermore - and despite anecdotal evidence to the contrary - most pegasi foals of non-pegasi parents were, in fact, able to learn to fly just fine on their own, showing propensity from an early age to attempt to fling themselves off the top of any available surface of suitable height, this being something which said parents should really try to forestall if at all possible.

Applejack was fascinated to learn that pegasi tend to be somewhat lighter than unicorns, and far lighter than earth ponies, due to the structure of their bones and the density of their muscles, which really goes to show just how bored she actually was.

Interestingly, it seemed that pegasus foals quite often made use of their wings as a signifier of their emotional state, with closed wings indicating calm; low, half-spread wings indicating eagerness or enthusiasm; raked-back wings suggesting readiness to flee; and - in teenage pegasi only - fully opened wings indicating a desire to bang anything in sight.

Though initially wincing at the awkwardness such would surely convey, Applejack couldn't help but wonder if a more visible indication of a young pony's state of sexual excitement wouldn't've come in handy when she and Big Mac were younger.

Hurriedly turning to the next section, Applejack read: "Preening: The Art of Keeping Feathers Clean. This should be a nice, safe subject."

Apparently, preening is a maintenance behaviour found in pegasi which involves the use of the teeth and lips to position feathers, interlock feather barbules that have become separated - "Whatever they are," thought Applejack - and clean plumage, which seemed to be a fancy word meaning 'lots of feathers all together'. "Though primarily an individual function, preening can also be a social activity involving two or more pegasi, and is sometimes used as an indicator of romantic intent."

Something about this last statement struck a chord in Applejack's memory, and she struggled for a moment to figure out what it might be. Eventually, it came to her - this 'mutual preening' business was exactly the sort of thing Twilight and Rainbow Dash seemed to do whenever they happened to be in the same room together for more than a few minutes. "Hmm," murmured the Element of Honesty, "that's very interesting." She stored away the information for later.

Turning the page, she came across another new heading - the pamphlet appeared to be taking its moniker of 'The Basics' very seriously - which briefly outlined the various types of feather which the average pegasus would have. As well as flight feathers (subdivided into the delightfully named remiges and rectrices), pegasi tended to have downy feathers, which were used for insulation - very important on ponies with far less fat retention than their earth-pony and unicorn counterparts. A disorder of the flight feathers would render the pegasus unable to fly. "Like Applebloom's strange little orange friend," Applejack thought.

She yawned. All of this pretending to be at least mildly interested was rather tiring, and the stuffy, soporific atmosphere was hardly helping. Blinking rapidly in an attempt to stay awake, Applejack noticed a young pegasus filly sitting in the corner, her hoof in a sling. She seemed to be reading a comic of some description and, judging by the outline of her wings, it was pretty exciting stuff. "Because I know that now," the farmmare congratulated herself.

At that juncture, a white, boring-looking door on the other side of the waiting room opened, and through it came Applejack's friend for whom she had been waiting, Autumn Blaze.

Her mind swiftly reverting back to 'helping a friend in need' mode, Applejack hastily replaced the pamphlet on the table, stood up as Autumn hove nearer, and asked, "How did it go?"

With that, the two ponies left the hospital, and Applejack promptly forgot absolutely everything she had just learnt.

Author's Note:

So now you know all about wing care. I hope you were taking notes, as all of this will be on the end of year exam.

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Comments ( 28 )

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Jaro45

Jaro45 #1 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 2 · ·

For greater detail, see "Mood Wings".

TheAncientPolitzanian

TheAncientPolitzanian #2 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

You already finished writing it!? Dang, you work quickly.

IDontWatchMLP

IDontWatchMLP #3 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

Oooh. This looks interesting.

readsponies

readsponies #4 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 3 · ·

Well?! You can't leave us hanging like that! Is Applejack going to be a father or not?

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #5 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

9493838
Well, I stayed up till quarter past two this morning, so. . .

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #6 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

Huzzah! Thanks for delivering.

The TwiDash was funny! AJ is going to give them hell, later.

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #7 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9494446
Thank you! You know, that might be worth a spin off in itself. . . *thinks furiously*

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #8 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9494493

It’s funny, we were just discussing “preening” the other day... great minds think alike.

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #9 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9494678
Ah, great minds indeed! Have you had any suggestions yet as an alternative to 'winging'? Other than preening (note italics!), I mean. How about 'feathering', suggesting a light, gentle touch to the wings (I suspect you probably drive an automatic, but if you drive a manual you'll be familiar with the term 'feathering' regarding using a manual gearbox, which also has connotations of gentle movements).

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #10 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9494902
Thank you, I'm glad you found it amusing. :D

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #11 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9494691
Alas, no superior ideas.

If I’m reading you correctly, “feathering” is what I grew up calling “riding the clutch.” Like what you might do while sitting at a stoplight pointed uphill. (Sold my stick shift and bought an automatic immediately after getting my PhD and my first grown-up job, moons ago.)

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #12 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

9495169
Aye, that's it! 'Riding the clutch' is very similar. I've never quite understood the American penchant for automatic cars, but hey! each to their own.

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #13 · Mar 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

9495356

My spouse only knew autonatic and I got sick of doing all the driving...

Americans figure, It’s easier to FaceTube and YouBook while drinking coffee and applying makeup at 80 miles per hour in an automatic.

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #14 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9495372
Haha! So true! Over here everyone learns manual as a default (you're not allowed to drive a manual if you only have an automatic licence), and as they're still a lot cheaper than automatics pretty much everyone plumps for manual anyway. Similar story with diesels - about half of all cars in the UK are diesel, though that's started changing recently, partly because they're cheaper and more reliable.

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #15 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9495396

Yeah, my best “mate” is from Man-chess-TAH (more or less the pronunciation) and busts on our American car buying habits routinely.

“Yeah,” I reply, “But we can get frozen pizza and frozen chicken wings in one box from the store!”

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #16 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9495408
Yeah, they've got crazy accents over in Mancunia (English pet name for Manchester, no idea why - a Manchester-ite is called a 'Mancunian')!

Frozen chicken wings? That's just weird. . . but do you have marmite? That's the real question.

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #17 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9495456

Me: you’re back! How was Australia?
My old boss: great! Hey, you want an Aussie treat?
Me (stepping backward, holding my hands up defensively): I’ve had marmite! Never again!
My old boss: Tim-tams!
Me:

Inky Scrolls

Inky Scrolls #18 · Mar 7th, 2019 · · ·

9495476
Ha! Funny how pretty much EVERYONE not from the Commonwealth detests marmite! (Fun fact: Marmite is illegal in Denmark!) I wonder what it is about fermented yeast extract that turns people off?

SockPuppet