• Member Since 2nd Aug, 2018
  • offline last seen Jan 12th, 2020

Kanna


The story was rigged from the start...

Comments ( 50 )

Telling people 'don't like don't read', won't stop them from reading your story, in fact, it'll encourage them to read it anyways, then they'll proceed to comment and say what's wrong with the story.

9356560 And in many cases, invite an even more negative reception.

"we're" we are
An ellipses only have 2 periods, so the best way to gain XP is to kill one of them.
And I is always written as an capital I
And last but not least, random line breaks ruin sentences

Alright, let's just tick off the typical tropes.

A very un-MLP like title: Murder and ponies don't go together. Simple as.

Crossovers that don't make sense: Fallout 4 and ponies. This isn't even Fallout: Equestria, it's just Fallout 4. And from the looks of it, Faceless Protagonist Dude goes to Equestria. Joy,

Overdone as fuck: Oh god, another Displaced, please end me.

Pewr Grammer: "We're" is "We are" not were. First time I've seen that, probably because they're completely different words.

Unmarked Self-Insert: You refer to yourself, so it's a self-insert. Please use the appropriate tag, it exists for a reason. Also, it's always a great sign when there's a self-insert character.

Suspension of Disbelief, what's that?:

3 person pov.

Took you 3 words to lose me, even past the description. Nevermind the fact that as I have not played Fallout 4, I have no idea what X-01 Power Armor is. This is a MLP fanfiction site, not a Fallout one. Most of your potential audience will probably be even more lost and have even less idea than I do.

oh god what is even happening:

I made the mistake of reading further. Aside from injecting your personal bias into the equation (Nobody cares about your fucking opinion on Fallout 76 on a MLP fanfiction.), you simply describe a grown-ass man laying a video game, not even anything interesting or relevant to the story, it's just goddamn filler.

I'm barely a quarter through this 1000 word chapter and I'm confused and lost. Then there's just some random guy in a tuxedo in the video game and he's talking to the player for no reason, nothing is ever explained, it's all just randomly tossed in to force the story along until you hit that precious 1000 word mark.

And do you know what the worst part is?

This entire fucking chapter isn't MLP related at all and you've just wasted my time.

Your authors note is at least accurate, because if this zero effort garbage took you more than 5 minutes, I'd have to question how you managed to write this in the first place without drooling all over your keyboard. It also happens to be a violation of submission guidelines, because of course it would be, this is a My Little Pony fanfiction site, not "Tom's Wonderful Displaced Adventure." magaimg.net/img/6w2u.png

One more thing before I go drink myself into a coma, stick to one story at a time. At the moment, you have four stories, all with the same general premise, which is "Random Fucking Guy Goes to Equestria with X Powers."

If you're struggling to come up with ideas, ditching a story and writing a new one with the same premise isn't the fucking solution, the entire premise of displaced is the problem. Just think about it for a minute, if you have 4 unfinished stories all with the same general idea and you can't think of a way to finish them, is that a problem with you, or the idea of your story? It's both, because you came up with this pointlessly edgy idea that runs out of steam after two goddamn chapters.

I'm not telling you to stop writing. I'm telling you to either stick to one story, or write something else. Pissing about your reader base with half-finished stories is something you should never be doing.

Nothing personal, I just see this fucking problem with amateurs all the time, because they write themselves into a corner and decide to ditch their creation and go try the same premise again and again. It's called the definition of insanity for a reason and it's not because trying the same boring-ass, overdone concept is seen as "good."

Maybe there's not enough "Gamer" fics because people can't finish them in the first place, you know? For reasons I outlined above. God i need a drink. magaimg.net/img/6uc5.jpg

Are you talking about the manga from the webtoon app? If you can't find it, download the webtoon app and you can read it there or at mangareader

>He always liked fallout even though everyone said that fallout 76 was shit he thought that it was pretty nice
Somehow this line here wasn’t the most aggravating thing contained in this fic. Think about that.

man I thought the words "Don't like don't read" would put off these people, but I guess your just going to have to get rid of comments if you want them to go away. Sorry dude.

9356830
It shows that the author himself deleted the comments, and will only highlight an attempted censorship of the comment section. Therefore, this will get people to turn against the author even more.

9356841
Thats fine, who cares about a bunch of jerks anyways?

9356843
If you want to improve as a writer, then the criticisms of these so-called “jerks” is always going to be a place to start. Hclegend’s comment highlighted perfectly what was wrong with the quality and premise of this fanfiction, and are very valid criticisms.

9356830
But there is a problem with the "don't like, don't read" and that is you can't know if you like something or not until you read it.

9356843
And those that do read it have a right to dislike it and voice their opinion if what they read wasn't good.

9356847
no one legitimately cares, this is a fanfiction website, quality has no right to be here unless money is involved. The last time I saw Knighty pay their writers was never.


9356849
I don't understand this need to push quality writing in everyone's faces. This is a public domain right?
9356854
Again, you can do that, but he also had the new well made right to turn off comments and ratings if he doesnt' want his fanfiction to be shat on. That is all.

9356830
Just as you have the right to post a story, people have the right to comment on it, negative or positive. You are not the judicator of what can and can't be read, that's for the moderation team to decide.

Also, fuck "Don't like don't read" that's a fucking awful attitude to have. People are going to dislike your story, that's a fact of life. Telling them to fuck off because they don't like the premise is a pretentious attitude to have and only serves to amplify negative feedback.

Same with removing comments, as you don't get to see if said comments were legitimate criticism or just something utterly asinine. Please don't give awful advice, that's how you get egotistical shitbags who think that just because they can remove comments it means they're immune to criticism.

9356865
You can say "quality has no right to be here" but stories should have at least a certain quality to them to keep readers interested. Have you read the "My Best Friend, Stella" fimfic? That is a high quality fanfic and many readers think it is a great story. While these stories don't cost us money they should still have something that makes readers want to always return to it even after they finished it.

9356874
There is a thing called, criticism that is asked of. If you watch a movie, they know they have to be reviewed by movie goers. If you read a published book by a company, then you'd expect criticism. But, this is fanfiction, this can go at any way or any possible way. There are no restrictions on how to write a story because there is nothing to market. If he wants to write craptastic stories with horrible premises and terrible grammar than he has the right to do so because there is nothing to be lost.

Also, there is a thing called, permission to criticize, if he wanted criticism, he would ask for it.

9356878
thats just your opinion. Some dude else would disagree with that opinion and maybe enjoy the story. So your opinion isn't exactly fact now is it?

9356881
Just like he has the right to write the stories, readers have the write to comment and criticize. We may not buy these stories with money but we are investing time to read them. Nothing is free from criticism.

9356890
If he doesn't want criticism, he has the choice to not listen.

9356891
Yep all he has to do is act like the comment section doesn't exist. Just like how people can act like this story doesn't exist.

9356897
But, isn't that what fimfiction users do? Ignore stories?

9356902
Depends on the story. Like I know I will be ignoring this one.

9356906
You guys are severly dogmatic and can't see anyone elses perspective except your own. It would be a trifling thing if someone posted a story that didn't go to your specifications. No wonder murder, death, or decapitation stories go under the radar all the time. But, this isn't a fanfiction website then if thats the case. Its just a popularity contest.

9356916
Oh no I love murder and decapitation but there is a certain way it should be written. There are some authors (fanfic or not) that write great goretastic stories. This just didn't catch my interest since it isn't that well written.

9356881
People can write whatever they want (Within site rules.) That includes criticism if need be. You don't need to ask for criticism. I don't think big-budget film producers actively give a shit about reviews, as they're already professionals. Sure, there's always room for improvement, but when you're starting out, isn't that when criticism should be the most valuable?

It's rather asinine to think that because "It's a fanfiction site" that things can't be judged for what they are. If people can learn from fanfiction writing, then it's all the better than they get criticism, no?

Hell, Past Sins and Fallout: Equestria have been sold as books. So are those immune from criticism? They're published, but it's still fanfiction so I guess you can't have things that could improve it.

It also doesn't help your case that this story is actively breaking site-wide rules by not being My Little Pony related. So while you're banging on about criticism having to be asked for, you're kind of ignoring the elephant in the room.

9356916
And I will add that I love "The Gamer" manga. I read every chapter that releases every week but this isn't how "The Gamer" got his powers. Yes, he got them from god but god didn't visit him and give him the power. He woke up one day and (BOOM) he had powers related to video games, that's it.

9356916
>we only see our own perspective
Oh no, we see your perspective. It’s shit.

9356916
I will end with this quote in his story description.

"I haven't read the manga of it (The Gamer), I haven't found it on the internet yet."

The dude hasn't even read the original source material. You can't write a fanfic on something you have not yet experienced. And the manga is available FOR FREE for anyone with a Webtoon app.

9356944
If you didn't get the hint he isn't god.
If you know who the triangle is then good if you don't then you haven't seen gravity falls

here you goooooooooooooo [This]

9357853
thank the sans!

Lodger #34 · Dec 20th, 2018 · · 1 · Deal ·

I don't really know why people hate this story so much? I guess they read too much pseudo-intellectual garbage like Background Pony. This story.... is actually quite great for a first try, the characters have mysterious personalities, that force the reader to read between the lines.
One user criticized that you start a lot of stories and don't finish them, but this is actually good. Writing just one story isn't the best practice for a new writer. I hope you write more in the future.

Is Tom just a complete psycho or does this have something to do with Nightmare’s soul?

9422825
A little bit of both

Please let me know if you plan to come this

Comment posted by Kanna deleted Feb 23rd, 2019

Just for this being a The Gamer fic you get a track, Fave and follow! Too few of these as is!

Kanna what's the character's karma balance and his thoughts on rapists and what would he do if he saw a male rapist doing said vile and disgusting act

9496643
I actually don't really know...
But if he saw a rapist doing that to someone he may kill him

9498094
Will at least his not a complete psycho to let someone get raped

9498389
Well he has the gamer ability so he doesn't really feel anything because he kinda sees everything like it's a game

im a fellow "The Gamer" fan and i really hope you make a story worthy of the trope :)

This is very interesting I hope you make more updates

"This is not happening" i thought as i was running away from the unicorn. "That fucking triangle did this" i thought.

BILL CIFER IS A TRIANGLE

Oh no YOU DID IT FOR EXPERIENCE BY KILLING INNOCENT... girl, pony, YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT. BETTER STOP, IF THE LOCALS STOP YOU WOULD BE GREAT, IF THEY CAN NOT THEN IT WILL BE REALLY BAD HORRIBLE TIME.

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